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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Things are not ok

Here thereis no test for fent,bupe,synth.canabinoides,kratom,psychedelicks,dissos.Lack of bupe programs too.You can relly on God's mercy,"cause the country is almost missing.......from 30 years.Socialism was a shit,but it brings some good also.Can't say that now,when i can talk freely feel better than before....and I am not the only one
 
I feel ya as well. Being a dope addict for over 30 years been there done that.. been sectioned befire that, that was a relaly shitty 30 days lol... even with all the coke i smuggled in by accident.. lol... but the real point to the matter is, it all cokes down to one single thing.. just one thing. And that is, if you want to stop you will thats all it takes, period.. if you dont want to then dont.
I didnt for years, and only after all that time i learned the hard way...for me anyway.. everyone is different. And i dont wish opiate use for anyone. I wish no one had to ever go thru that. As it just gets harder and harder to to quit if you think it was tough this time, just wait till then next time.. but maybe it easnt that bad, only you know.
I just know it never gets any easier only more difficult. I hope you make the right choices for yourself, no body else...whatever that choice is.. as only you know whats vest for yourself noone else does no one else does... trust me on that one... well anyway peace and be safe whatever your choices may be...☮️☮️☮️
 
Eligiu said:
I also used to get violent night terrors, back before when I hadn't done some really hardcore therapy for my trauma. I used to spend 3-4 hours trying desperately to fall asleep only to jerk awake right before yelling and screaming and thrashing my arms around, and that would also happen 5-6 times a night too. Whenever I slept at friends houses (which I often did for a sense of safety with them) I always felt immensely guilty as I knew I had to have woken them up through the night. When I shared a house with a guy I played lacrosse with after I sobered up in August he had me sleep on my mattress on the floor in his room so that he could wake me up from any nightmares. When I first moved in with him after being homeless for 6 months or so he made the mistake of shaking me awake instead of calling my name and I nearly stabbed him with the knife I slept with at the time. He learnt not to do that in the future.

One of my friends suggested listening to boring podcasts while going to sleep when I admitted to my severe difficulties which did work, so I offer you the same advice. He also got me a white noise machine for my birthday that year which I still use, so again if this is helpful please take what you need from it. He also had severe PTSD from witnessing his best friend shoot himself in the head and commit suicide right in front of him because he got paranoid on coke, and he told me he needed to sleep with sound in the background or he would hear the sound of the gunshot repeatedly.
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If I get woken up by someone I go into flight mode and run, like literally scrambling out of bed butt naked to get out of the room until I come to. its a good job I don't sleep with a knife.

Dude thats fucking harsh what your friend saw. I'm not a podcast sorta guy but I have tried ASMR stuff on youtube, like rain sounds or thunderstorms. It kinda works. I dunno how well with the dream stuff reall but it helps with falling asleep in general.
 
Uknowit4now said:
I feel ya as well. Being a dope addict for over 30 years been there done that.. been sectioned befire that, that was a relaly shitty 30 days lol... even with all the coke i smuggled in by accident.. lol... but the real point to the matter is, it all cokes down to one single thing.. just one thing. And that is, if you want to stop you will thats all it takes, period.. if you dont want to then dont.
I didnt for years, and only after all that time i learned the hard way...for me anyway.. everyone is different. And i dont wish opiate use for anyone. I wish no one had to ever go thru that. As it just gets harder and harder to to quit if you think it was tough this time, just wait till then next time.. but maybe it easnt that bad, only you know.
I just know it never gets any easier only more difficult. I hope you make the right choices for yourself, no body else...whatever that choice is.. as only you know whats vest for yourself noone else does no one else does... trust me on that one... well anyway peace and be safe whatever your choices may be...☮️☮️☮️
Click to expand...
Being sectioned fucking sucks. I get what you mean. I don't think I know what is best for me. I don't want to stop but only because its an escape, a way of coping it makes things feel better. I cant trust myself to keep it under control without the rest of my life spiralling as well. and I can't seem to trust myself to make the right decisions for me. or i don't know what the right decision really is. It is getting more difficult

Thanks for understanding. Appreciated
 
Nas47 said:
Here thereis no test for fent,bupe,synth.canabinoides,kratom,psychedelicks,dissos.Lack of bupe programs too.You can relly on God's mercy,"cause the country is almost missing.......from 30 years.Socialism was a shit,but it brings some good also.Can't say that now,when i can talk freely feel better than before....and I am not the only one
Click to expand...
There's always good with the shit?
 
If yo
Crash Override said:
Being sectioned fucking sucks. I get what you mean. I don't think I know what is best for me. I don't want to stop but only because its an escape, a way of coping it makes things feel better. I cant trust myself to keep it under control without the rest of my life spiralling as well. and I can't seem to trust myself to make the right decisions for me. or i don't know what the right decision really is. It is getting more difficult

Thanks for understanding. Appreciated
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U dont know then you will unfortunately probably use.. im not saying to use of course i dont advocate that.. just being truthful.. be truthful to yourself as you know... and when you want to stop "you will know" you will really know it will hit you from all sides, you heart your mind and your soul.. and youll be like thats it its over i am done. That is straight fact... sometimes it never happens, we are all only human perfection is not an option.. its what makes us all so beautiful everyone of us...💗💗💗
 
Uknowit4now said:
If yo

U dont know then you will unfortunately probably use.. im not saying to use of course i dont advocate that.. just being truthful.. be truthful to yourself as you know... and when you want to stop "you will know" you will really know it will hit you from all sides, you heart your mind and your soul.. and youll be like thats it its over i am done. That is straight fact... sometimes it never happens, we are all only human perfection is not an option.. its what makes us all so beautiful everyone of us...💗💗💗
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Yeah thats probably where I am right now. It's not good, its not right, maybe its just what I need at the moment? Sounds like I'm trying to justify it. Any reason to justify it. Waiting for that moment...

you're right, no one is perfect. The pressure to be perfect or more than I am is too much
 
Crash Override said:
Living in the moment hurts
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always?
we have enough still available to manipulate the now but have to dig deep for valid options and the inner searching may bring pains in itself but eventually that cycle does cycle either up or down. expect these fluctuations it is natural. manipulating these cycles can bring some heavy reactions so be careful.
i use drugs, music, good deeds and some other tools to "manipulate" a down cycle but eventually the fiddlin with natural order will need to be paid. it will swing again in its way.
a two edged sword
use it without expertise and one can lop ones own head off.
 
Crash Override said:
Yeah thats probably where I am right now. It's not good, its not right, maybe its just what I need at the moment? Sounds like I'm trying to justify it. Any reason to justify it. Waiting for that moment...

you're right, no one is perfect. The pressure to be perfect or more than I am is too much
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Try not to think about it too too much it will proly drive you nuts... go with the flow and be safe.. no one can be faulted for using...it just is what it is..
I certainly cant fault anyone i was (and still always we be a fucking monster addict) hopefully i stay clean.. and yea i take it one min at a time myself.. as i am farrrrr from perfect... very far...lol.. just be safe please...☮️☮️☮️
 
6am-64-14m said:
always?
we have enough still available to manipulate the now but have to dig deep for valid options and the inner searching may bring pains in itself but eventually that cycle does cycle either up or down. expect these fluctuations it is natural. manipulating these cycles can bring some heavy reactions so be careful.
i use drugs, music, good deeds and some other tools to "manipulate" a down cycle but eventually the fiddlin with natural order will need to be paid. it will swing again in its way.
a two edged sword
use it without expertise and one can lop ones own head off.
Click to expand...
No not always, youre right. the balance just tips the wrong way most of the time. or the good is too short lived, too brief to make an impact

Music is everything. the only time I feel content or focused or can express myself freely. But also giving back to others. Been doing a few more gigs and stuff lately and the reaction is unbelieable sometimes, seeing other peopke sing along or dancing or enjoying themselves. It's... I don't have the words. I struggle to find my own words but music does rhat for me and others, through me?

How do you know when youre manipulating things in the right way or not?
 
Uknowit4now said:
Try not to think about it too too much it will proly drive you nuts... go with the flow and be safe.. no one can be faulted for using...it just is what it is..
I certainly cant fault anyone i was (and still always we be a fucking monster addict) hopefully i stay clean.. and yea i take it one min at a time myself.. as i am farrrrr from perfect... very far...lol.. just be safe please...☮️☮️☮️
Click to expand...
i'm already nuts lol and am faulted for using all the time, But others but I'm my harshest critic I suppose or listen to other people too much? They must be right though. They see the truth, I see the lies that I convince myself are truth

Safe enough at the moment
 
Crash Override said:
How do you know when youre manipulating things in the right way or not?
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Not sure how one would know... abusing this power should be a good start at recognition of "right or wrong" imo/e.
the higher one goes on a "cycle" the further one has to go down. i try to keep a balance and still ups and downs just not so extreme.
am i making any sense? starting to get a little buzzed.
<3
 
6am-64-14m said:
Not sure how one would know... abusing this power should be a good start at recognition of "right or wrong" imo/e.
the higher one goes on a "cycle" the further one has to go down. i try to keep a balance and still ups and downs just not so extreme.
am i making any sense? starting to get a little buzzed.
<3
Click to expand...
Sorta I'm a bit wasted so cognitive function is not at its best anyway

I think that's the thing. Some cycles are bigger, more of an oval than a circle. Always highs and lows with any cycle. You know when you'v hit your low. I'm a bit scared of going there again tbh
 
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