Untitled.. just getting this off my chest...

[clue_liss]

A long poem – that spans over 7 years of my life… I just had to release all this stuff in my head. It doesn’t really make that much sense… except to me.
You helped make me who I am
In breaking me
You helped to make me
You taught me how to feel
You taught me how to touch
I left you once because you hurt me badly
It was my body that left you
My heart and mind remained yours
I still needed you
But I would not give you love because you did not deserve it
Principles took priority over my instinct
I gave you friendship – which ate at me because I knew I wanted more
I slipped, let my principles slide
And you took advantage
Because you could see the love in my eyes
And knew I would always be yours
Eventually I let my mind go
I set my body and soul free
And gave to another what I so badly wanted to give to you
You felt the pain
And realised you could never have me back
No matter how much I loved you
I hurt too
What I gave away was not real – it was my recovery and my revenge
Time passed…
My wounds of love healed
My heart grew
My mind weakened
I no longer believed in love
I battled with diseases of the mind
I was fading away once again
I lost direction
I hated myself
For healing
For being
I was on the edge – staring at death hoping it would rescue me
A beautiful angel came from nowhere
He captured my soul
And showed me that love was real and pure
We rescued each other from inevitability
He shared with me – what nobody else could
Inexplicable pain, intense love and unconquerable strength
My spirit was reawakened
I had grown to live without you as I was destined to do
I stopped destroying my body and mind because I knew somebody else needed me
We were no longer living the same life
But, when you succeeded, you would call me to let me know
When you reached a goal you would phone me with pride and want to share it with me
I no longer needed you there - physically
But, I needed to know that you were happy
Because there was still a special place carved into my being by pain and love
Which needed to know that your life was good, and that you were happy
Five months went by since the last call
I was tangled in my newly found love and life
Yet I wondered..
Just wondered how you were
You hadn’t called me to share your successes
You hadn’t called me to tell me how your life was progressing
I picked up the phone
Sent you a witty text which I knew you would appreciate
Moments passed
A phone call came
It was your number that appeared
I was glad
I could share with you my happiness and confirm that you too were happy
Who was this?
It wasn’t your voice??
It was your mother!
Whom I had never really knew or liked
She informed me that you were dead
You had passed away 3 months ago
Too fast on your expensive new motorbike with no protective clothing
A truck had smashed all your bones
And broken your body to pieces
My heart contorted inside my body
The words cut through the cellphone
Into my mind and soul
Could that stupid bitch not have let me know sooner
I was not even I informed
All I wanted to know
Is that you were well
That you were happy
Was that too much to ask?
Obviously it was
What were you thinking
Why so fast
Why no protective clothing?
I was angry
Why? Oh god why?
Two more months have passed
My anger has turned into sadness
Such excruciatingly painful sadness
That special little place in my heart
Where you lived and always will
Feels somewhat empty
And each day
I feel sad, angry and wounded
I am happy with my life, yes
And I have not needed you for many years
But, after all we went through together
I just wanted to know that you were happy and healthy
And I wanted that place in my heart to glow again
At the sound of your voice
I left you once
This time you left me (although it was in a different way)
I just hope that you were happy and content
When that truck stole you away

 

[someone]

..... Im at a complete loss of words at the moment... Im not sure what to say because that was the most heartfelt thing I have ever read. It's wonderful writing and I really do appreciate you sharing this with us, but I almost feel wrong saying that... for having that happen to you. I wish this wasn't something I was able to read, because that would mean it wouldnt have happend and you wouldnt have these feelings. Im truly sorry , you touched the hearts of everyone who is to read this especially mine.
your in my prayers
Two more months have passed
My anger has turned into sadness
Such excruciatingly painful sadness
That special little place in my heart
Where you lived and always will
Feels somewhat empty
And each day
I feel sad, angry and wounded

Two more months have passed
My anger has turned into sadness
Such excruciatingly painful sadness
That special little place in my heart
Where you lived and always will
Feels somewhat empty
And each day
I feel sad, angry and wounded

 

[titania]

Wow Sweetie, that is beautiful!
I'm so sorry for the pain you've been through...
i hope that getting it off your chest and time, will make it easier to deal with...
mail me if you want!
love and hugs!

 

[clue_liss]

Thanks to both of you for taking time to read it!
I am really suprised anybody took the time to read the poem because it is EXTREMELY long!
I haven't written a poem in ages and I feel so much better getting it all off my chest - becaue it's all about stuff which plagues me.. but I would never speak about - because I wouldn't want to make people around me sad or want to trouble them with things which will just make them feel helpless... because nothing can be done to take the hurt away.
*hugs*
Thanks again for reading it..

 

[mashead testing]

Wow, thats amazing and people will read it all the way through because its so good.