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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Update on opiate journey..........

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jake99 said:
tryin to take soma instead of k pin today . some other girl on clinic SWEARS she takes k pin and never fails her tests at the clinic . i dont get it...........
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You'd be doing yourself a favour if you just came out and told the clinic about the klonopin instead of obsessing about urine testing. At least that way you'd know "what next" instead of second guessing them and trying to come up with solutions for problems which may not exist. Seriously, you need to stop acting like a teenager who's afraid of being grounded and take a more adult approach to this - coming up with a new plan every week is getting you nowhere fast.
 
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look clinic is gonna want you there - fact of the matter is these places make fucking bank off addicts... be open, tell them, see what they say - look at other clinics in the area also. Shit i have 10 within 5 miles, they are fuckin everywhere here !!
 
well this is the only free one , and Lolie if i told them about the k pin they would want me off probably ..............they have a no benzo rule. but their is a girl on the clinic who swears she takes k pin all the time and never fails a urine
 
Suboxone is a fucking miracle and most likely have saved my life. If you cannot stop using then look into Suboxone.

You have to be willing to stick to your proper dosing schedule and stay honest and consistent. In my program I am learning how to take my proper dose. I am able to take mine home, but only what I need for the night and the next morning. I could take it all at once, but I do not want too. When I had my seizure I realized that I was in a life or death situation and I have too much more to live for.

I feel so much better that I cannot put it into words. I feel like I have been given my life back and am finally comfortable in my own skin, which I haven't felt in 10 years.
 
what happen ? I was on subs for year n half before switched over to methadone. I wish i hadnever switched, i hated methadone man.
 
Jake

I read your threads and from what I can gather you just dont wanna stop getting high. This whole Kpin thread, I dont know why you keep asking for advice when you dont take anyones advice. Stop taking the stupid pills. Your gonna have to deal with some anxiety in life buddy. Your Young man. You dont need to be on benzos.

I remember being just like you.... Give it a about 5 more years of abuse and you might be ready to quit but it seems like your still holding on by strings.. They will break buddy and when you fall its gonna hurt trust me.

Im sorry for being soo blunt with you but you keep going on and on.

I wish nothing more than to see you succeed in life but at the rate your going your gonna hit the ground hard mark my words... Love you man.. be safe
 
i hated the clinic lifestyle bullshit, i couldn't stand dealing with clique social groups at a damn MMT clinic - not my style man. I don't like methadone either, makes me zombied out during the day, no probs like that w/bupe.
 
Secaca-- i just typed out the same thing to this dude, then deleted it because he is deaf. he is also 29, definitely not young.

jake-- if you admitted to yourself that you are far from being ready to quit h, then you wouldn't be addicting yourself to even more dangerous substances, 'done and benzos. you keep saying that you are far better off not scoring on the street. well, have you actually been abstaining from dope everyday? didn't think so. at any rate, even if you got arrested and thrown in jail again, you'd be better off than where you are now. it's amazing how delusional we junkies get. you act as if free methadone is the best thing that has happened to you... it's a nail in the coffin if you don't wake up.

good luck, bro.
 
Jake, I know your reasons for not wanting to do rehab again but all this obsessing about getting caught out by the clinic for using benzos and what they might do if it happens (you've already told us that they have other clients on benzos) has got to be creating the kind of anxiety which impairs your ability to function anyway. Instead of thinking "how can I get on their benzo using clients programme" you're thinking "how can I hide my benzo use from them" and that's addict thinking. Which people do you think are more likely to support you in staying clean - those who are open with the programme or those who aren't?

Each time you have an apparent solution you seem to conjure a new demon and it's that obsessing about "what ifs" which is going to do your head in. While you seem to have ready access to physical help for your addiction, you seem to be completely detached from any help for the mental and emotional aspects of it and I think that getting help for those is going to a vital step in you getting off this roundabout of trying solutions for a while and then abandoning them for something else.
 
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From what it sounds like to me and I hate to play arm chair psychiatrist Jake does have some sort of anxiety issue now if an addictive substance like benzos are they way to go or something more benign like Lexapro is something he might like to look at, either way I really dont know.

Sometimes some responses make me smile/chuckle and I know addiction is nothing to laugh at but it happens. Anyways you do always seem like you are worrying about something Jake and god knows I used to constantly drive myself crazy worrying about well mainly meds/drugs, etc. When am I going to kick this shit? Will it set me back if I use ____? Will my doctor think I am a drug addict? I would worry myself right into swallowing a handful of pills to relieve the anxiety I got from the drugs, so crazy.

I dont really have much advice other than to talk to the clinic doctor, yeah you might screw yourself with your other doctor, you might not. Sometimes things happen for a reason and if they ween you off the benzos for being truthful you might just be thankful for it down the road or not. I would definitely talk to either doctor and explain your feelings that you are always worrying and they 'might' be able to help better. You never know with doctors though, alot of them are hit or miss imo.

peace.
seedless
 
I was on klonopin not to get high but beause i have bad anxiety , i got prescribed 3 mg a day and that is what i take almost every day . ive been trying to get by with 2 or 2.5 mg so i can wean off for the clinic..............
And to whoever said have i kept away from dope since i started the meth , yeah i havent done dope in 3 weeks since i got on clinic
whys everyone bashing me ?
 
Because fromt he info that I gather, and when I put it all together, you seem like your just trying to put together a combo (Free) that you can still get high on, that looks like your trying to get help thats semi, accepting by society...


Thats my thoughts, not your...... I could be wrong.. Prove me..
 
Just cause you aint going to the hood to get heroin dont mean you aint still getting high.. Youve addmitted that youve gotten high on this combo... Remember your talking to a bunch of junkies now jake.. Not your parrents
 
I've only really read the first page but I wanna say that I feel your pain jake! I really do!

Opiates have ruined my life, I hide them from EVERYONE... I don't know how i'd be able to go into PAWS with my family around. they dont even know.
 
Because fromt he info that I gather, and when I put it all together, you seem like your just trying to put together a combo (Free) that you can still get high on, that looks like your trying to get help thats semi, accepting by society...

So you are telling me that it isnt better to take benzos prescribed by a dr. and be on a methadone clinic than to be copping dope off the street risking getting locked up and blowing all your money on it ?
SO what if part of me still wants to get high ?
like im the only one who does ?
 
jake99 said:
Because fromt he info that I gather, and when I put it all together, you seem like your just trying to put together a combo (Free) that you can still get high on, that looks like your trying to get help thats semi, accepting by society...

So you are telling me that it isnt better to take benzos prescribed by a dr. and be on a methadone clinic than to be copping dope off the street risking getting locked up and blowing all your money on it ?
SO what if part of me still wants to get high ?
like im the only one who does ?
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You act like those are your only two options. Quit fooling yourself man.. the methadone should be getting you plenty high. It's basically just legal, longer half-life heroin.

I'm starting to think that jail might actually be a good option for you. Have you considered committing some sort of crime where you would intentionally get caught?
 
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jake99 said:
whyd u hate it ? subs wenrent workin i still wanted to use
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Methadone might take care of the physical cravings a little better but IMO it is a horrible trade off.

That is from experience. I was all for methadone when I first started it. I liked the idea it was a full acting opiate. I used and abused weed and benzos along with uppers once in a while on it. Then I found I was still in my active addiction (which I am still battling now) and I would still try and use H sometimes, take little methadone vacations, etc..

You just got to be ready to quit. I felt just like everyone told me id feel, like I was in liquid handcuff. If you didn't follow every fuckin rule, wake up every morning early as fuck, etc.. you ran the risk of being kicked out.

It is more structured then a sub program i.e. drug tests etc.. but maybe you should get on sub and get your self into an IOP program or maybe even rehab.

Detox from your benzos and the methadone etc..

All methadone did was make me have an INSANE tolerance to H, I still used it, even though I was at a blocking dose with no cravings.

I was on it 6 months and made the switch back to subutex and it's like being free! Which can be good or bad, I am still having trouble getting clean but bupe is a LOT easier to taper on etc..., you can go as fast or slow as you want, you make the rules, you dont have to fuckin kiss some bitches ass behind a glass window along with all the other 65+ y/o's, people comin in on wheel chairs, elderly lifers who just reached the point of no return that they are never coming off methadone.

It's hard enough to detox off H, bupe is up there with methadone but you make your own rules, you can detox quick if you want, you dont have to wait fuckin 4 hours to get a doctors approval just to have him tell you 3mg every 5 days is too fast.

I went from sniffing a lot of H, like 3 solid bundles a day to shooting because it was literally impossible to get high once i was on methadone. It still fucked my tolerance.

There is no right answer, you gotto wanna stop using..which is my problem too. The devil, addict, whatever you wanna call it in me still wants to use even though I want to be clean.

Getting on methadone is kind of a cop-out IMO for some people. Honestly its a full agonist but DONT expect to keep any high you might experience or think yo are going to experience. If that is your goal even subconciously you are going to keep upping your dose fucking you in the long run.

Sub didnt keep me from using, neither did done, neither could or would anything else but myself.
 
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