Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

[EPL1]

I pm'd you Uncle Jocko.

Ash.

I'm curious where you are (location). I know in California, if you're seeing a Pain Management doctor, they still prescribe decent amounts of opiates in order to manage the pain. It's nothing like it was ten years ago (it was INSANE back then - I was getting huge amounts), but they are still rather liberal in the number of pills they prescribe. Are most of the people on here from Canada?

 

[dopiejay]

Sending you a hug ShroomySatori!

I know how you feel. You explained it well! This chronic pain "living" is absolute bullshit and so hard.
Anxiety and depression comes along with it.
You are doing just fine. I'm super proud of you.

So good to hear from dopiejay! That made me very happy yesterday! I was having a bad day.

I will write more when I get feeling a bit better, just wanted to let you guys know I am okay.
Sending lots of love to you all!

Hey no rush! As long as we know you're okay that's all that matters. Post when you feel up to it.

And yes shroomi you've come a long way man. I've noticed recently benzo kicks are FUCKING HELL. Like it actually makes opioid w/d look like a cakewalk. Ur doing great dude considering your habit.

 

[dopiejay]

I'm curious where you are (location). I know in California, if you're seeing a Pain Management doctor, they still prescribe decent amounts of opiates in order to manage the pain. It's nothing like it was ten years ago (it was INSANE back then - I was getting huge amounts), but they are still rather liberal in the number of pills they prescribe. Are most of the people on here from Canada?

Yeah bud I'm in Canada, Far East coast (NFLD). It's always been hell for us here with doctors because 99% of them simply don't care. They're incentivized by lots and lots of money and they could care less what's wrong with you. Compassionate care is literally non existent here. The more patients seen in the day the better so 5-10 min doctor appointments are common.

I heard of a dr who overbooks clinics simply because he wants to make the most money off his visits and I've also heard of doctors who refuse health care to people in a cerain area due to issues with their insurance (dr is a neurologist). Heard of people in said areas with tremors so severe they can't feed themselves be refused care because of a monetary problem. It's sickening.

 

[Squeaky]

Im in Los Angeles. Some Drs here dont want to prescribe, some pharmacies dont want to fill. Others act like its Tylenol. Trick here is finding the right one.

 

[Larimar]

Hey everyone ! I had my beautiful daughter on Nov 16 , 6 pounds 2 ozs at 37 weeks . Perfect baby , no ill effects from my early pill usage . Ashamed to say I stole a oxy from my husband the other day because I was so exhausted , it helped me make it thru the day . I don?t plan On taking any more but it sucks I know they are there. When I was giving birth I took no pain meds or epidural went all natural. The only thing I did get was some benedryl thru IV and let me tell you it was amazing and I guess I see why people do IV, I went from sober to totally fucked up with in seconds and it was just benedryl, put me almost right to sleep , was crazy . Anyway wanted to say hello and yeah ashamed to say I?m still struggling with wAnting these damn pills, does it ever go away ???

 

[Larimar]

Also I was only offered Motrin 800 after giving birth , was kinda disappointed was hoping for at least a perk 5. Haha.

 

[Xorkoth]

Hey everyone ! I had my beautiful daughter on Nov 16 , 6 pounds 2 ozs at 37 weeks . Perfect baby , no ill effects from my early pill usage . Ashamed to say I stole a oxy from my husband the other day because I was so exhausted , it helped me make it thru the day . I don?t plan On taking any more but it sucks I know they are there. When I was giving birth I took no pain meds or epidural went all natural. The only thing I did get was some benedryl thru IV and let me tell you it was amazing and I guess I see why people do IV, I went from sober to totally fucked up with in seconds and it was just benedryl, put me almost right to sleep , was crazy . Anyway wanted to say hello and yeah ashamed to say I?m still struggling with wAnting these damn pills, does it ever go away ???

Congrats! As for the cravings, for me they've completely been gone for years, I quit opiates 4 and a half years ago. Of course I took ibogaine to do it, it felt like it reprogrammed my brain and I really didn't have any cravings starting not long after. But in general I think with time it gets better. I used to dream about opiates for years after ibogaine, I wouldn't crave them while awake, but I thought about them a lot subconsciously I guess. Now I literally never think about opiates, it's like the addiction never happened, no more dreams either.

 

[dopiejay]

Hey everyone ! I had my beautiful daughter on Nov 16 , 6 pounds 2 ozs at 37 weeks . Perfect baby , no ill effects from my early pill usage . Ashamed to say I stole a oxy from my husband the other day because I was so exhausted , it helped me make it thru the day . I don?t plan On taking any more but it sucks I know they are there. When I was giving birth I took no pain meds or epidural went all natural. The only thing I did get was some benedryl thru IV and let me tell you it was amazing and I guess I see why people do IV, I went from sober to totally fucked up with in seconds and it was just benedryl, put me almost right to sleep , was crazy . Anyway wanted to say hello and yeah ashamed to say I?m still struggling with wAnting these damn pills, does it ever go away ???

Don't beat yourself up over it! It was only a pill. But no it never goes away. And congratulations on your baby. That's truly amazing. Welcome to parenthood.

 

[dopiejay]

Im in Los Angeles. Some Drs here dont want to prescribe, some pharmacies dont want to fill. Others act like its Tylenol. Trick here is finding the right one.

Ultimately if somebody wants a few damn Percocet or morphine they're gonna find it with or without doctor help. They all need to get down off of their high horse and start actually treating pain patients instead of pushing their personal opinions about them onto other people, and letting their moral issues get in the way of proper treatment.

 

[uncle_jocko]

Im in Los Angeles. Some Drs here dont want to prescribe, some pharmacies dont want to fill. Others act like its Tylenol. Trick here is finding the right one.

We're practically neighbors, Squeaky.

 

[uncle_jocko]

Shadow - I'd love to read about your experience with Ibogaine. I did an Ayahuasca retreat five years ago - it was amazing.

 

[ShroomySatori]

I should start microdosing Ibogaine again, the holidays are approaching after all and it helps with withdrawals. Stopped using psychedelics for a long time after a lil binge.

Had a very exhausting day but made some money. So exhausting so tired of being tired like this. Need a good sleep I overworked myself this week, had to hustle money for the weed and stuff too it's just been stress. I'm so burnt out from doing like 10 hours of math a day. Just want to go to sleep tonight and shut myself off from the world. Finally I can rest my back and my eyes and lay down it's been a long 3 days. Today it caught up with me and I wasn't too happy. Now I'm just flat out exhausted. I get tired easier than before. I feel twice my age it sort of sucks.

 

[Painful One]

Hey everyone ! I had my beautiful daughter on Nov 16 , 6 pounds 2 ozs at 37 weeks . Perfect baby , no ill effects from my early pill usage . Ashamed to say I stole a oxy from my husband the other day because I was so exhausted , it helped me make it thru the day . I don?t plan On taking any more but it sucks I know they are there. When I was giving birth I took no pain meds or epidural went all natural. The only thing I did get was some benedryl thru IV and let me tell you it was amazing and I guess I see why people do IV, I went from sober to totally fucked up with in seconds and it was just benedryl, put me almost right to sleep , was crazy . Anyway wanted to say hello and yeah ashamed to say I?m still struggling with wAnting these damn pills, does it ever go away ???

OH Larimar that is wonderful!!!
Congratulations!!
I'm so happy to hear you had a healthy baby girl with no ill effects and she is just perfect!

Well done mama! Well done! I can't tell you how amazed I was that you got off the oxy so fast as soon as you found out you were pregnant. You did just such a great job and you are an excellent mother for doing that!

Don't sweat it over taking a pill. Geez! You just had a baby and have been making through the recovery from that with only Motrin!
Nobody is going to look down on you for that my friend. No one! Just keep it under control. You don't want to have to go through the withdrawal and all of that again and your beautiful new baby and your other children deserve your very best.

Fight those cravings! I hear it gets easier and easier every time you overcome those cravings. I also hear they don't last long and if you can distract yourself with something else (like your beautiful family) for the few minutes the cravings last then they go away.
You got this!

I am so thrilled for you! You should be super proud of yourself! I am!

God Bless You and your family!

 

[Painful One]

I had my doctors appointment today and I was very pleased at how things went.
My prescriptions are all refilled. Even though I showed up five days early. They did not say a word about it.
I'm so relieved. I was worried my doctor was going to make me wait but nope.

In fact, I was told that they do not want me to ever go without my medication again. After my mom had to stop me from almost jumping out of the car the last time I was out of medication, I think they have realized just how dangerous it is for me to be without my medication. I saw the same Lady Doctor as I did the last time. I think she is working with my doctor now and is possibly being readied to take over his practice when the time comes as my regular doctor is getting old and ready to retire.

This lady Doctor is and was very concerned about me and I probably could have gotten some instant release medication to go along with my extended release medication today if I really had pushed it. She mentioned that. She said that they want to keep me comfortable! She said that i may just be more stressed out due to the holidays and I suggested that we wait until the holidays are over and if I am still doing this badly that we will do something then. She agreed that was a good idea and she said I had developed neuropathy also. I guess that is what those new symptoms are.

But...she said to just do the best I can and if I need to show up a few days early for a refill that would not be a problem!
She again said - "WE DO NOT WANT YOU GOING WITHOUT YOUR MEDICATION "! We want you comfortable!
What a relief that is!! I am being treated better and with more respect!! Even the ladies in the office were much nicer to me than they ever have been before.

 

[Painful One]

We're practically neighbors, Squeaky.

I'm not too far away from you guys.
I'm over here in Utah.
So, no not all of us are Canadian.
It sounds like the Canadians are having it way worse than we are!
Sorry guys!!

That makes me sad.

Medical Marijuana was legalized in my state yesterday and the ONLY diagnosis that qualifies is CHRONIC PAIN!
Not even MS, Parkinson's, Traumatic Brain Injury etc. only chronic pain.
So that just goes to show you how bad this diagnosis really is!

 

[Painful One]

I'm so tired. Looking forward to a full nights sleep tonight also!

Hope you have a full nights sleep also ShroomySatori!
We need one!!

Good Night friends. Sweet dreams everyone!

 

[ShroomySatori]

I've slept 6 hours, still exhausted. So tired and I ate well before falling asleep. Have some irritation. Took a remaining etizolam dose. My sleep is messed up a lot from all of this. There is no schedule. It's 4am I might end up staying up for a few hours and then be tired for the rest of the day and fall asleep early. Then spend too much time alone in the middle of the night, which is okay if I'm not exhausted and I'd prefer not to have early awakenings and early pass outs. Insomnia sucks. I have no idea what to do with myself. So sick of the lack of sleep I guess I can smoke weed and pass out but I feel like being awake now and watching a funny tv show I'm high, Then tomorrow I'm out of sync with the rest of the world. I don't remember falling asleep, I think I wrote that and was asleep in 5 minutes. But it was when I was finally done with my annoying as hell day, had eaten, was ready to do what I've wanted to do for what seems like forever and it just isn't happening I just want to fucking chill the fuck out and get stoned and watch tv. That was supposed to be last night. Now it's going to be 4am, and by the time it's lunch I'm just tired and need a nap. None of it ever makes any sense and it's all a waste of time. I've been having weird memories like how my friend used to call me a wildcard. I don't want to be awake right now for fucks sake it's like this almost all year.

 

[Painful One]

I had a very enlightening day yesterday and I finally understand so much of my life!

I think this will help a lot of you. Listen.

I ran into a good friend of mine that I grew up with, she lived just around the block from me until we got married and moved away.
I was asking her about how her family was doing. She has two brothers. The one brother, John, everyone always thought that he was retarded. Almost his entire life! When I asked how John was doing she told me that "John is normal! We found out that he has chronic pain and has been living in excruciating pain all this time!" She said that when he is given enough pain killers that he is normal! She said he is working at the hospital and has a personality and is just awesome!

I just stood there with my mouth open. Because this has been my life also. I remember him running out of church clutching his head and moaning and other things. Things that I also did and do still at times. I have been thinking about things all night long and when I finally got put on pain medication my mom said to me - "wow! You have a personality!"

I asked my friend how her other brother Alma was doing (always the doted on favorite of the family) and she got a disgusted look on her face and said "he steals John's medication and poor John has to go without and he suffers horribly! It takes John months to recover from being without his medication back to where he was before Alma takes his medication."

She said that John is diagnosed with CHRONIC PAIN!!!

This explained so much to me! I told her that I also have been diagnosed with chronic pain and she said she knew. She told me that she always knew there was something wrong with me similar to her brother John's problem! Apparently everyone thought of me as retarded also. This makes so much sense to me and explains so much of my life to me that I have been confused about and trying to figure out!

 

[Painful One]

The thought has crossed my mind many, many times that I wonder how much better I could do if I had the right amount of medication. Plugging the MS Contin has made it work better for me and I can think better now. I can read books again and have intelligent conversations with people. I don't feel so anxious and out of place, I can follow movies and remember them. I don't feel lost in what is going on when I have the correct dosage of medication!

This explains to me why I would be willing to go through some days of just utter hell without medication so that for most the month I can be a normal person! Except for the physical disability now from the car accident that keeps me from being very active. This explains to me why it takes so long for me to "stabilize". It explains why my "withdrawal" does not match other people's experiences.

OMG! It explains SO much! I am now understanding just what Chronic pain is. Chronic pain is when your brain has gotten stuck on "maximum pain" sensor going off! Even after injury has healed our brains are still signaling that we are in "MAX pain"! It is the brain that feels pain not the broken leg or whatever.

 

[ShroomySatori]

For myself it is about having a stable supply for my tolerance, but not too much at a time. Just a stable supply and ideally a reserve. Then I don't have to worry about anything drug related, and get on with life. I've wasted so much time not being properly medicated and medications can be very expensive as well like weed for example is like I'm searching everywhere for the quality I need but any way I got about it that is going to cost me a lot to wake up in the morning and smoke a gram of top shelf kush to start the day. That's fine but I need a job and this is the problem to think about and act.

I feel like this extends to annoying dependent on any drug. I mean, functional "addicts" we are obviously medicating and would have a lot more free time if we weren't left to try and support each other. I don't even know anyone with chronic pain like AA groups everywhere, where is a chronic pain support group? I just mean locally, I'd totally go to it.

Why all the trouble with our medications it leads to so much lost productivity and they are not even expensive to produce. Whatever happened to freedom? I feel enslaved by my own species in a very deceiving way. I hate feeling like that, makes me feel worthless.

I'm still doing well, it's just not always going to be happy days and they don't need to be. I would just like reassurance that I'm able to function with the medications that allow me to function weed and valium. What is wrong with that I don't see it. I've been on them so long, weed 15 years it's not like my brain is going to just forget about it. I'll never quit that I really need it but it's so expensive and ever since legalization it has completely fucked me over. Completely. They legalized weed, created a bunch of restrictive laws in the meantime and it made it much harder for medical patients to get access. Otherwise I'd be going for a nice morning walk to buy a gram. Instead it's such a fucking hassle my blood is starting to boil and it's just weed but I fucking need that shit all day every day I'm addicted and I don't care! I just want my kush and I worked all week for it so where is it?