• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

What a great, great place to be on a weekend. Like a had nothing else to do but to serve you kindly.
 
My 72 year old Mother recently got an iPhone 6 Plus and uses it very well - super excited about that. However, she can absolutely drive me bat shot crazy with constant texting about little stuff or a million questions - seriously, if more than five just call me. Just had to get that off my chest as I don't want to discourage her from using technology.
 
Lol.. I think I do the exact same thing with my son, and I am far from being 72 lol. I'm always asking him this and that, and trying a million things.
I normally ask if it's okay by him to help me like that but he's cool. Is he really?!! ;)

My generation started using computers - like most of the time, after the year 2000, and I was already pretty grown up by then. Around 28 years old, I guess.
So 16 years later we are all 100% reliable, dependant on our iPhones, iPads and other iPods and other i(s) all the time, and sometimes I feel like telling my friends to slow down.

Most of my friends, work colleagues and even supervisors who are now around 30 years old have grown up with a mobile phone on their side, and that for me happened after 30 years of living a life completely different. I'm around 45 years old. But I feel I'm like your Grandma sometimes.

Always when we go out for lunch, for instance, most people take their 5-10 minutes to use their phones after eating or talking for sometime. I don't need that time at all, unless someone calls me.
 
Fuck you and your, one horse town, clique, insular bullshit....
It's stagnant shite and I'd run a mile, gladly to get away from that staid shit -
Theres a difference between security and bondage....get yoursef free you idiot and get yourself some happiness fron that shit (just think; how difficult it would be to criticise people if you happened to venture outside the bubble
You cowardy piece of shite! :D
 
Asclepius said:
Fuck you and your, one horse town, clique, insular bullshit....
You cowardy piece of shite!
Click to expand...

I guess I'll borrow these perfect aligned lines for the situation I've wished I had said all of the above. ;)
 
After a 3 year addiction, last year I decided I'd had enough of it, and got clean. I had this amazing passion for life, wanting to make up for all the years lost to drugs. I had so much motivation and drive to be productive, and help others. I went from being a depressed, unemployed agoraphobic heroin addict to a happy, motivated, working full time person. Damn.
I've lost it all.
 
^Raze I'm not sure why your posts are getting deleted but it isn't happening from mods deleting them. I undeleted your first post by clicking the little red icon in the left lower corner and choosing "undelete". If it happens again you could try that.
 
You are as fake as a 3$ bill. You may have others fooled but you slipped out too much talking to me
You prey on girls in recovery and when they reject you- you tell others very very personal details about her and it's dead wrong.
If people only knew that confiding in you is a trap. If you get rejected you try to hurt the person
Predators like you make me sick?
 
Calling me naive, not attempting to understand how I feel.
All I ever do is try and be less of an obstacle.
It's like you don't want to try. Why is that?
Life could be so much better. All this animosty could dissipate.
And now you want to flip flop and be nice? There is a difference between me tolerating and being nice! You have no tolerance.

Ass.

You don't even acknolwedge how incredibly little I complain.

Am I doing something wrong?
 
Last edited:
Nixiam said:
Calling me naive, not attemting to.understand how I feel.
All I ever do is try and be less of an obstacle.
It's like you don't want to try. Why is that?
Life could be so much better. All this animosty could dissipate.
And now you want to flip flop and be nice? There is a difference between me tolerating and being nice! You have no tolerance.

Ass.

You don't even acknolwedge how incredibly little I complain.

Am I doing something wrong?
Click to expand...

That sucks - I hope it gets better for you. It sounds like boundaries and desires, genuine desires not obligations, need to be reevaluated. Make certain you guys are spending time together because you both want to, not because you've been doing it for years or because it's convenient. People change and grow apart. There is nothing wrong with that unless it's causing too much conflict and adversity. It's better to part ways with good memories than grow to hate each other. Good luck!
 
Argh.
Soon I'll start to believe in faith. Now that I am about to enter opiate replacement therapy someone bumped up a thread I started on Other Drugs from a year 2012 when I was about to turn into an addict from a legit painmanagement patient.

Lol with this rare encounter.

Triggering material on the thread so tread carefully if you have tendency for triggers:
http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...SR-Hydromorphone)-for-snorting-or-nasal-spray
 
Good luck with your replacement therapy. I did it for a number of years and then realise I did not want to be stucked to the medication I using.
If you want to quit after a while it may be pretty manageable but after many years, it's pretty nasty. I should have known better.
 
I am thinking it as a cruth to get by until I can manage without opioids. My goal is up to two years until I start titrate the dose down to zero.
 
harmacologist said:
I wanted to go to Utila, learn to dive (professionally, it complements my skills and previous certs), and more than anything break out of my pathetic loser shell and sleep with a girl.

I got there and had an allergic reaction to something and couldn't breath at night. So I went to honduras for 2 weeks, and couldn't do much except for swim a little, lay on the dock, read, and eat all sorts of weird street foods.

I didn't do any drugs which was good (break from cannabis) and bad, I wanted to try cocaine. I also quickly reverted to being a drunk again. Hadn't drank at all this year, so I quickly progressed from 2 beers and im drunk, to 12 shots and im not even stumbling to the next bar.

i met some nice people (girls as well), and was rather smitten with a few (its hard not to be when the clothing is so skimpy), but nothing happened because I am still a little coward boy and talk myself out of ever expressing love interest by justifying to myself that any girl I like is better off with anyone else.

feels like whenever I plan to make my life better, it always fucks up and I'm right back to where I started.

ill be home in a day, and I don't know what I am going to do, I didn't have a plan B ready. I wasted a ton of money on this trip with zero to show. I dont wanna go get a shitty job (the only kind I qualify for) in freezing cold canada, but I dont really know what else to do.

i dont have any friends or family I really trust, not enough to vent like this, and have someone point me in the right direction.

my heads all fucked up and I dont want to talk to doctors about it because im scarred of getting locked up again, and have never had good luck with pharms.

i dont wanna die, i just never wanted to exist.

i miss my (moms) dog, but not as much as i miss drugs.
Click to expand...


I know the struggle. I had a BS degree in Environmental science an renewable energy. I realized after job searching for months and working several mediocre jobs that I had royally fucked up and waster years pursuing something that I hated doing. I felt trapped and thought I was stuck with my choice of a bleak, depressing, unrewarding career. Recently, the death of one of my best friends kicked my ass into gear. Made me realize that I didn't want to further pursue my science career and that I still possible to find who I wanted to be. Environmental Science is desperately interesting to me, but the jobs I could get with my degree weren't even close to what I thought I would be able to do with my degree.......even then I was just barely qualified for those jobs. I realized that I had picked this career because my parents always told me I needed a profitable career, that I NEEDED to get a degree. I felt like I HAD to go to college and that there wasn't another option. I chose my major because it sounded cool and my friends went to that school, so I could live with people I already knew and skip the discomfort of meeting new people (one of my biggest regrets from college). At the time it was a comfortable choice; I didn't know what I wanted to do with life, so I picked that because it sounded like a respectable career, one that would make me sound smart and successful when I talked to others about it. I always figured that my future would eventually just show up and that then I'd be a happy adult.

It didn't.

I Felt trapped in my mistake, and thought that I had condemned myself to a future of mediocrity, disappointment and depression. I had also been really struggling with severe substance abuse (for 7ish years) too, so I thought of suicide often, I felt like a complete and utter waste of life, always taking the easy routes assuming that happiness and life would just find me without having to search for it myself.

Only now, after the death of my best friend, do I realize what I need to do.....what my "purpose" is .....I'm going back to school to get my degree in chemical dependence and addiction counseling.

I know more than my GP about, addiction, depression, and drugs, and I'm respectful enough to him that he will trust my knowledge and will work with me and my ideas to help me. I identify with users because I'm a user too. I always show them respect because I know what a rough life they live, and I always listen to what they have to say; I can't judge them, I'm no different than they are; I don't have any illusions about who I am. I know that I can give them some of the trust that they have lost because of their disease, and that I can give them the respect that they don't believe they deserve.

Before my friend died I thought I wanted to die. I saw my future as a black pit of shitty jobs in a career field I didn't like. I thought that I had given all of my happiness, optimism, and willingness to take chances away in exchange for a comfortable career that would always have me earning my boss his Christmas bonus while I worked alone on Christmas eve. I thought that I was always going to be using and abusing one thing or another to escape the reality of my rash decisions and lazy choices.

Now I have an optimism for life that I hadn't had since entering my first semester of college. With this career change I finally see that I'm capable of helping. With this career I may be able to save families, marriages, friendships, and lives.........and now I can see my future as exciting and full of possibilities.

I will always regret that I didn't do everything in my power to help my friend. I looked the other way because I didn't want to see the ugly reality of his use. I didn't tell him that I could see him deteriorating, that I could see him harm himself. I didn't want to make him feel ashamed of himself, and I didn't want him to be angry with me because I was trying to get in-between him and his drugs.........most of all I didn't want to loose his friendship and trust if I made an intervention for him, or told his parents that he was using again, or snitched to his AA sponsor about his drinking. But in the end I DID lose his friendship.........he DIED.

If I had just done what needed to be done, stopped worrying about him getting angry at me and started worrying about his life, he might have made it to see today. I didn't do the right things. He never asked for help, he never reached out for a hand to grab and pull him out of his deep addiction, but it wasn't hard to see that's what he needed......and I didn't give it to him. I want to do his memory justice. I want to make sure that people know they don't have to fight addiction alone. I want people to know that they do matter, that they all have value, that they all have skills, that they all are worth taking care of.

I want people to know that its never too late to change their life's direction.

At the beginning of 2016 I was suicidal, had a drug habit that had me spending hundreds of dollars daily, and moved to a ruined town away from family and friends, for a job I absolutely hated. Now I am going back to school for a career I am passionate about, I'm drug free, and I know that I am helping people have better lives. I found the way I can give back.

Things can always turn around for the better, and its never too late to change who you are. The only catch is that things will rarely change for the better by themselves. It takes hard work and dedication as well as a shitload of tears and bruises, but it is always worth doing. As they say: "anything worth having isn't easy to get"..........and these lessons took me a lot of pain and bullshit to realize.



P.S I realize this post is more than a year old and that the user I responded to is no longer a bluelighter.........just wanted to share for the benefit of others in a similar position and to jerk myself off a bit for figuring out what I want to give life.
 
Lobster -

congrats on your new life. It sounds like exciting things are in your future!

thanks for sharing your story. It's an inspiration for people like me!

- VE
 
MrRoot said:
I am thinking it as a cruth to get by until I can manage without opioids. My goal is up to two years until I start titrate the dose down to zero.
Click to expand...

It's a good plan! If I could go back and change a couple of things it would definitely be the amount of time and would have tried to use less..
Good luck MrRoot!
 
Lobsterbutch said:
Now I have an optimism for life that I hadn't had since entering my first semester of college. With this career change I finally see that I'm capable of helping. With this career I may be able to save families, marriages, friendships, and lives.........and now I can see my future as exciting and full of possibilities.

I will always regret that I didn't do everything in my power to help my friend. I looked the other way because I didn't want to see the ugly reality of his use. I didn't tell him that I could see him deteriorating, that I could see him harm himself. I didn't want to make him feel ashamed of himself, and I didn't want him to be angry with me because I was trying to get in-between him and his drugs.........most of all I didn't want to loose his friendship and trust if I made an intervention for him, or told his parents that he was using again, or snitched to his AA sponsor about his drinking. But in the end I DID lose his friendship.........he DIED.

If I had just done what needed to be done, stopped worrying about him getting angry at me and started worrying about his life, he might have made it to see today. I didn't do the right things. He never asked for help, he never reached out for a hand to grab and pull him out of his deep addiction, but it wasn't hard to see that's what he needed......and I didn't give it to him. I want to do his memory justice. I want to make sure that people know they don't have to fight addiction alone. I want people to know that they do matter, that they all have value, that they all have skills, that they all are worth taking care of.

I want people to know that its never too late to change their life's direction.


P.S I realize this post is more than a year old and that the user I responded to is no longer a bluelighter.........just wanted to share for the benefit of others in a similar position and to jerk myself off a bit for figuring out what I want to give life.
Click to expand...

Lobster, This is an amazing post. Thanks for sharing. <3
 
I don't know why people who feel the need to talk about their belief in Aliens and/ghosts/angels/Spiritualism, are drawn to me - I am seriously feeling like the universe is mocking me and trying my patience!!! Grrrrrr! 8:)!
 
This has been one of my worst years. Work is like hell, I have been treating my teeth for ages and I have had been part of a car accident. When I manage to save some money due to 1.5 year sober only to see it all being spent with insurances, doctors and paperwork. Oh well. At least I had a reserve. And I'm grateful I'm doing that now rather than later. I keep wondering if these things have happened a couple of years ago how would I have solved all of these shitty issues! I guess it would have been a total disaster..:\
 
Last edited:
Sweetyjane77 said:
You are as fake as a 3$ bill. You may have others fooled but you slipped out too much talking to me
You prey on girls in recovery and when they reject you- you tell others very very personal details about her and it's dead wrong.
If people only knew that confiding in you is a trap. If you get rejected you try to hurt the person
Predators like you make me sick?
Click to expand...
Wtf im pretty wired atm so could be wrong but who are you referring to? I dont even go to n.a
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top