to anyone, to you

[Mellabopper]

i sit, afraid to share
knowing that you might read it
or maybe even just hoping that you do
knowing you will
its all the same
so confused yet so perfect
everything just suddenly fits into place
i cannot describe how you make me feel
at your calls my heart jumps
i have never met anyone like you
in my whole lifetime
i must apologize though
for the fact that i am on my defenses
so many times in the past
things have started much similar to this
emotions toyed with in hope it would work out
but more often than not i am shattered
left in an empty chaos with nowhere to go
no one to turn to
and every time i add one layer of armor
i do not want to feel like i have in the past
so i apologize for the fact that i am scared
i dont want things to turn out for the worse
because this is something i have wanted for so long
and never did i actually think i would have a chance
not with you
so i close my eyes and my mind rushes back to that night
where our lips first met
words cannot describe it
how it was to finally kiss you
and i melted in your arms
but still my past haunts me
and i remain afraid
knowing now that things will never be the same, no matter how things turn out
and possibly that is what scares me the most
because you...
how do i say this
you make me want to be better
you make me want to not let you down
and i'm afraid i will
i'm afraid that i wont be everything you want me to be
and i know it shouldnt matter
but you i do not want to disappoint
i've never met anyone like you before
was it fate?
if we were both cast into another place
would we have found each other regardless?
or am i just a dreamer
am i thinking too deeply here
about what i have felt, what i feel
am i taking this too serious
is it something?
what if its nothing?
i'll admit i'm scared
i dont want to lose you
i dont want to get too attached
i dont know anything anymore
i'm in such a confusion
my feelings are taking over
and my mind has left
a million thoughts rush through me
each one bringin a new fear
a new hope
so into the unknown i cast my heart
please use it well
for it has gone through hard times
and it is very delicate still
one more blow to it might break it forever
but i trust you
and i hope you will do what is right

 

[Zennie]

Mels,
i think you just kind of reached into my mind

Zen

 

[tm1nor]

i like a lot !!!!

------------------
muchlove, tm1nor (aka kathy)
ck out my site:http://www.tm1nor.com

 

[Crystalized]

I can relate to every single damn line. This is exactly how I feel right now with my boyfriend, a lot of confusion.
------------------
I don't know where we're going, but we're going somewhere.

 

[pHalaNGes]

Like the people who have already replied have said...you've basically put into words the very thoughts rushing whirlwindishly (i think i just made up a word! teehee) through my head at present...
thanks for sharing...i hope the relationship you've found now that makes you feel so lush whisks your fears away and remains as something truely spesh!

 

[poezante]

can relate very well to this..

 

[bc]

such is the risk we take
when love comes calling.
in the end i think the addage is always true
tis better to have loved and lost
than to never have loved at all
whether it becomes fleeting passion
or a life filled with magical memories
these and everything in between are greater
than emptiness
loneliness
locked up behind the defenses
which seek to protect you
from both pain
and love
as both always seem to go hand in hand

bc
------------------
bc-
**Proud to be an Official member of the Stuck-Up/8-Up Crew**
"Fuck PLUR! it's all about hardcore ass fucking!!"
We'll make great pets...

 

[Mellabopper]

how do i respond to such sweet words?
there are so many things i'd like to say
none of which i can articulate
words, feelings, passions move through me endlessly
and all i can do is stop and hope to grasp a few
i do believe you are correct
in saying that 'tis better to loved and lost
than to never have loved at all
for each time we are broken down
we grow a little stronger
and while the pain of the past lingers
slowly, yet quickly
it seems
to be
fleeting

Mella
------------------
~*~*~ meat is no treat for those you eat ~*~*~
animals are for petting!

 

[bc]

i do beleive the pain of the past in fact
lingers far longer than that of love...
tis a sad but true appraisal of the things we hold onto,
and the things we let go of
perhaps to soon, perhaps too long
never the less the sweetness of love,
innocence of surrender to passion
to pleasure
to throw all caution to the wind
even in that most fleeting moment
so hard to attain
so hard to hold onto
pain becomes a distant memory
heartbreak a thing of forgotten dreams
and to live,
even just for moments
without even thought of pain
of hurt
guard let down completely
wholly
at the mercy and whim of love
is the truest ecstasy
ever attained
most precious thing
ever experienced
second only to the presence
of you
in my heart
in my mind
in every memory
thought
action
and even in total absence of everything
the love
the ecstasy
of you remains

 

[Mellabopper]

you win
what else can i say?
i'm yours
thoughts have all left me
i am left with a mind of passion
no words
nothing at all
and that is it
you leave me in shock
in wonder
in love
my mouth opens to speak
but nothing will be made
of the nonsense i barely mutter
i am so very new to this
too new, even
with every new syllable you write
you win me over
you remove my armor
and you gain my trust
you
are a dream
sent to me from heaven
amazing
and you do,
amaze
me
there is no other explination
for the things that have happened recently
all of a sudden i thought i wanted something else
because i had given up hope
to be with you
i never thought this would be possible
so as always, i expect the worst
so i will not be let down
and i know you are the same way
but i dont think i could have been with anyone else
without going back to wanting you
i compare all others to you
and no one else seems to come close
to everything that you are
last night
when you said my name
how good it was to hear it come out of your mouth
your voice
your touch
so gentle
so capable of trust
my trust
that i dont give easily at all
it is more than anything i could have ever imagined
when i think all is finished
you never cease to amaze me
over time everything will come into plain view
until then
i would be happy
just to melt
in your arms
once again
Mellabopper
------------------
~*~*~ meat is no treat for those you eat ~*~*~
animals are for petting!
[This message has been edited by Mellabopper (edited 03 December 2000).]

 

[bc]

nuff said. i don't want to spoil this by overextending such an amazing thing.

bc
------------------
bc-
**Proud to be an Official member of the Stuck-Up/8-Up Crew**
"Fuck PLUR! it's all about hardcore ass fucking!!"
We'll make great pets...