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Vent/Rant Thread 1 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

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Fyasko. said:
hey man i know where your coming from.
just know that you're young, (im 17 so im a young'n too haha8) ) and it will get better. school sucks, people suck, everything just generally sucks at that age imo haha. i've scared off a few of my friends after i told em all the shit i've been through, and when they turned their back on me it just showed me what shallow people they were. i was glad i saw that part of them, because no one needs people like that in their life. just no that you're better than that "friend" who you "scared off"

i dont use MSN but i could chat with you over facebook if thats cool,
- Dylan :)
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Thanks, just message me your facebook page i guess.
 
My parents just broke my door down with a hammer because I asked them to leave me alone and I pushed against the door. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do anymore.
 
badfish45 said:
My parents just broke my door down with a hammer because I asked them to leave me alone and I pushed against the door. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do anymore.
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Sometimes it'd be nice if you could trade parents like Pokemon cards.
 
I just found out through a mutual friend that my ex boyfriend is going to try to deny that I wasn't involved in a crime with him. Basically, we both got arrested together in the beginning of June. From what i've read in the police report, my ex stole a bike from someones backyard (they had his prints on a screen door). the next day he told me that someone left a bike by the dump, and we should sell it. I believed him and agreed to pawn it since he didn't have an ID (which you need at a pawn shop). so I unknowingly got tricked into pawning a stolen bike. after our arrests, my mom made me empty all my stuff out of the apartment my ex and I shared (while the ex was still in jail), and took me back home up north until my lawyer says otherwise. the lawyer had talked about an alibi defense, but apparently my ex boyfriend is bitter because he thinks I just packed up and left so he wants to deny that I wasn't involved. My mom was the one who made me move out and come back home, and I have never said anything incriminating about my ex to anyone, so why is he actively trying to get me in more trouble then I should be? this douche ex of mine might ruin my life even more. since the arrest, I've moved back to NH, had a steady job and enrolled in a new school working towards an RN license. from what i've heard, after he got out of jail, my ex cashed $600 of fake checks <to this place that sucks at verifying check cashing orders> ((but didnt get charged because his mom paid them back) and got a petty theft charge from stealing from 7/11. so my life has gotten much better with him gone, but yet now his"punishment" for me being taken away from him by my mom and back to my family is him trying to get me in more trouble. if I had stayed, I could have been involved in that check fraud and shoplifting bullshit, but since I left, he is now going to get "revenge" by lying in court by trying to say I was involved in everything.
 
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Carl Landrover said:
My response was about him not knowing how PT felt, not about him being unaware of his current situation. You need to take it down a notch dude.

I didn't mean to cause so many people to get so pissy when I said "depressed", I don't know the appropriate adjective you want me to use for feeling unmotivated, unfocused, and lazy.8) *Inserts annoyed passive aggressive comment*
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Eh not really. I responded to you copying exactly what you had said to the person before you. Aka "is that a serious question"? That was just pretentious bs imo. And the whole point of my post. If you don't like me asking you that question, and would like me take it down a notch, then don't mock other people the same exact way I mocked you. It wasn't untill I repeated it back to you that you understood how annoying the behavoir actually was.

To keep it simple. He expressed his opinions on one side of the issue. The very valid reasoning that PT has no obligation to say a thing to her bf about finding work. Why is that valid? Because its been 2 years, no one needs to say anything. People don't have to talk to each other to know why or what is bothering their partner. Him not working for that long, and her sending nonverbals in response, for 2 years, would be enough, especially to a "genius" (as she said) to figure out he needs to find work.

It was more than a reasonable question for him to ask. But you still had to come in to this thread to mock him in a condescending way like ZOMG R U CEREAL? U CAN'T BE 4 REALZ BRAH. I mean christ you posed the possibility that the bf needs to be a psychic to know his gf his pissed off about something. I could have asked you 100 times "was that a serious question?" But rather I will tell you that women usually don't need to say shit, and that they can communicate through bodylanguage and behavoir fairly quickly what is pissing them off. Especially considering PT's statement about her bf being a genius. Even more reason for him to have a clue.

But that still has nothing to do with my point. I don't actually give a shit who is right or wrong. The point is I responded to you in a way you didn't like, and I knew you wouldn't like it. Because it had the same tone that yours did when you spoke to someone else. So really, if you don't like it, don't ask other people if they are serious when they make one of the most obvious & predictable statements that a person could have made. Like him coming in and saying "maybe he's cheating on you", then you come in and say "ZOMG U KANT B 4 REALZ!!" I just don't understand why something so simple puzzled you to the extent it did. Thats my point.
 
wtf hoodrats keep eyeballing me while I'm out walking; staring like I owe 'em money, shit on their porch, fucked their sister, or whatever.
fucktards shooting me the stink-eye have *no idea* what they're playing close to.
feel like breaking out the broken-glass-against-the-head routine or dishing out a dumpster-swirly to the next dope-fucked assclown who disturbs my calm evening stroll.
all I want is a few mild miles, after so many hard ones. jeez.
 
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I'm not familiar with that area but, if its like most places, once folks see you around enough you will be recognized as a local. There may be some shit that happens during that time frame but it'll work out eventually.

I wouldn't mind going for a stroll some day. Hit me up. The strength of the wolf is in the pack
 
Bojangles69 said:
Eh not really. I responded to you copying exactly what you had said to the person before you. Aka "is that a serious question"? That was just pretentious bs imo. And the whole point of my post. If you don't like me asking you that question, and would like me take it down a notch, then don't mock other people the same exact way I mocked you. It wasn't untill I repeated it back to you that you understood how annoying the behavoir actually was.

To keep it simple. He expressed his opinions on one side of the issue. The very valid reasoning that PT has no obligation to say a thing to her bf about finding work. Why is that valid? Because its been 2 years, no one needs to say anything. People don't have to talk to each other to know why or what is bothering their partner. Him not working for that long, and her sending nonverbals in response, for 2 years, would be enough, especially to a "genius" (as she said) to figure out he needs to find work.
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I don't care how you respond to me, but you had missed the point. She needed to talk to him to express her feelings on the overall situation, not merely describing the situation to him.


I had initially asked if it was a serious question because the other poster was saying that the BF should already know how PT feels, even though PT was just asking how to approach talking to her BF about it. So obviously if she's asking how to talk to her BF it's because she thinks he doesn't know how she feels, so why would this other poster just say that the BF knows how she feels? Hence my question.

Bah! Not even worth responding if no one is going to actually read the posts.
 
My work is driving me insane. It follows me home. I dream about it. People always wanting wanting wanting and I get no thanks or am allowed any of my own emotion. PT doesn't do poker face very well. The steroids and antibiotics I'm on for my kidney pain (which someone said to me "Maybe its cancer", thanks I needed that!) really throws me off too. I just wanna cry but there is never any place private or quiet for me to do that. Not even at home. I'm getting twinges of suicidal thoughts. Its really scared me but I just keep telling myself not to be impulsive. I'm just having a lot of trouble coping. I want a drink but with meds I can't do that either.
You know when you wake up in the morning and your already pissed (because of meds or you just know that its gonna be insane) and when you get there and get your day started it was way worse than you even thought. That was my day today and I don't see it stopping any time soon.
 
Fuck. I can't stand my parents any longer. My dad broke my fucking door with a hammer because I asked to be alone. I wouldn't let them in because they had yelled at me after 13 hours of being at school and marching band practice, so I told them to go away and I held myself against the door. Next thing I know it gets busted down with a hammer and they ground me and turn the whole thing around on me like it's my fucking fault they had to take the door down. Seriously, all they do is find reasons to yell at me and I told them I was done with it, and I asked them to leave me alone for a while. I can't take this... I'm overwhelmed with rage and guilt at the same time, why guilt I dont know. I feel bad for hating them, but I can't help it. I fucking hate being alive it's so stressful and fucking confusing :(
 
Pillthrill said:
My work is driving me insane. It follows me home. I dream about it. People always wanting wanting wanting and I get no thanks or am allowed any of my own emotion. PT doesn't do poker face very well. The steroids and antibiotics I'm on for my kidney pain (which someone said to me "Maybe its cancer", thanks I needed that!) really throws me off too. I just wanna cry but there is never any place private or quiet for me to do that. Not even at home. I'm getting twinges of suicidal thoughts. Its really scared me but I just keep telling myself not to be impulsive. I'm just having a lot of trouble coping. I want a drink but with meds I can't do that either.
You know when you wake up in the morning and your already pissed (because of meds or you just know that its gonna be insane) and when you get there and get your day started it was way worse than you even thought. That was my day today and I don't see it stopping any time soon.
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Can you take some time off or do something different at your job (if even temporarily?). Sorry to hear you've been going through such a tough time. It's incredibly difficult when things aren't going well at work and at home. There's just no place to go to unwind and de-stress so you can recharge and take on what's next.

Sorry that I don't have better advice for you, good luck with everything though.
 
Pillthrill said:
My work is driving me insane. It follows me home. I dream about it. People always wanting wanting wanting and I get no thanks or am allowed any of my own emotion. PT doesn't do poker face very well. The steroids and antibiotics I'm on for my kidney pain (which someone said to me "Maybe its cancer", thanks I needed that!) really throws me off too. I just wanna cry but there is never any place private or quiet for me to do that. Not even at home. I'm getting twinges of suicidal thoughts. Its really scared me but I just keep telling myself not to be impulsive. I'm just having a lot of trouble coping. I want a drink but with meds I can't do that either.
You know when you wake up in the morning and your already pissed (because of meds or you just know that its gonna be insane) and when you get there and get your day started it was way worse than you even thought. That was my day today and I don't see it stopping any time soon.
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Do you live in the country? Or any unpopulated area?

You should just get another job. Or start looking for one more often idk. I see you focusing on your bf getting another job but it seems like you are absolutely tolerating a lot more shit than you should. And that this has a lot of reason to do with why you are always so stressed.
You have no moral obligation or reason to be supporting a grown man, at least in my mind. And you said yourself you work a thankless job and get paid very little money, THEN have to support the bf on top of that. It appears you have a very strong commitment to your bf, which is causing you a lot of suffering. And a strong commitment to your job perhaps out of fear of not being able to get another one. But at least you should have some idea on what areas of your life to work on. And maybe the possibility that you have to say no more often in general. Say no to your overbearing and fruitless job, no to supporting your depressed bf (maybe at least counseling or something?), and work on saving money and supporting yourself. I believe this will make you feel a lot better.

I also perfectly understand commitment, just make sure not to be tolerating more crap than you need to.
 
OverDone said:
I'm not familiar with that area but, if its like most places, once folks see you around enough you will be recognized as a local. There may be some shit that happens during that time frame but it'll work out eventually.

I wouldn't mind going for a stroll some day. Hit me up. The strength of the wolf is in the pack
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that's normally the case anywhere i've lived. even detroit didn't bother me..... but that was also my haunt before it was my home.
its fine right around here; this older neighborhood has been a little haven of calm...... outside this neighborhood is sketchy. the locals don't bother me, its the transients, transplants, and tweakers/crackheads that fuck shit up.
you'll see. lol
 
Carl Landrover said:
Can you take some time off or do something different at your job (if even temporarily?). Sorry to hear you've been going through such a tough time. It's incredibly difficult when things aren't going well at work and at home. There's just no place to go to unwind and de-stress so you can recharge and take on what's next.

Sorry that I don't have better advice for you, good luck with everything though.
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Carl - I'm just really banking my time until I'm able to get time off but they never seem to want to work with me and it just gets worse every day. But as we often say, put your head down and get through it and you'll be surprised how fast time will fly. "Keep Calm, Carry On." I feel kinda like I have no one to talk to anymore.
 
Bojangles69 said:
Do you live in the country? Or any unpopulated area?

You should just get another job. Or start looking for one more often idk. I see you focusing on your bf getting another job but it seems like you are absolutely tolerating a lot more shit than you should. And that this has a lot of reason to do with why you are always so stressed.
You have no moral obligation or reason to be supporting a grown man, at least in my mind. And you said yourself you work a thankless job and get paid very little money, THEN have to support the bf on top of that. It appears you have a very strong commitment to your bf, which is causing you a lot of suffering. And a strong commitment to your job perhaps out of fear of not being able to get another one. But at least you should have some idea on what areas of your life to work on. And maybe the possibility that you have to say no more often in general. Say no to your overbearing and fruitless job, no to supporting your depressed bf (maybe at least counseling or something?), and work on saving money and supporting yourself. I believe this will make you feel a lot better.

I also perfectly understand commitment, just make sure not to be tolerating more crap than you need to.
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Yes actually, I live in the rural Midwest, although my services area is much larger.
Where I am job wise is complicated. Right now I'm more like a intern that they give money to feed and cloth myself. But this winter I get hired on so that gives me a wage and insurance hopefully. But nothing is set in stone until then. I have no idea if that situation will be better or worse. Just have to wait and see.

As for the bf, he knows I'm frustrated now. And he thinks me found a job within half hour commute but we will see where that goes. I NEVER hold my breath with him. I've been difficult lately I know with work and my health problems of various sorta. Sometimes I just come home from work and scream and stomp around for an hour cause I have no idea how to get how I'm feeling out or express it. Could be the steroids they have me on, no way of telling right now.

Idk, back on rant (sorry I have to always do it here, I just have no where else at this moment) I feel the soul is being sucked out of me. Idk where from but something (work, meds, struggles, emotional shit idk) and I just want to scream. Scream cause something feels so so wrong and I don't know the source. I usually know myself so well and now I have this angst (for lack of a better word.......any ideas) all the time. Like something is slowly and painfully being removed. I find myself totally lost.
 
my dad said to me while taking me to the ED the other night - "so you really think you are this person with these obscure diseases or what ever"

this is sooo profound, on so many levels...it makes my brain shake.
'no where to run to baby, no where to hide'
 
..... own your pain.
..... it's in your head, your flesh, your bones.
..... it ain't anyone else's.

goddamn straight you're sure.

and its not like ERs and hospitals are where the party's at; unless you're an MD banging interns, or an RN banging dilaudid. :\
 
emergencies happen :/ - you are right though...it sounds so hard to believe, but, it is true.

i have had some pretty good tastes of our physiological capabilities - through the rosary and meditation


a lot is accessible in us we pay and die for, buuut im an amateur at it still yet, and tolerate pain and nausea daily, but ive got a lot of awful psychical symptoms going on, and this pain is hell-fire-fucked.

waiting to get to pharmacy atm, and i am not seeing my ride, i dont know...this weekend will be more then i can conceive.

there is a lot going on, more then people want to know.
 
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