I am unsure because there could be other forms of life across the universe to reincarnate as but, I do think reincarnation is plausible. So it might not be planet earth, or anything like the experience of these sense at all. To me there is no answer to this, it will be a big surprise when I die. The intermediate states between death and rebirth, as they say, sound like a trip.
I feel like I am tripping out this is fucked. I feel like I'm on some odd concoction of seroquel and lsd. I don't even feel bad, I think it's mania. I mean I feel like shit but I'm not depressed. I think I was crazy depressed before. This is insanity. I will mention the dose I am taking once it is a quarter of what it is now. It is shockingly awful. I really did myself in but I believe that these withdrawals may in fact not be as bad as real benzo withdrawals as they say.
I think I might get lucky here but still suffer a lot. I have to do this, though. I can already see it improving my life and how sedated I've been. I feel excited now about socializing a little. Well... with women haha. I know I will do well with that after some time.
This is ridiculous but it isn't as dreadful as H wd's... I've been here before, it is a place of chaos. I think I was meant to experience this in order to help lead me to give sanity a try. However, I really cannot ever run out at the moment. I will be cautious in this regard but that period of time will not take too long as when you are in a life threatening situation and wish to live the tendency is to fight back. There is nothing to fight against. It is a chemical that does not exist apart from myself or anything else in existence. Apparently it can cause "seizures"... hope I don't have one of those. Wouldn't know the fuck to do.
Just like maybe I had chosen to experience severe H addiction for the sake of choosing life over death. Love over hate. Toying with my fate. This all seems like a bad dream...
And then I was in university. I woke up at the same time every day, partied a lot though. Way too much. I had a bright future that is now looking well, even brighter. If I ever get out of this cosmic swamp, I will be joyous. I don't want to die an etizolam addict as I sense that the energy carries on. The anxiety. It can't be destroyed. Anxiety is one of the greatest teachers, and so is pain.
I am having conversations with myself. I can barely keep my eyes open and my vision is blurred. I feel oddly sedated and manic simultaneously. Everything looks strange, like the twilight zone. I feel like I'm on another planet. I definitely heard some stuff that wasn't there. Still laying in bed. Cooked a pasta though that was amazing. Full of healthy cheese, mushrooms, and black pepper. Also a red cayenne from the garden but that's all I could cook up and stomach. Amazing, though.
I think if I just accept I have to go through this, and take care of myself as best I can I'll be okay. There is so much conflicting information on etizolam out there. I personally think that it isn't going to be the end of me, but a true horror show. I think that it is incomparable to benzo withdrawal because well, I guess it is. When I switch from etizolam to any benzo it is a lot easier than switching from any benzo to etizolam. It doesn't have the sedation. I noticed this taking xanax earlier this year. I would get withdrawals running out and using this stuff instead. It hasn't even been helping my anxiety. I can't go on doing this to myself. But I don't think etizolam is a bad physically to kick I think it might drive one even more insane though