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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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I have been intentionally killing myself with various drugs for over 10 years now. At first it was fun before then, smokin weed doin shrooms in high school and that stuff is unrelated.

When I realized my place in society. Ever since, I feel that I am postponing the inevitable. I wouldn't have gone to the hospital. I don't even really care I just got lucky this time. What motivates me is fear, so it's typically last minute.

The inevitable being inevitable anyway. These benzos and opiates have fucking decimated me consider me more or less undead. Corpse. I can't see it happening any other way and I'm not trying anymore. I don't give a fuck about my life.
 
How are you doing today. I am taking the day to rest. I stressed myself out enough that I can feel the nervous tension throughout my body. My back hurts, too, so I am laid out on my heating pad. This is a rare strain and the nice lady there gave me a 2 gram on point nug. So my whole stash is in 3 nugs that being the smallest. This strain really helps with depression and I am still feeling the effects really strong a couple hours later.

And it eventually mellows out for a sativa too and that's nice, I'm content relaxing now. Stress is awful in withdrawal and with these health problems and knowing I only have so much time.
 
I am not doing well.
I'm too sick to say much.

Major family stress going on too which is not helping at ALL!

Hoping to God to get feeling better soon. It is taking all I got.
 
I'm feeling better right now. I was able to finally get some sleep. I did have a lot of awakenings but I was able to sleep most the night and even just woke up now at around 8:25. That helped. I absolutely need my sleep due to my chronic pain or some insomnia wouldn't bother me so much.

Things seem to be working themselves out but this thing keeps whipping back up at times so I am hoping and praying for the best.
I am hoping that just using loperamide for ten days at a much lower dosage than others have recommended and tapering that down will not leave me in this withdrawal for 5-7 weeks?? Please no! That is what I have been reading. Some saying this withdrawal is worse than h or methadone. I have never used those so I don't know about that but it is definitely worse than morphine cold turkey withdrawal. I'm using my prescribed amount of morphine and it has not been touching these withdrawals. That is so weird.

How are you doing today Shroomy? Good to hear things are stabilizing and you got some great weed that you like to help you.
Just keep on trucking with the taper down. Slowly but surely. Progress is being made. Thanks for being here for me. I really needed a friend.
 
I'm just waking up close to noon. Slept nearly 12 hours. Still tired from going through that.

Today as well I'm going to burn out and cook some healthy meals. I feel like I am going through the grieving process of my own death but then again I'm so messed up it's probably withdrawals messing with me.

A distant relative I didn't know killed themselves with drugs it's weird right after that time before I heard about that I was having visions of being at a wake and it was mine. They were in high school too. It's all over my family on both sides.

That sucks pure loperamide powder should be available somewhere if you really need that.
 
Painful One, best herb I ever smoked in my life. Congolese. It's well over 20% THC for sure and the way I like to blaze it's like taking a dab of really good hash. Such a smooth smoke and that's rare when it's this flavourful and aromatic. The flavour is so similar to the aroma, which is wonderful. It's powerful tropical spiciness. The weed itself is bright green and very dense large nugs caked in frosting especially inside.It is the only weed of this entire year I've been able to take one bong rip even with a tolerance and be satisfied.
I'm smoking a lot of it to help recover from that withdrawal. I still feel out of it since I only got the stuff back in my body really yesterday. I slept so well since I had so much insomnia for so long and with this phenomenal weed.
Adjusting my dose down a bit as I'm not in any withdrawal today. Should be in at least a bit.
 
My sincere condolences to you and your family on such a great loss!
That hurts my heart.

We need to stay safe and be very careful. That could easily be one of us. I don't want to loose any of you friends here!
Don't want to loose anyone to this thing. If anyone out there needs some help, I am available for support.
None of us are alone in this.

Oh no, no more loperamide for me. I will just wait it out. It would only get worse. It was a stupid thing to do and I have to put a stop to it right now!

The "Congolese " sounds delightful. You make it sound so yummy. White frosting- lol! You really should write professionally shroomy.
You do an awesome job of it. The way you describe things is amazing. I, myself have not tried that kind but of all my sampling I liked a kind called "Gorilla Glue" the best. Aha! Fitting name huh? It really glued my gorilla.
 
Yeah not sure if it was a suicide or not and the drugs they mentioned to me didn't really make sense for an OD. More other people around me upset than myself, I see the same fate as a possibility so for me I just felt nervous. Like I'm next.

Thing is when you fuck up to the point of using Cambodian china white heroin snorting it chronically for years on the end (it was either that absolute pure fire or really good afghan #4 the entire time)... stuff so strong a line the size of a coke one could easily kill you two or three times over. And mixing that with so many benzos it seems pretty hopeless especially when you get up to the kinds of doses I was on. They were complete insanity it was just as bad with the dope as it was with the xanax dose-wise.

Are you not motivated by drugs or fear haha? Get some loperamide I'm not telling you how but I am telling you that pure loperamide powder exists. I have easy access to it in fact and kind of regret not picking some up. Since it's a really great price and like 99.9% pure and I could probably use that at times especially when I can't eat. Don't give up cause it's not at the walmart anymore are you really that vanilla lol. Find the pure it's a medicine you are using to detox. Not a drug of abuse so go ahead and figure out how to get it. Why give up when it's helping and/or you need it? Why subject yourself to that if you have some spare change to spend on it.

It is the best weed I've ever smoked. Not the most functional. Just the most potent and recreational and chill and psychedelic and relaxing and music enhancing and completely unlike something that I typically smoke like hindu kush. It's so bright green and dense with trichomes it looks like, alien-nuclear haha.

I think the book Infinite Jest helped me become more descriptive. Since that writer is incredibly descriptive with little details. I also write fast and normally I am a slow lazy worker. I actually think you are right but I have the opposite like degree path for that. I'd have to be a freelance writer? I have so much anxiety if I put it into writing I could write like an 1000 page book in a week easily. Many people have told me to write a book before. So maybe today I will do some reading. The only thing holding me back is that I really want to be very well read in fine literature before writing my own book. And I'll need a career in the meantime anyway so I'm just trying to read a lot for now. That would be the first step as I never studied the arts too much until my brother got into an arts school and started throwing all this intellectual creative motley of new stuff at me. lol I've had that strain but I just don't think it was grown too well, so I don't know it that well. Up north they are breeding some really neat strains these days.
 
Painful One said:
I'm feeling better right now. I was able to finally get some sleep. I did have a lot of awakenings but I was able to sleep most the night and even just woke up now at around 8:25. That helped. I absolutely need my sleep due to my chronic pain or some insomnia wouldn't bother me so much.

Things seem to be working themselves out but this thing keeps whipping back up at times so I am hoping and praying for the best.
Click to expand...

Glad to read this PO...insomnia is a killer. Families too. lol
 
Making some delicious food. Boiled small potatoes then baked with a layer of chives, purple, sweet, and lemon basil, rosemary, green onions, parsley, cherry tomatoes, layer of cheese as well, and black pepper, with a large long cayenne pepper on top left unchopped and a ring of more cherry tomatoes finishing with a green thai chili. Except the cheese it's all from my garden. Baking it for 45 min and put a butterball on top as well lol.

I find that I cannot be skipping meals as much as an athlete can't be skipping a meal. To get through this. I'm going to enjoy the tail end of the summer with all this nice green, got a little cash, and I have enough etizolam that I don't need to suffer now. I don't need to get wasted on it either though I should have about 1 hour of interdose withdrawal and my day will still be functional.
 
Well, glad one of us is not a dumbshit. Sounds like you know how to do this. I am afraid I am just learning. Fuck!
I don't even want to learn this. No I'm not motivated by drugs or fear. Strange huh?

Had I of know this I probably would have done more to ease myself down but I really didn't take that much bro.
116 2 mg pills over 11 days time. Started at like 40-50 mg and reduced rapidly each day. Thought I was being smart.
What an idiot! It doesn't seem reasonable to me to do any more than that. I tapered down to 10 mg.

You are well read and ready to write my friend. You have a gift. Just your food review has motivated me to cook. I'm starving too. I have been eating so much. Fresh fruits, yummy baked chicken, potatoes- I even made scalloped potatoes. I practically made a full thanksgiving dinner in the middle of the night a few days ago.
 
Well yeah if it's affecting you in such a bad way you should be able to find it if you look hard enough. I don't like loperamide personally it didn't do much for me other than its intended use. Although if I were to use it I'd personally be using weighed out amounts of the pure loperamide as opposed to those pills. I don't know much about that so I can't really help much.

I'm feeling lazy today but it's an okay day for me to be lazy for sure. Smokin my dope and eating my home cooked cuisine. Should get some tunes going definitely going to pass out again. I slept 10 hours last night. Been catching up on sleep since I slowed down this taper.
 
It is not an issue of not being able to obtain it. Would take me less than three minutes to do so but like I said, it just doesn't seem reasonable that short of a time and dosage tapered down to 10 mg and picking up with 75 mg morphine would leave me in this boat.
Maybe I got some kind of laced shit or something man. iDK what to think.

I am improving rapidly so I just don't want to go back. Also, at this point, I don't even know if this is withdrawal. There is SO much smoke from all the fires around me that I am expecting to see actual flames anytime now. Serious. That kind of thing jacks my pain level to MAX and who knows what is happening. I have this kind of pain pretty regularly. All this smoke is a known aggravation to my health conditions. But I got a clean bill of health. Just barely had a full work over and everything is "normal".

I don't get it. Trying my best to figure it the fuck out because I will tell you that pain motivates me.
 
I'm having problems with this website. It just keeps going down on me. I have tried to send you a message back but no can do right now. Because of computer issues.

Basically, yeah, you need to keep things stable at this point. That is a lot of stuff that you have come off of and I acknowledge that and I am so sorry you went through that. I shouldn't be complaining and I hope I helped you or comforted you in some way during this time.

I have been eating good and am going to try and get some sleep. My house is alriigght for now with the fires.
Everything is good here.

Peace
 
First step is to stabilize on a dose of etizolam that is neither too high nor too low. I have found this dose I'm going to stay on it for another day or 2 and then do a precise 10% drop for 5 days then do it again. That should be more reasonable than taking half off at once, which I can't subject myself too, especially considering I am already struggling with opiates.
Been catching up on nutrition and sleep. I feel like experimenting with some psychedelics it has been a little while and a lot has happened. The ones that I like help me make sense of myself.

I also just don't really care now that I have my fixes. Smokin my weed doin my drugs. I wonder if I'd be off opiates if I wasn't always broke.
 
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Good Morning.

Do what you need to do Shroomy. No judgement here. I can't even imagine how bad that would be to come off all that China white and stuff though. You don't want to put yourself back there. Do you? I sure as hell don't want to subject myself to that type of suffering. Woe. I hope you are able to keep steady and stable. i know it hurts and I know it is long and hard but you are feeling and sounding so much better. You can rise above this.

I didn't have the greatest night. Lots of pain. Awake most the night but I did manage to get about 4 hours of sleep early on in the evening. I'm at least able to meditate again though. So thankful for that. I hate when I am in so much pain that I am unable to do that. No nightmares either. The sleep I did get was deep and solid.
 
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