• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

This is ridiculous.

The UltimateFixx said:
So I used to be doing H all the time and was thinking about it all the time.

Then I was NOT doing it all the time and NOT thinking about it all the time.

Now I'm forced to unwanted abstinence with the result that I'M THINKING ABOUT IT ALL THE DAMN TIME. @#!^£&%*!!
Click to expand...
Do what your heart tells you, nobody can force you to not do anything. Don't be submissive, you're a grown man already 😊😉
 
Last edited:
Well...........that sucks ! Such is the nature of the beast. We think about it when we have it and we think about it when we don't.

I'm gonna shoot this over to Drug Culture or The Dark Side as it really isn't BDD material.

Which sub forum do you prefer?
 
Nurse Ratched said:
Well...........that sucks ! Such is the nature of the beast. We think about it when we have it and we think about it when we don't.

I'm gonna shoot this over to Drug Culture or The Dark Side as it really isn't BDD material.

Which sub forum do you prefer?
Click to expand...
This is kinda like a rant/vent so TDS would be more appropriate I think.😊
 
I can relate in my own way. I'm on subs. And I feel pretty well-maintained on my 8mg dose. But when it comes to the few other drugs I enjoy (dexedrine, benzos, and cannabis) I'm kinda a hoarder so that I don't have to worry about being stressed when the day comes around that I want to take some, but I keep my recreational doses on the low side these days and actually enjoy them more that way.
So what do you mean by forced abstinence? None of my business I'm just curious what circumstances you're speaking of.
 
Last edited:
Treyderaid said:
I can relate in my own way. I'm on subs. And I feel pretty well-maintained on my 8mg dose. But when it comes to the few other drugs I enjoy (dexedrine, benzoa, and cannabis) I'm kinda a horder so that I don't have to worry about being stressed when the day comes around that I want to take some.
So what do you mean by forced abstinence? None of my business I'm just curious what circumstances you're speaking of.
Click to expand...
His bf doesn't want him to use.
 
Treyderaid said:
I can relate in my own way. I'm on subs. And I feel pretty well-maintained on my 8mg dose. But when it comes to the few other drugs I enjoy (dexedrine, benzos, and cannabis) I'm kinda a hoarder so that I don't have to worry about being stressed when the day comes around that I want to take some, but I keep my recreational doses on the low side these days and actually enjoy them more that way.
So what do you mean by forced abstinence? None of my business I'm just curious what circumstances you're speaking of.
Click to expand...
My partner has threatened to break up with me if I was to use just one more time.
 
I'm on sublocade and I don't find myself thinking about heroin much because I can't use it anyway, but I remember when an ex close friend of mine who had been a sort of mentor to my recovery but who was always very accommodating of slip ups with shooting meth went from being like 'if you are choosing between shooting meth and killing yourself I want you to shoot meth because that's the better choice' to 'if you use meth another time we can't be friends anymore' because his new partners ex husband was an active IV meth user and suddenly my drug use was no longer tolerated at all.

I was so unbelievably fucking difficult because there were heaps of times I was ready to go off and use but I told myself I couldn't because of the consequences. Needless to say, I could have just not told him if I used again and in fact did that exact thing in March 2020 when I slipped up after 3 months sober then by December he was asking me whether it had been around a year since I last used and I had to tell him no, it had been 9 months because there was an incident that I hadn't told him about because I didn't think he would respond very well.

He tolerated that as well as he could, I suppose. It didn't break our friendship, but drugs eventually did do so.

It definitely got easier after the one year mark, I can tell you that for sure. 1-12 months were agonisingly difficult, but 12-18 were a walk in the park. I think it's something mental about getting past that 12 month block because after that, the time seems to move faster. I probably thought about it daily initially, then weekly after a couple of months, then monthly after half a year or so. By 18 months I only ever thought about it when someone brought it up or it was mentioned by name or I actually wanted to talk about it. So that's some good news.
 
I was perfectly fine with being a recreational user. I'd settled happily into my 'weekend warrior' pattern over the past six years. I'd use on average 1-2 times on weekends but also often took extended breaks, I'd go weeks not even thinking about using on occasion. I could have gear in the house and not feel specially tempted to use it.

I never felt in danger of resuming multiple daily use because I've been down that road once and it wasn't exactly fun anymore by the end, and I don't want that kind of life for myself. I do however still very much enjoy it. In short recreational use suits me because that's exactly what I want. Total abstinence does NOT suit me because I do not want it and I didn't choose it, and I did not require it in order to have a life.
 
jane douloureux said:
Sorry about the relationship or drugs thing I’m sure the realtionship is going to be the healthier and more fulfilling option
I hate being told what to do though
The minute someone gives me an ultimatum my interest in doing that forbidden thing skyrockets
I think I have a slight oppositional defiant streak
Click to expand...
I call that the diet effect. You might not have particularly felt like cheeseburgers and chocolates day to day, but the minute you tell yourself you're on lettuce and grains for the next month you want nothing else.
 
The UltimateFixx said:
So I used to be doing H all the time and was thinking about it all the time.

Then I was NOT doing it all the time and NOT thinking about it all the time.

Now I'm forced to unwanted abstinence with the result that I'M THINKING ABOUT IT ALL THE DAMN TIME. @#!^£&%*!!
Click to expand...
I am in that same shitty boat with you. I have 30 days of unwanted clean time, I know...dumb. I am past all of the physical withdrawals, but the mental stuff never leaves me. FUCKING NEVER:cool:
 
ye for sure its all in the mind and we are so trapped in there some times :)

distraction is king and really the only way I know of to get through it and emerge with minimal scaring at the end.

you see you have grown more receptors and they are dying off as you starve them.

thats the withdrawal and in my opinion the easy part (though at the time its so so hard)

next you have fallen in love with the compound and remapped your brain to expect pleasure when using it.

its a memory not a withdrawal that your fighting and the only way to dull it is to replace it with new ones and let time do its thing.

find something active to do with other people keep it up every day and in time you will find that you wont even know when the desire to use left it will just go.
 
The UltimateFixx said:
My partner has threatened to break up with me if I was to use just one more time.
Click to expand...
Not my business, but that's like holding you hostage or like, just waiting for you to fuck up. I was not in your situation as both myself and my partner used together.
although now that I think about it...I actually did kick him out of the house when I found out he went back on smack after 6 years of clean time. I had not even touched the stuff yet. I cheated on him and he, of course went back to what would numb the pain. Then I got curious and derailed for years. So, I played a role in his pain, but not his choice to use again.
 
lonelyDude said:
ye for sure its all in the mind and we are so trapped in there some times :)

distraction is king and really the only way I know of to get through it and emerge with minimal scaring at the end.

you see you have grown more receptors and they are dying off as you starve them.

thats the withdrawal and in my opinion the easy part (though at the time its so so hard)

next you have fallen in love with the compound and remapped your brain to expect pleasure when using it.

its a memory not a withdrawal that your fighting and the only way to dull it is to replace it with new ones and let time do its thing.

find something active to do with other people keep it up every day and in time you will find that you wont even know when the desire to use left it will just go.
Click to expand...
Oh I haven't experienced physical wd since I stopped constant use, except for the odd time where I'd deliberately overindulgence and push the boat out for several days in a row. Withdrawal's not my problem. My problem is I'm missing my favourite treat.
 
lovemissile66 said:
Not my business, but that's like holding you hostage or like, just waiting for you to fuck up. I was not in your situation as both myself and my partner used together.
although now that I think about it...I actually did kick him out of the house when I found out he went back on smack after 6 years of clean time. I had not even touched the stuff yet. I cheated on him and he, of course went back to what would numb the pain. Then I got curious and derailed for years. So, I played a role in his pain, but not his choice to use again.
Click to expand...
It's my fault tbh. As much as he dislikes drugs and can't stand users, if I hadn't for some fucked - up reason pushed the fact of my being a user down his throat on so many occasions testing his tolerance to the limit, he MIGHT have been just about ok with letting me use weekends. At one point he even offered to be shown how to administer naloxone if needed.

I blame myself, not him. In fact he deserves a fucking medal for sticking with me when drug use was a relationship deal breaker for him. And I kind of cheated because I didn't fess up to it until he'd already lost his heart to me. I had my sights set on him basically and when I noticed how down he was on users I decided to keep that to myself because I knew he'd call quits if he found out, and I wanted to keep him. So yeah I'm at fault and he has every reason to be upset. I just still want my fucking junk. ;)
 
ye its a memory the hardest thing to fight.

love is the key though its a little illusive how to use it.

every time you think of drugs find an activity you have chosen to do as the distraction.

think about it and try your hardest to bring the warm lovey feeling you get when you think of drugs but tie it to the activity itself.

you need to remap but the remap needs weight to it so by tying emotion to the activity you end up with a tool to distract and remap the mind.
 
The UltimateFixx said:
It's my fault tbh. As much as he dislikes drugs and can't stand users, if I hadn't for some fucked - up reason pushed the fact of my being a user down his throat on so many occasions testing his tolerance to the limit, he MIGHT have been just about ok with letting me use weekends. At one point he even offered to be shown how to administer naloxone if needed.

I blame myself, not him. In fact he deserves a fucking medal for sticking with me when drug use was a relationship deal breaker for him. And I kind of cheated because I didn't fess up to it until he'd already lost his heart to me. I had my sights set on him basically and when I noticed how down he was on users I decided to keep that to myself because I knew he'd call quits if he found out, and I wanted to keep him. So yeah I'm at fault and he has every reason to be upset. I just still want my fucking junk. ;)
Click to expand...
it took me a few years it doesnt happen over night but if you can stop crying when your parents die you can do the same here.

the difference of course is the iron will to see it through as a death can not be fixed so you have to ride it out and the mind finally starts to heal (a memory problem too).

but if we keep trying it again and again well the memory gets kicked with more emotion and digs in deeper.

I wont use GHB again for the same reason but I use other things now and much safer as I have learnt my lesson.

but if I use GHB first few times im sick as a dog then third time im like hello there lover long time no see.

I don't think of GHB anymore and can happily handle it for others without the need to reuse and its gaba which is just as nasty as opioid as far as addiction.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top