TDS The TDS grief/bereavement thread

[BehindtheShadow]

This has basically just happened to me and my family yesterday. Lost my dad. No words to describe how I'm feeling rn.

I'm sorry for your loss

 

[PtahTek]

first time seeing this thread
hope to not frequent and wont
sorry for anyones loses but we lose more the longer we we here
if fuckin hurts and i know bereavement my closest enenmy
love you

i think i just fugiured out why i drink so much water
not from the frosuse sweating constanly (daytime)

its the fuckin tears...
not lol

 

[stardust10]

I'm sorry for your loss

Thanks you too.

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

This has basically just happened to me and my family yesterday. Lost my dad. No words to describe how I'm feeling rn.

PM

 

[BehindtheShadow]

Thanks you too.

Pm me if you need to chat

 

[BluejayBlues]

I don't post here really at all but I'm struggling right now. My fiancé, someone I know who was on this forum but I don't know his username, passed away on Monday. They haven't told us how yet but I suspect it was an accidental combo of whatever was in a pill he smoked the day before and his prescription klonopin he took as normal. It doesn't feel real, my life feels empty and I feel broken. I miss him so much. Doing my best though to get the help I need I'm just stuck in a waiting period till they actually can get me in to see someone.

Edut: I'm hoping someone can help me figure out what his username was so he can be properly added to the shrine. He loved this forum and it helped him before when going through trauma and such. It's what he'd want, to ve with those he felt kindredship with

 

[Nurse Ratched]

I don't post here really at all but I'm struggling right now. My fiancé, someone I know who was on this forum but I don't know his username, passed away on Monday. They haven't told us how yet but I suspect it was an accidental combo of whatever was in a pill he smoked the day before and his prescription klonopin he took as normal. It doesn't feel real, my life feels empty and I feel broken. I miss him so much. Doing my best though to get the help I need I'm just stuck in a waiting period till they actually can get me in to see someone.

Edut: I'm hoping someone can help me figure out what his username was so he can be properly added to the shrine. He loved this forum and it helped him before when going through trauma and such. It's what he'd want, to ve with those he felt kindredship with

I am so sorry you are going through this. I hope you can see someone very soon.

I don't think anyone on here would have a clue what his username is without some kind of context.

If YOU could somehow find out his user name from a friend of his or give us a hint, we would most assuredly make a shrine post for him and mourn him.

Stay strong.

 

[deficiT]

I don't post here really at all but I'm struggling right now. My fiancé, someone I know who was on this forum but I don't know his username, passed away on Monday. They haven't told us how yet but I suspect it was an accidental combo of whatever was in a pill he smoked the day before and his prescription klonopin he took as normal. It doesn't feel real, my life feels empty and I feel broken. I miss him so much. Doing my best though to get the help I need I'm just stuck in a waiting period till they actually can get me in to see someone.

Edut: I'm hoping someone can help me figure out what his username was so he can be properly added to the shrine. He loved this forum and it helped him before when going through trauma and such. It's what he'd want, to ve with those he felt kindredship with

I am so very sorry for your loss. If there's anything any of us can do for you, please reach out. If you need to contact me personally, DM and we can work out contact details.

As far as his username goes, it's kind of impossible for us to take a guess on who he was, especially with little to go on. If could be anybody really. Which is a shame. Even if you don't figure out his username, you can still make a post in the shrine memorializing him as is, use his name or not, whichever way you're comfortable with.

 

[BluejayBlues]

I am so very sorry for your loss. If there's anything any of us can do for you, please reach out. If you need to contact me personally, DM and we can work out contact details.

As far as his username goes, it's kind of impossible for us to take a guess on who he was, especially with little to go on. If could be anybody really. Which is a shame. Even if you don't figure out his username, you can still make a post in the shrine memorializing him as is, use his name or not, whichever way you're comfortable with.

I think I'll do that. I didn't give much details in my first post because I didn't know what would be relevant to finding his username. At the very least I'll post about the true him, maybe it'll help others put a username to him and at the very least know the kind of person he was and such. Thank you for listening to me and trying to help out.

 

[xaddictx]

I just ran across this thread. For everyone who has lost a loved one, I'm so very sorry. I lost my brother on June 24th of this year. It was so sudden. The pain is still real. Disbelief and the pain is just as bad. He died of arteriosclerosis. ( clogging and hardening of the arteries.. I noticed he was always winded after doing relatively easy tasks. I always harped on him to go see a doctor....he was stubborn and eventually cost him his life. I miss him so much, I just wish it was just a nightmare and he'd come walking through the door. I know he's in a beautiful place now so that brings comfort. There is nothing worse than losing a loved one. I miss him every day.

 

[Robi]

Welp my poppa passed earlier today at 77, had a lil spot on liver and then it went to cancer of lungs, when he heard news that he had cancer , he just stop eating, we had hospice come in, and all happened so fast, just saw the funeral directors come in and take him away, pretty harsh and it brings up so much past stuff of beloved members of my family that passed, seeing that again and again, he was surrounded by love but it was so strange to kiss a corpse goodbye, he will be buried and get a gun salute, he was in `nam and tough ol right winger, but loved his gay kids and i called him my stale marshmellow, hard on the outside but soft inside, you shall be missed poppa, ill miss giving you your crew cuts and listening to your political rants.

 

[deficiT]

It's been nearly a month now since losing the love of my life. It's only seemingly gotten harder. I am no longer numb or in shock, but simply angry with the world and angry with life.

It's gotten to the point where I can't even sleep on a bed anymore. Because that's when the nightmares, sleep paralysis, and dreams of her plague me. I enjoy the dreams of her immensely. I have been doing some very chaotic astral projection/ lucid dreaming of late. All in all it seems my psyche is simply overwhelmed, exhausted, and beat down.

My father used to quote some old western flick and tell me to simply "Endeavor to persevere", so that's what I believe I must, and will, do.

 

[Pill Clinton]

Around 2020......My absolute best friend passed away. I'm STILL not over it. The only thing I have left is 5 year old voicemail saying how much he loved me and my Family for taking him in and treating him good etc. I cherish that voicemail msg. it's all I got left.

I use to use with him my roa was tooting his was IV. We used from the O'sillys in High School to 5 years doin' Dog Food later driving miles and miles to cop Diesel. I stopped and became clean from Dog Food (H) and all hardcore drugs except Pharmaceutical's .Around 2015 IMO that's around the chalky brown "normal" powder turned into a more whiteish color and also the time Fent. was starting to drop people. I got deep in the game I never told my Friend how deep I got into the scene. I didn't want him around these people (being he wasn't that street smart as he was booksmart)

So, anyways I'm clean now and he was still using then I found out he passed away a month before that about 5 another High School friends passed away.

I found out from a Friend I tried everything to go to his Funeral but at the time COVID-19 just hit and you remember lock downs and such.
So, only his Father went (his mother passed away which I think was his ultimate downfall) we spoke many times before he died. I would always tell him to go to meetings with me, but no.

His ex-wife and his own daughter didn't go to his Funeral or go to this Grave site. I and about 2 other people went to say goodbye at his Gravesite.
It kills me every single day I never got my peace of mind of "Goodbye" from him. I know he is no longer suffering and all that.....But, there's a hole in my soul for him.
I've been having dreams about him, he was the first to ever inject me and the last (Luckily, I never felt anything from it) But, I wake up in cold sweats checking my arm for blood and track marks and my arm is fine.....But, it's a very scary dream with my arm dripping in blood.

Damn, I miss him. I just had to get this out. Thanks.

-
----P.C

 

[SiriuslyLost]

The mother to my first daughter shot and killed herself roughly a month or two ago because the guy she married after we split up ended up leaving her. She had a lot of mental health issues and I'm sure the time we spent on drugs at one point together didn't help. She was wild and crazy as fuck but I loved her for the time me and her were together and I absolutely Hate that she was so badly messed up mentally she felt like that was the only solution to her problem. I hadn't spoke to her in 2 years but... we were on alright last time we had talked and she should have messaged me or something if she was alone. I would've been there for her. She didn't deserve to die. She had a lot of bad malicious sides but she was her own person and was a very insecure girl inside. At least she is no longer hurting mentally or emotionally any more.... I love you M. I'll make sure to tell our daughter about you . She misses you....

 

[Jerry Atrick]

The mother to my first daughter shot and killed herself roughly a month or two ago because the guy she married after we split up ended up leaving her. She had a lot of mental health issues and I'm sure the time we spent on drugs at one point together didn't help. She was wild and crazy as fuck but I loved her for the time me and her were together and I absolutely Hate that she was so badly messed up mentally she felt like that was the only solution to her problem. I hadn't spoke to her in 2 years but... we were on alright last time we had talked and she should have messaged me or something if she was alone. I would've been there for her. She didn't deserve to die. She had a lot of bad malicious sides but she was her own person and was a very insecure girl inside. At least she is no longer hurting mentally or emotionally any more.... I love you M. I'll make sure to tell our daughter about you . She misses you....

I'm so sorry this happened. It's never easy losing someone we care about and not having the chance to say goodbye

 

[bansheewoman]

My husband died in February 2020 from complications of congestive heart failure. I miss him terribly. He was kind, smart, funny, and a good man through and through. I was so damn lucky. I wish we could have had more time together. I hope somehow we meet again.

 

[deficiT]

Still deeply in mourning. No matter what I do it feels like I can't get a sense of normalcy. Everything feels claustrophobic. The world seems set against me and I don't have that partner that would stand beside me through all of it. It's still just so difficult, I don't know what to do with myself. But at the same time, I feel abnormally normal and uncaring, if that makes sense? It's like I just stopped caring but I'm just going through the motions. I don't expect to ever find love again and that breaks my heart.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I just wanted to share my day. It has been very hard. I was reading about people in my age range, having to struggle with lost so much more often than other generations. Between heroin hitting us so hard and then the suicide rate it’s just been a disaster and if you were in your 30s, I know that you relate. Last year I lost a cousin to suicide. She left behind her child, and she decided to take her life due to a relapse she was very guilty that she was going to put her daughter through hell again. Our family is just kind of trying to Make sense of it still however, it’s been a horrible nightmare today as we found that her brother (my cousin) who had also relapsed was murdered at a motel that he had been staying. Everything is still very confusing as the investigation continues. I just wanted to get this off my chest. It’s a very strange feeling the shock of it all in that numbness. I am currently trying to kick some bad habits myself. I just wanted to end with: I am grateful for a blue light, although I am not super familiar with everybody here over on the forum but the discord family has really been a solid supportive force for me. I wasn’t going to share, but I saw this thread and figured it would be therapeutic. Life is short that’s for sure, so I am hoping that I can make the most of what I have left here.

 

[Jerry Atrick]

I just wanted to share my day. It has been very hard. I was reading about people in my age range, having to struggle with lost so much more often than other generations. Between heroin hitting us so hard and then the suicide rate it’s just been a disaster and if you were in your 30s, I know that you relate. Last year I lost a cousin to suicide. She left behind her child, and she decided to take her life due to a relapse she was very guilty that she was going to put her daughter through hell again. Our family is just kind of trying to Make sense of it still however, it’s been a horrible nightmare today as we found that her brother (my cousin) who had also relapsed was murdered at a motel that he had been staying. Everything is still very confusing as the investigation continues. I just wanted to get this off my chest. It’s a very strange feeling the shock of it all in that numbness. I am currently trying to kick some bad habits myself. I just wanted to end with: I am grateful for a blue light, although I am not super familiar with everybody here over on the forum but the discord family has really been a solid supportive force for me. I wasn’t going to share, but I saw this thread and figured it would be therapeutic. Life is short that’s for sure, so I am hoping that I can make the most of what I have left here.

Hi Moody Me, I am so sorry this has happened to your family twice in a relatively short amount of time. There are not many things more difficult than losing loved ones before their time was supposed to be up.

It seems like you needed to get this off your chest and I can testify that doing that can indeed be very therapeutic. Have you considered attempting to reach out to a therapist? Many of them specialize in grief and loss. When I went through losing my 21 year old fiancee (20 years ago), seeing therapists really helped me navigate how to cope and continue trucking through life when all I wanted to do was lay around doing nothing but dwelling on the pain all day every day. There is nothing wrong with grieving and we all have our own timeline but eventually a threshold is reached where we must pick up the pieces and continue with life for better or worse.

The old cliche is that time heals. I will say that is not always accurate though. What I found is with time we just get used to living with the pain but it never really goes away completely. I would argue that freeing oneself of all pain would only leave one cold, empty, and without empathy.

My heart goes out to you and your family. Please keep us updated and let us know if you need anything

 

[Jabberwocky]

Hi Moody Me, I am so sorry this has happened to your family twice in a relatively short amount of time. There are not many things more difficult than losing loved ones before their time was supposed to be up.

It seems like you needed to get this off your chest and I can testify that doing that can indeed be very therapeutic. Have you considered attempting to reach out to a therapist? Many of them specialize in grief and loss. When I went through losing my 21 year old fiancee (20 years ago), seeing therapists really helped me navigate how to cope and continue trucking through life when all I wanted to do was lay around doing nothing but dwelling on the pain all day every day. There is nothing wrong with grieving and we all have our own timeline but eventually a threshold is reached where we must pick up the pieces and continue with life for better or worse.

The old cliche is that time heals. I will say that is not always accurate though. What I found is with time we just get used to living with the pain but it never really goes away completely. I would argue that freeing oneself of all pain would only leave one cold, empty, and without empathy.

My heart goes out to you and your family. Please keep us updated and let us know if you need anything

Thanks, it means a lot. It’s so hard when anyone dies before they’ve even lived. Just knowing his addiction held him so tightly that he never knew what life could be for more then a few months her and there. And how scared he must’ve been. Breaks my heart. Thanks for reaching out and being supportive right now I’m just sitting with my feelings. Weirdly I started a new mental health clinic this morning.. I was diagnosed with PTSD today as well (before I got the news. )

It’s been quite a shit day