SinfulbyNature
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2026
- Messages
- 501
I just want to want something that I can actually have. Just having something that I really wanted would be so amazing. I guess my perspectives are a little skewed. I am begining to feel hope again finally tho. I see people building their own house it’s just baffling to me considering how they must feel. I can’t imagine getting to create the environment you’re gonna be living in. I can’t imagine having a husband that actually enjoyed seeing me happy instead of getting mad. I’ve gave huge chuncks of my life to the shittiest men. Everyone of them are now in prison. That’s not something I’m proud of. I hate that it took half of my life to teach me this lesson lol. I never got to look at my life as something that I could make. I never got to decide and really choose anything. I didn’t even know what I wanted. Everyone I slept with got me pregnant except one. I was just trying to make each relationship work so my child would have a family. Now I know what I want but I’ll never find it at my age. I wanna make someone happy. I wanna be someone’s everything. I wanna be someone’s biggest fan. I wanna to really take tho vows seriously. I wanna make my own vows to someone and commit to forever with them. But I want the same in return. I’m so done with projects. It can’t be based on feelings cause feelings are fleeting. I want someone that I can be mad and not be able to stand sometimes but still have no doubt that they are my person and vice vs. But these are goals people start out with in their 20’s. I feel like I’m just starting but now it’s already over. So I’ve just prepared myself to be ok being a alone. I’m just gonna work on myself and focus on being the rock that my children need. I’m gonna make a home that can be their place that they can always come home to. I’m gonna work on my faith and become who God created me to be. And about my addiction I’m ok with taking one suboxone a day for the rest of my life. I’ve just gotta snap out of survival mode and start living again.
The brain’s reward system is also what reinforces survival relevant behavior.
It involves the same mechanics of the brain involved with addiction. Dopamine isnt just a pleasure juice. It’s also a prediction and motivation signal. It whispers “this matters so come here”. It’s what drives the reward system in your brain that enforces the actions involved with your behavior’s. But the reward system does not force behavior. It biases motivation. This allows us to make choices, develop morally and form habits
But drugs can hijack this system by disrupting your dopamine baseline. So this means that a system designed for attachment and meaning can also be exploited by chemicals, power dynamics and shame regulation and social exclusion. So I’ve been thinking…since we are relational beings then a relational nervous system is coherent with that design. From a theological perspective this doesn’t reflect a flawed design but a very vulnerable one.
Humans are created with infinite desire because they are oriented toward infinite fulfillment. In Confessions St Augustine wrote that the human heart is restless until it rests in God. Neurobiologically the reward system keeps seeking. It updates your expectations. But it does not allow permanent satiation. This perpetual seeking could reflect a design toward transcendence or just simply an adaptive survival circuitry or maybe even both. It depends on your worldview. I believe in God. So imo the reward system exists so humans can move toward what gives life…biologically and spiritually. It is not a trap. It is a guidance system.
So since heaven is the final state of redeemed humanity then Im thinking maybe this implies that we will finally have a perfected reward system. I don’t mean anesthesia. I mean no distortion…no compulsion….no misdirected attachment….no scarcity anxiety. It would be like the intellect finally seeing the ultimate truth. The will finally at rest in ultimate good. Desire is fulfilled without annihilation. I’m not saying the reward system would be hyperstimulated. I’m saying it would be fully satisfied. With no craving loop….no dopamine deficit state…..no compulsive seeking. The seeking system would finally reach its telos. For the rest of eternity. In heaven we are gonna finally find our fix that last forever and we will never develop any tolerance.
I’m being speculative of course but I still can’t help but imagine how great that would be.
He’s gonna return what the locust have taken
The brain’s reward system is also what reinforces survival relevant behavior.
It involves the same mechanics of the brain involved with addiction. Dopamine isnt just a pleasure juice. It’s also a prediction and motivation signal. It whispers “this matters so come here”. It’s what drives the reward system in your brain that enforces the actions involved with your behavior’s. But the reward system does not force behavior. It biases motivation. This allows us to make choices, develop morally and form habits
But drugs can hijack this system by disrupting your dopamine baseline. So this means that a system designed for attachment and meaning can also be exploited by chemicals, power dynamics and shame regulation and social exclusion. So I’ve been thinking…since we are relational beings then a relational nervous system is coherent with that design. From a theological perspective this doesn’t reflect a flawed design but a very vulnerable one.
Humans are created with infinite desire because they are oriented toward infinite fulfillment. In Confessions St Augustine wrote that the human heart is restless until it rests in God. Neurobiologically the reward system keeps seeking. It updates your expectations. But it does not allow permanent satiation. This perpetual seeking could reflect a design toward transcendence or just simply an adaptive survival circuitry or maybe even both. It depends on your worldview. I believe in God. So imo the reward system exists so humans can move toward what gives life…biologically and spiritually. It is not a trap. It is a guidance system.
So since heaven is the final state of redeemed humanity then Im thinking maybe this implies that we will finally have a perfected reward system. I don’t mean anesthesia. I mean no distortion…no compulsion….no misdirected attachment….no scarcity anxiety. It would be like the intellect finally seeing the ultimate truth. The will finally at rest in ultimate good. Desire is fulfilled without annihilation. I’m not saying the reward system would be hyperstimulated. I’m saying it would be fully satisfied. With no craving loop….no dopamine deficit state…..no compulsive seeking. The seeking system would finally reach its telos. For the rest of eternity. In heaven we are gonna finally find our fix that last forever and we will never develop any tolerance.
I’m being speculative of course but I still can’t help but imagine how great that would be.
He’s gonna return what the locust have taken
