"There’s someone for me" Feel free to critique

[The Anti-Man]

There’s someone for me

Oh, it rains in sheets
On the abysmal streets
And the grime just won’t wash away
The sodium light
Just dirties the night
If only I could just slip away

Oh, Mother!
I don’t care what you say,
Even you can’t take this away!
There’s someone waiting outside for me
And I don’t care who on Earth sees!

The storm clouds loom
Portending imminent doom
To anyone who dares ask “why?”
Still I love you
When beaten up blue
And crying to the ignorant sky

No! Mother!
No matter what you say,
Even you can’t take this away!
There’s someone waiting outside for me
And together, God knows, we’ll flee!

There must be a better place,
There must be a better place!

And there we shall be together,
There we shall be finally free,
There shall we be forever:
Love crystallised by sleep!

 

[felix]

Oh-oh mother, I can feel... the soil falling over my head...

Not bad mate. But choose life, please!

 

[(Wordy)]

Oh-oh mother, I can feel... the soil falling over my head...

That's my favourite Smiths song. And it's funny, I can almost hear Morrissey singing this, although it doesn't have the obligatory sardonic twist.

Was it written as lyrics? I think it would work really well as a song, and the rhyming is pretty much spot on.

 

[felix]

My favourite too. So I was (in my own way ) giving it the highest praise!

But now and again Morrissey will resist the temptation to stick that knife in, and just sing something *nice*.

 

[(Wordy)]

Hehe... if the knife isn't in, then surely the tongue is!