I get what you're saying >Soprietysucks> completely. Plus the combination of the medications I'm on: Mirtazapine, Methadone and Diazepam (only prescribed 8mg of Diazepam but I do top-up REGULARLY with the Xanax and other benzo's which, I know, is a recipe for endless 'duvet days', and unmotivated monging out, forgetting where I've left things... especially if I'm looking for my Xanax which is really annoying! But I'm really struggling right now to find any purpose or motivation at the moment. These side effects are improving... slowly, after time but only mildly...
I am being honest but of course I like the feeling of the extra benzo's (I'm an addict and will take or try anything to stop any physical and mental pain). They do help my depression but only in the SHORT-TERM and I know it's gonna make it a hell of a lot worse in the long-term and they're gonna kick my ass.
I guess the most important thing for me right now is that I am having safe, regular and productive days, where I don't self-neglect or start using illicit drugs. I have made a lot of progress but I have been a bit devious :s with the use of my Benzodiazepines tat my drug clinic. I've said I've been abstinent from all drugs and all my urine screens are clean...
I'm prescribed Methadone and Diazepam, so they expect them to be in my urine screen! The screen shows if I have used Opiates, Cocaine, Buprenorphine, Amphetamines (which are always negative) and Methadone and Benzodiazepines. My urine screens test positive for my prescribed Methadone and Benzodiazipines.... But there is a lot more than just diazepam in my benzo screen urine.
My benzo use is starting to get a bit out-of-hand and I don't know if I should fess up about my benzo use to my drug workers but that will have further implications e.g I will have to be on daily supervised pick-up for my Methadone and Diazepam, which is a massive pain!
Any advice guys as to what you think I should do... I could start tapering down my benzo dose but SWIM has heaps of them left and I don't trust my addictive personality and mental health right now but I'm worried about coming clean to my drug service in case they start reducing my Methadone dosage which I'm not in a great place mentally to start an opiate detox right now... especially Methadone!
Any hep or advice much appreciated,
Best wishes!
- elviswearsnikes