I've got a question that I figured would be best to post in the most general topic on this board instead of the "Lost the magic" thread.
This is going to be pretty hard for me to kind of put this all down so bear with me. It might be a little scatterbrained.
I'm a 23 year old male who used to take my fair share of MDMA. I think the last time I took it was when I was 21. On that night my buddy and I did something pretty dumb and we ended up taking about 4 pills because the first one didn't help us feel anything, neither did the second, nor the third. That was pretty much when I realized that I wasn't going to take any more MDMA - I felt as though it was a waste of money and was probably wrecking havoc on my brain.
Rewind the clock a little bit more to around when I was 17 and my friends and I were rolling about once a month maybe a little longer maybe a little shorter inbetween trips. It was all fun and dandy till my best friend died and my other best friend attempted suicide multiple times, then I started taking MDMA to try and feel better. I know now this was a terrible idea at the time, but back then I thought I was invincible, nothing could really hurt be and besides I was young, my body would always bounce back right? So I kept doing this, and eventually probably took a total of 100 pills between the age of 17-20.
After I had stopped taking MDMA I felt kind of numb, like emotionally. Things that would normally make me ecstatic like graduating from college, watching my sister graduate from high school, moving out from my parents, landing an amazing career etc, wouldn't really have an effect on my mood and when terrible and horrible things that happened like my grandfather dying from Alzheimers (The disease was depressing enough) or getting broken up with by my girlfriend of 3 years only to see her start dating another guy a couple days later also wouldn't have an effect on my mood. It seemed like I am just stuck on this flat plane of emotions whereas I see my friends and other people around me enjoying the roller-coaster of life.
I guess what I'm really trying to ask is; could this all be because of a permanent alteration in my brain chemistry because of MDMA abuse? Is there anything that can help me with my situation? Would it be worth it to maybe see a therapist or maybe see if I can see a neurologist?
If there are gaps of info that anyone would like clarification on I'd be more than happy to fill those gaps, I just want to know if anyone else has had or known about something suffering from something similar.