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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Pumpkin2021 said:
I have only known one person in my whole life that could. It was an older guy that got them prescribed for cluster headaches. I was in my 30's, he was in his 50's and I worked with him. He was sweet on me and one day at work I was complaining about something and he gave me one. Wasn't opioid naive but had never had any oxy. Needless to say,I was impressed. I am ashamed to say that I pretended to return his affections so that he would throw oxy my way when I asked. He got wise when I wouldn't go to bed with him and cut me off. Still feel like crap sometimes when I remember I use to use people to get some of their scripts.

Everyone else I knew in my lifetime abused the hell out of it except for him.
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I wouldn't worry too much, when I was young, a small group of us had no hesitation sleeping with guys for what they had, none of us ever did for money, but for stuff? For rent or food or dope? If I weren't an atheist, I'd say God made females weaker in the shoulders, so by some weird logic we were excluded from well paying jobs, but he also made us so damn attractive to men that it wouldn't matter :ROFLMAO:
 
"Here I go once again
Trying hard to pretend
There's a future
In your manmade rules"
I just had to start with the song repeating in my head

I've booked travel for NEXT MONTH
So I'm attempting cold turkey from today.

I was going to start last Thursday, but I had an important appointment on Friday and they won't let you in the building with any fever whatsoever, so I had to put it off.
Having put it off, I proceeded to enjoy my "last day" by polishing off everything I had lying around.
I got so fucked up that I slept in Friday morning and missed the bloody appointment.

I've not sorted that yet, it's fairly disasterous that I missed it and I've neglected friends, family etc. Time to grow up a bit.

Wish me luck, I'm not good at this bit.
 
Believe
papercuts said:
"Here I go once again
Trying hard to pretend
There's a future
In your manmade rules"
I just had to start with the song repeating in my head

I've booked travel for NEXT MONTH
So I'm attempting cold turkey from today.

I was going to start last Thursday, but I had an important appointment on Friday and they won't let you in the building with any fever whatsoever, so I had to put it off.
Having put it off, I proceeded to enjoy my "last day" by polishing off everything I had lying around.
I got so fucked up that I slept in Friday morning and missed the bloody appointment.

I've not sorted that yet, it's fairly disasterous that I missed it and I've neglected friends, family etc. Time to grow up a bit.

Wish me luck, I'm not good at this bit.
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I wish you all the luck and strength in the world.
Are you doing this on your own or have you confessed your plan to anyone outside of BlueLight? I only ask because I have done it with and without help, and it’s a lot more stressful when I couldn’t tell my wife.
 
Squeaky said:
Believe

I wish you all the luck and strength in the world.
Are you doing this on your own or have you confessed your plan to anyone outside of BlueLight? I only ask because I have done it with and without help, and it’s a lot more stressful when I couldn’t tell my wife.
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Funnily enough while you were typing that I was telling my husband that it's a good idea to be extra nice to me this week and why. He has his own addiction problems well under control these days, but those problems were very real and he totally gets it, no judgement, he knows I'm trying to do my best.
 
I don't know how I'm going to manage it yet, but I have many full boxes of gabapentin, baclofen and bisopralol, I'm gonna try not to do weed either, but we'll see, that's not the main aim here. I can vape an empty bowl and the warm air calms my mind for a few seconds, just until it realises I tricked it with an empty, lol.
I filled a tiny bottle with iso-alcohol for sniffing away the nausea.
I've imodium instants for under the tongue, lithium & prozac for mood and once I feel I'm clean enough I've a dozen extra buprenorphine patches to come back up on and I'll be good to go.
Even my last attempt was useful because I have a rough idea how far above my permitted dose I've been this last while. I can't go straight onto bupe, that was torture, but after a week of serious tolerance reduction it might be long enough that I'll feel ok when I put on a small bupe patch on. Then I'll switch to the bigger patches before I go and that will give me the boost I'll need for the trip.
I think I'll try to work every hour I'm awake this week with the music full blast and live on chocolate.
I'm writing this here so I can come back and see what the plan is when my mind refuses to cooperate in protest at what I'm about to do.
I ate a lot of stuff yesterday and it will be in my system for a while yet. The inside of my mouth is raw from dissolving stuff in it.
The cravings are coming on strong, but physically I'm ok so far.
 
papercuts said:
I don't know how I'm going to manage it yet, but I have many full boxes of gabapentin, baclofen and bisopralol, I'm gonna try not to do weed either, but we'll see, that's not the main aim here. I can vape an empty bowl and the warm air calms my mind for a few seconds, just until it realises I tricked it with an empty, lol.
I filled a tiny bottle with iso-alcohol for sniffing away the nausea.
I've imodium instants for under the tongue, lithium & prozac for mood and once I feel I'm clean enough I've a dozen extra buprenorphine patches to come back up on and I'll be good to go.
Even my last attempt was useful because I have a rough idea how far above my permitted dose I've been this last while. I can't go straight onto bupe, that was torture, but after a week of serious tolerance reduction it might be long enough that I'll feel ok when I put on a small bupe patch on. Then I'll switch to the bigger patches before I go and that will give me the boost I'll need for the trip.
I think I'll try to work every hour I'm awake this week with the music full blast and live on chocolate.
I'm writing this here so I can come back and see what the plan is when my mind refuses to cooperate in protest at what I'm about to do.
I ate a lot of stuff yesterday and it will be in my system for a while yet. The inside of my mouth is raw from dissolving stuff in it.
The cravings are coming on strong, but physically I'm ok so far.
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The best way for me is to confide in my wife exactly what I’m doing and tell nobody else (especially not my doctor). She’s never dealt with this kind of addiction but I have done it without telling her everything and it just made me feel like a failed husband for a week.

What you’re doing is really hard but it shows your character. A lesser person would keep using and probably avoid the trip completely, all while making excuses and blaming everyone except themselves. Even when we fail, we deserve credit for trying because there’s a lot of jack-asses who give up before they ever start.

And I’m guessing you already know this but you have to keep busy and really avoid the places and people connected to your drug use. It’s impossible to stay clean when you feel horrible, haven’t slept in days, and your favorite ‘get high and chill’ spot is right in front of you. I know I’m really weak in that respect. For me it was oxy and a cheeseburger, so I can’t even drive past a McD’s when I’m trying to quit.
 
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I can often be that lesser person, but today I felt strong enough to at least give it a go.
I mean it this time and I often don't, but I'm only thinking of up until the end of the trip, I know myself well enough to believe it won't be forever.

I'm as conflicted as it's possible to be about whether I want it in my life or not. I don't know, I'm still loving it a lot and I know someday that love might be gone and I'll be left with maintaining the habit and not wanting to. By then it would be harder to quit, but by then they might swap me to fentnyl patches and I switch addictions again.

So I'll try to only have it at weekends if and when I start again. This isn't self defeat talk btw, this helps me hang on, thinking it won't be forever, it's just for now.

I'm always like that, I used to give up smoking every winter to avoid chest infections and be back to twenty plus a day each summer. After a few years I didn't go back to it one summer, probably when I began vaping bud, and haven't had one since, but if offered I'm tempted for sure.

All these pills the dr gives me are great for now, if she knew, I'd get zero then. Nefopam are good, feeling very floaty, life is ok, wish I wasn't sweating in the cold.
Tomorrow will suck big time. By Wednesday I'll know if I can do it.
 
papercuts said:
I don't know how I'm going to manage it yet, but I have many full boxes of gabapentin, baclofen and bisopralol, I'm gonna try not to do weed either, but we'll see, that's not the main aim here. I can vape an empty bowl and the warm air calms my mind for a few seconds, just until it realises I tricked it with an empty, lol.
I filled a tiny bottle with iso-alcohol for sniffing away the nausea.
I've imodium instants for under the tongue, lithium & prozac for mood and once I feel I'm clean enough I've a dozen extra buprenorphine patches to come back up on and I'll be good to go.
Even my last attempt was useful because I have a rough idea how far above my permitted dose I've been this last while. I can't go straight onto bupe, that was torture, but after a week of serious tolerance reduction it might be long enough that I'll feel ok when I put on a small bupe patch on. Then I'll switch to the bigger patches before I go and that will give me the boost I'll need for the trip.
I think I'll try to work every hour I'm awake this week with the music full blast and live on chocolate.
I'm writing this here so I can come back and see what the plan is when my mind refuses to cooperate in protest at what I'm about to do.
I ate a lot of stuff yesterday and it will be in my system for a while yet. The inside of my mouth is raw from dissolving stuff in it.
The cravings are coming on strong, but physically I'm ok so far.
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If is prescribe for pain isnt to worry such degree.All of this stuff are all good painrelievers
 
papercuts said:
I found a lot of info on BL about what might help. Right now I'm going to bed sober for the first time in over a year 🌛
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You know how it goes. Hope for the best, plan for the worst. Sleep is huge though. One night of staring at the ceiling and watching the clock is enough to make most of us run screaming back to the drugs.

I discovered near the beginning of my journey through dependence that even though it’s really nice to chat on BlueLight and get advice, it’s almost better to stay off the internet completely. The best for me during the first week of cold turkey is to either crawl into a hole and disappear or just get up and push myself to keep as busy as possible. Sitting and thinking about how slow it’s going just makes it go slower.
 
Squeaky said:
You know how it goes. Hope for the best, plan for the worst. Sleep is huge though. One night of staring at the ceiling and watching the clock is enough to make most of us run screaming back to the drugs.

I discovered near the beginning of my journey through dependence that even though it’s really nice to chat on BlueLight and get advice, it’s almost better to stay off the internet completely. The best for me during the first week of cold turkey is to either crawl into a hole and disappear or just get up and push myself to keep as busy as possible. Sitting and thinking about how slow it’s going just makes it go slower.
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I didn't sleep that badly, but I take it unrefined and orally so it has a very long half life in the body, in my experience of oral opium wd (known as Polish here, but oral opium is my best description of it, it's the most delicious thing in the world even though it tastes disgusting, lol) is slow to start and slower to end, day three is the worst, can't say when it ends because I've never completely got there, even after two months of only bupe and weed last summer.

The two meds I have now that I didn't have last time are temazepam for sleep and imodium which I never normally use because it works too well. The only time I've used it before it seemed like my digestive system went into reverse and (it was way beyond disgusting) came out the top end instead, at the same rate, definitely not an improvement.

I got the imodium that dissolves under your tongue, that might even trick my body into thinking it got the real stuff under my tongue, for a few seconds anyway. I hope I don't have to use it.

My husband is cheering me on so hard I think I'll have to make it just so I don't disappoint him!
 
papercuts said:
I didn't sleep that badly, but I take it unrefined and orally so it has a very long half life in the body, in my experience of oral opium wd (known as Polish here, but oral opium is my best description of it, it's the most delicious thing in the world even though it tastes disgusting, lol) is slow to start and slower to end, day three is the worst, can't say when it ends because I've never completely got there, even after two months of only bupe and weed last summer.

The two meds I have now that I didn't have last time are temazepam for sleep and imodium which I never normally use because it works too well. The only time I've used it before it seemed like my digestive system went into reverse and (it was way beyond disgusting) came out the top end instead, at the same rate, definitely not an improvement.

I got the imodium that dissolves under your tongue, that might even trick my body into thinking it got the real stuff under my tongue, for a few seconds anyway. I hope I don't have to use it.

My husband is cheering me on so hard I think I'll have to make it just so I don't disappoint him!
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Long time abuse of any opium related gives a horrible longtime withdrawl i know that.Wish you success into your road
 
And it seems vaping blue lotus flowers is a very calming thing to do, placebo or not, I don't know, or ,oh shit, I didn't clean the vaporiser first, so I prob got a small blast of other stuff as well, lol
 
Blue lotus contains in my memory some alcaloid with ressemblence to morphine.Apotrophine?And the ancient egyptians makes their wine and blue lotus potions...Never tried,but it seems psychoactive indeed
 
Nas47 said:
Blue lotus contains in my memory some alcaloid with ressemblence to morphine.Apotrophine?And the ancient egyptians makes their wine and blue lotus potions...Never tried,but it seems psychoactive indeed
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I tried it soaked in vodka a few months ago, wasn't impressed and forgot about it. So I've close to an ounce of that left, quite a lot of bowlfuls for vaping. Is there a danger it will keep my tolerance/need for morphine higher for longer?
 
papercuts said:
I tried it soaked in vodka a few months ago, wasn't impressed and forgot about it. So I've close to an ounce of that left, quite a lot of bowlfuls for vaping. Is there a danger it will keep my tolerance/need for morphine higher for longer?
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I dont think that stuff is s strong to show some cross-tollerance to morphine
 
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