Unsure of what to do (involves an old friend)

[kronedog]

So I guess I'll just get right to it, I'm falling for an old friend and fast! She's just a couple years younger than me (I'm 22) and within the past four weeks we've been seeing each other for the first time in about 4 years.

We used to have a "thing" years back, and we were really close. We never dated but still talked every day, shared all our secrets with each other and etc... Then the relationship slowly began to disappear when I was sent to rehab when I was 19 for a heroin addiction. We just eventually stopped talking completely to each other. Until now.

Turns out she was mutual friends with some of my buddies so I took the initiative to get in contact with her again, get her number, then see each other. Well, we've been doing that now what seems like every night. We always end up going to one of my other buddies places, get high, drink and have a good time but this is as far as it's come to for now. I just have no idea what to do next before I get stuck in the dreaded "friend zone" because that's honestly not what I'm looking for.

As for two of us, we get along great, the conversation never seems to die, we make a lot of eye contact, and I noticed that she pays attention to what I'm doing more so than everyone else when we chill. I don't know, maybe I'm going about it all wrong, I just really like this girl and it's gnawing at me constantly everyday now and every time I see her I feel like I fall harder. I don't want to come across the wrong way when I do make a move. Ugh, advice? I'm terrible when it comes to girls, I'll be honest here.

 

[Black Rabbit of Inle]

First things first, forget about the 'friend-zone'. The idea of it comes from guys who aren't comfortable enough to make the next move/let the girl know their feelings, or those who have been flat out rejected and can't take it.

When you were close in the past, did you talk openly about your feelings, did she know how you felt? I can see why she'd pull away during your rehab times, but it seems like she's willing to overlook that period now (are you still sober?) which is a good sign.

The next logical step would be to talk to her one-on-one about your feelings and see what she has to say, however, be prepared to receive bad news as well as good, you don't want to get sulky if told that she doesn't want a relationship and ruin your friendship.

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

Go for it bud! Ask her out on a date. Take her out someplace nice and fancy, tell her to dress up, and seal it with a kiss! I wouldn't suggest getting flowers because if she's not interested it would just be awkward. But don't think about that. The friend zone are for the suckers who didn't have the balls to make a move in the first place.

 

[pofacedhoe]

friend zone is bullshit- she either fancies you or she doesn't

i have lots of friends (straight) who i would definitely get with BECAUSE i like them as friends (though for me i am realistic and know this wont happen as they are not gay)

it sounds like there was love more than friendship ages back because if my friend became a smackhead i would not abandon them but if it was a love interest i would move on quickly as drug addicts make bad boyfriends

GO FOR IT! stop wasting your time waiting about. if it all goes tits up them at least you had the guts to try and you can move on. you have nothing to lose

 

[kronedog]

Well firstly, thanks for the replies, it's much appreciated.

Re-distributed, yes we did used to talk openly about our feelings, she's one of the few people in my life I've been able to do that with. We both knew how each other felt but never had the opportunity to start a relationship back then.

I'm not sober either, I spend the majority of my days smoking weed, drinking at night and dabbling with other stuff every now and then but nothing to the extremes of my use years ago. She smokes and drinks as well so that's something we've been doing lately but no matter how drunk we get, nothings happened which I find weird, but whatever.

But you guys are right, I need to talk to her one on one and just go for it because if I don't this is going to drive me insane. Thanks again!

 

[Pagey]

First things first, forget about the 'friend-zone'. The idea of it comes from guys who aren't comfortable enough to make the next move/let the girl know their feelings, or those who have been flat out rejected and can't take it.

Exactly this. There's no time limit on these things, but if you think the moment is right, go for it! Personally I would ask her out for dinner or something and see how it goes from there, rather than just tell her my emotions directly, but that's up to you. If you guys have always been used to drinking and getting high together, that would probably epxlain why nothing's happened in those situations...since they're an integral part of your friendship. Anyway good luck, let us know how it goes!

 

[kronedog]

Tonights the night, going to tell her how I feel, and hopefully things go smoothly.

It's going to be me, my friend, her and her friend so it will be pretty easy to get her alone

A small side note, I scored a date with another girl today which took literally zero effort on my part. I find it weird because I've been so focused on this other girl yet it feels like I'm climbing a mountain to see any results. Either way, I'm mentally prepared for rejection tonight as much as I hate to say it, I respect her a lot so I'll be able to respect her choice if she feels we're not right together. At least I'll know I tried and that's better for me than never knowing.

 

[DrunkardsDream]

Become friends with her and start dating her.