Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

[Nas47]

Its absolutely nessesery to CWE such products.Its easy and your liver would be grateful to you

 

[papercuts]

How’s this for unbelievably stupid. I have been taking 25-30 Percocet’s per day for the last 5 days. At 375 mg Tylenol (APAP, Acetaminophen, Paracetamol. Different words for the exact same thing) per pill.... I have been taking about 10 grams per day. I tried cold water extraction but I did something wrong and just gave up. Anyone with half a brain would say I’m guaranteed to destroy my liver. Fortunately (or unfortunately, dunno) I come from a long line of functioning alcoholics on both sides of my family and nobody ever had liver problems.
I keep telling myself that it’s good because I’m scared and that stops me from taking even more, but that’s probably a lie that I tell myself to justify my abuse of the pills. I guess we’ll all see where it leads.

I remember you saying the point of switching from oxy to perocet was the hope it might slow you down. If it's not happening maybe switch again? I don't know what alternatives there are, but liver damage isn't worth risking if you can get something else. There is an adjustment period for these meds so it wouldn't shock your doctor into being suspicious if you said it wasn't working for you for some made up reason.
In fact just look through the side effects leaflet for ideas.
PS I'm as yellow as a Simpson each time I'm ill and my dr said my liver's just about ok, certainly not in great shape. Really I don't recommend it.

 

[papercuts]

Me too. I go from wishing I never started down this path to wishing I could just have all the oxy I want. In between I keep swinging from planning to be smart/taper aggressively, to deciding I might as well enjoy one more day and begin the suffering tomorrow.
Tomorrow I’ll decide it was stupid to take a whole crap-load extra yesterday, but today I’ll decide it’s totally worth it to use all of my pills for one last great night.

I need a good reason to quit ever, I'm not running out every month so it's ongoing for me all the time and this payback is the worst one yet. It's always tomorrow for me too, because it's not just the wd I'm trying to avoid, it's the time after wd, when I'm well but missing it, that I also dread, until I'm actually there and find out it's ok.
I'm still alive. There were times in the last 24 hours I wasn't sure I could survive it. I've agonising stomach pains and "uncomfortable" doesn't come close to describing the cold sweats & hot flashes which switched two or three times a minute all through the night while I writhed around on top of towels trying to keep warm enough or cool enough then warm enough again. relentless, so I caved a little bit and stuck on a bupe patch. It only reduced the torture by about 10% but made the sweating worse so I was tempted to rip it off again, but I don't like wasting them and it might be the reason I'm feeling not so bad now. A few kilos lighter and feeling very dirty, but too weak to crawl to the shower.
I asked my husband to hide my stash, he refused, he says I have to control it myself. I have put it far enough I couldn't reach it last night, but omg it's getting harder each time I do this, or do we just forget?

 

[Nas47]

I need a good reason to quit ever, I'm not running out every month so it's ongoing for me all the time and this payback is the worst one yet. It's always tomorrow for me too, because it's not just the wd I'm trying to avoid, it's the time after wd, when I'm well but missing it, that I also dread, until I'm actually there and find out it's ok.
I'm still alive. There were times in the last 24 hours I wasn't sure I could survive it. I've agonising stomach pains and "uncomfortable" doesn't come close to describing the cold sweats & hot flashes which switched two or three times a minute all through the night while I writhed around on top of towels trying to keep warm enough or cool enough then warm enough again. relentless, so I caved a little bit and stuck on a bupe patch. It only reduced the torture by about 10% but made the sweating worse so I was tempted to rip it off again, but I don't like wasting them and it might be the reason I'm feeling not so bad now. A few kilos lighter and feeling very dirty, but too weak to crawl to the shower.
I asked my husband to hide my stash, he refused, he says I have to control it myself. I have put it far enough I couldn't reach it last night, but omg it's getting harder each time I do this, or do we just forget?

Your husband its not wright for me if you have compulsive patterns to use.Hope that patches would ease your withdrawl to some extend...for some is difficult switching on that med.in the beginning.Be safe

 

[Squeaky]

I need a good reason to quit ever, I'm not running out every month so it's ongoing for me all the time and this payback is the worst one yet. It's always tomorrow for me too, because it's not just the wd I'm trying to avoid, it's the time after wd, when I'm well but missing it, that I also dread, until I'm actually there and find out it's ok.
I'm still alive. There were times in the last 24 hours I wasn't sure I could survive it. I've agonising stomach pains and "uncomfortable" doesn't come close to describing the cold sweats & hot flashes which switched two or three times a minute all through the night while I writhed around on top of towels trying to keep warm enough or cool enough then warm enough again. relentless, so I caved a little bit and stuck on a bupe patch. It only reduced the torture by about 10% but made the sweating worse so I was tempted to rip it off again, but I don't like wasting them and it might be the reason I'm feeling not so bad now. A few kilos lighter and feeling very dirty, but too weak to crawl to the shower.
I asked my husband to hide my stash, he refused, he says I have to control it myself. I have put it far enough I couldn't reach it last night, but omg it's getting harder each time I do this, or do we just forget?

I’m very lucky to have my wife. She has hidden my really good pills for me, 4 month’s worth. No complaints from her. It shouldn’t be her burden to carry, but at the same time there was a promise “in sickness and in health”. I only really screwed up with her once or twice, so maybe it would be different if I was a chronic junkie. I doubt she would divorce me but I’m pretty sure she would change the locks. I don’t know your situation with your husband or your history, so I’m definitely not judging his response. Maybe it’s very appropriate, but it sounds a bit harsh.
———-

Certain aspects of wd get easier each time you go through it. We learn tricks to manage the symptoms and we become very educated in the whole process. The fear that the suffering will never end definitely goes away after the 2nd or 3rd trip through the chunnell. For me, there’s one thing in particular that gets worse every time:
—- The moment when everything has been really bad for hours or days. The nausea, diarrhea, insomnia, sweating, etc.... all of it. I’m saying that I’m determined to get through it and not give in, but I’m wishing for relief. Everything sucks and now that I’m a seasoned junkie, I know exactly why it sucks and how to fix it. There’s a moment when I’m miserable and all it takes is one pill/patch/etc. All hope is instantly restored. I never injected anything, so there’s going to be a wait time but that’s OK. Not even enough to make me feel great, just enough drugs to stop my wd’s. Every minute feels like an eternity and it’s exponentially worse when I know that it would be so easy to just take one pill. Nobody needs to know. I’m not going to get high. I just want the suffering to stop. It’s a conversation that plays on and on in my head endlessly, and it makes wd feel like it’s taking even longer that it already is. It’s the reason why in-patient rehab works: That whole conversation disappears because you’re locked up and you WILL NOT get your drugs, for weeks to months.

It’s that part of wd that gets worse every time. Thankfully my wife is a bulldog and she hid my pills. The last time I really suffered through some crappy wd’s, I didn’t have to deal with this part because I didn’t know where the bottle of salvation had been stashed and I knew there was nothing I could say or do to get her to tell me. It was very helpful and it removed a surprising amount of the heaviness from my shoulders. Not having to hide my wd’s and also not having hope of cheating.

On top of everything else I’m getting older. I’m close to 50 now. Things like the flu don’t really get harder when you’re 25 compared to when you were 20, but there’s a giant difference between how badly I felt at 40 with the flu compared to 45. It’s harder as we get older but the difference from year to year is pretty minimal until around 40 or 50. Something changed in my 40’s and anything that hits my body like the flu or wd’s gets a LOT harder each year. Your situation with the wd’s getting harder every time could just be your age. (Dunno how old you are). If your first encounter with cold-turkey was in your 30’s and now you’re 45, it might just be that your not the young lady you used to be. I know that my first journey down shit creek was about 6 years ago and it hurt a lot less than my last one 6 months ago in several ways. The fear is less now but the pain in my bones seems to be a lot worse.

 

[papercuts]

I've kept the patch on, it was too much all together, I'm not even sure why I decided I don't want bupe anymore, my memory sucks when I take any drugs. I think I decided I'm always going to keep coming back to the fun stuff for as long as the dr is giving me opioids of any kind. But my thinking is really fuzzy.
Every few months I get a loathing for how I'm neglecting relationships with everyone outside my own household and at that point all I really want is a clean life. Some time later I'll feel differently, need a little boost and then a few days later another, until it's daily then I'm back where I was again.
I didn't do enough opiates when I was young to get proper wd, but what I was comparing it to was last July.
It took me many tries to ask my husband to hide it, I kept not asking instead because I want it, simple as that.
He said he doesn't want to be in the firing line. Fair enough, we've both got tempers. I don't want to make it hard on him too, he's been left to do everything the last two days while I lie in my own puddles of misery feeling sorry for myself. I feel guilty enough without pressuring him. If I had to talk him into it, I'd easily talk him into giving it back.
Besides, I want it, therefore I want it where I can find it, so I didn't argue. Maybe he hopes I'd bin it instead.
Squeaky, your wife is holding the oxy, does she know you're binging on percocet instead? That seems worse to me, but I've never had either to my knowledge, so maybe it isn't.

 

[Nas47]

I've kept the patch on, it was too much all together, I'm not even sure why I decided I don't want bupe anymore, my memory sucks when I take any drugs. I think I decided I'm always going to keep coming back to the fun stuff for as long as the dr is giving me opioids of any kind. But my thinking is really fuzzy.
Every few months I get a loathing for how I'm neglecting relationships with everyone outside my own household and at that point all I really want is a clean life. Some time later I'll feel differently, need a little boost and then a few days later another, until it's daily then I'm back where I was again.
I didn't do enough opiates when I was young to get proper wd, but what I was comparing it to was last July.
It took me many tries to ask my husband to hide it, I kept not asking instead because I want it, simple as that.
He said he doesn't want to be in the firing line. Fair enough, we've both got tempers. I don't want to make it hard on him too, he's been left to do everything the last two days while I lie in my own puddles of misery feeling sorry for myself. I feel guilty enough without pressuring him. If I had to talk him into it, I'd easily talk him into giving it back.
Besides, I want it, therefore I want it where I can find it, so I didn't argue. Maybe he hopes I'd bin it instead.
Squeaky, your wife is holding the oxy, does she know you're binging on percocet instead? That seems worse to me, but I've never had either to my knowledge, so maybe it isn't.

What was that mean"dont wanna be in the firinline"If you really loves you and supports you he is on fireline already.When i was addicted to fentanyl all my stash was locked in a box.The key gave to my wife.Give my dose and slowly tapper.No upsetting about over using and OD on this stuff.

 

[Squeaky]

I've kept the patch on, it was too much all together, I'm not even sure why I decided I don't want bupe anymore, my memory sucks when I take any drugs. I think I decided I'm always going to keep coming back to the fun stuff for as long as the dr is giving me opioids of any kind. But my thinking is really fuzzy.
Every few months I get a loathing for how I'm neglecting relationships with everyone outside my own household and at that point all I really want is a clean life. Some time later I'll feel differently, need a little boost and then a few days later another, until it's daily then I'm back where I was again.
I didn't do enough opiates when I was young to get proper wd, but what I was comparing it to was last July.
It took me many tries to ask my husband to hide it, I kept not asking instead because I want it, simple as that.
He said he doesn't want to be in the firing line. Fair enough, we've both got tempers. I don't want to make it hard on him too, he's been left to do everything the last two days while I lie in my own puddles of misery feeling sorry for myself. I feel guilty enough without pressuring him. If I had to talk him into it, I'd easily talk him into giving it back.
Besides, I want it, therefore I want it where I can find it, so I didn't argue. Maybe he hopes I'd bin it instead.
Squeaky, your wife is holding the oxy, does she know you're binging on percocet instead? That seems worse to me, but I've never had either to my knowledge, so maybe it isn't.

She knows I’m using the ‘new’ prescription, but I haven’t admitted how much I’m using. I don’t think she’s making a connection between the two and what kind of active drugs are in them both.

 

[papercuts]

She knows I’m using the ‘new’ prescription, but I haven’t admitted how much I’m using. I don’t think she’s making a connection between the two and what kind of active drugs are in them both.

Handing control to someone else spoils the fun and admitting another weakness isn't what any of us enjoy most, I struggle with these myself, not easy.
Can you buy over the counter codeine/paracetamol or whatever name it has there? We can buy it at low doses, if you can then you could use it to practice CWE until you feel you won't lose your percs down the sink? On the other hand could that add another branch to your using after the practicing isn't needed any more?
Like BL is about harm reduction and paracetamol is damaging in many ways, not only the liver.

 

[papercuts]

What was that mean"dont wanna be in the firinline"If you really loves you and supports you he is on fireline already.When i was addicted to fentanyl all my stash was locked in a box.The key gave to my wife.Give my dose and slowly tapper.No upsetting about over using and OD on this stuff.

My husband believes in me. He thinks I can control it. So far I have, he knows me well, but he knows shit about drugs and doesn't even like the subject in conversation, so I don't feel he's being unreasonable at all. He says if he hides it from me then I'd get more if I really wanted it and at that point I'm lying to him and he becomes my obstacle to remove. I think that is fair of him. He loves me, he's not being mean, honestly.

I knew he was going out last night, so I was feeling quite calm with the thought, once he's gone I'll fetch it out and have just a tiny bit for relief.
He went, but then someone came to the door, then my friend phoned and I talked to her about my dilemma (among other things) for a couple of hours, then he was home. So by good luck alone I was kept busy and I'm feeling far fewer cravings today, so I think I'll be ok for a while now and over the holidays, again because I'll be busy and I can't bin off people the way I binned off work the last two days.

 

[Nas47]

Handing control to someone else spoils the fun and admitting another weakness isn't what any of us enjoy most, I struggle with these myself, not easy.
Can you buy over the counter codeine/paracetamol or whatever name it has there? We can buy it at low doses, if you can then you could use it to practice CWE until you feel you won't lose your percs down the sink? On the other hand could that add another branch to your using after the practicing isn't needed any more?
Like BL is about harm reduction and paracetamol is damaging in many ways, not only the liver.

Fent is not fun at all.You can OD veeery easely and die.In the end you lie your self and always make some ecscuses to take more.Better have somebody besides you that you can trust if you wanna quit or tapper.Theres no much fun anymore in opies for me.Its bad to be a slave to your own desires and needs

 

[papercuts]

Fent is not fun at all.You can OD veeery easely and die.In the end you lie your self and always make some ecscuses to take more.Better have somebody besides you that you can trust if you wanna quit or tapper.Theres no much fun anymore in opies for me.Its bad to be a slave to your own desires and needs

Are you tapering off fent now? I almost got fent patches recently, but the doctor decided on stronger bupe patches instead and I think I'm glad of that.
I don't want to dig myself a deeper hole to fall into and never get out. I had this idea over a year ago to get bupe patches and then I could give up my pod tea habit. Ended up using/alternating both in ways the doctor wouldn't approve of and I know I'm sliding the wrong direction overall.

The thing that comforts me is the idea I could get fent someday in a regular safe form from the doctor and then I could give up the rest. I'm not completely delusional, I know that is stupid and the same thing would be likely as before with bupe. Doesn't stop me thinking I'd be strong then, I'd be disciplined, even when all logic says I wouldn't. So some part of me is being delusional for sure.

 

[Squeaky]

I’m out of my pills again. It feels like 2 steps forward and one step back. (More like 1 1/2 steps back. I’m heading in the right direction but progress is horribly slow. It sucks too because I had a pretty good week with good pain relief. But now I have to claw back from a week of heavy Percocet use. It just sucks.

 

[papercuts]

I’m out of my pills again. It feels like 2 steps forward and one step back. (More like 1 1/2 steps back. I’m heading in the right direction but progress is horribly slow. It sucks too because I had a pretty good week with good pain relief. But now I have to claw back from a week of heavy Percocet use. It just sucks.

No matter how small the change, you'll know which way you're going, good to hear it's the direction you want. Sorry you gotta be without now.

 

[Nas47]

Are you tapering off fent now? I almost got fent patches recently, but the doctor decided on stronger bupe patches instead and I think I'm glad of that.
I don't want to dig myself a deeper hole to fall into and never get out. I had this idea over a year ago to get bupe patches and then I could give up my pod tea habit. Ended up using/alternating both in ways the doctor wouldn't approve of and I know I'm sliding the wrong direction overall.

The thing that comforts me is the idea I could get fent someday in a regular safe form from the doctor and then I could give up the rest. I'm not completely delusional, I know that is stupid and the same thing would be likely as before with bupe. Doesn't stop me thinking I'd be strong then, I'd be disciplined, even when all logic says I wouldn't. So some part of me is being delusional for sure.

I stop fent 2018.Now on bupe patch.If i have supply of pods for sure i preffer pods than bupe.I advice you not to try fent in any form even in patch ot whatever you want.Too strong,too risky.Powerful painkiller,but plastic feeling if you know what i mean.Drink your kompot(koktar) if this is your drug of choise.Or you can transfer into bupe or methadon if you search maintance.Keep your self.Love

 

[Dundermifflin8699]

Ive returned again... excuse my absence.
Update

Norco/tramadol years of use..
VA pain patient, epidurals every 6 months..
Yada yada...

Now in a new situation..
Tapered down to 1 norc/tram per day.
But now insomnia, restless leg Major!
Haven't slept in a week....
My wife freaked out..
She figured out I was going through withdrawal and got real scared..
She saw this 30 years ago with me.

Sciatic pain at 7, Lower back at 6
I'm out of town for the next few days.
No meds
First time in 10 years starting tomorrow..
Day 0.

The lions been chasing me for a long time..

The reality is I'll have refills waiting for me when I come back in a week.

Someone mentioned they were 50 years old and it was harder yep sure is
I'm now 65 and it's a different ball game from 10 years ago.

Cerebrally I want to get clean but in reality those three to four hours of relief which coming an awful price is so hard to turn down...

Thanks for listening...

 

[papercuts]

Ive returned again... excuse my absence.
Update

Norco/tramadol years of use..
VA pain patient, epidurals every 6 months..
Yada yada...

Now in a new situation..
Tapered down to 1 norc/tram per day.
But now insomnia, restless leg Major!
Haven't slept in a week....
My wife freaked out..
She figured out I was going through withdrawal and got real scared..
She saw this 30 years ago with me.

Sciatic pain at 7, Lower back at 6
I'm out of town for the next few days.
No meds
First time in 10 years starting tomorrow..
Day 0.

The lions been chasing me for a long time..

The reality is I'll have refills waiting for me when I come back in a week.

Someone mentioned they were 50 years old and it was harder yep sure is
I'm now 65 and it's a different ball game from 10 years ago.

Cerebrally I want to get clean but in reality those three to four hours of relief which coming an awful price is so hard to turn down...

Thanks for listening...

I've scared the shit out of my husband too just this week, the same way. I'm perfectly well when I'm using, I consider myself a functioning addict i suppose, I'm just getting over my latest attempt, cold turkey from last Sunday, then I broke a few days in and stuck on a bupe patch to help, still was hell, doing ok today but I've bupe holding me together again instead of my DOC.
My husband has never seen me go CT since he knew that's what it is. This was the first time I told him I was going to be ill in advance and I didn't hide it.
I don't know if that was wise or not because now he is less content with the situation than he was before, when he only saw the benefits, when the price was only having a happily scatterbrained wife. Seeing me puke and shit my way into emaciation while writhing around in agony didn't thrill him at all.
I'm around the 50 mark too and it hardly seems worth the effort of trying any more, it's so damn hard.

 

[Dundermifflin8699]

Update..
I slept last night for first time in a week..
I prayed for sleep....

Our brains tell us so much sht..
Yes it is worth it if we can get to shore...
And then find a means to stay there..

That is the fkn hook, how to stay on the wagon..
And not live Groundhog Day all over...

Its been mentioned on this thread re: pain control that the opioids end up creating the issue of pain in and of themselves...

It truly is the one day at a time to maintain permanent freedom from the meds..

I think of it the incoming knee replacement I'm going to have ...will i go spinning down the drain again..

Reprogramming of mental, physical and spiritual ...but its fkn hard.
My brain tells me I can't do it..

But in the end its worth it i still think...

Our spouses deserve the truth i believe...

But being a natural liar from substance abuse it's so much do not like to open that up..

Day 0....

 

[Squeaky]

I stop fent 2018.Now on bupe patch.If i have supply of pods for sure i preffer pods than bupe.I advice you not to try fent in any form even in patch ot whatever you want.Too strong,too risky.Powerful painkiller,but plastic feeling if you know what i mean.Drink your kompot(koktar) if this is your drug of choise.Or you can transfer into bupe or methadon if you search maintance.Keep your self.Love

I got a couple of fent patches from a friend a couple of years ago. I agree. Different sort of effects than I was used to and really strong. Wd’s off that crap must be horrendous

 

[Squeaky]

Update..
I slept last night for first time in a week..
I prayed for sleep....

Our brains tell us so much sht..
Yes it is worth it if we can get to shore...
And then find a means to stay there..

That is the fkn hook, how to stay on the wagon..
And not live Groundhog Day all over...

Its been mentioned on this thread re: pain control that the opioids end up creating the issue of pain in and of themselves...

It truly is the one day at a time to maintain permanent freedom from the meds..

I think of it the incoming knee replacement I'm going to have ...will i go spinning down the drain again..

Reprogramming of mental, physical and spiritual ...but its fkn hard.
My brain tells me I can't do it..

But in the end its worth it i still think...

Our spouses deserve the truth i believe...

But being a natural liar from substance abuse it's so much do not like to open that up..

Day 0....

Maybe focus on how much you wanted your freedom and how much you worked to get here. All it takes is one fall from the wagon and Groundhog day begins all over again. I have been there and the self-loathing that comes from realizing that you put yourself and your loved ones through the misery of withdrawals for nothing.... for me it was worse than the actual wd’s.