Thrashed

[TJ]

6/30/02

Thrashed

This vacation zoomed by 10 times faster than her other ones it seemed. It seemed a cruel prank that time played at times. She had scored her dope exactly one week earlier than her actual scheduled time off from work. The reason she did this was due to the fact she had been unable to get so much as a scrap from any connect. No one. Then per chance she happened to see Scott on line, a connect she knew through Ricci. She was tripping out the fact that she wasn't even looking for him, but came upon him quite by accident. She had an on line chat for a few minutes and at the end of the conversation was told she would be called back that night in a couple hours. No one ever called. She had not gotten her hopes up, so it was no loss.

Instead she got a pleasant surprise when she came home from work the next day to find a message from Susie, Scott's wife asking her to give them a call. Still not getting her hopes up, she was told yeah they could score
for her that night but they would need the money up front. TJ was not
thrilled with that whole arrangement. Besides that, she told Susie she had to work both jobs Monday and Tuesday night. How about Wednesday? They agreed. Wednesday came around and sure enough she got an email which was cool.

Of course she knew the absolute best thing that really needed to be done was to see if they could score for her the following Wednesday instead of that night. However, since she insisted on following a schedule as opposed to giving up cousin Crystal completely, she thought for sure if she passed up this chance, there might not be any cousin to visit next Wednesday. Therefore she must score while the opportunity is there. That night around 9:00pm TJ had seen Scott and yes she did get lucky. It was a trip because the last time she had actually seen either Scott or Susie had been the day before her 36th birthday October 3, 2000.

Three short weeks later after freaking out with herself for tweeking too long and missing work, was the beginning of her schedule Oct 26,2000. In between that time Scott and Susie had moved, and Ricci had been her man until he went to jail for a dirty test. The last time Bobby had taken over, then Ricci one more time before he got busted again for sucking glass dick. Although she was grateful in more ways she could express, the fact was that homegirl had fucked up royally.

For almost 2 years she had no problems staying on her scheduled time off. (She stayed clean 90 days and planned 4 or 5 days off work just to party, then was clean for 90 days again. Every 3 months, she was allotted time to slam speed, thereby following her "schedule.") While some people thought that was hard enough, to her, it wasn't bad at all--so long as she kept to her rule of not having it in the house save for her vacation and removed herself from tweekers that were actively going at it all the time. Those were her tools.

End Part 1

 

[TJ]

Thrashed--Part 2

Make a long story short, homegirl fucked up by doing one shot, .20cc
the night she scored. That was a big mistake. Her work schedule looked impossible, as well. She had to work 10 to 12 hr days every day until the 26th, the beginning of her scheduled vacation. Fuck, she thought. I'm so fucking burned out on work and that is a long ass fucking time away. Indeed so it seemed.

She paid dearly for that mistake, as even so much as slamming one
little bitty dime on a work night was enough to completely fuck up her
work day. Or keep her from going in at all, which is what she did
thrusday. She called in sick. She had been good Fri, Sat, Sun, and Mon, but fucked up again Tuesday. Although she successfully had completed job #1 that Tuesday night, she sure as fuck didnt feel like going to job #2. Fuck I'm
burnt out! she thought. She had called job #2 three times to try to get
out of going, but was unable to get ahold of her supervisor, only her
machine. She was thouroughly ashamed to admit, she did not go to job
#2 cause she was tweeking. That dear friends was one giant no no. She did however, successfully finish the work week through Wednesday at job #1 and Tuesday was the last day she was supposed to show up at job #2.

When she got home at 3:30pm, the official beginning of her scheduled vacation, she crashed. She didn't start her legitimate partying until the following day Thursday. Oh yes, the wonderful vacation days were great. To her, she only felt truly at home when she had her two favorite companions Crystal and writing. Of course she always tripped HARD on the shit. The vacation days zoomed by much too quick. That was the cruel prank played by time. It was torturously slow the week before, and unmercifully fast during the actual time. Even if she could have one extra day with no Crystal would be great. Writing always acted as a wonderful antidote to coming down. Now that reality was hitting her in the face, she was not a happy camper.

End Part 2

 

[TJ]

Thrashed -- Part 3

For some reason, during the time she was clean for 90 days, she didn't get a whole hell of a lot of phone calls so it seemed. She learned on her last vacation in March that the phone was to be strictly off limits for her when she was high. She tripped hard, and boy did she learn the hard way when some persistent asshole kept calling and hanging up 10 times on her answering machine (she knew even then not to pick up the phone, but finally got pissed and wanted to know who the fucker was that kept calling) therefore she answered the phone. That was a big mistake, she was too spun to speak correctly so this vacation she unplugged the phone so she wouldn't answer it.

Wouldn't you know 10 million assholes decided to call during her tweek time? Son of a bitch! She had told both jobs, had cleared with both jobs her time off. The only other person she had to worry about was her Mom, whom she told as well she would be off work. She told her Mom when she is home writing she turns off phone, beeper, and makes herself invisible to the world. Now the time had come and she dreaded having to listen to whatever fucked up messages she'd have to deal with. Sighing she said to herself, "Well homegirl, here's the deal. You fucked up and now you'll simply deal with the consequences."

Consequences meaning a not very happy supervisor for not showing up at job #2 on Tuesday night. TJ was hoping one of those people calling wouldn't be either boss. However, she knew damn well no way would she deal with any of these fuckers until she is sober. She found herself in another most interesting predicament as well. Due to the fact she allowed herself in the past to be much too generous with her dope, she did finally do something about that this time around and she was proud of herself.

Of course Dave had emailed her telling her a sad story about how his connect didn't come through on his birthday, bla bla. She emailed him back, expressed her sympathies, and told him she thought his connect was a flake. Dave said he wanted to party with her for one of her scheduled days off. Up until the present vacation she took however, meant he wanted to party on her stash. He always would promise to get some for himself from his connect, which of course would never happen. His alleged connect had 2 or 3 fucking weeks to do the deal, and not once in the last 8 years had any of his connections come through.

She also told him that perhaps her next time around if he wanted AND he had his own money of $140 for a teenager, she'd go through her source. For once she did not piss half her dope away to Dave or anyone else, which was her own fault in the past. Ashamed as she was, the fact was she had a very hard time saying no to her friends. This time however, she stuck to her guns and for that she was proud. The fact she actually let time go by when there was left over stash in her house without partying was a first also.

It had been 11 days since she picked up her baggie of dope. For the first time ever, she not only had some left over, but almost half a bloody 8 ball left! While good in some ways, it definitely presented her with a challenge in others. Her last vacation in March, she had taken her last shot at 6:00am the morning of the last day of her vacation. Even though she had gone to bed early, she felt tired and thrashed the next day. This vacation, time went by so fast, next thing she knew, here it was already early Sunday 12:30am. "Alright homegirl, sorry but it's time to say goodnight to cousin Crystal," the voice of discipline said. TJ felt really sad and bummed out and the look on Crystal's face was a sad site. "Ah can't TJ play a little longer?," Crystal asked. "This is your last shot. Say your goodbyes, then TJ you put that shit away."

End Part 3

 

[TJ]

Thrashed--Part 4

The fact that she did what she was told was a little encouraging.
Also, she remembered a conversation she had between her and Scott. Scott had come by her place a few days after she scored so she could give him some viagra that he had asked for. When he showed up, they spoke about Ricci for a bit. Susie's brother and two of their friends were also vacationing at Chino prison for sucking glass dick. TJ had made some comment to the effect that unless Ricci wanted to go back and see his friends at Chino, than he was going to have to do something, anything, that would prevent him from sucking glass dick.

"He only has to test once a month right?," asked TJ. "Yes," said Scott. "And he knows when he has to test. So shit man even though he hates having to go clean for a week, that's all he had to do! He could have stayed loaded the other 3 weeks, but no he keeps putting that fucker in his mouth when he knows he has to test. Therefore, the most practical solution in his case would be to just stop completely until he gets off parole, however the fuck he does it. But come on man it is possible. The first 90 days are hell, but it does get easier," said TJ.

"Idle hands will get you in trouble," said Scott. "Yeah but Ricci had some sort of courier job right? He had told me how jazzed he was working there," said TJ. "He got fired a couple weeks before he went to Chino," said Scott. Shaking her head and grinning, both TJ and Scott said at the same time,"He probably took too long." They both knew too damn well exactly how that scene most likely went down. For no one understands the nature of a tweeker better than a tweeker. "Yeah I hate to admit it, but Tweeker Standard Time has cost me a few jobs," said TJ. Scott was grinning and nodding his agreement, as of course he had been like the rest of the gang.

"I try like hell to show up to places on time and if I'm not, at least I'm on the phone calling people to let them know what's going on," he said. Then something Scott said gave her hope. "My brother in law went back to prison 7 times for dirty tests. He too was found of sucking glass dick. Now the real interesting thing was that not only did he enjoy the pleasures of consuming, but he was a versatile. He was a dealer as well. "After 7 times, he finally said 'I can't do this anymore.' So for 13 months he said fuck it and stayed clean until his parole was over."

 

[TJ]

Thrashed--Part 5

That in itself sounded like a major drag and was hard enough. But she couldn't believe her ears when he said, "He dealt for 13 months, but didn't use it." "HE DEALT IT?," asked TJ incredulously. In her case staying clean was very possible, as she had proven to herself, so long as she didn't have it around. For her, having it around before her time off work was the real tough part.

During the time Susie was pregnant, Scott was using. Of course she was every bit as fond of the glass dick as he was, but had to stay clean during her pregnancy, yet he was doing it. TJ had told Marcus, one of the pipe heads that hung around Scott and Susie's house, was that there was no way in hell she would be able to not use if her fucking husband was doing it right in front of her face, pregnancy or no pregnancy. So now, seeing as two tweekers managed to not use in spite of the fact of it being around in their face, well if they could do it, than so should she.

Feeling a bit sad her time was at an end, she told herself to get off the fucking computer and listen to these fucking messages on the answering machine. She had fucked up. Now she would deal with the consequences. Still, it was a complete drag.

--TJ
6/30/02