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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Vent/Rant Thread 1 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

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Yeh I agree with the words "depression" & "anxiety" being thrown around too much. The guys in a relationship for one and if he was really that depressed it would be fucking with PT big time and I think she would know rather than be forcing him to look for work like she is. And even if he was depressed it would likely be because he's not working. Same thing happened to me, and oddly a huge deal of the "depression" lifted once I forced my lazy ass up to get a job. If you don't have a meaning or purpose in life well yeh you eventually start to lose your mind staring at walls all day.

We can make excuses for him rather than call him lazy, but truth is a lot of younger guys now & days just aren't too excited about the position their in. The economy sucks, noones buying houses, not really a good time for anything. 10% of the population isn't working, another 40% is on welfare etc etc. Tons of overqualified people working shitty minimum wage jobs just so they can sink deeper in debt.

Now and days you really gotta be on top of your game more than ever. Learn how to save money. Stop buying name brand cigs and roll your own, buy things wholesale/discount don't go take a trip to the supermarket every single night. Go to coupon.com and print yourself a crapload of coupons. I get over $150 worth of free food/detergent a week doing this and its helped me a ton. If you qualify go donate blood. Can get $100 a week just for 2 - 1 hour donations. Its fast and easy money and you can be a smoker but certain drugs you obviously can't be on.

I mean if he really wanted to make money fuck a job tell his ass to go on cashcrate, download roboform and grease monkey and he's got a $20/hr job right there working from home in his underwear. I do this shit on top of having a job now the more you make the more you want to make. Thats the strange thing with money. When I was broke I was flat broke, but now everywhere I look I see opportunities for money. He can even go on paidclinicaltrials.com and find research studies in is area that are totally safe. Have done that before too got paid as much as $250 for a short 90min study just answering questions. They do this crap literally everywhere you just gotta look.

This is why I say not having a job is really no excuse to be broke. If someones ambitious they WILL find a way to make money job or not.

And damn I was going to vent too today but I guess this will be my vent. Wasn't going to say anything interesting anyways besides the same old people are stupid, people suck, I hate my life and want to get high lol. But fuck things can always be worse. I'm turning 30 next summer and my goals are to be off opiates, be off cigarettes, still working but at a better job, and I''ll be getting a gym membership next week so I can really start focusing on my meals/getting back in tip top shape like before opiates.

Either way yeh I have my bad days and am still on suboxone but I am moving up in life and really need to be focused now more than ever.

-Bo
 
i feel like quitting.
all ive been feeling is complete hopelessness the past few days.
school started and it seemed great, i had all the right classes and even made a few friends. then, this kid who i'll call Dean joined my 6th period class. why is this a big deal? well last year, Dean made fun of me every day. he kept calling me a fagget and wouldnt let off. i would ignore him and a few times i even tried calling him some names back but i just dont feel like its worth it. anyway last year i got the worst anxiety from him calling me names. i would always ask myself what his problem with me was. we even used to be extremely good friends 2 years ago, we just drifted so theres no reason for him to be calling me a fagget. it fucking hurts! the whole school does it too and it hurts!!!!! :(

on top of that i mentioned my bestfriend a page or 2 ago,
i have ZERO desire to stay friends with him now. i feel like it would just be easier if i didnt have to have any connections with anyone. i find little things about him that piss me off and tell myself that thats a good enough reason to end ties with him. as much as i want a bestfriend i feel like this kid isnt worth the time, effort or mental stress.

and in my psychology class were learning about borderline personality disorder.
im sitting in class taking notes and something pops in my head, OH SHIT, THIS SOUNDS REALLY FAMILIAR.
and now im under the impression that i have BPD. it all makes fucking sense. just a ridiculous amount of fucking sense.
so now theres this thought floating around in my head -- "lets be honest, theres nothing you can do about it, shits only gonna get worse, your a fucking waste of space, theres only one thing you can do..." --

i dont even wanna mention it cause i know im too much of a pussy to pull through with it.
my anxietys getting worse, sometimes i just wanna cry and tell the world to fuck off.
i know the majority of the other TDS'ers problems are much more severe than mine, but i just needed to vent.
 
^ Don't take people's crap like that. It seems impossible to because Dean is always in your face, but he in no way is worth your time. The words that he says mean nothing and he's only saying so he can try to hurt you. I don't know what to say to get him to stop, but don't ever let it hurt you, because then you're letting him win. And don't feel like your problem is any less, it isn't fair that you should be treated like less than a human by anybody else and sometimes all it takes is a little venting and support. Good luck man, message me if you need to talk about anything.
 
thanks badfish,
i know i should just ignore him but ive been called a fagget/gay/gayboy/etc ever since i started being honest whenever people asked if i was gay (im bi). but regaurdless i know its none of they're business and i shouldnt care what they think but i just get this crazy friggin anxiety and i forget that they dont matter.
 
Yeah, it's easy to lose perspective when someone is coming at you like that, I know how it feels.

I had a similar scenario with a guy who I worked with. He knew it was between him and me for a supervisors job that was coming up, and he threw everything at me for 3 months to try and get me to quit. It was a pretty horrible time of walking away and counting to 10, and trying to shrug off what he'd said to me day after day.

In the end though karma actually came good, after the 3 months he got fired and I was offered the job. I really hope something similar happens to Dean, as I have no sympathy for anyone who thinks it's fair game to abuse another human being.

Hang in there, it gets better. :)
 
Ignoring somebody's hateful comments are much easier said than done. Obviously words like faggot subconsciously affect you because it represents a part of you that is important. Just don't pick a fight with this kid, stupid idiots aren't worth your time, I go to school with 3600 other kids, you would be surprised how many of their faces I'd like to break. But control yourself because soon (no matter what year of school you're in, it will be over soon), people like him will amount to nothing, and you'll be proud that you had the ability to push past hate.
 
@PT

He isn't responsible for your bad day at work OR how you feel..that's based on YOUR choices..

You tell him, honestly, what you need..if he doesn't respect that then move on...seriously, if he has any respect for you and if you have a relationship where you are mates; if he makes the decision to label you to get out of taking any responsibility in helping you/being empathetic, when you genuinely need it, then you have to start making decisions about whether you need someone in your life who is going to work with you rather than it being a one sided affair.

However,

TBH PT, sounds like your job is taking away from any chance at a quality of life...the stresses seem to outweigh any benefits to yourself. Maybe its time to reconsider choosing/working toward something that wont take such a toll on your well-being? I dont know what your b/f/partner is about but work may be coming between you(dont know whether its this, or the other way round but..?)

Hope you can both work this out, and be true to yourselves, respectively and for the right reasons. <3
 
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Ok wtf I just got into an arguement with this douchebag at 7-11 for HOLDING THE FUCKING DOOR OPEN for him!

This is exactly what I mean about fucking people. Not just stupidity, but some people have absolutely no control over their emotions and it sickens me. Great, I understand you're in a bad mood but that gives you no right to act like a little fucking baby. I see this shit all day long at work and it sickens me. Am I the only person in the world capable of being in a real bad mood but still having manners to people around me?

Like its really that fucking difficult to say "thank you?"
Anyway long story short I've been carrying a can of bear mace around me lately because I have been extremely confrontational and just not dealing with peoples attitudes. I really don't give a shit because 95% of punks out there that try act like tough asses WON'T DO A DAMN THING if you tell them to straight go fuck themselves (most people are very scared of jail or if they've been locked up going back to jail, although obviously a few are total nutcases). But I really need to learn better control as I'm bound to get shot over this shit one day.

And this is twice this week already too. 3 nights ago this ghetto ass black guy and his friend were all blinged out waiting in line at 7-11 and there was a long line. Theres an indian man and an indian woman working the register. Except only the woman is open. The guy was busy getting cigarettes up behind the shelf. Long story short one of these blacks guys opens his mouth and starts talking shit and this indian guy had his fucking back to him. Not even looking at him and this POS decides to start fucking with the indian guy talking about how he "just got out the pen" and doesn't wanna go back over a trip to 7-11.

Anyway I'm thinking "did this black guy seriously just threaten this indian as the first fucking thing he says to him?" Doesn't even try to compromise he's in line for 25 whole fucking seconds and decides to open his mouth. I told him straight out to leave the guy alone cause noone was laughing and to look around. Of course he gets in my face and this is why I carry bear mace around with me. Won't get into the details (a bit offensive) but the guy just wound up leaving the store while screaming like an idiot and I'm holding a can of mace at his direction being sure to stand right in front of the cameras. This wasn't even tonight too.

Tonight was even more simple. I'm walking in to the 7-11 and see a tall clean cut white guy with a coffee in one hand and some type of food in the other hand. Guy obviously can't open the door, we're both approaching it at the same time. I hold the door open and step aside because I just like being nice to people idk maybe I'm a fucking idiot. So get this. Guy looks at me, turns his head to side and walks right by no gesture of thank you, no verbal thank you, just walks by like a snobby fuck.

I get heated immediately. But am very much thinking about the few nights ago and what happened with the black guy. Telling myself "do you really want to get into a fight over holding a door of all things?" But the thing is I don't care. I HAVE to say something just to find out why people think its ok to act like fucking dirtbags. So I say what comes to my head first. In a very monotone emotionless voice I say "you're welcome". It looks like the guy doesn't even turn around so I walk through the door and close it not thinking twice about it. Although I am sure he heard me unless he was deaf. Go into line to get cigs and guess who comes walking into the door? Its Mr fuckface as he stuggles to open the door, steps back into the store and asks "what did you say?".
So this time I say very clear and loud "YOU ARE WELCOME". This asshole has nothing better to say than "I never said thank you". I can't believe what I'm hearing but figured if this prick wants to play the pouty doucebag role and go around acting like a dipshit to people, then I have no problem pulling out my trusty can of bear mace again. I say "I know, and I'm not in the mood for your pouty feminine bs, so please get the fuck out of my face".

And thats about the last thing I can remember as the rest was just shouting.
I really feel like I'm losing my mind lately and although I know I'm the one who really started the confrontation, I'm still responding to someone elses bullshit pure and straight. I have opened doors for people before and had them not say a word, and I can't explain how fucking angry I will get over shit like that. But if someone comes at me ripping on me its like I don't give a fuck. I only respond to the small things and let the big things go. I think the reason why is because I feel like so many people are walking around with pent up rage and aggression, that if they come at me strong, I see that as healthy and good for them for saying something.
But its the ones who are too pussy to say anything, but will still act the role of a complete douche, and do tiny shit like this that makes me want to kill them. I can't explain it. I overreact like this over the tiniest shit, but then when something huge happens I'm always the first one saying "let it go blah blah blah".

The thing that scares me the most is that I don't want to stop acting like this. I know its not the adult thing to do but it is 100% still the right thing to do. The older and older I get the worse and worse people get. People will murder their own fucking family just to get ahead in life I have no idea whats happening to this countries morals and ethics. No more manners, no thank you, no fucking appreciation for anything anymore. All people do is worry about poor fucking me boo fucking hoo cry me a river you bitches. >>I<< need to be ahead of you on line, >>I<< need to be first to get checked out, >>I<< need to cut you off on the road cause me getting home before you is more important, ME ME ME WAH WAH WAH this is seriously how 90% of the population is now and days.

And if people aren't going to even try, then fuck them neither will I.
 
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placid space said:
People throw around these words a bit too much these days. Depressed, anxious... But even if her bf is a valid case that doesnt excuse him from being a lazy bum and not pitching in around the house and acting like he does. And why would she need to tell him how she feels about the situation?
Click to expand...

Ok, so it's just laziness then. 8)

"Why would she need to tell him how she feels about the situation?" Was that a serious question? Unless the guy is a mind reader he may not know how PT is feeling. She's been open with us here, but I'm sure their relationship dynamic is much different than her BL posting dynamic. From what she wrote it doesn't seem like he knows how she feels, hence why she asked how to approach talking about the situation with him.
 
^ Excellent point. I can attest that job hunting is horrible, and will exacerbate existing depression and anxiety. But I don't know that it's too much for PT to ask for a bit of support as well. Communication, as always, is key-- the key word in the last sentence is 'ask'.
 
Yeah. You guys are right. He likely is depressed. He hides it well or I'm always so wrapped up in me and my stuff that I miss it. But sometimes he is lazy too, don't get me wrong.
Now I feel bad about being so angry.
I try to help him. At my job I help people find work so I do the same thing with him. Lists of job search sites and various resources. Email them to him.
It helps for a day or 2 and then he finds a reason it doesn't fit.
I know he just wants to stay where we are working on cars that come along but it isn't steady or reliable work! Bills NEED to be paid.
His depression is making me stressed which is making ME depressed.
(We have other relationship problems as well http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/447710-Pandora-s-Box.......Sexual-Abuse?p=9931018&viewfull=1#post9931018 its very hard to share that much intimate information with someone but I'm afraid if I don't bad things will happen, ya know.)
Yes I do agree that this job isn't good for me sometimes. I either have to learn to cope or find something else.
There isn't much else in this small town and the bf needs his garage and workshop and we have low rent.
Uh, I didn't plan my life for shit.


And ANOTHER rant! FUCKING Prednisone for my months of unexplained kidney pain!
May cause:
difficulty sleeping, feeling a whirling motion, increased appetite, increased sweating, indigestion, mood changes and nervousness.
Yeah that is playing REAL well off my anxiety and depression! I'm glad I'm not at work though.
But its this or an ultrasound.
 
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My facebook status: My HONEST opinion about 9/11? It was a scare tactic used by our government to turn us against a group of people through stereotypes and fear. Sound familiar *hitler cough cough*. Don't buy into everything you hear, because it isn't always the truth. How convinced do you think the Germans were when they heard that the Jewish people were the cause of their debt? About as convinced as everybody is about the story they were told about 9/11. My thoughts go out to the families of the deceased. I'm not saying that the government is responsible, but look what they've done with it.


So then my friend commented on it saying im an idiot, gets on chat, and here's how it played over

Me:how am i an idiot
Him:why the fuck would our own government kill thousands of its own people?
Me: did i say it was a conspiracy theory, maybe you're the idiot, read it closer. I'm saying look what it's been used for, as soon as it happened we went to war. anti-muslim propaganda was launched and innocent muslim people were targeted
Him: just sitting back and letting them continue to kill people? no shit we went to war
Me: yeah, but you're still missing the point
Him: no UR
Me: we instantly started racial profiling, all out of fear. Sound familiar?
Him: missing the damn point
Me: no im not, dont insult my intelligence before you know what im talking about and dont call me an idiot
Him: TERRORISTS killed AMERICANS and bombed NY, what part of that sounds like the government was involved?
Me: you still arent listenting at all, i didn't say the government did it im saying they're using it as an excuse to turn us against a group of people to give themselves power, have you NEVER seen this happen in history?
Him: "it was a scare tactic used by our government"
Me: why would the patriot act be pushed as soon as it happened, that doesn't mean i said the government did it, don't post shit like that on my posts do you think it's funny calling me an idiot?
Him: yes brett, we live in the "post 9/11" era, things changed since 9/11, but WHY would we ever want to get more power? we were already the only superpower on the freaking planet.
Me: HAH
Him: and no, its not funny, its the truth
Me: why would we ever want to get more power???
what that im an idiot?
Him: ya, listen to yourself for a min, and ull see t too
*SLIGHT PROFANITY*
Me: i dont know where you get off thinking that you're in any position to call me an idiot.
Him: i read ur post...
Me: so, how is it any less than what your opinion is. All you're doing is restating what you heard from the government, at least im reaching out and connecting it to past events in history, i have respect for your opinion and you clearly have none for mine.
Him: no, i wont respect ur opinion, i have faith in my government, if you dont like what they do or say, move to another freaking country.


GAAAAAH, PEOPLE THESE DAYS. Where does he come off thinking that his opinion is better, I never said mine was, that's WHY I CALLED IT AN OPINION!!!! Further more, I've been friends with him for over 2 years, and he has more respect for people that manipulate, and don't even give 2 shits about him. I don't get what is up with people these days, it's so messed up it's not even funny. Who else deals with shit like this daily? I know I do :(

EDIT: Here is what somebody commented on my status with

NO ONE IS SAYING THAT EVERY MUSLUM IS EVIL, THEY ARE DOING WHAT YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE THE BALLS TO DO BY STANDING FOR OUR COUNTRY AND THE 3,000 FREAKING PEOPLE WHO LOST THEIR LIVES THAT DAY...YOU SHOULD BE THANKFUL FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE MILITARY AND THE PEOPLE WHO FIGHT FOR YOUR FREEDOM. THEY ARE THERE SO WHAT HAPPENED 10 YEARS AGO DOESNT HAPPEN TO YOU! DONT BE A FOOL....FREEDOM ISNT FREE.

So tell me, WHEN DID I SAY I DONT HAVE RESPECT FOR ANY OF THE PEOPLE WHO DIED OR FOUGHT? Now you all understand why I hate the people at my school, they're fucking IDIOTS.
 
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Carl Landrover said:
Was that a serious question? Unless the guy is a mind reader he may not know how PT is feeling. She's been open with us here, but I'm sure their relationship dynamic is much different than her BL posting dynamic. Fro
Click to expand...

Uh hello, was THIS is a serious question?

You actually expect us to believe for a second that this guy doesn't know he needs to get a fucking job? He is UNEMPLOYEED. What else does she really need to do fly a helicopter over his house with a "get a job" sign? He obviously knows better than PT knows that he needs to get a job. And its not even her responsibility to tell a grown man depressed or not to get up and get a fucking job. Not like their gonna date for 40 years w/out him working and one day PT's gonna say "hey you know it would be really nice if you'd get a job now?"

Then he says "OMG HUN I never knew?! why didn't you just tell me 40 years ago and I would have gone and got one?"

Great so he has depression and he's lazy. Noone here can seperate either from each other and say that he's more one than the other. But we can certaintly say that a good goal for getting out of depression would be to get a job. And if he is depressed, and dating PT, then theres potentially much greater issues here than getting a job. But please with the sarcasitc shit he raised equally as valid a point you did. People tend to always go for the depression excuse first and its lame. He's not on BL either posting about how depressed he is PT is. So that gives me more reason to suspect theres something much more complex going on that neither me, you or PT even really realizes.

PT you think he can be seeing other people? Seriously. This stuff happens everyday I know you'd hate to think about it but if you wanna mommy someone out of their depression for the next X however many years thats definitely not your job either way. And no you don't have to turn your back either seems the real problem in this relationship is a serious lack of communication. And we all know how those relationships tend to turn out anyways. I think if anything talking to him would be the most useful thing you can do. Rather than have people on BL argue as to whether he's depressed or lazy. I still say lazy, and that being lazy is likely making him depressed.
 
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Can we all relax in this thread and choose our words more carefully.

There is a great deal of hostility showing through a variety of posts by a number of separate posters.

This hostility is actually contagious. Personally, I have my own issues based on anger, hatred and fear. All that shit is coming back to me and has triggered some violent thoughts in my own fucked up head. I'm not about to have a shitty, pissed off day over other people's attitudes. not fucking today

Lets start the fuck over...
 
No I don't think he is seeing other people. He pretty much is 10 feet from me at all times when I'm not at work. I think we have just hit the 2 year mark and he doesn't think he has to try so hard. (Which is why he has gained 40 pds in those 2 years, but that is always my fault because I eat like shit. Hell I CAN my body is different than yours but anyway, neither here nor there). We will see how things go in the next month or 2. I always say that though. I just wanted to get out how I felt about it. Talking to him really gets me no where. He has a genius level IQ he doesn't need me to tell him he should get out of bed and work.
I'm a lil pissed he smoked pot last night (I do everyday but I'm not supposed to be looking for work! It isn't a big deal for me. EVERY job drug tests now!! Not to mention he seems to like eating Ambien and Benzos that are scripted to me. I understand he wants to sleep but if you got out of bed during the day that might help and you wouldn't have to take it at night so they you can let ME sleep so I can go to work!! (RANT) ) its like he doesn't even care how him not working effects me. Right now I'm just trying to work on my stuff in the relationship and hope that he will start to feel more fulfilled, less depressed and some improvement happens. He has a car in the shop. I'm hoping he can do a couple 100$ worth of work to it and get it out in a week or 2. Thats what he considers "work" but really how stable and sustainable is that? This moseying along thing with income and work just stresses me out!
Its really hard to know how I REALLY feel about it with all the meds screwin me up a bit.
 
god damn im really craving some oxy. i didnt kno were else to post <snip>don;t knw what else to say othern than oxy is sort of ruining my life
 
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I hate insomnia. This is the 3rd time in the last 7 days I've been awake for over 30 hours. Not tired enough to sleep, yet too tired to focus or do anything productive. Gah!
 
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