tue 4/26

i surprised myself by crying so fast after starting this. i think i've ruined a possible relationship but, she couldn't put me but about 4th or 5th in line for her attention. When we moved, we'd have been pretty much first to each other. Equally. We could've depended on each other and that was gonna be good enough for me. This woman has too many others depending on her. I don't know how i'm gonna put it to her. i don't think she wants anymore with me, anyway.
A good friend of yours told me on facebook that you were one of a kind. I knew that, because it's going to take a one of a kind woman to accept me. I lied to this woman about how i lost but have been straight forward since. Although your kids come first, you had the right attitude about letting them go after hs grad. I promised you quite a bit about being beside you not in front or behind. i've stopped bereavement because we're going nowhere. uncovered some old crap though. i've already hashed that out. don't really need it out again right now.
your encouragement concerning a needle exchange made me want it bad. I may go to Colorado to do it. I hate harsh winters though. it is what i'd like to do.
ya know, we only talked for like 3 weeks. if the love of your life hasn't got you, i'd like to try. =)