Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

[Daystar]

So, thanks for dropping by and reading. Your thoughts and advice are greatly appreciated.

I recently had a bad experience while traveling on a plane and it really freaked me out being 30k ft up with no doctor, 2 hours to go and nothing that could be done. I have been using for 3 years or so almost daily, my tolerance is anywhere between 300 to 700mg of Oxy. I do have some Subs to help me with the initial WD but have no intentions on taking it for any extended period of time as I don't want to get addicted to that also. This weekend I tried to go cold turkey w just 2mg of sub each day and I ended up failing on the 2nd day and the day after that. My issue is I have a lot of "stock" on hand that I now know I need to toss or give to a friend to hold on to. I have been experiencing minor panic attacks recently while on Oxy or when I am smoking pot. It's to the point where I do not like it one bit. It is scaring me. I have never had panic attacks while sober or on something, ever. That said it is adding to my want and need to quit as it is no longer enjoyable. I have realized that this drug is controlling my life and when I tried to stop and I couldn't even make it two days without stopping. It really hit me hard at that point that I can no longer trust myself and am no longer in control. I have broke down crying a couple times now. Its so strange to have feelings again. Realizing everyone is different I am very afraid of how this has changed my brain chemistry and how it is going to affect me down the line. Historically when I would intentionally WD I found that I could not sleep and when I did it was for like 1 - 3 hours per night. I feel like I am mildly depressed already and am concerned as to what the PAWS symptoms may bring.

My questions for you I guess are
1) With as high a dose as I have been taking would it be smarter or easier to taper down or cold turkey w subs for 2 or 3 days?

2) Those of you whom have successfully quit, how long did the sleeplessness and or depression last and what did you do to combat it?

3) DO I need to cut ties with everyone associated with this stuff no matter what? I have some close friends who are prescribed pain meds for legit reasons and they have gone through this before, they are willing to stay with me for days or weeks at a time to keep an eye on me and make sure I am not using, am mentally stable, ect.

4) I went to a couple NA meetings this weekend and rather enjoyed them, I am an addict however I lived a majority of my life simply smoking herb and drinking, life was good, I was happy and successful in everything I did. Do I really need to remain sober and clean from all drugs in order for this to truly work? I feel as though smoking herb could potentially be helpful in my recovery as I could puff whenever I had a craving. realizing I would be substituting one thing for another I would happily trade herb for ops any day.

5) I have a good group of friends who do not use and are in the know if my battle and are willing to support me in my endeavor. Any tips that made you successful.

Thanks in advance for your comments and support.

 

[herbavore]

I will let others answer #1 and 2 and 5, but as far as #3 goes, it sounds like those friends would be very helpful because of their own experiences. I can understand the need to cut out people from your life that may encourage you to use, but these people don't sound like they fall into that category. In answer to #4 my feeling is that this is individual but I think in the beginning it is useful to cut everything out as it is too murky otherwise and you run the risk of simply substituting one substance for another. You need to learn how to feel and deal with life's ups and downs with a clear brain, otherwise you deny yourself the much needed practice of developing strategies for the hard times, boredom, heartbreak or crises that inevitably will happen to everyone.

You are lucky to have a group of friends like you write about in #5. I am also impressed that you were honest with them so that they know what you are going through. Hiding things from friends means they are not really friends, they are acquaintances. It sounds like you have a good base of support and that, coupled with your drive to change should see you through. You don't need to answer every lifelong question now, just focus on the present and make the changes you need to make one step at a time.

 

[Mehm]

If you are a true addict then you are not unique or alone. If you only drink and smoke you will surely do those things in amounts that have ruined countless lives and it will probably only be a matter of time before you are drunk and a little oxy doesn't sound like such a bad idea. A life of sobriety is unthinkable to people like us, that is why we only stay sober one day at a time. Good luck

 

[nygiants1313]

The saying "one day at a time" applies greatly here

as addicts who are trying to recovering worrying so much about the future, how much we fucked up and how itll effect is in turn makes is wanna use because its a lot to deal with and really we dont know how to naturally deal with fucking anything.

Just at take it day by day and eventually things will improve. Trust it. Try it, commit to it.