Just remembered: 4/5 years ago I had a fantastic (read benzo plus stimulant induced) idea to walk to the 'local' (2 mile walk) 24hr ASDA at 10pm on a Tuesday night to see how much I could embarrass the cashier while remaining stone-faced (though, I was closer to 'utterly stoned face').
I picked up a 48 pack of flavoured condoms, a tiny bottle of Durex lubricant, a big bottle of olive oil, a block of lard along with the largest Cucumber I could find and three gigantic Parsnips and innocently walked to the only human operated till in the store, as opposed to the masses of electronic, discreet ones.
At first he looked quizzical, before quickly shifting to nauseated shock. The intent eye contact and seductive wink I gave him only added to the situation.
Youth