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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Glad you were able to get a little sleep. Three hours is not enough but decent considering.

I wouldn't worry so much about not eating. Make sure you drink water and Sprite (7-up, something with some sugar in it), eat some chicken noodle soup or even just the broth. That takes care of your salt levels. Jello, Popsicles, milkshakes, liquid type, soft food diet for awhile. I have to do this all the time due to my hernia situation and digestion being difficult. It is truly amazing how much food you can do without.

Your body is too sick to handle too much right now. Treat it gently. You don't want to go dumping a whole plate of pasta on there.
Gentle. Be gentle to yourself right now. Treat you as if you were the mom of you. Be loving and kind to yourself. Listen to your body.

Try and get up and out of bed. I agree you shouldn't drive right now but get up and move around. Do some laundry. Put on some music. It is just another day. Move around. Get outside in the sun.

I have got to go rescue a critter who fell down in my windowsill and I feel like absolute shit myself.

Romance will come your way. Very soon. You have to get feeling better and stabilized first. Then you can do everything you want to do! Keep stable on the medications! Same amount everyday. No exceptions.

We can do this! Life is much better when we don't put ourselves through this horror. This is it! Never again!
 
Great, thank you Squeaky! I tried that and it did help.
Not the best of sleep cause i kept waking up and tossing, but ill take any sleep i can get.
Thanks for the recommendation, i will continue to use this.

How long do you think i should utilize the lyrica before needing a break? so i don't get dependent on it.
 
Is this ever going to end, seriously. Nearly 8 months and the benzos can't be fucking with me this much they never have before. It's goign to be hard not to relapse as soon as I find work, I'm not sure how to prepare for that because a part of me desires it. Right now I don't have the option of using apart from benzos and a gram a day of pot which totally sucks. I'm used to bonging way more than that. I smoke like .2 or .3 tokes so it goes fast and I'm so irritated when I'm not stoned. And it has to be the right strain or I get irritated too.

It's been an okay day, seshed with a a friend then became completely exhausted. Took 100mg val I finally got it to get the stuff back in my system. Feeling really sedated. This should last into tomorrow.Mind is completely blank. I need to be doing more with my life.
 
I have managed to get back down to taking my prescribed dosage. I am having a trusted family member give my medication to me daily again. I just can't manage it very well. This chronic pain is so disabling and it gets too tempting to use more medication so that I can function as a normal person at least for a little while. But then I suffer too badly.

I'm still adjusting back down some but I am looking forward to just being stable and not having to go through that hell again.
I finally got some sleep last night that was nightmare free.

This chronic pain is fucked! It is not ever going to end and I am disabled from it so badly.

I guess we both need to work on some kind of acceptance shroomy.
 
Painful One you okay? I don't know what I need to work on. Yeah my life just isn't working out. Everything went wrong, it seems hopeless now and I'm not stable enough to be in touch with reality. The days fly by, nothing ever changes. I completely fucked my life I think back to when I had it all. What the fucking fuck happened. I had it all at such a young age out of school with that degree. I don't have it in me anymore I'm a zombie unless I'm high.

I couldn't cease control of the pills like that I think I'd put the person at risk. I am very aggressive it's not good in most situations. I've been thinking of shooting myself up lately. I got bloodwork done the other day and it was a thrill. I used to be a little squeamish but now I'm watching intently, taking mental notes. I have a track mark that looks like the ones I was getting early last summer when I started that. Little red mark. I've been thinking about it a lot. I saw my crimson blood again.

And yeah you were right about the romance, fleeting so far but very nice. Really great I feel a lot better. I am on 2 hours of sleep right now, my back is killing me cause I'm not used to that, especially not all night haha, so, yeah, I can't really complain I guess accept I don't think I'm going to be alive for very much longer. The drugs got me I should have stuck to the dope. It's the one I can function on and that track mark isn't so bad. I was doing better than the nurse last year.

It's just the xanax I know it's coming for me that is what is fucking my life and it's gonna kill me even if I try and stop. Apart from that, I'm pretty happy with nothing. I'm happy I got to have that nice night. That night made up for my shitty summer. Magical.
 
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I'm sorry i am brand new to this site, and i don't even know how to create a post to ask for advice for not only myself but a loved one. It's about heroin withdrawal and changing for the better, but we're running out of time. Anyone with advice or that can tell me how to post i would really appreciate it! Again I'm not sure where exactly this is going to show up but please get back to me, thank you.
 
I am alright. Thanks Shroomy. I'm not feeling very good. I have been having some bad symptoms from chronic pain flare up and from taking loperamide for ten days to maintain until I could get my medication. I thought I had really kept the dosages low and tapered down the lope everyday so I would have a smooth transition but no. Ouch!

I'm also trying like crazy to get my medication usage/ tolerance back down and I am just miserable, can't eat, can't sleep.
Lots of stress on me also. Family stuff, not understanding chronic pain or anything really.

I have got to just wait it out I guess. Do you think your body will readjust to 75 mg MS Contin a day (down from using 90mg a day for a few months) soon? I went through ten days of just taking like 20 mg of lope and thought I would feel better but the thing is that it seems like I just never feel better. It is hard to live with chronic health issues as you know. Sucks.

Do the best you can.
 
Shroomy, nice to hear you had a bit of romance! It does help a lot! :)
That made me happy to hear!!

I have found that it is the little things in life that make true happiness anyway. I have been rich and poor so many times. Had it all, lost it all. Meh. None of that is really what matters in life. I am actually happier just having a simple life as opposed to owning a business and all the stress it brings. Money comes and goes. Don't stress yourself over that.

I guess we just really have to strike a balance and adjust when needed. I feel the best when I find that balance and just work on maintaining that balance. It is a much lower level of functioning and I understand just wanting to feel a little better or function a little more but I'm injured and I just have to make the best of and be grateful for what I still have and can do.
 
Rewriting my post been going crazy.

Yes it was amazing! Totally the highlight of my summer. I've known her since last year. And yeah it was really really good except 4 hours is a little long for having back problems. I got moving again today though and did a lot of cleaning and my back is okay.

Girls what does it mean when you get social media (I had to get facebook like, no choice) and then an attractive girl you never really knew from highschool randomly adds you? Like kind of knew, friend of friends? I definitely know her from parties and school. Hmm... interesting. I don't see this being a problem anymore. That is what I needed to get my confidence back. lol. I just don't know if I should strike up a convo with her or what I'll let it be for now I suppose. I'm too sick to do anything anyway but then again that's a good time for texting which normally bores me to death.

Yeah etizolam totally kills sex drive cause it releases high levels of prolactin but also, it leaves the body extremely fast. Faster than xanax, even. This is good because I feel that it isn't as addictive and as soon as I started taking any valium at all I became way more stable. It's because it isn't really a benzo (it's not. it's a 'thieno') but I treat it like one so I end up taking so damn much of the stuff and it is impossible to knock me out. It has very different effects from benzos, is not a substitute, and due to reasons related to availability I have drastically raised my benzo tolerance from it (acts on the benzo receptor) from the compulsive redosing attempting to get the worst possible choice of anxiety medicine for me to work. Valium on the other hands after a week or 2 lasts all day. I can take 10 times an equivalent dose of valium that would put me to sleep for 24 hours, of etizolam, and feel chill. A little tired at most. This has fucked my tolerance to this family of drugs, for a drug that is a shit medication prescribed in some developing nations. It's like they designed the most addictive anxiety med possible I honestly think they did do research into that.

I'm going to quit it and be free. Val is here to stay though. I'm seriously 1 in 1000 anxiety patients to be scripted it and it's by far the best one for my anxiety, and the one that is safest and I need the lowest dose of. Once I am there, and maybe it will be sooner rather than later, the same thing will happen. I will be so damn happy to be free and not have to worry about running out and dying. I am going to have to be very careful and do this harshly and quickly to get back to my therapeutic dose and actual medication.

I'm nervous though because if I feel this bad on the first day... but then again, the valium is accumulating and it works so much better that I'm hoping the accumulation kind of cancels out the dose drops I'm doing. Anyways, I've done my research and made a decision on how I am going to try to quit. I realize it is going to be awful, but I feel that benzo withdrawal is strongly exaggerated because of the extreme anxiety involved as a symptom. I'm used to fight or flight responses on a daily basis. I got this. I can do this. I mean, I quit heroin for fucks sake and I can't do this? Yeah, right. The difference is that I will be able to stay on benzos and the best one for long term use at a reasonable dose since I don't fiend them or get any high from them (apart from etizolam, which definitely gets me high).
 
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Painful One, are you okay? I'm guessing you are in withdrawal.

Thanks for looking out for me all this time. You helped me get my confidence back too just knowing that you care what will become of me and all this writing back and forth has been constructive. I am totally fine except I need to come up with money fast to continue my benzo taper relatively safely. I don't think I'm going to have a seizure, now that I am taking val as prescribed I really doubt that would happen. I need to respect that benzo. It's the best one for me but it doesn't start working well for a while. It is my benzo of choice and I will get back to using exclusively my prescription of it which would be amazing. I know I can do it, because the cravings are not the same as with opiates. Also, it does not increase prolactin and is way safer long term than etizolam. This withdrawal seems systematic, mathematical, intuitive... up my alley.

I think with valium underneath things, I can do this just great. I need to make sure to keep up my supply though that's really the problem right now. But I can't have too much or I use too much. I need to drop my dose as quickly as possible to something more reasonable and stable. So today I dosed on the 6th hour each time. It wasn't easy. It's going to get really really bad this next week but it's just one week of my life. I am committed to getting my life back and in order to do so I can't be taking massive amounts of benzo-type drugs that are euphoric as hell. Etizolam is simply not a benzo to me. I get withdrawals switching between it and xanax when the consensus is that they are interchangeable in terms of avoiding withdrawal, like dilaudid and heroin or any good strong opioid at the right dose.

I'm beginning to realize how many things went wrong. I've been numbing myself. I haven't wanted to wake up to the aftermath of opiate addiction and then have to face the music of another equally serious and life threatening habit. It's time to face the music, it doesn't even have to be bad. It can be perceived as a positive thing if the future is kept in mind. I don't want it to be my birthday again, and stuck on another drug. At least this year I've been off opiates and really this is all I have to do now.

After acute withdrawal and all the detox, which should take the remainder of the year, it's just a matter of adjusting to the permanently fried brain aha. But I should be functional well before then. I'd say a month.
 
Well...I am hating it but I am determined to get back to my normal prescribed medication and no more.
I used too much lope for too long and now I am in agony but once this is over, I won't have to worry about running out of medication and having to turn to that.

We can do this Shroomy. It will be worth it and I agree, once we are through this, we are sticking to the plan!
Believe me, I understand how one can get themselves into such a mess.

Thank God I caught this now or I think I may have been permanently stuck having to use the freaking loperamide.
Gotta break this cycle and there is no way but through it.
Let's get it done. I don't think benzo withdrawal - especially tapering will be anywhere near as bad as the heroin cold turkey.
I think our bodies will adjust back pretty quickly. I am 7 days in with no lope and sticking to my lowered dosage of regular prescribed medication and I am already feeling better at times now. Positive thinking and meditation is key.

I am just so happy that you had a good time with a woman and yeah, I have all kinds of people hitting me up on Facebook.
Same as you, people I barely knew from school and stuff. Social media is a good way to get socializing again. I am told this is how it is done now days. I like the guys who aren't pushy and are just gentlemen, want to be actual friends. Take some time and find someone you really like!
 
That was a very nice message. Thank you.

I appreciate you as well. You have been such a great friend and thanks for looking out for me too.
Honestly, it helps so much! I would have got myself into a much worse position than I am in now if it had not been for hearing your story. You saved me from upping my dosage and made me really stop and see how bad this can get.

We both have problems which require medication but we need to stick to our prescriptions. We will feel the best that way and be the most functional. I also have a hard time controlling my dosage and tend to take more when more pain comes. Just as you do when more anxiety hits. The thing is that we are only causing ourselves more pain and more anxiety by doing that because you know how a few hours relief and enjoyment comes back to torture you for way too long! No more for me. I had to break down and ask a family member to dole my medication out to me but not to be the overlord of it. Give it to me if I ask but I find it really helps and I want this.

I think the Valium is a good choice. Much better than the Xanax or the other. I used that some years ago and it really does build in your system and holds you. I also found the withdrawal from that not to be anything close to Xanax or clonazepam. It was mostly just insomnia for about 2 months but that was cold turkey. You and I still have our regular prescriptions that will make kicking off the other not nearly as bad or long.
 
Thanks for checking in! I didn't expect you to, tbh.

I agree, you are a loyal friend. Even when I am really messed up and it is hard to handle and nearly ruins the 90 pages you are a good friend. I scare a lot of friends away in real life I can be real intimidating apparently. That's a good thing, if it is controlled and not impulsive. I am learning how not to ruin friendships.

I'm glad to hear I saved you from that. I remember taking 40mg oxy daily and thinking I had a serious habit because half of a 5mg percocet would in fact get me high AF in the beginning. I would not even consider that a drug habit compared to what it ended up becoming. This monstrosity. If anything you should be trying to lower your dosage if you can handle it. Your body will adjust to relieve the pain and I sense it would be like natural endorphins and medicines working together more. Just an intuitive thought.

Sounds like we have similar ideas in mind. Yeah, when the anxiety hits it can get awful and I take a lot. That's why I'm glad I have at least 10 valium left to work with, they will help see me through to my next doses. When the panic hits I can't think straight.

You described my reaction to valium well. I have extreme anxiety all the time, so it has to be able to be a steady stream of sedation. It has such a long half life that if you take one the first day you won't feel it. A month later, you still won't be feeling that dose but it's now treating your anxiety 24/7. That's how it was for me, and I can get back there. And, there are active metabolites of valium that stay in the body for so long being slowly released that it is a soft landing compared to the others. If you run out it isn't as dangerous because it will be in the system for months and slowly release if you've been on it a while like me. I just need to start being more responsible. I have been lonely this summer it has been messing with my head. I have a new stoner friend too though so now I have a responsible fellow man and friend to hang out with once or twice a week. We are looking out for each other too. Finances are the stressor right now since I won't be able to work in benzo withdrawal either.

It is not longer described and extremely stigmatized because I think it was the first benzo ever to come out, and people didn't know benzos were all that addictive at first. Now it is notorious for that, but ironically, it is actually the least abusive one because you can't even feel it. Klonopin is okay but it didn't work long term for me and benzos with that nitrogen group attached like nitrazepam are harder on the liver than regular benzos. Valium is also the gold standard muscle relaxer in the world of benzos. Great choice for me. I don't get why they think it's so abusable compared to xanax or even klonopin. It kicks in the fastest of all of them for me too - about 20 minutes to actually feel relief that is functional.

We have to remember that everyone has problems and we are not the first to go through this and come out okay. Yeah... our problems totally suck though. I once heard (my pain clinic was on the top floor) well overheard a conversation where one man was saying that they keep the really fucked up people for that floor. Where I was headed. I feel that once I got into pain management their goal was to break me into believing there was no hope while scripting me highly addictive meds. I don't think I needed to be started on oxy. And it worked. I got high AF and ruined myself for years and only when I quit did I begin to reconsider other treatments seriously. I don't know what's in it for the doctors but it seems to me like they are clocking in. Except for my current doctor she is so chill and smart! She does nag me about the weed prescription a little too much though lol but promises she's not taking me off the benzos lol. I think she saw a glance of fear in my eyes haha. I can't abuse that privilege and let myself down and lose my (to me) very valuable script I'd honestly never get anywhere else and that I actually need.

I was thinking this is a popular website and a lot of addicts and chronic pain patients probably read through this to see what it's like for different people to try and quit their habits.

I actually haven't gone back and read any really old stuff yet. Well, I'm supposed to stop running into people from the past in about 4 hours when Mercury retrograde ends. Maybe I'll check my past self out, maybe a couple years ago if I was writing then.
 
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Well shit.. The top floor is for the "really fucked up people" huh?
That's where my doctor is at and it does indeed seem that way. Lol!
I think it is the extra special people. Haha!

Good to hear you are thinking along the same lines. I know I actually feel the best by taking the prescription as prescribed and no detours. The MS Contin seems to build in my system and keeps the pain "under control" better. I had it to a point where I was pretty comfortable and I could count on the pain level not getting passed a certain point. Once I could count on that it really helped me.
I think you will find that same thing with using the Valium. It is the "gold standard" for that class of medications, just like morphine is the "gold standard" for pain relief.

I had a really conservative doctor and he would only prescribe Valium. He said no way to Xanax, would not and did not prescribe it ever to any of his patients. He said he had no problem with the Valium. I was glad when your lady doctor prescribed it for you.

Don't worry about messing up our 90 pages or whatever. We are telling it like it is here and sometimes we all get rough and not feeling well. These are tough problems and they do suck! I think we have been doing pretty dang good!
 
Yeah MS Contin is a good med to be on, I always found morphine to be a very effective painkiller. You might not be absorbing them efficiently enough since when you take those orally something like 80% of the dose is destroyed before reaching the mind but that can vary person to person. I feel like I became very highly tolerate to specific benzos and opiates in some related way. I think it is a good idea to rotate meds. Idea is to target different receptors, the feeling of oxy and dilaudid and diacetylmorphine were all so different to me.

If you are not getting the same relief from morphine the idea is not to go to a stronger dose but switch to say some small amounts of dilaudid and see how it affects you. But with doctors this can really get you into trouble I'd be scared of losing the MS Contin saying it isn't working as well and also they will start you on a lower dose and it is totally unpredictable. Bad idea with doctors involved even if they are well meaning, your MS Contin is at least holding you sort of for now. It is better than nothing.
You kinda need to be a drugstore cowboy with all of them on hand to safely compare them (that is what one of my buddies who disappeared used to call me). For example again, people say oral dilaudid does nothing but one time it was one of the top 3 highs I ever had and really unique too. Like nodding, but rushing and awake. I was trying to taper yeah it would be cool to find the page. If you are not on even 100mg oral morphine with that amount of pain that is crazy, though.

So it could depend on your stomach contents this is why I hate taking meds orally. #1 reason I preferred dope I could feel it in 15 minutes. I always take my benzos sublingually now. If I ate caps of them, say for example right now I have a full stomach bloated a bit from passing out stoned cold early on, if I took the med orally and with my metabolism slowed down at night I wouldn't even feel it. Morphine is finicky to absorb whereas oxycodone is like pretty consistent 89% about (that is why it is pretty dumb not to take oxy orally). I don't know if you have tried other ones but don't fuck with the morphine, I think you should be getting 100mg ER pills though. That dose is low, I forget how much morphine you take a day but 100mg is a really low dose of that pain level. I used to take anywhere from 3 to 6 of those at a time and I found that they were by far the best thing for H withdrawal.

Stoner pass out. I hope you have a nice evening. It was nice for me cause I know everyone's out having fun and here I am... etiz withdrawal fuck I forgot if I took my midnight dose. So I weighed the full amount and I didn't so I'm taking it an hour later at 1am. In the worst withdrawals I was waking up at 6am like on the dot haha. It's kind of sad... every day I have early awakenings, do drugs, stay up for an hour or so, then go back to sleep. This has been a pattern this year but at first there was no pattern. It was insomnia for 2 weeks, great sleeps for a few days, depression for a month, felt normal for a bit. It can't all be BPD or I likely wouldn't be a member of society.

Valium is so much better for long term use and what problems I have. Lucky that it's the taper benzo too. I'm feeling pretty sad but it's from natural causes, I just want to get hydrated, wasn't planning on passing out but some sleep can't complain. Think I should contact that girl from high school who randomly friend added me. I kind of want to
 
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Hey I woke up at night and wrote that to you.

I hope you are feeling well are you out of meds though? I feel really burnt out today even though I slept a long time.

I am really nervous financially today. It's a bad time for it and to be feeling these withdrawals.

So my family plans vacations without notifying me entirely now, and stopped inviting me over for dinner. I think they view me as a casualty, expressing sympathy that I am too disabled to leave the country (I don't really agree with that, it's just their excuse and I am really missing out on quality time with my bro in neat places).
I still get invites to family weddings since I have a lot of cousins who didn't ruin their lives but I don't think anyone really expects to see me there and it would be weird if they did. Since I'm pretty sure they have no clue what to expect anymore. I'm a different person every time.
 
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Thanks for the messages. I was actually awake in the night and read that but I have been just being tortured. Been laying here having my fucking arms and leg muscles keep tightening up to such a degree that I had to keep screaming into a pillow.
WTF is happening?

I am not out of medication. I have been on my normal 75 mg MS Contin a day since the 14 th. Before that though, I was out of medication because I had a friend come visit and had a little vacation and fun for once but I did too much and I had to take more medication to function and I ran out on the 8/2. I filled the gap (kind of, I was still having withdrawal but have to keep myself out of the violent puke stage) I filled the gap by using 40 mg loperamide but tapered it down quickly each day and took 10 mg lope on 8/12 was my last dose.

I thought I had "tapered down" as I took way less lope but for longer than I have ever used it before. I don't know what is happening. If this is like withdrawal from lope now or I am dying or what. I have had symptoms I have never had before even with cold turkey off the MS Contin with nothing.

I got my prescriptions and I felt as good as I ever do for a day or two and wham! I was taking more than 75 mg MS Contin some days through July since I ran out so early but I thought I had already gone through the hell of tapering myself down from that.

I'm really scared and I tell you, nothing much makes me freak like this. When is it going to stop? What is this from? Does feel like withdrawal some but WAY bad and like nothing I have ever experienced. Especially considering that I am using my normal medication and have been (at the prescribed dosage) since the 14 th. .?? Help! Please!
 
ShroomySatori said:
Hey I woke up at night and wrote that to you.

I hope you are feeling well are you out of meds though? I feel really burnt out today even though I slept a long time.

I am really nervous financially today. It's a bad time for it and to be feeling these withdrawals.

So my family plans vacations without notifying me entirely now, and stopped inviting me over for dinner. I think they view me as a casualty, expressing sympathy that I am too disabled to leave the country (I don't really agree with that, it's just their excuse and I am really missing out on quality time with my bro in neat places).
I still get invites to family weddings since I have a lot of cousins who didn't ruin their lives but I don't think anyone really expects to see me there and it would be weird if they did. Since I'm pretty sure they have no clue what to expect anymore. I'm a different person every time.[/QUOTE

I totally know how you feel with the family thing.
I'm so sorry. You are not alone in that. I can't travel more than a few hours from my house anyway because of the chronic back pain, spine falling apart, internal organs blowing out etc. so I don't give a shit but they don't understand about chronic pain at all and are the biggest asses ever. They don't understand anything about illness. Fuck em
Click to expand...
 
Surprised you're not an addict like I am.

I'm so sick right now. It is a terrible situation to be in. I can only do so much at this point. I'm nervous. Not about the withdrawal about the supply.

And yeah missing out on those vacations is fucked. I needed one too, just to get away. It would be nice to be around supportive people when I'm so ill. Being alone most of the time, I don't think that is good for me.

That would have been really fun with my brother it totally sucks. They don't care. Well the withdrawal is so bad I don't even know what to say except wow. I really did myself in this time and it's never been this dangerous of a situation to be in ever in my life.
 
Exact same for me Shroomy. Everything you said. At least we are in good company my friend. I'm here for you bro.
You are not alone. You should get yourself a dog when you are well enough too. They are the best! I'm alone a lot too but I'm in too much pain and don't want my daughter and stuff to see me like this. I try to do stuff with them when I can. Don't want them to worry about me also and see the suffering I am enduring. Yeah I'm going through menopause on top of this shit too! I have never been this concerned for myself either. I'm pretty scared.

I'm nervous too. It is part of the withdrawal. Try to just chill and breathe deeply. Don't think about family things or anything right now.
I'm watching a mini series called "Gold Rush". Try watching some Netflix or something. Keep drinking water! Tons of it and just chill. Take a bong hit of weed. We are going to get though this.

I AM praying for us and WE WILL get through this! Just hold tight.
 
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