• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

Status
Not open for further replies.
MrRoot said:
Sounds like a good business and you could approach one of your clients if they are hot girls :)
Click to expand...

I got really depressed since I stopped. Hot girls to me are like a math equation with no solution. I can try all I want but there is simply no solution. I can come up with something like the imaginary number i, but it's never going to be real. I feel that I completely threw my life away.

I was way happier on dope, even at the end. I was also more functional; I was working. I wasn't feeling trapped about women like this to the point that I want to kill myself over it because there is NO SOLUTION. I quit as I couldn't afford my tolerance anymore, was pretty much forced into it. I take so many fucking benzos now I wouldn't last long if I went back to them otherwise I would. I cannot stand this hopeless bullshit I wouldn't know how to start approaching someone. Thinking about it makes me start thinking about killing myself so I'm going to smoke some resin from my bong and hopefully it's a good enough to to make me stupid. I am very much fed up I can't see the world outside this anymore. It's fuckin some sort of psychotic depression. Why the fuck, can I not meet someone ever who is actually just chill.
 
I am still trying something new before even considering that, though. I would like to be able to function.

I am a very different man when I don't smoke cannabis habitually. I have realized that, as soon as I take a hit it sets the standard and I want to be really stoned for the remainder of the day. This is just irritating. It's a drug problem, it really is, and a serious one. Usage like this and the associated problems like amotivation and psychosis are comorbid with mental health problems I have so it would make sense that I would start smoking weed when I was 15 and smoke it more and more at the common recreational age, and then realize in my 20's that it was a medicine.

I am abusing it though. I had one toke this morning, all morning, and saved it. Got out twice without smoking; normally I won't leave if I'm not stoned. I am trying hard to hold off as long as possible, perhaps until tonight, although what I have already done is an accomplishment as I didn't really smoke anything later on yesterday, either.

It also interferes with the benzos so the way I am quitting drugs is like this: opiates first; responsible cannabis use second and keeping it around; benzos last. It is really not hard to keep the weed under control, I mean considering I did the CT heroin thing... I haven't wanted to stop smoking weed all day. Now I do, it's affecting my health and finances negatively and interfering with my life on a daily basis in a significant way. This should be a relatively easy problem to resolve. I am saying thsi after 12 hours of not smoking, I went to the dispensary and got 5 grams and just don't feel like smoking it right away. My lungs get noticeably irritated when I cut back. I am going to try to make it 24 hours that would be really good for me. Tolerance drops fast with THC (I'd get really high right now off way less, even after 12 hours) but like everything else returns before you know it. This is just completely irresponsible on my part I don't need that much weed at all in my life.
 
^I can relate on several level regarding the smoke. I always smoked on opiates but now that I?m off em and tapering benzos I am smoking way too much and it?s costing me a good bit as there is no legal/medical market in my state. Have been dropping a c note about every 6 days. I?ve quit the last five days and was planning on making it stick so I can pass the piss test for my DUI classes and get em over with before my baby comes in November. I?ve gone 5 days without with the hopes of getting high quality Kratom just to get me through the class. Alas, the Kratom is on back order. So I will probably end up buying an 1/8 and try to stretch it until a couple days before the Kratom gets here and take said Kratom until I?m done with the benzos and rough it out with just trazadone for sleep when I run through my kg. I really only struggle without smoke in the mornings/nights and on my days off. I am so much more productive at work when I?m not stoned and my testosterone/ self confidence is back in full force while my social anxiety phas plummeted. It?s just the ?morning sickness?(lol), insomnia, and anhedonia on my days off that gets me.
 
Yeah, it is the anhedonia for me without weed. I also can't sleep without it, have panic attacks, can't eat food without it, get really nauseated, and am pretty much useless. It lubricates my digestive tract so I can get so much nutrition in. I am so used to it that my body doesn't work without it. I have been smoking non stop since last year but really for 15 years. I haven't taken a day off in forever, taking the morning off is more than enough. I start to panic. I feel that I use it mostly as an antidepressant, although it has depressant effects.

It has a lot of side effects but I'm generally a happier person smoking a lot. Still... I'm trying to wait until after noon now. Have a late lunch so that I'm able to eat, since I physiacally can't eat without weed. I can force myself to, but I will vomit around 15 minutes later or so. Even from something like a banana or apple, it's crazy.

I have to accept that I'm a big pothead. I'd like to learn to take the mornings off though and go from there. Start smoking later and later in the day, getting out like I did today and doing stuff without taking a hit first. Keeping high, but at least taking the morning off (this is quite a while as I get up anywhere from 3 - 6am so until noon is a long time to be not-stoned (to think they qualify a heavy smoker as three joints a day lol that makes me want to laugh so hard I will cry lol).

It's damn good for pain, anxiety, irritability, sleep, depression for sure (apart from not remembering dreams if it's abused)... kinda makes it harder to concentrate in exchange for creativity enhancement. However sometimes I can focus like a laser, often I smoke with coffees. Many many coffees and green teas I am a fiend ever since I quit oxy's. Chasing that energy I'll maybe never feel again. The idea popped into my head recently that I could just try and call in a script book an appontment and have them maybe that day... it's fucked. it has been almost months now.

Just gotta smoke a little less. I have been experiencing this message while tripping.
 
Today was rough and its getting really bad. I will live, but my autism has been under control for about 18 months and today seems to be my breaking point. Im in the middle of a meltdown and nobody can tell but me.

Right now I wish I was dead.

I know from experience that if I can just make it one more hour to bedtime I will live to see tomorrow.

If I had oxys I could fake it a LOT better.
 
Ive been used to it since I was around 10.

I just hadnt had a really bad one in a while.

My wife knows we are not allowed to keep guns in the house and this is why.

This sort of thing used to happen a couple times a week. But the opiates have been helping so much that I havent had to go through a really bad meltdown in a long time. But I have been out for a week and life is back. It really hurts for no good reason.

Nobody wants to hear a grown man say suicide, but Im saying it just so maybe I dont do it.
 
Squeaky, I hope you're feeling better today? This will pass, I promise you that, I hope this gets back under control quickly. As someone with chronic pain as well, I know how hard even that is, but you are dealing with even more. Hang in there.

I really do commiserate with you, and I hope you feel good again very soon, feel free to pm me anytime,

Always here for you,
your friend,
Ash.

Squeaky said:
Ive been used to it since I was around 10.

I just hadnt had a really bad one in a while.

My wife knows we are not allowed to keep guns in the house and this is why.

This sort of thing used to happen a couple times a week. But the opiates have been helping so much that I havent had to go through a really bad meltdown in a long time. But I have been out for a week and life is back. It really hurts for no good reason.

Nobody wants to hear a grown man say suicide, but Im saying it just so maybe I dont do it.
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
Today is the same. I tried drinking a little last night. At least I got to bedtime without any incidents. Hungover a little today.

Just gotta make it a few more hours and today can be finished too.
 
Hang in there, here for you.

your friend,
Ashley.

Squeaky said:
Today is the same. I tried drinking a little last night. At least I got to bedtime without any incidents. Hungover a little today.

Just gotta make it a few more hours and today can be finished too.
Click to expand...
 
Squeaky I know what you mean, I'm not suicidal it sucks how it seems that a withdrawal symptom for some people is that they temporarily have these suicidal thoughts. I'm sure people have died that way.

Man don't drink dude cause the hangover will make you crave the pills real bad. I relapsed after a few days on coke several times couldn't deal with the crash when I was already in withdrawal from dope so I got it.

Dude the freakouts suck man it's cause you haven't felt these feelings in a while maybe. I feel that way about myself everything was so suppressed it was like I was starting to get over my ex girlfriend, a year later.

I had a good day today, I am sure I will recover from this. I am going to rapidly taper off these short acting benzos. It is all I can do. I have to get down to a dose that is reasonable enough that a doctor would be willing to work with me, a specialist and I could find one.

In order to address the problematic cannabis use, I noticed that it is only really problematic if I use it to get high. If I keep it to one toke I am much more stable. I have been doing this and setting a timer on my phone for 2 hours and adding 15 minutes each time. Up to 3 and some hours between hits now. One hit really mellows out the benzo withdrawal and I doubt it's going to be fun judging from what I've experienced, and I've been abusing both etizolam and alprazolam. I have never abused both simultaneously. They have very different effects. It's not really a good situation to be in and I am out of val, good old seizure prevention.

The xanax honestly seems to make me retarded. The valium isn't really much better. So I will get back to etizolam as it is the most functional anxiety med I have used. Fuck. Xanax really makes me careless with the doses I sense my tolerance has risen and it was already really high. Why be afraid though, what can I do. I've been meditating on 5-meo-dmt and a lot of anxiety has surfaced. I'm sure I can deal with this. The amount of etizolam and alpraz consumed in the past week, calculating, has been unfathomable... ungodly. Can't be nervous about it but there's no way this won't be hardcore stress on my body.

It seems to be a period of stability in my recovery from opiates. I have been doing core and power yoga, sleeping really well, and eating excellently. Definitely not vegetarian anymore haha I lost way too much weight throughout all this. I feel healthy though, healthy enough going into this benzo withdrawal. Good thing in a way I'm on the short acting ones as it's over faster when I lost all my connects and had like 5 days of taper I should have stuck with it. This time I will. There's nothing else I can do.
 
Yeah I gotta say, every time I've been feeling shitty from opiate withdrawal or post-acute withdrawal, alcohol just made things worse. Increased restlessness, more emotionally unstable.
 
Withdrawal from opiates always seems to make me relieve my worst emotional pain that I keep locked away. It's like it's our bodies way of waking up our emotions we've been keeping numb.
 
Yeah, alcohol was the catalyst of a couple relapses of mine. Would take oxy's for the hangover. Seems like any sort of addictive drug with a crash is a risk factor in going back to that. I never want to again. I can never go through that sickness again.

I am dealing with the benzo withdrawal as best I can just making a conscious effort to take less and no more than I need to treat feelings of panic. I guess, etiz withdrawal is more accurate as that is my anxiolytic of choice and I have gone through so damn much of the stuff at this point. I am having a panic attack at the moment I am going to dose some etiz at midnight as planned, haven't since the morning. So anxious. My heart feels weird and my eyes are blurry my ears ringing. Rushing sensations in my head. Sucks.

Strange how xanax makes me feel stupid and overly sedated but etizolam doesn't. I'm losing feeling in my hands these withdrawals are not too much fun either, seems like I can function or at least learn to function in interdose withdrawals though.

I am going to keep smoking pot every 4 hours or so and gradually lower my benzo dose. Keeping track in my journal of all my doses and anxiety levels and stuff like I should be.
 
I am surprised there are not so many people posting of tapering off benzos. Maybe, because once you get into the powder forms of them it can tear you apart and leave you dead. They seem to be prescribed to those who need them, and apart from the iubiquttious xanax abuse and people who get out of control with the illicit sources of rare benzos it isn't widespread of a problem. I have trouble finding information I'm definitely not the only one who is in a bad situation though. I could easily die if I didn't have this stuff and the itnerdose wtihdrawls to lower tolerance are as debilitating as fucking H withdrawals. Just not nearly as painful more extreme fear and the seizure risk when I'm out of val is a scare. I have been nervous about having one of those for a long time especially now that I am beginning to withdraw. It only makes sense now that I feel the opiates are behind me.

Etizolam I do not think is that bad to withdraw from. It is an excellent anxiety medication, acts like a benzo but isn't a benzo. Prescribed in some places for panic attacks. It is my one of choice. It isn't stupefying at all like xanax, doesn't sedate the brain so much. Very relaxing, kicks in pretty fast if you are not having an intense panic attack. It is also social and euhproci and exhibits properties similar to SNRI's apparently. That makes sense to me as it has an antidepressant effect unlike any benzo. It is short acting, good to have some background valium bug I always blow through that stuff/ when there are bad days or nights. I was taking it exclusively at times this year and I had increased anxiety but I was much more active. Got caught up taking xanax again this time withe etizolam so that realy sin't good I hope to feel well soon and I hope to fuck my tolerance didn't get higher than it was bfoer. It almost definitely did, the amounts I am taking absolutely justify a harsh short-acting benzo taper likely with 4mg alprazolam a day to prevent a seizure and then gradually lower the absurd amounts of etizolam. to something reasonable and stick to a prescription that isn't so abusable and recreatopma; especoally when combined with weed.

I took it an hour an a half ago in pretty severe withdrawal was beginning to dissociate and I still feel like shit. I am actually having visuals just like I do on 2c-c. Al thhe pastel coloured hues. I wonder if it is etizolam and nanax withdrawal, or if these drugs mask HPPD that I have. Since I have noticed it a lot before. I don't mind having residual changes to my visual perception.The benzos synergize with each other, I fucked up taking way too much for around 3 weeks. I had a personal stockpile I thought would last a while and blew through it all, now I am back to rationing small quantities and hitting interdose withdrawals frequently. The stuff is good though, good quality benzos.

It has been an hour and a half and my eyes are still so blurry that I can't see the screen or what I'm writing. I am not sure if it is because I took etizolam exclusively and just 1mg alprazolam. Feels like I am craving more of the xanax which is the first thing I should stop taking as I get stupid and sometimes reckless with myself on it. It isn't like etizolam at all, which definitely had way less withdrawals than regular beans from what I experienced. They were and are horrid but for now I just want away from this miserable fucking xanax. Xanax makes me want to sit at home stupid too. It makes me lazy. Etizolam helps me be more social and proactive, it really is an amazing medicine. I've been using it for a really long time. I could check lol but ever since one year past after my panic disordered started up and nothing was helping the scripted me the football alprazolam candies then took them away so I go etiz and yeah, ran into problems with them in the later stages of opiate addiction that I'm trying to get over now as I never had issues with these before and for years. I have hardcore panic attacks multiple times daily otherwise that render my life pointeless so I have to get my tolerance down.

If this is a continued issue something will have to be done. I can't ever use opiates again and they synergized with these. I mean, like a serious treatment center and rehab. If I can't get my dose down on my owno a dose that wouldn't make my doctor's jaw fall off just drop. I can't see the damn screen I feel dead too. Nasty harsh withdrawal but the pure etizolam withdrawal I experienced about a month ago was fine compared to this. It was more about getting the drugs I was good. This time it is after wa way WAY too much of both alprazolam and etizolam and al to of valium too actually tha is now leaving my system... that is built up for months. Fuck. I am constantly screwing myself over it would be nice to have some sort of normal life.Fucking junkie it's no wonder they don't like me. I think withdrawing from both is really messing with me. I just don't care anymore I will take the bs. Since xanax alprazolam that stuff is so much more physical it would make sense to cause a lot of physical tension in withdrawal and it does, plus an array of other symptoms. I think they both cause blurred vssion cause I can't see shit but colours I'd see on 2c-c. General malaise all over. Heart rate up, extremely uncomfortable chest tightness. None of this is painful. Then I sort of have a seizure-phobia is makes me nervous that it is possible I could have one. Wickd bad headaches too. The dose I took didn't have all that much. It helped enough to see me through the nigh until 6am when I an dose again .It just sucks when I can't bother to open my eyes and even seee.
 
Last edited:
I do like etizolam the best of all benzo-like substances I've tried. It makes me feel less brain-dead, and is great for sleep, or coming down, or bouts of intense anxiety. I'm going through some stuff and I had a REALLY anxious day a couple of days ago... took .75mg of etizolam and felt so much better. I don't use it often though so it's not a problem for me. I feel bad for people addicted to benzos because although it's never happened to me, I know full well how terrible and long-lasting the withdrawal is. A good friend of mine who sadly died of an opiate OD last year was addicted to etizolam for years, and was never able to get off. Though she had basically no self-discipline and I don't think was really trying very hard.

Strength to everyone. <3
 
Hi guys,

I hope you are feeling better today Squeaky. Thinking of you.

Congratulations Larimar! Nice job! I'm so happy for you! Let us know if you are having a boy or girl when you find out!
Very nice work and now you will have a healthy, lovely baby. Enjoy!

I'm currently in opiate withdrawal also. I have a few days to go until I can get my prescription. I'm getting closer to not running out. I have to keep trying. I can get this right. This suffering is too much to keep going through every month. But the chronic pain is also too much, so it makes things rough. I am doing better in other ways. I have been getting out and doing things a lot more. Also making jewelry and actually cultivating hobbies again. I have a great guy that I am having fun with and trying to rebuild my life.

There has to be a way to work and live around this chronic pain /injury. We also need to enjoy our lives too.
 
Alright, I was writing nice responses so I'll try keeping them short as I got disconnected.

Fsociety (I agree) and that is the hard part about keeping off the drugs as an addict. I have been doing this in one way or another for half my life, so what now? Better to deal with it sooner than later that is for sure.

Painful one, what kind of jewelry do you like to make? That is nice about your guy.

Squeaky, you good brother? You can only fake it with the oxys (or whatever the Substance may be) for so long - but actually, you good man

Xorkoth, Man, it is a very sad thing to happen and I am sorry you had to experience the downfall of a good friend. You could have been talking about me, about your friend. I was reading it through the eyes of one of my best and happiest friends who lives in the mountains now afar. I don't think anyone writing here apart from us knows what etizolam is. It has been the one anxiety med I have (before the benzo problems) enjoyed taking... we seem to like the same shit. Presuming you don't mind 4-ho-met as well?

Larimar? How could I forget. You dealt with that quickly under stress; nice work. I don't sense post-acute withdrawals will be a serious concern for you. Happy for you to be off the pills at this time and in general, good for you.

Me? I talk about myself too much. I started experimenting with ibogaine now, since I am doing psychedelics anyway and I am going to try microdosing the psychedelic. It has been used extensively to treat opiate addiction and interacts with many of the brains systems. Microdoses build up as it has a really long half life. I took 50mg just now and I am beginning to feel stimulated. It is very stimulating even at microdoses. However since there are legal clinics here and people pay a lot of money to go to them and take massive doses of ibogaine to treat opiate habits, as it is said to drastically reduce withdrawals, it is definitely worth commenting on. I am very curious about this one and if it can help me heal. It comes from the bark of an African bush.
 
Last edited:
Ibogaine definitely helps with post-acute symptoms. Since it isn't all working through mental illness my body is still adjusting in many respects. I feel better hormonally balanced today, also I feel like my body is being cleansed. I feel a little nauseated as I didn't eat as healthy as I usually do yesterday. I have been lazing around depressed way too much to the point that it was getting hard to leave my room. It is definitely post-acute withdrawal and will subside. Was awful really. I have had no energy to do anything lately it's right in the middle of paws symptoms I suppose. I don't think it will get worse at this point.

I was wondering why I felt so good today, this morning has been so pleasant and tranquil. Got out on my bicycle, which is really what I should be doing first thing in the morning every day, and evening. Then I remembered I took 100mg of Ibogaine last night before going to bed. It was the total alkaloid extract, in fact. I feel more relaxed, less anxiety. Also, more aware of the situation and that I need to start making more changes. It should be a productive day. That barrier which holds me back from doing regular things doesn't seem to be there. I feel like I could get a lot done today. Tasks that normally seem daunting, feel like they would be swift to accomplish. I am surprised, the effect is very subtle that I didn't realize until a few hours after I woke up. I think that it can probably help heal my brain if I feel this way. I am going to experiment with it a little more.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top