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Stimulants Thoughts around all this.

T

Templex

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 14, 2012
Messages
15
Hello everyone. I'm new to this forum, so please feel free to add/give feedback to the things I do wrong...

I just recent took my last line of speed (as I've told myself before) - it's the fifth or sixth time overall, and I'm not planning on ever doing it again. Because I'm not sure what I am doing, and it has only been out of being pressured by people close to me, while under the effect of alcohol. It's funny, really... Before I met this "friend" that had all these contacts, I hadn't even laid my eyes on something remotely similar. I had always told myself that "I would not even try out of curiosity." But all that changed...

I can say that I regret. This is not something I picture myself doing.

I'm not having any downers, and of that I am glad. But I'm worried about the after effects. I haven't been taking any large doses, the largest one was 2 lines in a day. And it went 3-4 weeks apart, then months. So it has been very, very little. I've had great pleasures with it, and literally no downsides, except the paranoia of getting irreversible brain damage - because my brain is all I really have.

I've read around a lot, out of fear. And I haven't really found anything to soothe my thoughts. I'm worried about the overall effects, and how long it will take to recover completely. Some says that one line is enough for irreversible damage. Some say it's harmless unless you're a long-time addict. This is confusing...

I've seen people discussing the effects on dopamine and serotonin, and how it will balance after taking speed. Will you never truly recover / balance out? How much damage can 5-6 lines spread out over nearly 2 years have done?

I am not sure if I am doing this correctly, if something is wrong - please feel free to correct me.
 
You have nothing to worry about, the damage done, if any, will not be noticed. You will not be going through any withdrawal effects either at that usage pattern. Depending on you personally, there may be some minor cravings, but judging by your mindset, they will be negligible.

Good luck.
 
Thank you for your reply! I guess I have it in the back of my head, that my "usage pattern" is not the most destructive - I only need some reassurance to get me through the period I am in now, since it's less than 24 hours ago. I just need to keep my mind busy, and interact with people at this time.
 
Yeah, you,re right about keeping your mind busy. it,s often during periods of mental inactivity or boredom that the urge to go and use comes out. Surround yourself with people that are going to be positive for you. People that don't use the drug you are trying to leave behind. You may have to explain toy our friend that either you won't be able to hang out with him anymore or that you would rather he not be high or at least not dose around you. he has to understand that you are trying to leave this behind you and that you don't need him to encourage you to use.
 
Yes, exactly! He's always nice to be with, honest and pleasant. But he has a more abusive use, and I just can't stand it... I want to tell him that I can't be around him if he's going to continue, because I do not want to develop habits of any sort... But being around him (and his circuit that also does it) makes it hard.

How should I do that? Tell him, I mean. I want to keep him as a friend, of course. But I just can't be around him like that.
 
Yeah, I've thought of that... I've tried telling him before, but he blames that "he has to work late" "just having a little fun in the weekends" "I don't do it enough for it to be destructive" etc... But I see it as something he needs.
 
^this

seriously, you're fine. Two lines in a day sounds responsible to most of us.
You're still safely within the margins of moderate and infrequent use.

All the evil things you hear about meth as well as the neurotoxicity result from binging for days and weeks and months not sleeping, not eating, not taking care of yourself, compulsive redosing for years and years. You'd know if you had it too, effects of permanent damage from meth are pretty obvious if you've ever met someone who has been for 5 or 6 years and is constantly sticking their tongue out. The problems start when you begin staying up for two or three days solid. That's when you need to take a step back and examine what you're doing to yourself. Even then, it might not be serious if you're putting 3-4 weeks in between usage.

I wish I could. It's actually an obsession of mine (occassional recreational use)
I'm lucky to go more than three days without trying to get some dope and I shoot it, and my brain seems to recover fine after a week or two of abstinence

Heh, believe me. You're fine. If you continue using though, odds are things will eventually get out of control so good luck gettin' off the dope ^_^
 
Those are all rationalizations an addict creates to justify their use. It's a touchy subject, but if you explain your situation, he should understand. I wouldn't go so far as to say that he should quit using for you, like another poster said. The control of your own actions is ultimately up to you. If you can handle him dosing in front of you, great. If not, maybe you can handle him just being high in front of you. If not, then you will have to avoid him when he's high. You have to talk to him about it, though.
 
Yeah, I have no cravings, nor do I want it. It just happens. I get offered something, and my brain decides to turn off for 10 minutes, then I regret after taking it.

The problem I have is that I actually do stay awake for 2-3-4 days, without sleep... This is from 1 standard line. I have little to no stressing situations in my current life (I'm an unemployed student) so I have so much spare energy. I just lie awake in my room, staring at the ceiling, or surfing the internet (like i am now) I've been awake for 26 hours right now, and I do not feel the sleep coming any time soon...
 
i'd kill for your lack of tolerance.
also, the relationship thing... It sounds like he's starting to rationalize (sometimes these things are legitimate though)and he might might start getting bad, but it sounds like everything you know about meth is negative to the point that you're probably going to overreact.

You should talk to him about it fo'sho but don't be overly hard on him unless in his use he does something to give you reason.
The being late for work thing is how it starts a lot of the time, followed by always being outta money etc etc. and petty crime and being moody and angry/and or severely depressed.

I dunno. Be objective or something. Make a choice that's right for you. All that positive stuff.
 
Believe me, laying awake for 4 days without anything to do isn't really a dance on roses. Totally lacking motivation to do anything, having a pulse at a constant 120 bpm (which it is now as well) while being anxious/paranoid about what's happening is generally not something I'd like to continue. I'm getting some ease of mind from the replies here, so thanks guys. Being alone is a bad combination at this point.
 
Consider yourself lucky, and keep in mind most of us have been through like a million times worse.
You're just getting a taste. Coming down'll make you suicidal/angry/paranoid/sad/low self-esteemish all at once for weeks sometimes.
I feel you though, I was just starting too once.

I can't imagine staying up for four days off a line though. And coming down for like three?
You're chemistry probably isn't well suited for the stuff anyways.

I'm gonna stop posting psedo-motivational shit.... Now. I don't really know how to give advice. lawl.
 
I'm lucky enough to be strong willed (I don't get depressed or down - I've had some rough parts in my life, that has really made me stronger. Now I'm not allowing myself to get down.)

So I haven't had a downer from it yet. I get a bit tired afterwards, (lack of sleep and high pulse) yes... But nothing mental, except the semi-paranoia/anxiety. In that I'm killing my brain or causing some irreversible damage to myself.
 
I think one of the reasons why I do it is because I feel disconnected and alone when I'm with people. No matter who it is... I don't actually like going out, I'm most comfortable at home, alone... Don't know if it's a sign of depression or w/e. But I'm generally in a "good mood" - Apathic and blissfull to the world.
 
If you use enough what goes up must come down.. regardless of your willpower, if you do enough meth for long enough rest assured you will have a comedown. But the amount you are using and frequency is considerably responsible for recreational use. You are using in moderation therefore avoiding a HELL of a lot of the negative side-effects you get from meth.
 
I see. Thank you for your insight. I don't know enough about it to make a statement, I guess. 5-6 times over 2 years isn't exactly abuse, imo. But I'm not planning on doing it ever again - because it messes up my sleep so bad... (still haven't slept)

And I can feel my heart beating fast, still.
 
Welcome to bluelight,
This drug is obviously not for you. Don't take on an addiction of your own to methamphetamine because someone who is an addict tells you they only use it to stay awake for work, or "it's the tweekend".

This is purely rationalizing their drug use, making it easy for them to sleep at night thinking that they are doing the right thing, when in reality, they are cheating, and deep down, they know it too.

You're not going to have any lasting damage from using crystal a few times. Staying up for four days off one line is insane, you do not want to make a habit of this. I have seen more beautiful minds destroyed by methamphetamine than any other drug, and most people's story starts in a similar way. They were peer pressured into trying it, just once. Never looked back.

Look, methamphetamine can be used responsibly by a minority of users, however, whether the use around you is responsible, is pretty easy to tell that the use around you, is in fact, abuse. Your common sense kicked in, and gave you doubts, that's why you're here right now asking for our opinion on this.

The part that worries me: "but I see it as something that he needs". Yeah, I'm sure he's gone to great lengths to convince you of this. But like I just said, your common sense should tell you this isn't true. If his use was responsible, you would not question it.
 
if his drug use is going to be a problem for you to handle then be honest and set boundaries. it is possible to remain friends on your terms and in a safe and totally different context. Im sober, have one friend that uses(not what i used to be addicted too..but drugs all the same) and we have a mutual understanding about the limits and terms of our friendship. does it limit the relationship? for sure, but you need to think about whats best for you . if he is a true friend he will understand. if he CANT control his use and you are worried about your use then maybe you need to step back a bit
 
Speed really doesn't suit me, I guess... Still haven't slept. I'm able to stay awake for two days without it if I need to anyways... I don't really know why I use it at all.
 
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