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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Painful One said:
Taurus is the lover of the signs! That is very cool. I'm Romantic too. I like that.
Have you had your birthday yet? Happy Birthday!
I read a little about Taurus:
Your most likable trait is : dependability
( mine is Loyalty)
You are loyal, affectionate, kind, and faithful! Nice!
Those are qualities I love and also have.
We both like security and stability.
My sign, Cancer, is the "mother" of the signs. :)
I feel that too. I have said that I feel like the mother of the world sometimes. Lol, seems that I am always taking care of people.
My employees would have died if I had not taken care of them. Always feeding everyone. Helping out where I can.

I don't do well when I don't have people to take care of.

Caring for myself has been a challenge. I am not used to having to spend so much time caring for myself.

I am low on meds also for a few days but at least I have some real nice stuff from the dispensary.
Yeah, I would like to be able to grow and sell some because that would be a job that I could actually do.
I need to get some money coming in right away!
Click to expand...

I'm a taurus and I'd say I'm loyal and dependable
 
About feeling paranoid- I think that is probably something like "hyper-vigilance ".
Your body is in repair and heal mode and has been going through a lot. I think that is part of the PAWS thing.
I notice I have that. Being very aware of things and sensitive to sound. Etc.
I guess hyper-vigilance is actually damage done from Tylenol poisoning for me.

Don't think people are talking about you though. You probably do have some paranoia going on from the lack of sleep, heavy withdrawal. That is something that is not real, so tell yourself that. Just a feeling your mind is creating. Recognize that and force your mind to create a peaceful feeling instead. You really are doing great and you are okay. Mentally, you are doing great. Keep up the good work. Don't stress about it. Things are flowing back to a more normal place for you.

I know it can make you question your sanity at times but you really are doing just fine!

Good idea on sticking to a schedule of every eight hours for the benzo dosages.
Let yourself get comfortable and stable on that before you try and lower it again.
Do that very slowly and you won't have much of a problem.

You got this!

That was definitely some hot pasta you made! Red habaneros peppers!
Spicy makes me feel better sometimes. Gets some toxins out or something.
 
Squeaky said:
Congratulations on three months Shroomi. Keep with it.
Click to expand...

Yes!
Congratulations on three months Shroomy.
That is incredible and looking back....you have come a long way my friend.
I am very, very proud of you.

Life is improving!!
 
Finally had a day where I could appreciate the three months. Can't quit anything else anytime soon this has been pretty unbearable. Today has been a great day. I picked up my guitar for the first time this year and I have improved. I have a better reach and also control with the strings it's definitely from hot yoga for one thing.

Got some alien og and just got really lit. Might get a little more baked, may as well. Talked to the dispensary friends for like 20 minutes. Had a busy day, life is def improving. I'm just not worrying about the benzos for now as I function very well on them and am a total mess off them and I just got clean I can't take anymore of this drug shit for a while. Smokin my alien og, it is so much stronger than the other stuff I had but that stuff was a really nice mellow smoke. This is what a need though, high grade chron high thc one hit and I don't / can't have another for a while. My appetite has been great, I def got skinny recently.
 
Hello, I'm relatively new here. I've been using fentanyl for a few years now, and I really can't take it anymore. I've been going 4 or 5 days between using, trying to taper with loperamide in-between. This time last year I was able to taper over three months successfully, without slipping at all during the 3 months. I'm feeling a bit hopeless because I can't seem to make it past 4-5 days no matter how determined I am. The past 4 months or so I've noticed some kind of change. My memory doesn't work well or something all of a sudden, it's a very strange and depressing feeling. I'm also taking gabapentin when I don't feel well - just 200mg maybe twice a day. I have no one at all to talk to really anymore, I feel like this is social / psychological deprivation. I wish I could get into a rehab or something but all I have is medicaid. I live near st louis. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
Hypoeddy. I presume you?re getting your fentanyl on the street. Day 4 is right at the worst part of wds. It could be that you need to taper down to a lower level for a couple of weeks before jumping off. It could help to take yourself out of your own neighborhood for a week and leave all your gear behind. That way you could get past day five with no means of using.
Rehab is expensive, but a cheap hotel in another city could do it. Go somewhere you can?t get your drugs and just stay there for a week to get past the worst part. Maybe Gramdmas house. Maybe your best friend. This time of year you can ALWAYS get by with telling people you have the flu to explain all of your withdrawls.
Also, medicaid.... you could go to your family doctor and tell him the truth and ask for help. Get a referral to a specialist and do rehab at home. They should be able to prescribe you stuff for sleeping, rls, sweats, etc. Most people don?t have the patience to wait for a drs appt to get help but you have tried many times, so you are not a junkie on his last dollar.
You need to figure what caused your previous attempts to fail and then make a plan to defeat it next time. If you give into insomnia or restless legs, then the doctor can help. If the depression is killing you, then maybe taper down to a lower amount and hold it there for at least 10 days before quitting. If its just too easy to go out and get more, then you need to remove yourself and go live somewhere else for about 7-14 days so that you can?t give into cravings.
Good luck brother. Youll get there!
 
Yeah I suggest going somewhere for a few days too and riding it out. Fentanyl has a short half life... it's how you can sort of tell it's in some dope, if you need a fix sooner or crave one. one reason they use it as a cut I suppose since good dope will hold a man for a long while.

The short half life means the withdrawals will be very intense but short lived you should be good in a couple weeks. Everyone is different though in the progression of the Disease it's hard to say how long withdrawals will last. I still feel sick sometimes after 3 months.

Since it has been a few years, you are not going to recover in a few days. My friend was hooked on smoking fent. He went the suboxone route and it worked out really well for him. He was getting drug tested and only used psychs during that time but he was going to die and his girl almost died from him fixing her so he had to quit. It took a long time, if you can cold turkey it just do it that's what I did and it was sheer hell for a month but I am comfortable now. And yeah 3 months later I'm still not right just not suffering as much. He was saying that 9 months later he would still wake up with feelings reminding him of dope. It's normal with long term heavy habits.

I know I am going to die if I keep using so I've made it 3 months at least. The beers were nice tonight. I agree that my memory is not as good and also sometimes I stop talking mid sentence now.
 
How you friends doing I don't have as much pain today had a good sleep. Still waiting for that energy to return. A lot of self hate and stuff going on. The recovery is such a slow process and I was never right. It isn't guaranteed at all. Hard not to be severely depressed in this overall situation which propagates it and I am in general still wasting my potential. Back to my normal messed up self. On opiates the issues are pretty easy to disguise.
 
I have been so, so sick for two days.
I forgot just how bad the opiate withdrawal was.
I am trying to recuperate now.

I will get back to you guys real soon. Give me just a few and I will be back.
 
This is a reminder to myself to NEVER run myself out of medication again.
Oh, have I ever been sick. I have blisters all over my throat from throwing up stomach acid for an entire day and night non stop.
I was freaking out by the time I got my medication yesterday. Wow!

What happens during withdrawal from opiates that makes one become so dumb? I feel like I have Alzheimer's or worse during withdrawal from opiates. The chronic pain alone makes it hard to concentrate and I have memory issues but add opiate withdrawal on top of that and I literally can do nothing to help myself. I get so dumb. Is that just from exhaustion? Pain? Or is it from our brains actually being changed by the medication?

This is so hard living with chronic pain and disability and trying to find and keep the right medications and dosages and exercise, meditation, activity-non-activity. It is so hard to keep the balance to where you can function to the best of your abilities.
 
That is from anhedonia mainly. Inability to experience pleasure. I find that it takes a really long time to go away and that issues come up later after the detox. Except that it changes. At first for me anyway it's like I'm too dumb to think. I can lay in bed, experience the torture and that is all. After at least 5 days I will begin to be able to assemble clothing together in the morning, albeit slowly, and shower myself. I slowly regain the ability to take care of myself, even those little things that used to be like autopilot. It took me an hour to pack a bag for hot yoga at first. Now it takes me like 2 minutes and I don't even really think about it just if I have the laundry. I was moving so slowly, like gravity was defeating me; like I was 90 years old or something. This is horrible. It took me a fucking month until I started to read again. I am reading a lot now. I fact I am learning all of final year high school biology in one day (the one science I didn't take). So you do get smarter over time if you choose to quit but in my opinion there is going to be a long term deficit for someone like me. It's obvious that so much damage has been done all I can do is accept the new me and that is fine.

Especially, memory problems for me. My memory is noticeably much worse with other things accounted for. I didn't notice that until later but I can just work on improving it. I think it's from not using my brain for smart things enough when I was messing around with opiates for so long.

There are definitely long term effects. The hormone stuff was lame. Sorry you were feeling that way try and keep some extras on hand. I'm worried I will go back to it at some point in life.
 
I have been so busy this week. All of a sudden a new life is being built from the ground up. I keep adding new responsibilities and also I find that I have a strong urge to push myself. Not the self harm way if that is even possible by the laws of physics, to push oneself, but in terms of academics and health. I am doing as much as I can and staying active is key. I am doing hot yoga almost daily now and my overall energy is that I am slowly getting back to always being on the go. I still need a good rest after spending a few hours doing something. But I didn't really used to do anything when I was using. I find myself not only wanting to read 1000 page novels, but also advance my understanding of science in general - chemistry, physics, and biology so I started focussing on electricity and magnetism to get my mind working again. It's just another thing to do that will increase my energy levels until I am at the point where I am capable of working. In the meantime I've been socializing and stuff just trying not to hate.

I have to remind myself I'm obviously still recovering from that. Polydrug abuse confuses things a lot. Since I have to get my benzo dose down too but that won't be for a little while. I owe it to my body to work up to daily hot yoga though. I have done some much harm to it.

Today I have some downtime but there is never downtime anymore. It means less stress, so I smoke less weed pretty much. I have a lot of stuff to work on. I feel stupid and burnt out a lot of the time but it isn't stopping me I guess I had enough neurons to kill off. I am doing everything I can at this point. I don't want any more dope that part is over. If I go back to it I'm risking an overdose and if I keep off it I won't be using.


I feel like this is what I needed to do. Start behaving the way I used to before I hurt my back. I had a career back then, but before the career I was pretty much a fun-activity fitness guru and gym rat. I was at my plateau in terms of fitness. Jumped out of bed would like immediately have 4 servings of oats as a first breakfast and going for a 10km run was like my morning walk 3 time a walk. Hardcore weight lifting, long distance cycling, still hot yoga back then, sports like hockey, snowboarding and skateboarding, hiking and outdoors stuff... this was my life outside work. Doing all that and smokin weed all day.

When the injury occurred and with the onset of chronic pain, I was suddenly unable to do any of this. In a season, my body shrunk so much. It was hell for me to experience as I was addicted to the gym. A healthy habit. The drastic change probably messed my body up. I feel also that my pain has been exacerbated by the sudden, after many years of intensive exercise - the sudden and abrupt change in lifestyle. My body was probably used to the "runner's high" having it like all the time. I really enjoy the volunteer work. Coffee seems to help, I drink a lot of coffee and tea now. Since, I am such a burnout. It is to be expected I guess with the extreme stress of the past year, that I would have days this year where I just feel dumb. When that happens I normally go for a brisk walk or something. I was sedentary for so long and now I am doing these yoga flows pretty much daily work and volunteering so I'm pretty sure that counts as some sort of recovery. Although, I don't know if it will work long term because one hit of the stuff and I'd be right back into it daily from that moment on I bet and if things just don't work out over time. Would be bad if I ever went back.
 
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Sorry you got so sick PainfulOne. I have never been that far gone in withdrawl so I guess Ive been lucky so far. That really sucks. I hope you are feeling better.
I ran myself lower on pills this month that I ever have. My new plan is to use that as a great motivator to taper down to zero in the next week and be past the worst wds by my next pain mgmt appt. Maybe if I have a week clean under my belt Ill be able to say no to a new bottle of pills. It?s going to suck, but I think it is necessary.
 
Was so burnt out this morning and yesterday, been real busy all week. Painful One let us know you're good those withdrawals are dangerous they are so depressing.

Squeaky man if you go to a pm doctor after a week of wd's then you will def leave with a script and might raise your tolerance up quick, be careful dosing after a week as well. After some time away 60mg with some benzos and I was super close to overdosing. I'd just get more, myself, and taper slow if I was still wanting to taper. Seems like every week out of a month of a lot of pm patient's lives really sucks though.

I am viewing myself as in my own personal rehab this year I'm still not right. Got these headaches, that slow my thoughts like my head feels weighed down can't think straight. Can't concentrate a lot of the time. I had a long week the busiest week so far, makes sense that I would be tired out today. I was so messed up before though at least I feel a little bit human now.
 
I'm okay. I think. I have been real sick but I have my prescriptions and have been taking them as directed since Tuesday.
I have never got that sick before though and stayed sick this long after taking my medication, so I am wondering if I have the actual flu.

Some other family members have had some bad flu so it could be that. .?? IDK.

I wanted to remind you Squeaky that it sucks bad so make that prescription last.
We should not have to go through this with chronic pain too.
medication management- easier said than done. I know.

Good job on staying active Shroomy. You are doing great. I hope you got your Valium prescription and are okay on your benzo's.

My stomach is still bad, so I will talk to guys soon.

Sending Love and Support to you all!
❤️
 
You don't have weed to smoke if your stomach is bad? I have digestive discomforts and complaints a lot. I remember when I quit weed for 3 years, I was so used to having such a powerful digestive system. I can eat so much food as a stoner lol... last night was just lol my whole family was like WTF when we were out. I eat way more food than my ex's football player bro. Anyways, nausea is pretty much a sign for me to smoke a bong toke. And ginger tea as well would help; you likely know that. Whenever I ran out like that early I'd take more the first couple days to get the levels up in my system and functioning again asap. But then the same thing would happen later on. Since there wouldn't be much time before I'd need more again. This happened naturally, because I had been suffering withdrawal so bad not wanting to, it made sense to have some decent relief at first but then I'd already be caught up taking more.

What a mess! I seriously can't go back but tbh I am having cravings for all three oxycodone, hydromorphone and H. At different times since they are so different for me. It's obviously a horrible idea, if I continue on like this I am actually going to ruin my life. Things will actually become hopeless it's not like there isn't a point of no return.

I think that if you take your meds as prescribed still (you def should, and possess enough self control)... it will take some time to recover from the stress alone, not to mention lack of nutrition, and vomiting is horrible for the body, it is natural that you feel bad right now. The first things I used to do were cook and clean because chances are I hadn't been able to for about a week. Then I'd pass out. I wouldn't be happy or energetic even with the opiates for a couple days of health-focussed effort due to the extreme stress of withdrawal.

I am going to yoga again today, 4th time this week. Nice and balanced too... two flows and two yin / meditation ones. The yin is excellent for the spine. Flows are getting me out of bed and pushing me, forcing me to be more active since I have a lot more energy. I have to leave in 15 minutes for yoga, then I have to run some errands so I better get smoking two bong tokes! I've been up since 4am (typical for me, it's my sleep schedule), I normally smoke right away but I waited til around 9am so I can now take two bong tokes instead of one, and actually get really high for yoga. Which not only chills me out through the uncomfortable experience and reminds me why I do it, why it is worth it, but I don't even think I could pay attention to the instructor if I wasn't stoned. I can't concentrate enough because my thoughts are racing, I better get smoking weekends are busy classes! This is one of the top 3 things that is helping my chronic pain EASILY it's so worth a try and a really did NOT think I was going to be able to do it. My spine is fucked too, remember, just because I choose to exercise doesn't mean the pain is out of this world extreme. But it's not getting any worse. It's actually helping and that is what matters, the relativity. I'm not just doing this for back pain though, daily yoga now, it is a serious discipline and honestly I could probably use something like the army at this point. But yeah, just my own personal outpatient rehab for this year. No real expectations except for more work and ideas and fitness and fun.

Painful One in case you are too sick to realize that weed will help, remember those kinds of indicas that really give you munchies like right away. If you don't eat any food with it and have whatever cannabis you use with a cup of ginger tea, that should help no? Nausea is one of the systems I can control pretty well. I get it severely in benzo / etizolam wd's as well. Lack of appetite then further wrecks havoc on my body I am SO committed to getting well now. After really seeing the improvement, finally, after 3 months. It is a small step forward; a tip toe, but it's there and I noticed. How would I feel after 6 months?
 
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I hit my forearm really hard after yoga today, I was banging my head and stuff but I fucked up my forearm. Fucking fuck this self harm and its stupid trigger. I need more weed to placate myself, I am dedicated to daily yoga and I don't want to miss my double class tomorrow but I can't rotate my arm one way right now. This means I can't play guitar either fucking split second impulse this is what I'm talking about. I'll say I'm doing well but you can never trust it. I am fiending for heroin or oxy's or dilaudid today if I had some I'd do them as fast as I could. I'll say I'm good one day next day I'll be slitting my wrists it's just how it is but I wish I did not harm myself my only concern is that I won't be able to exercise and meditate tomorrow in that way as it is a good coping mechanism. I am still very angry.
 
Hello new and past BL friends,
I went down the rabbit hole.

For those that don't know me, I successfully tapered off 90 mg/day (17 years of Pain Mgmt - combination of Oxy, Methadone & MS Contin) - DEA shut PM doc down. It took 7 weeks for me to taper (11/8/17-12/31/17). The physical withdrawal was nothing compared to the mental aspect. But the taper was the easy part. I made it 17 days and could not take the insomnia and feeling out of sorts so I starting taking 1.25 mg of Methadone daily until Feb 22, 2018. My GP prescribed Lyrica - I am now titrated up to maximum dose 450 mg/day. I've been on Lyrica for over 4 months now and I have continued to lose weight - yay! I have not had any cravings for opioids, but I still take one on a rare occasion, if a friend scores a Vicodin or Percocet. I feel that my pain is well-controlled on Lyrica. I also prefer Lyrica to opioids for steady pain control. Lots of pain spikes with opioids while Lyrica is mellower but provides consistent pain relief. A few cons is that Lyrica withdrawal is way worse and possibly life-threating per Pharmacist and it costs $500 month! The opioids are dirt cheap generics. I sill think it's Big Pharma's way of making more money and keeping us like mindless sheep. Big Pharma supposedly created the opioid crisis - anyone find it odd that they are now part of the cure, which is brand name drugs to keep people sedate.
-SweetLeaf7
 
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