Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Ps: don't worry about the supply right now. If worst comes to worst, we can go talk to our doctors and I know they will help us.
We are in bad shape right now and I think they would not leave you without.
 
Gonna rewrite this one. Yeah painful one this withdrawal is rough. It's bearable, but horrible enough. I also really have to be responsible this week and get a lot done. Maybe that's a good thing, I know that someone is watching over me. You should see the shrine I made to St Anne.

So I did get the money situation covered which is buying myself time so long as I don't use enough to ever be comfortable.

I am being surrounded by positive energy lately. Yeah my family doesn't invite me and all that but I mean people other than my family are okay. I just mean like if I seem down or whatever, people leave me be and don't really care. Everyone seems to be so encouraging though I mean people who know me who I am today sort of thing not all this family resent over stupid shit like being a stoner growing up and how I'm just the black sheep.

The two people I made really good friends with who disappeared, both of them could not believe how smart I am technically once they got to know me. Like, scientifically I mean. I really shouldn't be giving up on myself. The seizures and financial ruin sort of worry me but as soon as I'm stable on benzos and not smoking so much I won't have anything tying me down.

Sorry you are going through the girly thing I don't know much about and yeah I rewrote this one once the weed settled down a bit. Hadn't smoked and I'm not too bad right now. Bedridden, pretty useless, but I can do this. I got myself out for a walk.
 
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Don't stress yourself out right now. Realize that everything is amplified and we are hyper sensitive normally.
Don't worry about going to work with a lovely lady. People get sick. Viruses, flus. Just say you have caught some kind of crud and don't feel well. Then don't worry about it.

I definitely think the Valium will keep you from having seizures. Which thing are you low on? Yeah I know they aren't going to give you what you need to do this and you do know your body the best. You know how to do this.

Some things that I found that make me feel as if I took a benzo and calm panic attacks, anxiety- other than benzo's are sleepy time tea extra with valerian root. Helps leg pains too. Allergy medication also helped. Seemed like the benzo withdrawal kicks the allergy system up and surprisingly the allergy medication helped me with anxiety as well as watery eyes and runny nose.

I'm using some aromatherapy right now. That helps. Yeah, just try to keep occupied doing other stuff. Keep your mind distracted.

We will balance out. Just try to keep calm. Breathe.

Nice one on the dispensary knowledge! They need you there. Other people need your knowledge. Too right about the doctors!

I was thinking maybe you could get an early refill on your Valium if you had to.
 
Just read your last reply. Alright. Excellent!
No worries about supply then. No more worries about seizures.

Thank you to the lovely ladies and stoner hippy dudes of the world!! :)
We would be in bad shape without them! Love them all!
Most kind, understanding, non judgmental, chill, cool people in the world!

You can do this. We can do this. Sucks and painful but when over will be OVER!

Try and eat something.
 
This girl is chillllll I'm looking forward to seeing her tomorrow. I'll totally be cool withdrawing around her and she'll be interested in what I'm going through considering what I know about her and her studies. I've been around her in benzo withdrawal before and she has a calming presence. She's definitely the most chill. I'm actually really interested in her, and find it strange to be working with her now. I'll tell her that I will be working slow tonight, that I've been in withdrawal for days but it's chill. She already said to get well! We get a lot of time to chat. She knows I have a lot of mental illness since it interferes with yoga sometimes. This didn't change anything if anything she's been nicer when she sees me. I haven't been around though all summer. Can't wait to get back into yoga after this.

I wish I had more valium, I'm low on them both. Really low. And yeah they'd honestly treat me like an animal at the hospital and without a taper I would likely die at this point.

I like valerian. I have some theanine here with magnesium actually going to take that right now. I am committed to keeping off these drugs no matter how bad it is, except for my weed and a valium a day (with a lot of little things like you mentioned that help naturally).

I already did the early refill thing haha. I can't. I should be taking less of it too. Give it a chance to build up in my system so I need less of it next month. I can get it in advance there is an auto-early-release sort of so even though I blew through a lot of them, I still have enough to take one a day. I was thinking of doubling that up this week because it will be the most dangerous week of adjustment. But then I won't have it for too long of a time so I have to deal with my resources as best I can.
 
Hey there. I'm kinda new here and I've been using a combo of pharma meds to get me off a destructive drug H. So far the ride has been smooth i wont lie and the meds used i have been lowering dosages but im Slightly worried and I'm not gonna lie but what if im done with them and i want that something extra back in my live and i think we all know what im talking about.
 
lol I'm glad you got to read that before I erased it! Too funny.

Supply is still a concern. A huge concern but I bought myself time so if I'm smart I can keep up with it, and if I drop as fast as I can to my target for now it won't be costly. I think I'm going to have to drop even quicker though unfortunately. Greater than 50% drops, I mean.

Yeah, I'm probably not going to have a seizure, especially since I am not stopping completely.

Thank for that last piece of advice. I'm starved but I'm finding it hard to get up. So far today, I have had 4 cups of coffee but I have coffee black and it isn't food. I have had half a grilled cheese sandwich then gave up. I think there is a healthy pasta in the fridge somewhere I could heat up. And it's already past 4:00 which is totally crazy to me.
 
I haven't craved it in nearly 8 months except once getting bloodwork, really. If it has done enough harm to you and you have suffered enough you'll just stop if you want a future. It becomes a very clear choice after say 6 months to a year and then it's up to you. That was my drug of choice as well. I would exercise get addicted to it. I got hooked on yoga and it helps me feel great, but I've had to stop practicing due to benzo withdrawal for now. Try other things that will make you healthy or happy or whatever it is other than that.

Painful One thanks, you actually altered the course of my day. I got outside and was picking yellow and red cherry tomatoes for a while, and ate some purple basil and cilantro. Yummy. I'm sort of starving myself. I haven't smoked much weed today or thought about it, that is what happens in benzo withdrawal. I'll end up being dependent on neither of them in any way.

I think that not having any anxiety around a really attractive girl like that is a good sign for me. The girls who give me anxiety about whether they like me or not or stuff like that, I shouldn't bother with. Since I've found a few who seem to like me enough that they can deal with all the baggage. I often do have anxiety, as much as I don't want to admit that but it's hard. That makes it easy for me to know when I like someone though. Usually it's neutral, not too much anxiety but when a girl can calm me down just with her presence, her aura. That is rare. This girl I can't think of a single incident and even if I had a panic attack I feel like she'd be chill. So I better behave myself. I don't think she's single it's not about that I'm happy to be working with someone so lovely and positive.

Since having genuine support from other sentient beings who you know actually give a shit really helps with the detox. It's not about talking about my problems lol I wouldn't do that with this girl ever really unless because she is really interested in crime from an academic standpoint and well drugs are, illegal haha. Tomorrow we'll hopefully be getting to know each other casually like we do any time we see each other, I don't expect anything except she definitely would not ever leave me hanging like a couple girls have in the past for shifts.

It's cool because normally even writing about a girl I like so much would give me anxiety but there is none of that here I look forward to seeing her that's it. I am resilient I must keep this in mind. Even if I had a seizure by chance I could probably brush it off.
 
Good to hear! It is only the "sentient beings" of this world who even matter and we are all loving and kind!
I know there would be at least one person around who would help you stay calm and do the right things for you even if you were to have a seizure. There are still good people in the world. Our family members whom have been so downright mean have just made us feel so insecure.

You have nothing to be insecure about my friend. You are so smart, bright, brilliant, but down to earth. Listen, everyone in this world has problems. A lot of people have the exact same problems as we do. Most people are not like our family members. Look for the people who set you at ease and allow you to be you. You are doing just fine. This life is a developmental, learning experience and what are we here to learn? To love one another! We are all so connected and one. There are those whom know and understand and are looking out for their fellow brothers and sisters. Dont let the people whom just have not suffered enough yet to learn bring you down!

Glad you got outside and got something to eat. I did too. It did help and I wouldn't have done it if not for you helping me too!
The good, loving people of the world come to one another's aid, without questions and offer only love and support.
We are good people! Be proud of who you are!
 
I was going to write about the family thing. As a family member was just putting me down. That is why we feel so insecure it is true. It goes way back to childhood, and adolescent too. The psychedelic Ibogaine surfaced a lot of those memories. I was thrown out of my house by my mom as a uni student for smoking before bed in the summertime as I had developed a habit. My program was notoriously stressful and only about a class of 30. Anyways, it's not really cool for my mom to do that in the winter without even letting me grab my coat in -30C weather. I mean, it's their choice... but ever since then things haven't been right. I've been on the run, living from apartment to apartment to rural areas like the middle of nowhere by myself, to nice country home when I had things alright. I lived in like 10 different places in one year. I never feel at home, it sucks. I really want to be living with my family right now because if I had been this opiate thing never would have gone on for so long. It would make abusing drugs infeasible, but they won't let me live with them. It's fucked. I was just told I was a good kid until I started smoking weed and they have never forgiven me for it even a decade later being prescribed it. It's so fucking fucked thinking that I wasn't even told about the family vacation until they had left. My brother just said he didn't know what to say. I'm pretty fucking pissed off he didn't even ask if I was going.

I don't know what to say it's complicated when it's family and in particular I have serious problems with my mother. She is definitely borderline / narcissist my brother and I think she has a few traits from both. Anyways. I just want to get away from them and start my own family one day. My brother I think hides a lot of emotions though and is secretive unless I catch him wasted. I know he has tried hard drugs like the party ones that can lead to mental illness, and psychedelics. Really not a good idea with me and our family history. It's because he doesn't see alcohol as a drug and abuses the fuck out of it and it's going to turn him into an addict but just because it's legal it's okay. I'm just pissed at him that he wouldn't even tell me they were going there because I absolutely love it there and have vacationed there with my x before.

I doubt I'm going to have a seizure at this time but you really never know. I have faith that I would survive, because I already could have died so many times.

Thank you for the kind words. You are very courageous. Gotta get my confidence in myself back and you're right. I agree with what you said about me.

I can sense the romance if I manage to quit. It will be with someone I don't expect, most likely. That is of no real concern right now I need to get myself well and can probably keep getting laid on occasion in the meantime to stay sane. I was actually going crazy from that.

There is also that psychedelic Ibogaine's metabolite, nor-Ibogaine in my body still. I took what amounted to a flood dose in the end, so that is probably still working on my system. It may in fact be subconsciously why I actually want to quit benzos now and go through whatever suffering it takes. I didn't want that before. I'd still be low like right now, but I would be waiting for the day that I reupped. Now I'm waiting for the day that I can read a book, eat three meals, exercise, maybe even go out and socialize, and have a nice sleep. I miss cuddling to bed, kinda sucks. It is helpful for us to be in good relationships too and that will be so nice when it happens. Not like a co-dependency thing or for extra help but to support and encourage each other I really want a healthy relationship and I am not going to hold myself back so long as I am getting clean. I'm not waiting 3 years as soon as I meet her I'll know. I can't stand back and forth dating going nowhere for me it is just passion so one day that will happen again, I will be happy. I can't have that very often until I stop abusing this stuff because I will never have much of a life until I stop abusing benzos.
 
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One thing I'm concerned about are long term effects from both of these families of drugs.

You are a good person. Can't wait to be smokin my weed again. I got such a nice strain today! I was choosing between the one I had yesterday and Nuken and got the Nuken since it was cheaper and after close inspection, probably higher quality. I've just smoked 3 tokes today in one sesh. That is really good for me. After all this benzo withdrawal I'll have a healthier weed habit. I hope I get away with minimal brain damage because in benzo withdrawal I sure feel pretty slow and stupid. I hope it doesn't last and my taper drop is now moving past 50% of my original dose which was barely holding me functional.

It just has to be over and done with. Do you think we get to be human beings every time? I sure don't, it's a needle in a haystack to have an opportunity at life like this. That makes it really hurt when I realize I'm throwing it away. There are people who have things worse off, but I'm listening to a family member bitch and scream in the background at the moment. Hangup. I hate when they stomp their feet like children and I've thrown my dad to the ground before. I'm way bigger than him and yeah. I feel bad about that cause I actually like my dad.

Once I realized what the benzos are doing to me (making me depressed) - they simply have to go. I have no choice in the matter. Not only is it life threatening but it is destroying my whole entire life. I've already lost so many of my possessions and I don't even care. I know I had to let them go in order to avoid death at the time. I figured out a plan, I've lost enough at this point just like with H, that I know it's going to be over. I'm sure I will stumble since I'm tapering. But I really have to stick with this.

I think that if I really need an extra pill it should be a weak valium that will help build up in my body and not a short acting doubled up hit. If I run out of those they will still work for about a week and I can get more of them reasonably soon. I was questioning this for a while because the valium is such a valuable thing to me and I only have 10 left. So I really should be taking 1 a day until I can get more, it's not like I can keep up what I'm doing anyway. I'm also just plain sick and tired of being a zombie.

Yeah so I can't talk anymore because a family member is budding into my business and wants to get me extremely anxious about something. It's chill... I'm not blaming them I'm used to it. It just totally sucks when you think back to having a nice childhood, I remember opening my first nintendo systems and being such a happy kid. That compared to now. A panic attack is being triggered because someone wants to let me know how much they detest me. It's just the high strung riled up sort of shreaking insults at me that freaks me out. I can't deal with that shit from family for fucks sake.
 
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I do understand and I know how you feel. My brother was the only one that was still cool and tried to be a human being.
But he has turned on me. I know how bad and deep that cuts. The one brother that you had that you two always stood by one another's side through anything.

I wouldn't even answer the phone or the door to them right now Shroomy. Are they being helpful? No. They are being destructive at a time you are making great decisions and have already been through hell. It seems like anytime we start to get our lives in order, the second they see us getting well, they double their attack. I could go on and on about all the stuff they have done to me but...I do forgive them. I hope the best for them. I hope they come around and gain some wisdom! Until then- I will simply not tolerate them around me. I don't need their negativity and complete lack of knowledge and understanding.

People who can't forgive have bigger problems than we do. They do! I would advise you to set boundaries and allow zero contact when you are going through what we are going through right now.

Do I think we get to be human beings every time after coming back from this? YES! Even more so if you use this time to really get to know who you are and how powerful you are. You don't need anything else but that fiery soul inside you and you are part of a very larger and greater power than yourself. One you can rely on. One that loves you unconditionally! Every Time!
I tell you the truth. If you believe in yourself and truly believe you will come back fully, you will! You are!

Love never fails and it overcomes ALL! Believe it!
 
I am unsure because there could be other forms of life across the universe to reincarnate as but, I do think reincarnation is plausible. So it might not be planet earth, or anything like the experience of these sense at all. To me there is no answer to this, it will be a big surprise when I die. The intermediate states between death and rebirth, as they say, sound like a trip.

I feel like I am tripping out this is fucked. I feel like I'm on some odd concoction of seroquel and lsd. I don't even feel bad, I think it's mania. I mean I feel like shit but I'm not depressed. I think I was crazy depressed before. This is insanity. I will mention the dose I am taking once it is a quarter of what it is now. It is shockingly awful. I really did myself in but I believe that these withdrawals may in fact not be as bad as real benzo withdrawals as they say.

I think I might get lucky here but still suffer a lot. I have to do this, though. I can already see it improving my life and how sedated I've been. I feel excited now about socializing a little. Well... with women haha. I know I will do well with that after some time.

This is ridiculous but it isn't as dreadful as H wd's... I've been here before, it is a place of chaos. I think I was meant to experience this in order to help lead me to give sanity a try. However, I really cannot ever run out at the moment. I will be cautious in this regard but that period of time will not take too long as when you are in a life threatening situation and wish to live the tendency is to fight back. There is nothing to fight against. It is a chemical that does not exist apart from myself or anything else in existence. Apparently it can cause "seizures"... hope I don't have one of those. Wouldn't know the fuck to do.

Just like maybe I had chosen to experience severe H addiction for the sake of choosing life over death. Love over hate. Toying with my fate. This all seems like a bad dream...

And then I was in university. I woke up at the same time every day, partied a lot though. Way too much. I had a bright future that is now looking well, even brighter. If I ever get out of this cosmic swamp, I will be joyous. I don't want to die an etizolam addict as I sense that the energy carries on. The anxiety. It can't be destroyed. Anxiety is one of the greatest teachers, and so is pain.

I am having conversations with myself. I can barely keep my eyes open and my vision is blurred. I feel oddly sedated and manic simultaneously. Everything looks strange, like the twilight zone. I feel like I'm on another planet. I definitely heard some stuff that wasn't there. Still laying in bed. Cooked a pasta though that was amazing. Full of healthy cheese, mushrooms, and black pepper. Also a red cayenne from the garden but that's all I could cook up and stomach. Amazing, though.

I think if I just accept I have to go through this, and take care of myself as best I can I'll be okay. There is so much conflicting information on etizolam out there. I personally think that it isn't going to be the end of me, but a true horror show. I think that it is incomparable to benzo withdrawal because well, I guess it is. When I switch from etizolam to any benzo it is a lot easier than switching from any benzo to etizolam. It doesn't have the sedation. I noticed this taking xanax earlier this year. I would get withdrawals running out and using this stuff instead. It hasn't even been helping my anxiety. I can't go on doing this to myself. But I don't think etizolam is a bad physically to kick I think it might drive one even more insane though
 
You are doing just fine. I definitely heard some things that weren't there when I went through benzo withdrawal.
It was a trip in itself. Just realize it can cause some hallucinations and keep calm. What you need to find is peace my brother.
Keep searching. Once you realize how not alone in this world you really are then you can draw on that power and that peace never leaves you.

Try to stay centered in your heart. This will pass and you will get to feeling a lot better.
I'm starting to feel quite a bit better at times now. I fell asleep for awhile and am going to try and sleep some more.
Thank God those arm and leg muscle tightening things are gone.
Now I'm just exhausted.

Good job for eating healthy and hanging in there. Try to get some sleep. Let yourself relax from that wound up state if you can. You may not be able to for a few days. Week maybe but just look at it as a few days. It does clear and you will feel so much better.

Yup, you find out what you are really made of when fighting for your life. Pain is indeed a great teacher but no, anxiety will not follow you into so-called death. Just peace and love. You don't have to worry about reincarnation if you advance above that and it takes a lot of pain and suffering to do that. You are doing just fine though. No worries. Have faith. No fear!

Well, I'm going to try and sleep some more but may be back soon. I will check on you when I wake up. Until then just take it easy.
 
I have no qualms with hallucinations. I try and induce them intentionally sometimes. You are right, I am tripping out. Right now I feel at peace but I wish I had done this sooner. The opiates were messing with me for so long this year that I couldn't I would have relapsed and I knew I was messing myself up for the future.

Those muscle cramps are the WORST that is the worst withdrawal symptom hands down I get it full body. Feels like I'm burning alive or poison is seeping out of my bones. My muscles are so extremely painful from that. There is a little of that with this, but I am tapering Thank God. Some people would be in no position to even have a chance at tapering right now. I do, and am very fortunate.

I fell asleep an hour before I dosed. Then I woke up 2 hours after and dosed. Unless I am deluding myself but I took time to wake up and think hard about it as I was shocked I'd sleep 2 hours past dosing time that's dangerous. I had nightmares, my friend who disappeared the really good amazing friend always said the nightmares were the worst part and had to withdraw in jail from this shit.

Yeah, I remember I passed out after eating that mushroom filled pasta. I figured mushrooms would give me energy. I think they have B-vitamins. I think this is passing quickly, or not started up yet. I can't tell as I haven't really been through it but last time I remember I was getting better like I could feel it by the time I got more.

Well the thing is the drug is fucking my life so bad at this point, worse than any drug of all time really, that I have no choice but to stick with it. My eye is twitching. It might be time to take the daily valium and then I will pass out again for a couple hours. Since yeah like my friend who disappeared always said if you only take Etizolam and not any real benzos you'll have a lower benzo tolerance. This is what has been going on for a while and I notice that whenever I only use etizolam I encounter benzo withdrawals so that makes sense.

Thanks and I feel my personality changing already. It's just the withdrawals are truly horrendous. I'm a twitching mess. I need to eat something but too burnt to get up. I know what to do: smoke some bong. I was just out getting my money for tomorrow's stash, which will make it much more convenient and faster for me to get weed tomorrow. Maybe I'll end up with a job there. Honestly in order to do that all I have to do is keep befriending them and they'll realize the situation I'm in and why I'm there every single day, day in day out.
 
My personality is waking up! It is lovely!

I don't think etizolam has as bad withdrawals as benzos because I don't think I'm going to have all that hard a time with this. I'm concerned about long term effects, though. The dose I've been doing is outrageous. I'm not even talking 10mg a day or anything like that. It got completely the fuck out of control and I'm doing 50% dose cuts now before something bad happens.

There is definitely a kindling effect and I don't want it to carry on with this. It hasn't really started yet, my body is getting used to depleting its nutritional resources to fight benzo wd. I have to do it this time I can never ever go through this again. I am 48 hours in now but with the 3.5 hour half life and hitting withdrawal after 3 - 3.5 hours of dosing. Getting relief an hour and a half later for an hour or so.

It's insane. I actually feel like I have destroyed my whole entire life. I also feel that I was abusing this so heavily this year because I couldn't deal with getting off opiates for good. Well I feel hunger so I should eat. I like how I haven't taken my valium yet. Most important dope of the day.
 
That is a great sign Shroomy! Makes me delighted to hear your lovely personality is coming back. Isn't that a great feeling!
No doubt about it! Maybe the etiziolam will not be too bad just by itself. I really don't know. You explained it to me once as like a partial anti depressant and anxiety reducer. I found the hallucinations to be kinda funny after I realized I was hallucinating that is.
They were strangely comforting just as I find the violent puke stage of opiate withdrawal to be kinda strangely comforting.
Maybe when your body really starts kicking out the toxins it knows it is pulling through. I don't know.

I am obviously an idiot when it comes to medication. Look at what I have done to myself with fucking loperamide. Ridiculous. I refuse to accept this! Good Lord. It is amazing to me that I can be "comfortable" in my brain like I am now feeling my MS Contin and should be comfortably sleeping but no. Still having a lot of arm, leg pains and burning. Sweating off pounds of weight that I don't have to loose and the word of the day here is- Mucous, holy shit ton of puking mucous. Yuck! Sorry.

Good news is I don't think I am going to have a heart attack anymore. No bad heart pains or abnormal rhythm. I can breathe better, I am not nearly as anxious. Just the burning, muscle pain, headache, etc. etc.
 
It is a benzodiazepine analog - not an actual benzodiazepine. It is a chemical tweak and one of the structural rings is a "thieno" one not a "benzo" one. So it is a thienodiazepine prob spelling that wrong but it's not a benzo. It affects the same receptors but I was finding massive doses were required to alleviate benzo withdrawal when I ran out of everything else. My tolerance to benzos went insanely high after that, I can't even believe it. If I had taken doses like that of traditional benzos I'd pass out they are not the same and I need physical sedation more than stuff like social anxiety I can deal with that fine. I don't even know if I have it, I have a panic disorder for sure though. It's the last one I'd ever want to be on to treat my anxiety.

I've just been taking totally the wrong stuff and it messed me up. I'm getting hit hard with withdrawals today and it's on and off but I'm in high spirits. I had the best talk yet with a couple friends at the dispensary. One I didn't know but was super chill. Funny people there. I stayed like an extra half hour it was really fun. Dude said he learned a lot from me, was chill in fact a girl stopping by said that too. And me and the employee dude were in agreement which was chill. I was just like... can I try explaining and then add some more info dude? Well I explained it really well. The meds are clearly hitting harder now on the third day, but the rebound is insanity. Maybe I'll just somehow get lucky this time and not suffer too much. I still have to taper again, but the drops are fast and I'm trying to get it over with asap.
 
You're probably making it a lot harder on yourself trying to drop quickly. Generally it's recommended to do something like 10% of your dose per week. With a benzo taper you're trying to get comfortable at each level and then drop a little bit. Otherwise the suffering is extreme and psychosis and seizures can occur, or at least you end up doing what you're doing, suffering badly from too high a drop and then having to take more and messing the taper up. It can take a long time to get off benzos with a slow taper but at least you can do it without so much suffering. I haven't heard many success stories about quick tapers, especially from large doses.
 
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