Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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While I agree with the safety net of keeping substances on hand " in case of emergency " I also believe that people that do this are still sitting on the fence. They really haven't committed to whatever substance they want to get off of. Knowing you have a stash in a drawer or in a safe just keeps your mind obsessing over the fact that you can have them if you want them. And when do we have enough? Five bottles? Ten bottles?

Once you put your fingers in the pie and have just a taste because you have been so good the wheels come off the cart once again. You just don't take one pill out and say ok, I am good now, and heres my reward. The bottle will be consumed in no time and we are off and running again. We all think our mind is clear and we can be good but it is only an illusion. The real committed flush it, quit refilling their scripts, get healthy and have zero stash to tempt them. Your mind and thoughts are obsessed with the cupboard or the safe or wherever you keep your pills and the urge to just go get one is always there.

I may be wrong. You may be stronger addicts than I was. I can guarantee you that if I had pills in the house my greedy fingers would be in the bottle.

You only have to read this entire thread and hear their struggles to know that they are still psychologically addicted. They may not be dependent anymore as they have reduced their tolerance or are back to baseline, but their minds are still obsessed with the pills.

I had a quarter of hash in the back of the drawer for over twenty years while I raised my kids. Half of it is still there, a relic from the nineties but it doesn't pack any punch any more. It's a fossil!

I know the argument about cannabis isn't addictive, for me it is. I'd stopped for years and had no thoughts any more of it. Then someone gave me drops of cbd oil under my tongue. I tasted it, I felt four shadow fingers enter my brain, I remembered something very deep and instinctive (I smoked joints from age 12) and since then it hasn't left my thoughts at all, unless I'm thinking of opiates, lol.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

I had a quarter of hash in the back of the drawer for over twenty years while I raised my kids. Half of it is still there, a relic from the nineties but it doesn't pack any punch any more. It's a fossil!

I know the argument about cannabis isn't addictive, for me it is. I'd stopped for years and had no thoughts any more of it. Then someone gave me drops of cbd oil under my tongue. I tasted it, I felt four shadow fingers enter my brain, I remembered something very deep and instinctive (I smoked joints from age 12) and since then it hasn't left my thoughts at all, unless I'm thinking of opiates, lol.

I get ya there. I could have several classes of drugs in my home but if I'm not psychologically addicted to them they hold no interest. Nary a thought do I give them. That's why I can't have my DOC any where near me. The pull is just too strong. I believe that anyone can go through the physical part of quitting their drug of choice. Some would have worst symptoms of course depending on what they took. Turning off our mind is where the bear shit in the buckwheat. Some people can push through, some can't. Some have quit 15 years ago and still fight the devil when they are triggered. Then some seem to just make peace with it and even though they might miss it sometimes they don't let it occupy their every waking moment. Addiction is not for the faint of heart that's for sure.

 

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Some people can push through, some can't. Some have quit 15 years ago and still fight the devil when they are triggered. Then some seem to just make peace with it and even though they might miss it sometimes they don't let it occupy their every waking moment. Addiction is not for the faint of heart that's for sure.

I didn't fight the devil when triggered, I'm in a controlled state of addiction atm, getting enough opiates to keep me out of withdrawal and no more, unless you count copious amounts of weed, that is not controlled, I vape weed all day every day, I'm more normal with it than without. I gotta say I loved raising my kids, it was a great time and I was very responsible for so many years and sober, but deep down something was always missing. I don't know what is missing, but I know what fills it to make me whole.

 

[Hippy Flower Fairy]

Sounds like you could use a low dose buprenorphine

I took 1mg of bupe and I was so fucking ill it was unreal and I have an opioid tolerence as I like my opioids too, and I was addicted to Zapain the at the time for fibromyalgia my mate gave me a box of 100 tried using bupe to come off the Zapain 30mg codeine and 500mg paracetamol about 6 a day, I hardly do them anymore unless it's weak shit 8mg co codamol and 500mg paracetamol, I flushed the rest of the 7mg bupe away

 

[Hippy Flower Fairy]

But I stop them go back stop go back it's and endless loop because of my mental health, fibromyalgia, insomnia etc, so do I lay in bed for 5 overthinking and worrying or take pills

 

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But I stop them go back stop go back it's and endless loop because of my mental health, fibromyalgia, insomnia etc, so do I lay in bed for 5 overthinking and worrying or take pills

So many people are just trying to be normal or a better version of themselves. If you can find a distraction...

Your depression is obvious in the hopeless way you describe yourself. I expect most of us on here have mental health issues of some sort, because why else would we be so determined to rewire our brains?
If its faulty, it needs fixed.

Feeling hopeless is a delaying tactic, a trick the brain plays on us to keep using.

If you can play the brain at its own game and say you know it's going to be hard, but you can do it if you want and believe it, then you're somewhere towards making that move towards kicking.

 

[Mafioso]

Hey hope everyone is doing ok. I could use a little advice.... recently my taper has not been going well. Up to about 4mg a day of street xans(definitely a benzo similar to alprazolam but cant say for certain, have had it tested positive for benzos, no opioids).

So without violating BL rules about drug testing questions, I would just like some advice. I've recently been offered a job that pays pretty well and isn't the easiest to get. Catch being I'm addicted to benzos, and ignoring the interview process, it is a high stress job where tapering will be very tough- but at the same time necessary. I could see it going both ways(i.e. giving me the motivation to stay sober vs me dealing with stress how I have been).

Financially, I don't currently need the job, but at this point in my career I definitely need this type of opportunity which doesn't come often, Might be 6-12 months before another offer comes... which in the grand scheme isn't that long. I feel like I should purposely both the skills part of the interview so I don't make it to the drug test part, and I can focus on my recovery. At the same time, I know that's the easy way out and the best move financially is to take the job and taper while working... wouldn't be the first time by any means.... just hoped I wouldn't have to do it again.

Any thoughts are welcome. Anyone have a similar experience?

 

[Squeaky]

Hey hope everyone is doing ok. I could use a little advice.... recently my taper has not been going well. Up to about 4mg a day of street xans(definitely a benzo similar to alprazolam but cant say for certain, have had it tested positive for benzos, no opioids).

So without violating BL rules about drug testing questions, I would just like some advice. I've recently been offered a job that pays pretty well and isn't the easiest to get. Catch being I'm addicted to benzos, and ignoring the interview process, it is a high stress job where tapering will be very tough- but at the same time necessary. I could see it going both ways(i.e. giving me the motivation to stay sober vs me dealing with stress how I have been).

Financially, I don't currently need the job, but at this point in my career I definitely need this type of opportunity which doesn't come often, Might be 6-12 months before another offer comes... which in the grand scheme isn't that long. I feel like I should purposely both the skills part of the interview so I don't make it to the drug test part, and I can focus on my recovery. At the same time, I know that's the easy way out and the best move financially is to take the job and taper while working... wouldn't be the first time by any means.... just hoped I wouldn't have to do it again.

Any thoughts are welcome. Anyone have a similar experience?

In my opinion, your health comes first. You already know how easy it is to fail at a taper like this when you don’t have anywhere to be in the morning. Dealing with this is going to suck with a new job on your schedule, but dealing with this while unemployed has already failed.

Take the job. Worst case scenario is that you fail the drug test, or you get fired. You have already tried to taper without the stress of a job and that’s not going very well. The job will either inspire you to be strong or it will push you to be weak, but if it’s worse tomorrow than it was yesterday you can always quit.

And for me the fear of being seen as an addict probably kept me from overdosing a hundred times. That and fear of getting arrested on my way home from work for driving stoned. No fear of that when you’re unemployed and home alone.

 

[papercuts]

Hey hope everyone is doing ok. I could use a little advice.... recently my taper has not been going well. Up to about 4mg a day of street xans(definitely a benzo similar to alprazolam but cant say for certain, have had it tested positive for benzos, no opioids).

So without violating BL rules about drug testing questions, I would just like some advice. I've recently been offered a job that pays pretty well and isn't the easiest to get. Catch being I'm addicted to benzos, and ignoring the interview process, it is a high stress job where tapering will be very tough- but at the same time necessary. I could see it going both ways(i.e. giving me the motivation to stay sober vs me dealing with stress how I have been).

Financially, I don't currently need the job, but at this point in my career I definitely need this type of opportunity which doesn't come often, Might be 6-12 months before another offer comes... which in the grand scheme isn't that long. I feel like I should purposely both the skills part of the interview so I don't make it to the drug test part, and I can focus on my recovery. At the same time, I know that's the easy way out and the best move financially is to take the job and taper while working... wouldn't be the first time by any means.... just hoped I wouldn't have to do it again.

Any thoughts are welcome. Anyone have a similar experience?

Say heads the job, tails the taper
Toss a coin and in the moment you see the coin land, you'll know whether you're happy with the outcome or not.

 

[papercuts]

I've a question for my scenario.
See if you were to take opiates in gradually increasing doses for a year then taper down to only what the doctor says, then get the doctor to double that after three weeks of wd isn't resolving fast enough. Take a breath. The rest of the post is only about the extra opiates not from the doctor.
OK, then I'm not so good at abstaining and I take a little every few days, my brain isn't really allowing me to know how many days.
So that is the situation, I'm behaving myself most days regarding opiates, but not every day. I tried benzos as a substitute, but benzo brain immediately fetched his mate opioid brain to play, so it goes.
I know I'm terrible at this taper stuff and I should probably have got off this thread as soon as I stopped being committed to it, but I'm still in a sort of limbo where I can't get over the sickness yet (not actually being sick, but the feeling drags you down) but physically I'm good otherwise, looking healthier. So I think I've done good with the reduction taper even as I watch it go the wrong direction and my gaps inbetween get smaller.
My husband doesn't know whether it's better for me to be sober or out of it and pain free either. He says if I end up more dependant again that we would find ways to manage and it will be ok. He can't stand to see me in pain, I could so easily exploit that and probably already do.
I feel like I don't know which end of me is pointing up this morning and any words of advice would be welcome.

 

[Squeaky]

I've a question for my scenario.
See if you were to take opiates in gradually increasing doses for a year then taper down to only what the doctor says, then get the doctor to double that after three weeks of wd isn't resolving fast enough. Take a breath. The rest of the post is only about the extra opiates not from the doctor.
OK, then I'm not so good at abstaining and I take a little every few days, my brain isn't really allowing me to know how many days.
So that is the situation, I'm behaving myself most days regarding opiates, but not every day. I tried benzos as a substitute, but benzo brain immediately fetched his mate opioid brain to play, so it goes.
I know I'm terrible at this taper stuff and I should probably have got off this thread as soon as I stopped being committed to it, but I'm still in a sort of limbo where I can't get over the sickness yet (not actually being sick, but the feeling drags you down) but physically I'm good otherwise, looking healthier. So I think I've done good with the reduction taper even as I watch it go the wrong direction and my gaps inbetween get smaller.
My husband doesn't know whether it's better for me to be sober or out of it and pain free either. He says if I end up more dependant again that we would find ways to manage and it will be ok. He can't stand to see me in pain, I could so easily exploit that and probably already do.
I feel like I don't know which end of me is pointing up this morning and any words of advice would be welcome.

It sounds like you probably already know the answer to the question but it’s going to suck and you’re desperately hoping for a miracle. Welcome to Groundhog Day.....

I was you. I had exactly your life until a couple of months ago. Job, house, family, and legitimate pain with a dependence on pain killers for a few years. I used benzos for opiate withdrawals and Lyrica to get off the benzos. I have been through wd’s from every combination of the three. I had to give up my pills so that I could keep my life and it was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do for 100’s of reasons most people could never understand.

Obviously, everything you have tried has failed. Every situation is unique, but somehow exactly the same. My guess is you’re desperately trying to juggle your withdrawals and the partial truths you tell to your husband, dr, etc, and it’s all killing you.

You don’t need rehab but you definitely need help. The only way to know your true pain level is to be completely clean for at least a month, probably longer. You’re never going to get there on your own and you really need to start now. Not tomorrow.

Men are fixers. Say it out loud “I’m scared and I need help”. Bear your sole and admit to almost everything (not everything. some stuff could be hurtful for him). Do some research on “Opioid Induced Hyperalgesia” and “Tolerance Withdrawals”. My guess it that’s what you’re experiencing and he would be happy to hear about it.

On a side note: The solution to withdrawals from long term drug use is not long term use of a different drug. Benzos or Lyrica should only be used for 2-3 days maximum and ONLY for sleep. Withdrawals from any benzo can be fatal, but nobody ever died from opiate wd, so benzos are worse. You didn’t mention Lyrica but it has a reputation for helping too, the wd’s will make you want to die (worse than opiates). The only way you will ever get through this is with help, hard work and time. Lots and lots of time.

 

[papercuts]

It sounds like you probably already know the answer to the question but it’s going to suck and you’re desperately hoping for a miracle. Welcome to Groundhog Day.....

I was you. I had exactly your life until a couple of months ago. Job, house, family, and legitimate pain with a dependence on pain killers for a few years. I used benzos for opiate withdrawals and Lyrica to get off the benzos. I have been through wd’s from every combination of the three. I had to give up my pills so that I could keep my life and it was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do for 100’s of reasons most people could never understand.

Obviously, everything you have tried has failed. Every situation is unique, but somehow exactly the same. My guess is you’re desperately trying to juggle your withdrawals and the partial truths you tell to your husband, dr, etc, and it’s all killing you.

You don’t need rehab but you definitely need help. The only way to know your true pain level is to be completely clean for at least a month, probably longer. You’re never going to get there on your own and you really need to start now. Not tomorrow.

Men are fixers. Say it out loud “I’m scared and I need help”. Bear your sole and admit to almost everything (not everything. some stuff could be hurtful for him). Do some research on “Opioid Induced Hyperalgesia” and “Tolerance Withdrawals”. My guess it that’s what you’re experiencing and he would be happy to hear about it.

On a side note: The solution to withdrawals from long term drug use is not long term use of a different drug. Benzos or Lyrica should only be used for 2-3 days maximum and ONLY for sleep. Withdrawals from any benzo can be fatal, but nobody ever died from opiate wd, so benzos are worse. You didn’t mention Lyrica but it has a reputation for helping too, the wd’s will make you want to die (worse than opiates). The only way you will ever get through this is with help, hard work and time. Lots and lots of time.

I've got the time, it's the hard work that scares me and the thought it might not be worth it because I'm only gonna end up back here. Yes, I'm desperately treading water trying to not slip under the water into withdrawal by using as little as I can. I said a few months ago on here wd is not nice and not for me. Yet, I keep hoping I'll do it and I know there is nowhere near enough determination in that to do anything useful.

I got through July so well, I was so pleased with my progress, but eventually I'm watching myself get it all out and I'm right back to where I was before except I'm in a hurry because I've got to hurry before I notice what I'm doing, notice enough to stop myself. Because I so much want that drug I would rather ignore my actions then regret it afterwards, because painful as regret is, it's not as bad as wd. What can I say? I'm weak as shit. I have taken on responsibilities and activities in the past that were primarily to keep me busy and clean. That way I could, so I need a hobby on top of my job and family, something I can enjoy and I must be sober for. As my physical ability declines that is harder to find.

As for my pain levels, they were less after three weeks of behaving myself, again, what can I say? I know this shit. If I could have the same attitude towards it every day that would be good, but some days I wake up feeling somewhat reckless and I genuinely don't care about being addicted, it seems ok those days. I like those days.

About three years ago I felt I couldn't hold off from using any longer, so I went to therapy for the first time ever. It backfired, dragged up memories I couldn't deal with and I started blotting out the world and calling it pain relief. I went to all my sessions and then tried another therapist and went to all my session then too, but I was starting to turn up stoned and it wasn't working any more. Then along came the pandemic, the therapist retired, we all got locked down, I had access to what I wanted and total boredom. There's always something, but that went on long enough to thoroughly hook me in again. And I knew it would the whole time. And my best friend kept telling me horror stories about her estranged junkie brother, but none of it seemed relevant to me while I had that choice. It's still a choice, just not a free choice, it's now a painful choice.

 

[Squeaky]

I've got the time, it's the hard work that scares me and the thought it might not be worth it because I'm only gonna end up back here. Yes, I'm desperately treading water trying to not slip under the water into withdrawal by using as little as I can. I said a few months ago on here wd is not nice and not for me. Yet, I keep hoping I'll do it and I know there is nowhere near enough determination in that to do anything useful.

I got through July so well, I was so pleased with my progress, but eventually I'm watching myself get it all out and I'm right back to where I was before except I'm in a hurry because I've got to hurry before I notice what I'm doing, notice enough to stop myself. Because I so much want that drug I would rather ignore my actions then regret it afterwards, because painful as regret is, it's not as bad as wd. What can I say? I'm weak as shit. I have taken on responsibilities and activities in the past that were primarily to keep me busy and clean. That way I could, so I need a hobby on top of my job and family, something I can enjoy and I must be sober for. As my physical ability declines that is harder to find.

As for my pain levels, they were less after three weeks of behaving myself, again, what can I say? I know this shit. If I could have the same attitude towards it every day that would be good, but some days I wake up feeling somewhat reckless and I genuinely don't care about being addicted, it seems ok those days. I like those days.

About three years ago I felt I couldn't hold off from using any longer, so I went to therapy for the first time ever. It backfired, dragged up memories I couldn't deal with and I started blotting out the world and calling it pain relief. I went to all my sessions and then tried another therapist and went to all my session then too, but I was starting to turn up stoned and it wasn't working any more. Then along came the pandemic, the therapist retired, we all got locked down, I had access to what I wanted and total boredom. There's always something, but that went on long enough to thoroughly hook me in again. And I knew it would the whole time. And my best friend kept telling me horror stories about her estranged junkie brother, but none of it seemed relevant to me while I had that choice. It's still a choice, just not a free choice, it's now a painful choice.

I did a couple rounds of therapy too. It was all crap. Nice people but the whole process just complicated my life more. I’m sure if I went back they would spend 1/2 the time trying to convince me to pick new pronouns.

You’re not weak. If you were you would be living on the street already, or dead. Anyone who has lived through this will tell you it’s f’ing hard. I’m strong and stubborn as hell and it was one of the most difficult things I have ever experienced. (And I’m not done yet)

It sounds like you have a pretty good handle on your situation. There’s not much anybody could tell you that you haven’t already tried or thought of on your own. I feel like what you really need is a bulldog. Someone to fight for you when you’re not strong enough to fight for yourself. I still have my moments of weakness and if I didn’t have my wife looking out for me I would have failed a hundred times. Usually I stop myself from cheating only because I can’t bear the thought of disappointing her.

And I know what you mean about the pandemic. My monthly dr appts went from a nuisance every 4 weeks where I had to at least pretend to be fine, in person, to a 2 minute phone call and a quick ride through the drive through at the pharmacy. And nothing fights the boredom of lockdown better than opiates. The peace and quiet early in the morning when the sun is coming up is sooo much nicer on an empty stomach after my pills would soak in

 

[papercuts]

I did a couple rounds of therapy too. It was all crap. Nice people but the whole process just complicated my life more. I’m sure if I went back they would spend 1/2 the time trying to convince me to pick new pronouns.

You’re not weak. If you were you would be living on the street already, or dead. Anyone who has lived through this will tell you it’s f’ing hard. I’m strong and stubborn as hell and it was one of the most difficult things I have ever experienced. (And I’m not done yet)

It sounds like you have a pretty good handle on your situation. There’s not much anybody could tell you that you haven’t already tried or thought of on your own. I feel like what you really need is a bulldog. Someone to fight for you when you’re not strong enough to fight for yourself. I still have my moments of weakness and if I didn’t have my wife looking out for me I would have failed a hundred times. Usually I stop myself from cheating only because I can’t bear the thought of disappointing her.

And I know what you mean about the pandemic. My monthly dr appts went from a nuisance every 4 weeks where I had to at least pretend to be fine, in person, to a 2 minute phone call and a quick ride through the drive through at the pharmacy. And nothing fights the boredom of lockdown better than opiates. The peace and quiet early in the morning when the sun is coming up is sooo much nicer on an empty stomach after my pills would soak in

Squeaky, you rock. Thanks for being on here and not giving up on those of us who find it difficult to stay on focus.
It's 36hours since I last smoked anything and I've thought of an activity that might keep me occupied enough in my spare time.
Fingers crossed.

 

[Dundermifflin8699]

Hey folks..
Still at it...

Question...
In the last year or so pretty much two to three times a week I have pain shooting through my body while laying down...

Appears not to be any association with how many meds I'm taking or tapering down or anything like that...

Always wondering if I screwed up my body so bad that it just can't handle it..
Be safe
..

 

[n3ophy7e]

Hey folks..
Still at it...

Question...
In the last year or so pretty much two to three times a week I have pain shooting through my body while laying down...

Appears not to be any association with how many meds I'm taking or tapering down or anything like that...

Always wondering if I screwed up my body so bad that it just can't handle it..
Be safe
..

Hmmm not sure mate, you'd have to get it checked out by a neurologist to really know.
But whenever I've quit opiates I had phantom nerve pain for ages, simply due to the pain receptors waking up again after being numbed for so long. I even got CT scans and MRIs cos I thought I had something wrong with me like MS. But nope, just my body recovering from years of opiate abuse.

 

[totach]

Hey folks..
Still at it...

Question...
In the last year or so pretty much two to three times a week I have pain shooting through my body while laying down...

Appears not to be any association with how many meds I'm taking or tapering down or anything like that...

Always wondering if I screwed up my body so bad that it just can't handle it..
Be safe
..

Hey , I have the same issue . I’ve been off opiates and benzos for alittle over 30 days and my legs are still killing me . I wonder if maybe I fucked my body up so much that it will never get back to normal . I’ve never met anyone else that still hurts physically after 30 days . I made it to over 90 days in the beginning of the year and still had terrible leg pain . The only thing that gives me a break is lyrica but I don’t want to get dependent on that again . I took it for a whole week 2 weeks ago and just stopped . Did not feel much withdrawals from the high doses I was taking just some rebound insomnia which is miserable . I really hope I start to get better in the near future .

 

[Squeaky]

Hey , I have the same issue . I’ve been off opiates and benzos for alittle over 30 days and my legs are still killing me . I wonder if maybe I fucked my body up so much that it will never get back to normal . I’ve never met anyone else that still hurts physically after 30 days . I made it to over 90 days in the beginning of the year and still had terrible leg pain . The only thing that gives me a break is lyrica but I don’t want to get dependent on that again . I took it for a whole week 2 weeks ago and just stopped . Did not feel much withdrawals from the high doses I was taking just some rebound insomnia which is miserable . I really hope I start to get better in the near future .

I am past the 90 day mark and my legs ache every day. I think it’s swelling in the spinal column putting pressure on everything south of my navel and causing phanton pains. Kratom helps immensely, but it took me years to get here.... Probably gonna be a long while before I get back.

The head game is misery. Worst part is that I know the pills would stop my suffering, so my mind tells me it’s been long enough and I actually need the pills. I have managed to trick myself into staying off them by rationalizing that if I wait a few more months I will have a large stockpile, but I know consciously that it’s just withdrawals and going back is a huge mistake. If I go back I’ll just be throwing the last 3 months in the trash and starting over.

They tell you withdrawals only last a week, but I didn’t get back to even a normal bowel movement for more than a month. Either we have been lied to or the ‘experts’ are just wrong. Bottom line is that it just sucks and it takes a long long time to heal.

 

[Squeaky]

I figured this out a couple of years ago. It bears repeating.

Everything sucks a lot more in withdrawal. Arguing with my wife, soreness from a workout, even just stubbing my toe. It’s all uncomfortable on a regular day but wd’s amplify any negative and make it unbearable. Eat something crappy and feel lethargic? Eat the same during wd and feel like death. Have a few beers and have a headache tomorrow? Drink the same during wd and the next two days are unlivable.

My mind is constantly searching for the things that once gave me a bit of pleasure even though there’s a mild ‘hangover’ afterwards. I tried drinking a little on a Friday night and spent the whole weekend in agony. A belly full of pizza used to feel good, but now it makes my whole body ache. Etc....etc... It sounds impossible but healthy food makes wd’s suck less(or bad food makes wd’s suck more). Either way it’s not good. I found out that I suffer less if I focus on fruit, vegetables, and meat. Avoiding MSG, fake sugars, and dairy products has helped me a lot.

I still eat crap I shouldn’t but at least now I know to blame it on the food instead of calling it ‘pain’ and going straight to the pills.

 

[totach]

I figured this out a couple of years ago. It bears repeating.

Everything sucks a lot more in withdrawal. Arguing with my wife, soreness from a workout, even just stubbing my toe. It’s all uncomfortable on a regular day but wd’s amplify any negative and make it unbearable. Eat something crappy and feel lethargic? Eat the same during wd and feel like death. Have a few beers and have a headache tomorrow? Drink the same during wd and the next two days are unlivable.

My mind is constantly searching for the things that once gave me a bit of pleasure even though there’s a mild ‘hangover’ afterwards. I tried drinking a little on a Friday night and spent the whole weekend in agony. A belly full of pizza used to feel good, but now it makes my whole body ache. Etc....etc... It sounds impossible but healthy food makes wd’s suck less(or bad food makes wd’s suck more). Either way it’s not good. I found out that I suffer less if I focus on fruit, vegetables, and meat. Avoiding MSG, fake sugars, and dairy products has helped me a lot.

I still eat crap I shouldn’t but at least now I know to blame it on the food instead of calling it ‘pain’ and going straight to the pills.

I eat rather clean but I still feel miserable . I’m finally getting a few hours of sleep at night but as soon as I wake up my legs can’t stop kicking. It’s crazy to me how everyone in rehab and detox tenancy and livfeels like a champ at 30 days and I feel like I’m barley at mid point . Sometimes I thinks maybe I should just go on sub maintenance and feel somewhat normal and call it a day. I’ve never really been able to make the switch from using to subs but at this point with 30 days I can do it .
does Kratom not keep you in active addiction ? If I was allready willing to take Kratom I might aswell just take subs no?