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To: Jason ..... Sincerely: Your conscience

BA

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Mar 18, 2001
Messages
20,160
Location
614, OHIO
Hey Jas, this is your own personal conscience writing you.
It seems as if the last hundred times I laid this note on your heart, you ignored it.
Face it boy, you failed. You tried over and over to make that relationship work, but you insisted on ignoring me, and now look where you are. I tried warning you from the very beginning, but you just couldnt see the error in your ways. I guess ignorance truly is bliss..
Remember when you felt a heavy heart for dating a girl who denounced God? That was me whispering to your soul. Remember when she said she absolutely had to have the biggest ring possible? Remember how you *knew* somehow that this wasnt the girl for you? That was me again. Or remember the day you caught her in that lie? You know which one, the lie she told you about not fucking that guy from Zanesville? Think back to how you felt that day.....that was me punching you in the gut trying to bring you to your senses.
You're just going to have to let go, and realize that you put all your worth and sake into that relationship for nothing. Even though I warned you not to give your heart away so fast in the beginning, you did it anyways. Hurts doesn't it?
Dont hate her, Jay. Hate the fact that you allowed these things to happen. Hate the fact that you let her push you around and manipulate your feelings so easily. You bought right into her guilt trips, her deceiving, and her unwavering thrist to control you, and you came back for more, all because you didnt listen to me. You and only you let things get this way, I told you to stand up for yourself and be the person you are! Don ever let another girl come between you and your friends again, okay? You cant imagine the abuse you've put me through over the last 17 months..
You cant be so quick to settle for second best, or be content with the first girl that comes along, buddy! You have got to lift your head high, and realize that she is more of a burden that a girlfriend now. Pick yourself up, raise your chin high, and embrace change as it comes along. Learn to live and love again, and listen to me when I tell you there is someone better for you out there!
There IS light at the end of this dark tunnel! I can see it, can you? Know that if you ever need me, I am always here. You need only look deep within yourself to find me, and I promise you boy, I will never lead you astray.
 
this is beautiful!
I am happy that your concience is saying such brilliant things to you. LISTEN TO IT!
There is someone that will help you see things in a whole new way, be patient, you'll find her when you are both ready :)
 
I hope everything works out for you and sounds like your inner strength is ready to take over and do what it should have done a while back.
I can only imagine how hard it is for you right now, but it will get better and it probably already has.
You don't realize how much you love yourself, your friends, and you pride until it gets taken away. It also sucks, because although that is not what is being set out to do, it always somehow sneaks up on you...
Good luck to you and stay strong. I liked your words. :)
 
"Don't ever let another girl come between you and your friends again, okay? You cant imagine the abuse you've put me through over the last 17 months.."
You have a good head on your shoulders and a good heart. I knew you'd find your way eventually. You deserve the best. You always have. Those who love you have always thought so. I'm glad to see you do now too.
THISis the old Jason I know, abeit a wiser and more mature man. Unfortunately you have to go through shit like this to learn and grow so that you can do it "right" the next time. I hope the "next time" comes soon for you and you find the "right one" soon. As said before, you deserve it.
Much love Always! ;)
 
What you call listening to your conscience i call listening to my soul. I have been there myself and i can tell you that from the experience you're a much wiser person.
I believe in soulmates. I know that next time through prayer and faith you will be led to yours.I would'nt say that to anyone BA, but i know your a very special person and that someone special and with a like heart is out there for you. Just keep the faith.
 
jas...
i'm glad that you were able to get some of this off your chest. holding stuff like this in only hurts more in the end, no matter how much of a "tough guy" you think you are. i know what you're going through right now b/c i've been there several times, but i've also been on the opposite side of the fence... and i think the worst part of this whole thing is that she is totally in the dark about how you feel. even if you're just staying together for reasons of convenience, there is going to be this unbelievable hurt somewhere in the future... i know it all too well. i dont know how many times i said to my ex "if only i would have figured it out sooner." sooner was like, a year sooner than the actual breakup. and the more drawn out it became, the more holding on we did, and the more we tried to "make it work" the further we pushes ourselves from each other. i told myself i would never let myself make that mistake again. trust intuitions. they usually turn out to be right.
but i feel bad for you too b/c you're more or less stuck with someone who has hurt you and who you no longer feel the same about, and you have this sadness in you that is so noticeable, and i dont think anything i could say could fix that for you. what i do know from the short time we spent together is that you are so full of life, and so ready to give some girl some of the best moments ever, and i hope that when you find her, she's everything you ever wanted. remember... good things come to those who wait! and if there's one thing i've learned its not to go looking for love... it will just find you when the time is right.
So, until then... whenever you need to get away, just get in Marvin, blast "Damn Cold Night" and smile... :)
(and i bet you're smiling right now)
 
Thank you everybody, you all are truly an inspiration!
It's odd, how just putting words to text lifts some of the funk I've been in lately..
Thank you again!
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Chrissy
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Dixie Chicks it is!
 
Pick yourself up, raise your chin high, and embrace change as it comes along. Learn to live and love again, and listen to me
You've certainly got the right idea hun. Your situation is unfortunate and I hope that time flies like it never has for you.
Keep in there. <<HUG>>
Cass
 
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