Relapse To all those that warned me that any stim would be bad for me, you were right.

[Juicewrldfan]

I’m back from the dead ya ll. That’s how I feel.

So while I took it prescribed a bit I ended up somehow taking 1000mg yesterday and that’s no cap.

28 20 mg IR Ritalin. Idk how I took that much. I really don’t know how it didn’t hurt me as far as I can see as far as physical damage. Must be all that exercising for so many years gave me a good heart idk.

All I know for certain is I’m fully convinced that stims don’t work for me at all. Should t be rocket science e to see that this was clearly a mistake to go back on stims.

I’m so done. Think I’m going to find some sort of support group. I never really fit in AA but I love the community but I’m thinking of trying smart recovery? Anyone ever do smart recovery?

 

[OceansState]

When I stopped drinking I went to a few different AA meetings locally. My neighbor happened to be into AA, old guy who has been going for years and years. So I went with him, he needed a ride anyways. Some meetings I didnt like, sat around a huge table and everyone took turns reading from some book. Others I was able to just sit in the back and take everything in, I felt more comfortable at those. I recently looked for AA meetings in my area and theres quite alot, mornings, afternoons, evenings every day at different locations.

 

[The Stim Reaper]

I’m back from the dead ya ll. That’s how I feel.

So while I took it prescribed a bit I ended up somehow taking 1000mg yesterday and that’s no cap.

28 20 mg IR Ritalin. Idk how I took that much. I really don’t know how it didn’t hurt me as far as I can see as far as physical damage. Must be all that exercising for so many years gave me a good heart idk.

All I know for certain is I’m fully convinced that stims don’t work for me at all. Should t be rocket science e to see that this was clearly a mistake to go back on stims.

I’m so done. Think I’m going to find some sort of support group. I never really fit in AA but I love the community but I’m thinking of trying smart recovery? Anyone ever do smart recovery?

Sounds like you need a break from stims my man. 1000mg is nuts. Based off what you wrote I’d say if you want to use stims recreationally again I would completely abstain from them for 6 months to a year. Continuing to abuse stims where you are right now seems pointless and a waste. If you’re serious about wanting to stop stims, you can definitely do it. However unfathomable it may seem now I promise you can feel normal without them.

Personally, I’ve found AA is quite opening to people who struggle with drug abuse, especially if you can seek out a meeting meant for younger adults and not bible thumping old men.

The community in AA can be great. If you think a 12 step program could work for you, I say jump in head first. All that will be asked of
you is that you are open, honest and willing.

I never really fit in AA but I love the community

I reckon you just might need to find your people.

Best of luck & take care of your body.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

Sounds like you need a break from stims my man. 1000mg is nuts. Based off what you wrote I’d say if you want to use stims recreationally again I would completely abstain from them for 6 months to a year. Continuing to abuse stims where you are right now seems pointless and a waste. If you’re serious about wanting to stop stims, you can definitely do it. However unfathomable it may seem now I promise you can feel normal without them.

Personally, I’ve found AA is quite opening to people who struggle with drug abuse, especially if you can seek out a meeting meant for younger adults and not bible thumping old men.

The community in AA can be great. If you think a 12 step program could work for you, I say jump in head first. All that will be asked of
you is that you are open, honest and willing.


I reckon you just might need to find your people.

Best of luck & take care of your body.

As it turns out I did my math wrong. 20x28 pills isn’t 1k. Think it’s like 580mg, but still I believe the point still stands.

Yeah idk if I ever want to go back to using stims recreationally down the road. Once I get out of this I kinda don’t want to play with the fire ya know?

 

[Juicewrldfan]

ahh fuck…pharmacy just called me and let me know my other med (stimulant) arrived and I can pick it up.

Really hard to resist this close to using. Why should I resist? Help me remember. I wonder how terrible it is for my heart.

I swear my heart should have blown by now. I really think it was all that cardio I used to do for many years saved me. But how much longer? Yeah man I’m so fucked. Having such a hard time resisting.

I hate to sound so weak. I like to be the one thing that can be relied upon but this…this is pure weakness

 

[Jabberwocky]

Make slow progress. Know that the process can be slow. Was for me, never really goes away so we have time to understand it

 

[joesmyname]

ahh fuck…pharmacy just called me and let me know my other med (stimulant) arrived and I can pick it up.

Really hard to resist this close to using. Why should I resist? Help me remember. I wonder how terrible it is for my heart.

I swear my heart should have blown by now. I really think it was all that cardio I used to do for many years saved me. But how much longer? Yeah man I’m so fucked. Having such a hard time resisting.

I hate to sound so weak. I like to be the one thing that can be relied upon but this…this is pure weakness

You do not sound weak brother. Quite the contrary that I see strength. Why? For me, it’s SO HARD to reach out for help. I hate being a burden on people and take way too much to heart. I’m in a terrible spot in life and having an extremely hard time. I’m weak for being afraid of telling my boys I relapsed and getting help. As a result my life is in danger on a daily basis. I have no clue what’s going in my arm.

You’ve heard of the “Lone Wolf”. I thought that was me and I was “hard” for that. “I stand on my two; I don’t need anyone” and I was so wrong (also young and dumb). You come to realize The Lone Wolf has no pack and will always suffer because of it…. In the cold, hunting, etc. will ALWAYS be a challenge for the Lone Wolf. The pack thrives. Finding community is hard these days but there are people out here who TRULY want to help. I see it here on BL every day while lurking.

I try to reframe from telling people what’s best for them but it’s easy to see that another stim would be no bueno. Stay strong brother. Use any resources you have. Can you address that scrip and not pick it up?

 

[OceansState]

I would go pick it up and take it as prescribed.

I read your March 18th thread and seems two Drs want you on it. Unless im reading it wrong, or they didnt prescribe it to you.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I think AA's community is the best part. It's probably the main strength of the entire program.

ahh fuck…pharmacy just called me and let me know my other med (stimulant) arrived and I can pick it up.

Really hard to resist this close to using. Why should I resist? Help me remember. I wonder how terrible it is for my heart.

I swear my heart should have blown by now. I really think it was all that cardio I used to do for many years saved me. But how much longer? Yeah man I’m so fucked. Having such a hard time resisting.

I hate to sound so weak. I like to be the one thing that can be relied upon but this…this is pure weakness

this might be a silly question but have you considered giving them to your partner and asking her to control the pills for you?

maybe a time lock safe?

although, I know it can be hard to do that, to ask someone to do that for you

 

[Juicewrldfan]

I think AA's community is the best part. It's probably the main strength of the entire program.


this might be a silly question but have you considered giving them to your partner and asking her to control the pills for you?

maybe a time lock safe?

although, I know it can be hard to do that, to ask someone to do that for you

Yeah we did that last year and she won’t do it anymore because I was just emptying the capsules out and keeping the vyvanse as I was in vyvanse last year.

I actually did something fucked tonight. I haven’t IVd in years. I IVd methylphenidate today. I know I know. Pills and all that not good to IV but at least it’s mostly soluble in water except the fillers.

Not down playing. Idk why im surprised but I have IVd shut in so many years. Even when I did fent that one time I did buy it I was using it to not to cook me down and didn’t iv it

Stupid asf because I know better than all this shit. And it gets me the same damn results.

Yeah I’m good on adjd meds. I’m not going to my next appointment.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

And I thought I used all 30 but apparently I had two left. Of course

 

[salamandala]

SMART has a Handbook which is pretty vital for engaging the program completely meetings are only one component but I am no recovery expert hah.

I have been to meetings thinking of attending one this weekend they are more prolific online than in-person here which makes AA so much easier to engage.

I struggle enormously with AA but I struggle with any recovery program I engage honestly and I am open to any and all self-help ones not really looking for someone to ask me to pay them to fix me at this point been through the system more than once never got fixed haha at least now I try to engage self-help voluntarily maybe they pushed me to that point after all those years lol

Some people say therapy helps them I hear others in AA call it free psychiatry if you can get past the rigid spiritual framework it is framed upon or swallow it whole

Wish you the best with stims my heart feels like it can't take much more after all these binges thank goodness never had a serious issue but I need to stop or that may change as I get older

 

[Juicewrldfan]

SMART has a Handbook which is pretty vital for engaging the program completely meetings are only one component but I am no recovery expert hah.

I have been to meetings thinking of attending one this weekend they are more prolific online than in-person here which makes AA so much easier to engage.

I struggle enormously with AA but I struggle with any recovery program I engage honestly and I am open to any and all self-help ones not really looking for someone to ask me to pay them to fix me at this point been through the system more than once never got fixed haha at least now I try to engage self-help voluntarily maybe they pushed me to that point after all those years lol

Some people say therapy helps them I hear others in AA call it free psychiatry if you can get past the rigid spiritual framework it is framed upon or swallow it whole

Wish you the best with stims my heart feels like it can't take much more after all these binges thank goodness never had a serious issue but I need to stop or that may change as I get older

Thanks man. Yeah I’m 41 and my blood grandfather died of heart attack at 53. He had his first at 40 but he also was raised on a farm and ate steaks like every night so I mean life style was rough. Smoked cigs like crazy and pipes and ain’t poor.

I may not do all that but stims and occasional nicotine still has to be terrible likely worse for my heart.

Plus I take high dose testosterone weekly which is more heart risk.

I got to be done with stims. I wish I was one that can take them normally. The sexual component is just too strong once the stims kick in at therapeutic doses which makes me crave more intensity from the stim and what not so I take more and then it’s a wrap.

Yeah I got to end these cycles. It’s getting out of control.

Soon I’ll be looking for meth and cold copping. I dont want that. The last thing I need is a plug. I killed my plugs for a reason and I don’t want new plugs.

I think I have the smart recovery hand book here somewhere. If you are doing a meeting today or this weekend let me know and I’ll join you.

 

[Psychlone Jack]

I'm not Christian, nor did it even really "work" for me, trying/not trying to stay clean at the time, but oddly enough the recovery group that I felt most at home/accepted as is in, and that I connected the most in, was Celebrate Recovery. Just throwing that out there, no correlation really lol.

I'm sorry you went through that though, but very glad you seem to be okay and that you recognize quickly and firmly that it can't work for you. I like to treat relapses just like psychedelics - integration is crucial, if you know what I mean? Time to bounce back, and incorporate the new knowledge you have about yourself INTO yourself.

Best of luck, bro. I know I don't really know you but if you ever wanna talk or vent my dm box is always open.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

Well, I did it! Instead of only telling them on the phone which never gets put in my chart I told my provider directly in person that I abused their adhd meds they prescribed. I also ran out of subs 5 days early.

They are switching me to methadone so I have to dose there and don’t have to worry about being manic and taking too many. And also because I’ve been taking kratom to get thru the sub withdrawl and it prevents me from taking my bipolar meds. I kinda NEED my bipolar meds or it gets increasingly harder to function and damn it I just got out inpatient two weeks ago.

I’m getting manic tho. I woke up not tired at all at 130am tonight. That is a sign of mania starting for me usually. I guess one more day won’t hurt

 

[Eryximachus]

Well, I did it! Instead of only telling them on the phone which never gets put in my chart I told my provider directly in person that I abused their adhd meds they prescribed. I also ran out of subs 5 days early.

They are switching me to methadone so I have to dose there and don’t have to worry about being manic and taking too many. And also because I’ve been taking kratom to get thru the sub withdrawl and it prevents me from taking my bipolar meds. I kinda NEED my bipolar meds or it gets increasingly harder to function and damn it I just got out inpatient two weeks ago.

I’m getting manic tho. I woke up not tired at all at 130am tonight. That is a sign of mania starting for me usually. I guess one more day won’t hurt

Oh man, I'm scared for you. Have been for a long while!

 

[Juicewrldfan]

Oh man, I'm scared for you. Have been for a long while!

No need friend. I was honest with my dr so will no longer get adhd meds and I don’t have any street options and haven’t for years,

I’ve been clean for a week and been taking my meds fit a week. So I’m doing dust I can ya know? And it’s much better than I was doing a few weeks back.

I really do appreciate you and it means a lot to me to see his much done if you care. Rest assured I’m taking care of myself. I’d like to say I’m not manic but I think I’m hypomanic. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow.

 

[meeer]

Glad to hear you are getting yourself axed from the stims, seen you around and hope to keep seeing you for some time homie. The very act of self limiting even if its via telling the doctors you've abused the scripts is more power than most people struggling would be able to muster.

 

[Jnowhere]

Is it just me or their others, who went to an AA meeting and all I could think of was how I have never wanted alcohol more. Besides the discussions being a trigger; they were so depressing, that all I wanted to do was leave and drink, about 100 times more so I use too.
I don't mind the God stuff at all; and I really am glad that so many people have been helped by AA and similar programs.
I would never want to discourage people from going. I even have those two books that they use( given to me) somewhere.
But, am I alone in that, AA had the exact opposite effect? ( no it wasn't court ordered).

 

[Baphomet64]

I've tried every stim, coke, crack, MDMA, amphetamine, dextroamphetamine, ritalin, desoxyn ETC, there isn't a stimulant thats good, it just seems that way.

-Baphomet