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Venting The Vent/Rant Thread Vs. You Silly KnuckleHeads Can Go Fly a Kite!!

x_benzo_girl said:
I saw in thread of yours that you and your wife were taking care of a sick kitty, who after your wife passed, miraculously got better. Focus on that baby - it needs you and will love you unconditionally. I have a couple of rescued kitties who have helped pull me out of some really dark times. Sometimes, they have been the only thing keeping me from committing suicide, because they need me and I couldn't stand to have them go to a shelter and possibly get killed, which would probably happen as their special needs (one is an injecting diabetic and requires insulin twice a day), one has extreme ptsd, and another has a serious heart condition).

Other stuff you can try is to get out of the house. Go for a walk, go to a coffee shop, go to a meeting - anything that puts you outside of yourself. The disparity will diminish in time, but you hve to go through the grieving process. Acknowledge your feelings, good and bad. Try to live in the moment. I am so sorry you are going through this - you have my deepest sympathies.
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Thank you x_b_g. I am taking care of my kitties, they make me smile, and I am still in college. The college thing can be hard, because my wife and went together and so there is a lot of memories there that still make me heartsick. It will pass. Being on BL TDS helps a lot; that rant ^^^^ I posted last night took a lot of the power out of my anger. Answering HR posts here and there on here also helps me feel better. Wifey was happy with me being on BL, she liked to look at it with me.

Thank you too to those who gave me the info about Win 10. Gracias, RT :)
 
Well, thank you too benzo girl, you seem so to be skilled, well versed.

Although this not a very good thing to feel, but my boss went back home for a couple of months, maybe more. But she left her mark.

I mean wow, what a leader -- she can make you work your ass off, make you hate her so much (instantly, not long enough) and still being able to be empathic that you must recognize she's good on what she does. Although sometimes she borrows our work and make it her credit, I suppose she's earned this. Good luck but don't get so comfortable.
 
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Ruby Slippers said:
My boyfriend snores. Loudly and incessantly. /rant
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My husband sounds like he is sawing wood at night like. His legs also jump sometimes. He sleeps in the other room, though I know his snoring and jumping are because of cigarettes...need for us both to quit.
 
Speaking of snoring, I haven't really slept at all none of these past nights. When the alarm rings I'm already doing coffee. I wasn't that tired until today. And I can't take these Seroquel meds my doctor prescribed, it's even worst than not sleeping.

I just wish I can sleep the entire weekend. I can't figure what's going on, and the idea of not looking at the clock drives me crazy so I'm always like, well I still have 3 hours, then 2 then zero. I need to see a real sleeping doctor and see if there is anything physically wrong with me. I just hope he doesn't try to prescribe any benzo because it gets me thinking whether this is the only way.

It's really not a good thing to start the appointment with telling the part of my life where I must say why I'm like that.
This makes it quite easy for the to jump to conclusions way ahead. I can't lie either, that wouldn't help at all. :?
 
When people said the physical wd was easy compared to the mental I figured no f'n way I'm to strong headed. But wow my brain went through 5 days of racing ,horrid images and places then into a super depression. I can usually think myself out of this bs but I just can't now. I want to go back to the first day I took an oxy and rip out my windpipe
 
This part is difficult and it takes a lot from us (physically speaking) but there is more and the reason I wanted to share this with you is because I believe you need to try and remember how you have dealt with this first phase so you can ensure you can also handle your emotions and difficulties when this detox is finally done.

Sometimes we think we are not going to, there are demons all over telling us how easy this can all be and we should learn to live with them so that you build your shield as high as it's needed. These thoughts, the strength you are acquiring is part of the healing process and at certain point not so far from you will feel joy again. And when that happens keep in mind that there are more coming. It's in you.

This part of the recovery where we passed the physical withdrawal and haven't yet found the rhythm is different for each person but know that you get stronger than you think. It'l like getting an extra power ;)
 
I had a rough night last night and drank too much. I'm thinking the booze kinda gave the depression a little boost. My retarded logic was I just wanted to sleep. That's what I hate. It wasn't an oxy but it was still a numbing substance. And a depressant. Not smart to have vodka right now. It do anger me that I'm an addict now. Not using opiates but still went for that quick fix. Is that a relapse? I miss keeping my head straight. I guess I'm at the bottom so there's only up. I think when I'm feeling better I should visit my folks. It's been a few years. I just didn't want them to see me as a druggie. I can't stress enough how evil opiates are. Now I'm a bit outta the fog I see how that piss drug changed me. I just want to be who I was before. Fuck you oxy. You took a couple years from me. You took my family and friends. And you took my husband. It disgust me I ever let you in my body f*%*# c*^#^
 
The best way to solve our demons with addiction is the self awareness that this is not good and the to realize what we want in life.
I think you are in the best place to deal with you issues and although drinking was a bit of a problem you've used this feeling to motivate you even more.

Although I've been sober for a while I can relate to every word you say about opiates and how they've destroyed everything I had. To the point I had to start from zero in my life when I was already pretty mature. The good things I can use is that I too don't regret having quit despite of my emotional downs eventually. I understand that this is how life is, except that I feel I can manage most of my problems when I'm off opiates, off benzos etc.

Yes fc you oxy, dilaudid, demerol, H, fentanyl and all of those of you who cheated me with illusions of a better world.
 
I never thought I'd be in this situation. Then again, I often find myself in extremely shitty circumstances, somehow. It's almost like every fucking decision I make ends up hurting me in the long run. My life will seem like it's going okay for a while, then I get shit on by a harsh dose of reality. Currently I am mixed up in a very unorthodox relationship. This relationship has brought me a lot of happiness and other good feelings I've not yet experienced until now. The problem is that this relationship is straining her more so than myself. It makes me feel guilty and unsure of myself. I wish she would get out of her situation, but ultimately I don't think it would make matters any better for her or myself. I believe I'm gonna have to let her go. I'm afraid that the situation will only get worse if I continue to try what I'm doing. I thought maybe I could work it out, maybe have a normal fucking relationship with another person. Dammit, I tried though. This is hurting both of us and I really shouldn't continue this. I've been very stressed lately mostly on what I just typed. Then of course there's work and an incompetent trainer...but I won't get started on that.
 
*^ life is a cruel little demon but it's in us under our control . If you feel stuck or have a unhappy lifestyle ,step away and give yourself a good look. Be kind but remember your number 1.
 
I'm on a beautiful lake in the Forrest and there was empty pop cans and garbage by a beach. Humans are destroying this earth. Why mess up something that's beautiful ? F'n people
 
Yes, sometimes it pisses me off when I see these garbage when you even furtherst away from the bay.
Sometimes in the ocean..
 
I will never understand how people can hurt others. I read someone wish suffering in another and I just don't see how a person could think this way. My dad always said I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders and yes I care to much sometimes but I'd rather have empathy and love for people then wish harm. I just hate how people can see someone sad or in pain and get happiness out of that. And people wonder why I cut myself off from society
 
^ Well said. Nicely put.

I'll never understand how can someone wish anything other than the best for others. Empathy has got to win this ugly war where people fight for their egos.
 
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