unattractive if girl has had more sex partners than you?

[coulage]

slut? if name calling is what you want, may i now suggest bitch? the difference? a slut is someone that will have sex with anyone...a bitch however will have sex with anyone but YOU. well, now anyway.

 

[fizzygirl]

This is all crazy....I too agree that you should keep your insecurities to yourself and get over it. No matter what evolution might have dictated to work in the past, that's not necessarily going to work today. You don't need a self-preservation strategy as we've got std-testing. If all's clear then there's no worrying over that. As far as the ability to impress someone, I truly don't understand how being the second person is so much better than the 10th person. My most admired/beloved sexual experiences were spread out over the span of my activity and I'd hate for the guys not to have realized that.

Aside from all that, my current partner and I made a conscious decision not to share our #'s with each other, although I predict we're probably around the same. I'd recommend this as a solution if you're really bothered by it all.

Archie: I just don't see it necessary to rely upon sex to strengthen the relationship. There are plenty of other ways to do that, and sex just becomes the very fun, very interesting icing on the cake.

 

[Aknum]

slut? if name calling is what you want, may i now suggest bitch? the difference? a slut is someone that will have sex with anyone...a bitch however will have sex with anyone but YOU. well, now anyway.

Thats cool. We've already established i dont want to have sex with sluts

 

[lifeisforliving]

I don't know about that - a lack of self respect isn't always the same as low self esteem. It depends on your view of your body, and sex in general.

I prefer to use sex to strengthen the bond I have with someone, rather than just a means to get off - espcially thinking in terms of my partner is letting me into her body. I think that's a pretty big thing.

If sex is so meaningless, why not just sleep with *all* of your friends. Why bother having a monogomous relationship at all, just all have open relationships.

In fact, why bother even wearing clothes in summer... it's just genitals right? nothing private, everyone will see them anyway? (just pushing things further for the sake of argument).



I've got just as much disdain for men sleeping around as women. Personally, I've had 4 partners (I'm 23) and I don't intend to go past that (fingers crossed). My partner is at the same number as me.

Part of the reason I think it is worse for women, is as I mentioned above, they are letting someone into their body (and quite often letting them leave something there!). That makes it different to begin with, IMHO.

I heard a saying somewhere that men should be proud of the number of partners they have had, as they have to work to get their conquest... whereas all a women has to do is give it up. There's some truth in that statement.

Archie, regarding your post, it is clear that your view of sex is:

- basically an unclean concept.
- morally corrupt.
- especially corrupt if it's the woman getting "cocks" stuck into her and "leaving things".
- every "notch" on the belt is a black mark on their forehead.
- for men, women are a challenge. for women, they just lay down and take it. sheesh.. like EVERY man has "urges" he can't control or something.

You may have come "late" to being a Catholic, but you sure are learning fast!

 

[lifeisforliving]

Thats cool. We've already established i dont want to have sex with sluts

Some "sluts" love telling their insecure, immature boy toy that they've "Only been with 2 men. *giggle* *giggle*"

Well, how do you know that for sure? Unless you're a virgin?

*Aknum starts thinking about this and then runs to the shower shouting "I'm unclean! I'm unclean!"*

 

[Aknum]

Like I said before, I trust my gf. I could go into more detail but I dont want to talk about her personal details on the net.

 

[fizzygirl]

#s have never been enough to truly bother me, but the one thing i will say. The whole "promising not to tell each other" IMO would just raise curiosity. And the imagination can normally take it much much further than reality.

Well, it wasn't like 'omg i promise i won't tell you because you might not like it or we might freak out' or anything. More like we were having conversation early on and it went like 'yeah, numbers really don't tell you much about a person's relationships with people' and 'it really doesn't matter to me what was done in the past' and then 'there's no point in us sharing details like that really'. We just kind of came to an agreement, although we have each talked about minor details or have shared enough stories of crazy experiences to know we're each fairly experienced with things. Beyond that I just honestly don't care one way or the other, and it seems as if he's the same way. That first conversation I actually offered the information up and he said he didn't really need to know something like that, so I went along with that.

I think it'd be cool to come up with some other mathematical representation of these kinds of numbers that expressed how things were spaced our or under what circumstances things happened. Some sort of standard deviation of sex With me things warmed up slowly, then I had a crazy record-setting year, then eventually next to nothing in a whole year (included within 3 years of being single) and then back to a very sex-filled relationship, albeit with 1 person. The whole picture is quite different than if I just were to spit out a number.

 

[Dino_as]

I'm sorry to say this but I find a girl that loves sex for it's own sake repulsive and it relates to a past relationship. We lived an hours drive away and basically most of the time we spent together was sex. After doing this for some time I felt an emptiness. I felt like I was being used for sex. It was like I was someones sex object that they got off on. When the sex went dowhill the relationship ended soon after. There's something about it that's unresolved.

It's like they love the act - not me.

Anyway. Another tired rant.

 

[fairnymph]

^^^
That's unfortunate that you had that experience, but it's foolish to generalize based on that. Using someone is not related to liking sex; it's a separate and ugly personality trait. Don't confuse the two.

I recall one of my favourite quotes ever "A slut is anyone who's having more sex than you.' (paraphrased)

Really, it all comes down to jealousy and insecurity. And it's silly.

Especially when so many of these 'omg my girl must be a virgin or have had like 1 partner' guys grow up and marry the chaste girlies and then they don't have sex enough and the guys become unhappy, or else the women decide they want to have more fun that just their husband and leave them, or cheat on them.

 

[DG]

My guy and I have the same number of past partners...the difference is that he early 30s and I am mid 20s.

 

[Johnny1]

I will bet there is a direct correlation between the size of a man's penis and how secure he is about the number of partners his woman has had before him.

And/or, between how confident he is about being able to satisfy a woman sexually and how secure he is about her #.

 

[Walk the Path]

It would bother me if I hadn't had other people because I would feel they had a one up on me I think. But, I figure, "yeah she's had other penis's in her, I've had other vaginas, so what."

It's feeling like your just one in a long line if you don't have other people to reference, even if the other person has more, as long as I have some, i am fine and since i am fine, its all good.

 

[archie]

Archie, regarding your post, it is clear that your view of sex is:

- basically an unclean concept.
- morally corrupt.
- especially corrupt if it's the woman getting "cocks" stuck into her and "leaving things".
- every "notch" on the belt is a black mark on their forehead.
- for men, women are a challenge. for women, they just lay down and take it. sheesh.. like EVERY man has "urges" he can't control or something.

You may have come "late" to being a Catholic, but you sure are learning fast!

Whereas you consider sex just to be pointless fun, have no respect for your body, and will no doubt just go though many meaningless relationships and if you do marry - no doubt end up divorcing.

Now, to address some of your points
- For centuries it has been a case of men pursuing women - men having to work hard to "win" his bride/girlfriend, whereas women were brought up not to let every man have his way with her.

Now, this has suddenly been turned on it's head. If women are suddenly allowing them selves to sleep with more people - and mens behavior hasn't changed - what is the result?

Well, a whole lot more pointless sex for one. A rise in the rate of STDS. More unwanted pregnancy. The breakdown of the traditional "family culture".

I never said men can't control their urges. If they couldn't, rape statistics would be a hell of a lot higher.

- my view is corrupt because I use the word "cock"?

- Regardless of your post, sex IS more invasive for women. This is a fact.

- Contempt? you have just as much contempt for those of us that don't think the world should be one big orgy.

Really, it depends on what your wants are. I'm not thinking of just some heat of the moment fun (as you are), I'm thinking long term. I'm thinking in terms of rasing a family. That makes it quite a different ball game.

 

[fairnymph]

Where did lifeisforliving say sex was just for pointless fun? Or that he doesn't respect his body? Please dont put words in other people's mouths.

Regardless of your post, sex IS more invasive for women. This is a fact.

But penetration isn't inherently negative. Invasive isn't necessarily 'bad'. It only is if you graph your own PERSONAL moral issues onto it.

 

[archie]

Of course they are PERSONAL issues, everyones view posted in the forum is PERSONAL. I'm not forcing anyone to agree with me or do as I say.

I don't think penetration is a negative thing.

 

[Strawberry_lovemuffin]

But penetration isn't inherently negative. Invasive isn't necessarily 'bad'.

If it were, where does that leave inserting tampons?


But on a serious note, I don't see how past promiscurity relates to a woman's ability to raise a family? Also sex for fun isn't 'pointless', anymore than riding dirt bikes, or playing guitar, or posting on bluelight(well, maybe that last one is ).

I think fairnymph and others are just pointing out that it's all a moral judgement and not necessarily a fact, that casual sex is inherently bad and reflects poorly on the character of those who enjoy it. (which, you acknowlege - just read your last post)

 

[archie]

If you break sex down to nothing bit a "fun" activity, where do you stop? you can break down ALL rules in society - and eventually turn us into a bunch of uncivilised savages.

 

[lifeisforliving]

Whereas you consider sex just to be pointless fun, have no respect for your body, and will no doubt just go though many meaningless relationships and if you do marry - no doubt end up divorcing.

Sex is a wonderful experience that we should all respect. Just as we do relationships, drugs, other powerful things in the world. None of that has to do with the # of sexual partners a person has had in a lifetime.

Now, to address some of your points
- For centuries it has been a case of men pursuing women - men having to work hard to "win" his bride/girlfriend, whereas women were brought up not to let every man have his way with her.

Even more now it seems that your view of males and females is fundamentally based on an unequal footing. How religous of you.

Now, this has suddenly been turned on it's head. If women are suddenly allowing them selves to sleep with more people - and mens behavior hasn't changed - what is the result?

Well, a whole lot more pointless sex for one. A rise in the rate of STDS. More unwanted pregnancy. The breakdown of the traditional "family culture".

Oh yeah, everything was PERFECT in 1950, no unwanted pregnancies there!

Wow! Better not do any drugs then either - just pointless life experiences!

- my view is corrupt because I use the word "cock"?

- Regardless of your post, sex IS more invasive for women. This is a fact.

So I guess you never went down on your wife then eh?

- Contempt? you have just as much contempt for those of us that don't think the world should be one big orgy.

Where did I say that?

Really, it depends on what your wants are.

Agreed.

I'm not thinking of just some heat of the moment fun (as you are), I'm thinking long term. I'm thinking in terms of rasing a family. That makes it quite a different ball game.

8( I have a fucking family you idiot. And I have a daughter, and I hope that my daughter will have good experiences with sex and that she will have more than 5 partners in her life.

Sex has never been (outside of a relationship) a heat of the moment fun thing.. just never happened for me... but I've had many short/medium term relationships.

 

[swifty]

I will bet there is a direct correlation between the size of a man's penis and how secure he is about the number of partners his woman has had before him.

I've been following this thread and they were my senitments exactly.

 

[coulage]

ive slept with 14 people, 2 of those were in a relationship. ie 12 fling things, including some with partners. some may think thats a lot for a 20 year old, or wrong, but i dont regret a single one, i didnt compromise my values or self respect, made concious decisions, and definately dont feel like a slut. i admit i havent read the entire thread, but if this would make me slut like, i would chuckle and leave it be. i dont think the number of partners you have determines your slut status, but rather the mind set you had when u opened your legs and your reasons. if you depend on sex for emotional 'stability' and take whatever u can scrape up, id say slut. good fun if theres still quality control, not feeling cheap and empty after as communication was always good and you knew where each other stood. i just happen to have met quite a few people that had good chemistry with me