Thanks everyone.
Yea, I never really had any problem with them until legal ones like Etizolam became available to take in unlimited amounts. Then last summer I had a violent stimulant overdose that nearly killed me and another one that made me collapse and have an unconscious seizure in the hospital corridor. Both times they put me on IV Valium which was obviously a godsend in that state.
So that made it pretty clear to me they do indeed have some value and I also found them to be helpful for the side-effects I had after those overdoses which were very traumatic experiences (both times had to be taken in an ambulance) and I struggled with some anxiety after that which I previously hadn't been bothered by.
And they WERE really helpful for that. For some reason I was now also able to achieve a mild high or enjoyable sense of calm and well-being rather than just boring sedation. Not that much to speak of, but definitely better than being sober and anxious. This might also have been because Etizolam is a bit more euphoric than other benzos plus I would take large amounts (like 5-10 a day). Other benzos like Valium or Rivotril I haven't really enjoyed at all. The only ones I really enjoyed were Rohypnol that I got hold of just before they disappeared, but they were something special.
Anyway, I think the stimulant abuse might have changed me in some way so I felt a need for sedatives, if only for having an unconscious association with them being something that helps me and something I need. But it only got really bad around Christmas when I'd been using every day for over a month and finally got dependent enough to suffer withdrawals. I've always been able to take them on and off with no problem, but I guess this was too much too long. And my first withdrawal was REALLY bad with delirium and cramps with blood pressure and heart-beat through the roof (was probably lucky to survive). So after that I seriously felt the need for them.
And since then I've gone through it probably 4 or 5 times more (I would black out and eat all my pills). Though I didn't get it was benzo withdrawal at first, as I wasn't aware it could start up again after only a few days of use. So I thought I was seriously ill and going psychotic and went to the doctor several times but they could do nothing to help.
Anyway, I'll try my damnest not to get dragged into it again. The small "high" just isn't worth the price you pay for it and compared with drugs that give a real high it's just laughable. When I got sober I was able to experience these higher emotional states that I hadn't had access to on the pills and realised I actually felt higher (though in a natural sense) and I just realised I didn't want to waste my time and money on that anymore. Especially when the harm they can do is as bad as it is.