Would it be fair to say that the people in bluelight are sexually liberal. I think it would, and as a result most people here are going to share the view that the number of people you have slept with has no relevance. I have no intention to change anyones mind on this, as on most levels i believe this to be true myself, I only feel different when it actually comes to a girl I have been with.
What I will try and do though is show you that this is a common feeling, always has been, and probably always will be. For the most part I will assume that the parts of our society that deal with this issue have been put forward by men, so can we not get into any feminist arguements just yet.
To start, there is the word slut, and not to forget the many like it. There is no male equivelant. The purpose of the word is to put down a girl who has been sexually promiscuous, effectively one word to express the dislike of this type of behavior. I believe this word was created by men who share the view that they prefere women who have had few/no previous sexual partners. It does work, call almost any girl a slut and she will be offended, mostly because she knows that this is a view society does not find readily acceptable.
There are a good number of cases around the world where societies as a whole take this notion to the extreme, further showing that this frame of mind is common throughout the world. If you follow this url http://www.un-instraw.org/revista/hypermail/alltickers/en/0188.html You will find one example of documentation about honour killing, a sadly widespread occurance in some islamic societies where girls are killed but family members because their actions have effected the family honour so much. http://www.webster.edu/~woolflm/virginitytest.html Shows another unfortunate outcome of this widespread emotion. The above link details three countries that perform virginity testing.
Lets be clear, I do not approve of either measure, far from it. I am merely trying to show that millions of people around the world feel uneasy about girls sleeping with multiple people. This line of thought is found thoughout both the christian and islamic religions, and several other religions. To be honest little annoys me more than someone who tries to preach to me about their religion yet is too much of a hypocrite to follow it themself, but thats besides the point. The majority of people who do follow these religion do hold this value with atleast some respect even if it isnt followed to the line.
My personal view however as an aetheist is that religion is merely constructed by people in search of answers with no better alternative. As this line of thought was constructed it was made in a way which places laws and restrictions on people which fell in line with the values of the people creating it again pointing to the fact that other people have this emotion.
As hard as it is to explain why people feel this way I have one theory. First read this site http://www.penissizedebate.com/page11_gorilla-chimpanzee.htm which is one of many indicating we have evolved physically to defend against female promiscuity. I would suggest that we have also evolved emotionally to defend against it. Sure there will be people who dont get this emotion but i would expect them to be a minority given how widespread evidence of it is throughout society. You have to go back to our primary role from an evolutionary viewpoint, and that is to breed. A male can have sex with many girls in a lifetime but very few can he stay with and protect through the entire raising of a child, therefore it is clearly in his best interest to stick with a mate which is going to be faithful and ensure the best chance that the child he is protecting is his and his efforts are not in vain.
So with this much evidence of societies around the world, and my evolutionary arguement, i would hope this gives some kind of answer to Wolterp. I would say dont stress, in relationships where it has been an issue to me, I have been able to push through it, although now im more likely to try and find this information out before i get too involved. Its unlikely you will grow out of the feeling but it does help if you get tour own tally up despite how hypocrtical it is. Ignore people that tell you it has something to do with your self esteem as there are far better judgements of your self esteem than disliking how many partners your girl has had.
I will ask one thing of kandyraverchick though. Can you please pose the following question to your friends. "There are 3 triplets, each one is extremely hot and has an equally attractive personality, being so similar they all want you and make this clear, you have five minutes to decide before they all give up and only have the following information, one is a virgin but eager to learn, one has slept with 4 people and has good skills in the sack, the third has slept with half the state (excluding people you know) and has equally developed skills." I think you will find very few of your male friends would have a hard time ruling out the third one and almost all of them would pick number 2. Now if they can give you an answer to that question then there is no way that you can say they do not take it into consideration. fastandbulbous what would you choose?
What I will try and do though is show you that this is a common feeling, always has been, and probably always will be. For the most part I will assume that the parts of our society that deal with this issue have been put forward by men, so can we not get into any feminist arguements just yet.
To start, there is the word slut, and not to forget the many like it. There is no male equivelant. The purpose of the word is to put down a girl who has been sexually promiscuous, effectively one word to express the dislike of this type of behavior. I believe this word was created by men who share the view that they prefere women who have had few/no previous sexual partners. It does work, call almost any girl a slut and she will be offended, mostly because she knows that this is a view society does not find readily acceptable.
There are a good number of cases around the world where societies as a whole take this notion to the extreme, further showing that this frame of mind is common throughout the world. If you follow this url http://www.un-instraw.org/revista/hypermail/alltickers/en/0188.html You will find one example of documentation about honour killing, a sadly widespread occurance in some islamic societies where girls are killed but family members because their actions have effected the family honour so much. http://www.webster.edu/~woolflm/virginitytest.html Shows another unfortunate outcome of this widespread emotion. The above link details three countries that perform virginity testing.
Lets be clear, I do not approve of either measure, far from it. I am merely trying to show that millions of people around the world feel uneasy about girls sleeping with multiple people. This line of thought is found thoughout both the christian and islamic religions, and several other religions. To be honest little annoys me more than someone who tries to preach to me about their religion yet is too much of a hypocrite to follow it themself, but thats besides the point. The majority of people who do follow these religion do hold this value with atleast some respect even if it isnt followed to the line.
My personal view however as an aetheist is that religion is merely constructed by people in search of answers with no better alternative. As this line of thought was constructed it was made in a way which places laws and restrictions on people which fell in line with the values of the people creating it again pointing to the fact that other people have this emotion.
As hard as it is to explain why people feel this way I have one theory. First read this site http://www.penissizedebate.com/page11_gorilla-chimpanzee.htm which is one of many indicating we have evolved physically to defend against female promiscuity. I would suggest that we have also evolved emotionally to defend against it. Sure there will be people who dont get this emotion but i would expect them to be a minority given how widespread evidence of it is throughout society. You have to go back to our primary role from an evolutionary viewpoint, and that is to breed. A male can have sex with many girls in a lifetime but very few can he stay with and protect through the entire raising of a child, therefore it is clearly in his best interest to stick with a mate which is going to be faithful and ensure the best chance that the child he is protecting is his and his efforts are not in vain.
So with this much evidence of societies around the world, and my evolutionary arguement, i would hope this gives some kind of answer to Wolterp. I would say dont stress, in relationships where it has been an issue to me, I have been able to push through it, although now im more likely to try and find this information out before i get too involved. Its unlikely you will grow out of the feeling but it does help if you get tour own tally up despite how hypocrtical it is. Ignore people that tell you it has something to do with your self esteem as there are far better judgements of your self esteem than disliking how many partners your girl has had.
I will ask one thing of kandyraverchick though. Can you please pose the following question to your friends. "There are 3 triplets, each one is extremely hot and has an equally attractive personality, being so similar they all want you and make this clear, you have five minutes to decide before they all give up and only have the following information, one is a virgin but eager to learn, one has slept with 4 people and has good skills in the sack, the third has slept with half the state (excluding people you know) and has equally developed skills." I think you will find very few of your male friends would have a hard time ruling out the third one and almost all of them would pick number 2. Now if they can give you an answer to that question then there is no way that you can say they do not take it into consideration. fastandbulbous what would you choose?
