• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Vent/Rant Thread 1 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

Status
Not open for further replies.
TG-- I barely know you, even by message board standards, but I can tell you that you deserve much better than some jerk who takes advantage of your kindness and support. Relationships should be based on reciprocity; you take, but you also give. The more that someone is allowed to take without giving, the more they will take.

I hope that things turn around for you soon, one way or another. :)
 
Erg, has anyone else's face actually gotten worse on retin-a? I have been using the "gel" (not so much a gel, as an ointment! :\) for about 3 weeks and I swear it has progressively made my skin worse. I even bought the lowest strength possible (0.025 percent). Some spots are dried out and itchy but I have more zits than before, and overall, I am not sure it is worth continuing.
Are you just supposed to spot-treat the blemishes? I don't see how this shit is "anti-wrinkle" as it makes your face all dried out. Anyone have any experience?
 
Im so fucking fed up! Whats new lol. I mentioned in an earlier post how my Wanker boss had sacked me under questionable circumstances,well as far as im concerned it was unfair dismissal but anyway,thats done so now i try to get a new job right? Before i get back into a rut of using and sleeping and basically doing nothing.
So i applied for a job at this care home,i knew my ex boss was friendly with the owners but didn't think that would matter,i should be judged on my ability to do the job right? So i applied and they seemed really keen,wanted me to bring the application form back the next day and they'd probably interview me then. I know someone who already works there and he said they're really desperate for staff. I had to put my ex employers name down for a reference coz its the only other job Ive ever had!
Obviously he's totally put them off me coz when i went back the next day with the form they just didn't wanna know. I got the we'll be in touch line. Also i had not put anyone down for a character reference coz i'd not got the permission from the person yet so i called the 'perspective employers' to say i would be in touch with details of my character referee and they seemed totally disinterested and said they wouldn't be dealing with my application anyway until after the bank holiday. This is the same company that was practically biting my hand off initially.
So im pretty sure my ex boss has told them not to employ me. I feel im never gonna get another job in care coz all the management of the different establishments seem to be all in it together. If you know what i mean. I feel so defeated :(
 
My parents won't stop nagging at me about kicking me out in August. I am only 18, and I am a waitress. My parents think this is justified because I am not going to school. I don't have anyone to stay with, and im terrified that not having a home will diminish my chances of building up to a career.

Recently I am also questioning my self worth a lot. How much my friends, boyfriend, and family care. I just don't feel as empowered as I once was. I feel pretty small actually. Now I just feel alone; like no matter what, everyone in my life will eventually cast me aside.
I have beastly social anxiety, so someone can say a few words to me and it triggers extreme paranoia.

/emo.
 
I smoke every other week or so, and I roll once a month if that. My last time was actually about a month ago, but it ended up being a high dose of amphetamine and I OD'd. The last time I had MDMA in my system was 2 months ago.
Im usually pretty cautious with my drug use. That was my first slip up.

I have a severe history of anxiety though. I used to go to parties and get so scared I would puke. Im not as bad as I once was, but when something is going wrong in my life, it usually sparks this kind of reaction :/
 
Sunburn said:
My parents won't stop nagging at me about kicking me out in August. I am only 18, and I am a waitress. My parents think this is justified because I am not going to school. I don't have anyone to stay with, and im terrified that not having a home will diminish my chances of building up to a career.

Recently I am also questioning my self worth a lot. How much my friends, boyfriend, and family care. I just don't feel as empowered as I once was. I feel pretty small actually. Now I just feel alone; like no matter what, everyone in my life will eventually cast me aside.
I have beastly social anxiety, so someone can say a few words to me and it triggers extreme paranoia.

/emo.
Click to expand...

No offense, but what career are you trying to build up by being a waitress though?

My parents did the same thing to me when I graduated from high school and refused to go to school. I was pissed but I started working a full time job so I WOULDN'T be homeless and learned how to take care of myself. Three years later I'm glad they did it. If they had just let me stay at home I never would have grown up.
 
I have an internship at a local record label, and a possible internship at NORML. I am looking into being a PR for music. I would have gone to school had I not known several PR's that didn't. School is expensive, and because of my father's income, I can't get large loans of any kind. It's kind of a lose lose, so im working the intern route. :3

Mostly I just worry because I don't want to spend my whole life working minimum wage so that I can live in an apartment. I need extra time to devote to my work in music. If I was a few years older (say..20) I can understand my parents wanting me out, but im very young, and not at all financially stable enough to leave my home. I would just like to be given a chance before im given up on. y parents are botting me under the assumption that no matter what I to, I will fail without school.
 
Thank you Mariposa and draigan <3

Dave said:
TG-- I barely know you, even by message board standards, but I can tell you that you deserve much better than some jerk who takes advantage of your kindness and support. Relationships should be based on reciprocity; you take, but you also give. The more that someone is allowed to take without giving, the more they will take.

I hope that things turn around for you soon, one way or another. :)
Click to expand...

Aw thank you dave, this means a lot. I am so warmed by the kindness of strangers, it is so rare.

We are on a break at the moment and all i can think of is how much i love him. He will not see the strength i've had to find to support him and try constantly to try and make him see the light, that he is an amazing person without drugs and when in his darkest hours making him see that it will pass and things will be okay again. And i thought i knew he would do the same if i were in his shoes :( I thought he appreciated this. At the time he did but now things are getting better for him, i feel like all of a sudden i am not someone he sees or wants in his future. Because we have drifted. Of course we have! Drug addiction does that. We are both different people now and need to recognise that rather than trying to regain the past and completely omit what he went through. I'm just hurting so badly, i feel taken for granted and that he does not clearly see what we have burns. If his weak enough to give up on us now then i will know his not the one for me.

Edit: fucking hell i deserve better than this! Why am i thinking about what i did to him and forgetting what his done to me?! Being a forgiving person can really come to bite you in the ass sometimes.
 
Last edited:
TwistedReality said:
I'm stuck at my parents' house, literally. I'm staying with them until school starts again in the fall because I got really bad off on opiates and ended up broke. The city I love, all my friends, and anything fun to do is an hour away, and my car is fucked up right now. I'm waiting for my methadone but my friend still hasn't fucking got here, and he called me at 10 pm last night saying someone had been involved in an accident (long story) so it wouldn't be yesterday, but I would get them today early, after he dropped his son off at school and went and did something else.

It is now 2:16 p.m. and I'm sitting on my ass. Fiending, anxious, depressed (anxiety/depression are actually not from the drugs), and I can't even go for a walk because this goddamn place doesn't even have sidewalks and it's way too fucking hot to go hiking.

I FEEL LIKE JUMPING OUT OF MY SKIN!!!!!!
Click to expand...

That's why I take drives.

I can't walk around outside after dark (ghetto Oakland) so I just drive when I feel like I'm going crazy. But it still sucks because I have to use $5 of gas just to get to an area I'd WANT to drive around. Fuck living in the ghetto. :p
 
BeckyLee said:
Erg, has anyone else's face actually gotten worse on retin-a? I have been using the "gel" (not so much a gel, as an ointment! :\) for about 3 weeks and I swear it has progressively made my skin worse. I even bought the lowest strength possible (0.025 percent). Some spots are dried out and itchy but I have more zits than before, and overall, I am not sure it is worth continuing.
Are you just supposed to spot-treat the blemishes? I don't see how this shit is "anti-wrinkle" as it makes your face all dried out. Anyone have any experience?
Click to expand...

I use stievamyacin which is retin-a with erethomyacin in it and im on the regular strength stuff. It can make you face look worse if you use it everyday or if your skin is too sensitive. Mines not sensitive so i can use it almost everyday.

My rant is that im a fucking idiot. Got 30 4mg dilaudids on saturday with the intension of tapering down and now i have 2 goddamn pills left :X . Woke up sick today so i snorted up 8mg's.

Now what am i gonna do when im actually in pain? That happens quite abit too. I can't get anymore mscontins for atleast 10 days. God im a fucking twat. :(
 
Fucking opiate withdrawals are doin my fucking head in today. I feel depressed as fuck and slightly suicidal. Why the fuck do i keep doing this to myself? why the fuck can't i just stick to my prescribed dose for fuck sakes? Now it will be about 10 days before i can get more. Fuck.
 
I gotta piss test coming up and only 6 days to clear out the THC, and it was heavy use. I'v done it before in 4 days with three tests in a day (one NIDA-5, the other DOT-like, down to 20ng/ml). However I'm 100% sure I passed because of Divine Intervention, and im having doubts I'll pass this time. Even if I do, I'm stuck living on the other side of the state, living in shithole hotels, and working with snobs.

The bitch is if I turn down the work my union hall may not let me work for 90 days, I'm already sick of skilled trades and unions, can't wait to start school (gotta work for the cash first.)

Wow, I'm feelin a little better already, and my magic 8 ball has given me good answers.
 
i can't figure out wheather to kill myself or my father. i have mono and can't afford treatment (please no one PM some fuckin advice on where to get help).

im so depressed and can't work. the only thing keeping me alive is the fact that my bf loves me.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top