two poems

[bluegirl]

Simple Matter of Physics
There’s knowledge inherent in your hands
As they course through
These blue ribbons inside me
I know you know what you’re doing
You’ve been here before
Pain stains more than blood you know
Those scars you double cross
Were made by taking something out
Not putting anything in
It’s a simple matter of physics really,
How can you take away something
That was never there to begin with?
*Untitled* - working title "Addict"
Picture her smiling,
She is the honey
That clogs in your brain
And makes sweet
The viscous need
That itches your veins
Picture her slowly,
Breathing in the cold night air
And spires of dragon smoke
That lift from her nostrils
Twin jets of razored stars
Licking the sky with flames
Picture her silent,
An innocent bystander
Trapped in a moment
Of broken promises
As you plunge heart first
Through the looking-glass
----------------------------
the second poem is untitled coz i didn't want to influence the reader too much. i have some friends who like their meth a little too much for my liking.....
bk

 

[spinkle]

I like both pieces a lot...but I'm not too fond of the last line of the second piece. Your word choice is pretty good overall, so "through the looking-glass" comes across as being somewhat trite.
Nicely done I'd like to read more of your stuff.

 

[Siany]

I love the 2nd piece!

 

[bluegirl]

cool, that you both very much.
spinkle, i guess with the last line of the second poem i was kinda referring to two things, a) the mirror that people often use when railing drugs (if you look at the different stanzas, the first refers more to shooting up drugs, the second to smoking, and the third to railing), and b) alice through the looking-glass, the idea that drugs can take people to "different", confusing places that might seem to trap them there.
thanks for the input, i'm having another look at it to see what might work........
bk

 

[Super Anana]

These are beautiful. So very beautiful. You've a way I wish I had.

 

[Taliana]

Nice work sweetie!
I liked the first poem a lot... it can be read in a few different ways and in different contexts so it made me think. Which is good!
Keep writing lil' one!

 

[Sara Tonin]

Very nice