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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

This is ridiculous.

lonelyDude said:
ye its a memory the hardest thing to fight.

love is the key though its a little illusive how to use it.

every time you think of drugs find an activity you have chosen to do as the distraction.

think about it and try your hardest to bring the warm lovey feeling you get when you think of drugs but tie it to the activity itself.

you need to remap but the remap needs weight to it so by tying emotion to the activity you end up with a tool to distract and remap the mind.
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You 're not getting it. I don't need a distraction and in fact have always found that a self-defeating strategy. Distraction means ' instead of '. If you do X instead of Y that still keeps your focus on Y. It doesn't mean you really enjoy X for its own sake.

Everything I 've learned to do or remembered to do after my years of heavy use, I did because I love those things / activities IN AND OF THEMSELVES. Not as a tool to ' distract ' me from drug use. I swim and hike and write and play music and do photography because I actively want to be doing THOSE THINGS, not so that I don't do smack. I still want smack.
 
sharing of your struggles, your deep honesty, not lashing out when you hurt, let me count the ways, you are singularity one of a kind, and for you to get up ,do what you do and never give up inspires me much more than you know
 
how long since your last time using ?

so if you feel distraction will not work what ideas have you come up with and tried ?

do you feel there might be a solution and in what direction would you think to walk down to get there.

yep were all different and what works for me may not work for you so having an idea of how you tick and then asking questions might be the go to start.

is the desire there always (I would seriously doubt that as that kind of focus takes buddhist training.) what are the space between thoughts like ?

have you quantifiably measured the thoughts in a diary ?

every time you get the thought record it and give it a weight based on how strong the feeling was.

then after a period of time reflect on your recordings and see if your tactic is working.

with out true measurement no one really knows anything.

this way you can not fall to fantasy ( a problem I suffer with drugs telling my self one thing when its another ) and if your method is not working you will know and be

able to implement another method be it your own choosing or one from someone here.

also by doing this you can see improvements that you may be getting but not actually noticing.

the mind has a trick of making the past seem not so bad and the present fucking hell.

this makes it often seem we are going backwards when slowly we are actually going forwards.
 
jane douloureux said:
you could tell him the truth
you want to use and that it is a habit that is not out of control and not unlike the person at the bar on weekends
only you won’t get a puffy face or become a drunken monster
it’s only social conditioning that makes one accepted and the other stigmatized
you could have them read the book drug use for grown ups by dr Carl hart he uses heroin recreationally
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He knows that I want to use and it is not acceptable to him.

PS he is from Latin America, has seen first hand the damage dealt by violent drug cartels that rule the neighbourhood, sees degraded messed-up street druggies around all the time just going about his daily life, was raped by a junkie as a teenager.
 
The UltimateFixx said:
He knows that I want to use and it is not acceptable to him.

PS he is from Latin America, has seen first hand the damage dealt by violent drug cartels that rule the neighbourhood, sees degraded messed-up street druggies around all the time just going about his daily life, was raped by a junkie as a teenager.
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No more explanations needed to understand why he can't stand drugs, dealers and users.
He has seen all the shit drug can do.
But, at the same time, he also has seen you are more than capable of behave honestly, of offering him love and support and to hold a daily life and a home to be shared with him.

It just happens that you like your sporadic use of a drug. This ain't gonna change ( by now).
By using again you can lose your partner, by not using again, forced out of fear of losing him while you absolutely want to use, you might grow bitter and feel ressentmet against him. IME/IMO, this last posibility can be more dangerous for your love than you using heroin once a week.

Point is both of you are persons, so you are far from perfect. Your bf has also, has to have, something you don't like, something that drives you mad that you have told him a million times.
Now, I am not comparing heroin use, in the eyes of a drug hater, with whatever thing he does that you don't like, but point is you both have to tolerate shit from each other.

Because tolerance is the key factor here

It sounds like he won't tolerate heroin use anymore. You could strike back like, oh, yes? I won't use h anymore but I am not tolerating you one more time to talk with this guy, to be at the pub past ten, to....

We know that ain't gonna work.

I wish you were able to set some new realistic parameters of what you will have to turn a blinde eye on.

I feel for you, as I am sure you love this dude and you are suffering, and therefore craving your h so much badly than in a "normal" situation.

I wish you two the best, UltimateFixx
 
Señor Moreno said:
By using again you can lose your partner, by not using again, forced out of fear of losing him while you absolutely want to use, you might grow bitter and feel ressentmet against him. IME/IMO, this last posibility can be more dangerous for your love than you using heroin once a week.
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Hm; he kind of turned a blind eye to it, as in basically not think about it, as long as we weren't living together. Now that for the first time we are, he'd be confronted with it (like paraphernalia, noticing needle marks, knowing that I'm high etc). He hates to see me under the influence, hates to see I've used, and once we're sharing living quarters 24/7 it's not like he could just deal with it by pretending it's not happening like before.

Also there was this one time I was visiting my friend (who was a heavy user) and he didn't want me going out of concern I'd use (and yeah me and him almost always used together whenever I was there, because he'd always offer me some and it was a bonding thing ). So I made a big promise that I wouldn't, and broke it the night of the same day. I only snorted and didn't inject, but well...
I wasn't going to lie to him so I told him and that was kind of the last straw, because now he doesn't trust me around the drug.

When I came over to Brazil last October the first thing he did when we got to the hotel room and I undressed for bed was to look my body up and down for tracks, because now he doesn't take my word if I say I didn't (despite the fact I hadn't attempted to conceal anything or denied the fact that one time).

We've been an item since 2014, he's the love of my life and I won't jeopardize anything with him.

But fuck heroin's one of my greatest pleasures and I wanna feel the touch of the needle, I wanna feel that rush, I wanna get high
 
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The UltimateFixx said:
Hm; he kind of turned a blind eye to it, as in basically not think about it, as long as we weren't living together. Now that for the first time we are, he'd be confronted with it (like paraphernalia, noticing needle marks, knowing that I'm high etc). He hates to see me under the influence, hates to see I've used, and once we're sharing living quarters 24/7 it's not like he could just deal with it by pretending it's not happening like before.

Also there was this one time I was visiting my friend (who was a heavy user) and he didn't want me going there out of concern I'd use (and yeah me and him almost always used together whenever I was there, because he'd always offer me some and it was a bonding thing ). So I made a big promise that I wouldn't, and broke it the night of the same day. I only snorted and didn't inject, but well... I wasn't going to lie to him so I told him and that was kind of the last straw, because now he doesn't trust me around the drug.

When I came over to Brazil last October the first thing he did when we got to the hotel room and I undressed for bed was to look my body up and down for tracks, because now he doesn't take my word if I say I didn't (despite the fact I hadn't attempted to conceal anything or denied the fact that one time).

We've been an item since 2014, he's the love of my life and I won't jeopardize anything with him.

But fuck heroin's one of my greatest pleasures and I wanna feel the touch of the needle, I wanna feel that rush, I wanna get high
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It's a fucked situation.
I can relate 100% with both of you here.
Once thing is for sure, tho: when a person who does not do drugs and who is a drug hater is sharing his life with a heroin injector, it has to be love.
 
jane douloureux said:
Sorry about the relationship or drugs thing I’m sure the realtionship is going to be the healthier and more fulfilling option
I hate being told what to do though
The minute someone gives me an ultimatum my interest in doing that forbidden thing skyrockets
I think I have a slight oppositional defiant streak
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I got diagnosed with ODD as a teenager and thought what a bullshit diagnosis. Now I see how real it is because I hate anyone telling me what to do, to a pretty unhealthy degree.
 
How are you doing, Ultim?

As I said I do relate to you and I understad you. Totally. I hope you have felt so.

But I just want to make one last point.
As we know, heroin use will jeopardize a relationship. Allways. Even ( or maybe specially) when both partners are users.
Being a non user and having to deal with what you say, paraphernalia, needles marks, your lover on heroin.... don't know, man, but it has to be something else, frustration wise.
We need to realize this is the cold truth.

You wanting to use h is something that will not change in the foreseable future.
I don't use it, but knowing I would be able to do so if I want to, makes me feel confident.

If you were able to benefit of heroin existence without any heroin scheduled use, it could be a great thing.

I know you are not ready, nor willing, to quit your DOC, but maybe if you use let's say 4 times in 3 months time without following any kind of pattern, maybe you could feel more free about your use. And then you can do it 3 or 4 times in 5 months time.... I think you see where I'm going.



Maybe that can work for you or maybe not.

Wish you well, mate
 
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