The 'want' to stop isn't happening ...

[mamaknockknock]

Recently my wonderful partner of many years, decided he'd like/needs to have a break from meth, for various reasons (work, health, finances etc). It was assumed that I would also stop for a bit, but as yet I haven't and I'm having to hide my use from him, which I'm not enjoying at all. For some reason if someone tells me I should not do something, I do the opposite and go even harder, and this is happening now, which I'm ashamed of. I/we, have been regular users for the past 10 years, and for the past 30 have dabbled in lots of other things, but nothing (except alcohol) got its claws in like meth has. I honestly don't know what to do from here. I can't tell him because that will hurt him, and entice him, and I don't want to make it harder for him, but it's so hard lying - that's not the kind of relationship we have. I don't want to stop if I'm honest, I like the person I am better when under the influence, and haven't got the strength to face up to the reality of what it's actually doing to me. I think at the end of the day I don't care about myself enough to stop, but do care about him, and our family. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Lying to one partner, not wanting to do life sober?

 

[M!$TER-ED]

I am reminded of:
3 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Maybe it is not your season to stop, maybe it is?