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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Yes the edibles put me out like a baby . Mine were 500.

Shroomy when you go to the dispensary ask them for a good strain for pain , Wish we had dispensary here . You were doing so well sorry to hear you depressed again . You got some work coming up so that should help with the social life , just working with people chatting and laughing helps so much .

I still have not quit my oxys. We have a good supply at the moment , bought one of those pill containers with the days of week on them, hoping that helps me stay on a plan .

I did that floating tank and it was amazing ! You get to a point where you don't feel your body and just your soul / essence is conscious , hard to explain. I ended up buying a bundle of them so I can go once a week, it lifted my mood for days after . Just floating in the warm salt water no light no music just being ? It puts life in perspective and the little things we worry about are so meaningless in the big picture of life.
Hope everyone enjoys their Sunday; great day for some nature and good food maybe a movie later. I watched Shape of Water the other day, great movie I highly recommend.

Love and Light y'all ?
 
Seem to be feeling better. Have a pretty decent job for right now. Problem is maintaining benzo supply until I get some momentum going. I'm nervous about that. Been smoking really good weed I think that's one reason I have been feeling good. Been smoking dank and I don't always get to but somehow I've been maintaining a constant supply. I hit up the dispensary with like 10 or 20 bucks daily. It's silly but I keep high that way. Then I am not so unstable but I better watch it with the benzos for now just never ever to run out.

I need to focus on performing at the job I have as it could be something pretty sweet. I need more work as well. I have so many problems women are not a thing for me at the moment I gotta stabilize my benzo supply. It's insane to be so low on them and not knowing how to come up with money for more. My pay is soon though. Started volunteer work as well once a week. But still. I've sold a lot of my possessions that I'd really rather not have. I am still tapering them, etizolam isn't bad for tapering there are just nasty interdose withdrawals and during that time as a zombie you can just clean and stuff. Anyways. I am not wanting to even taper right now just be stable. I went through so much shit with opiates if I put my body through anymore stress... I'm buying weed and health foods with my pay. And yeah I gotta make sure to never ever run out of benzos it would be a nightmare from hell. That shouldn't be a problem but it will be for the next little while. The anxiety of being low on them amplifies the anxiety from tapering them. It overall sucks and I really hope I can get more soon to keep alive and well. I am doing pretty well considering all things!

Painful one you good
 
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Yeah I am good. Hanging in there. Thanks for checking on me.

I have had a few bad episodes with my back problems this month and am now needing to cut down to 60 mg a day from 75 mg MS Contin but I am doing alright with some really good weed from the dispensary. Asked for pain control and they gave me some kind called Devils Advocate. Lol! It has been helping with my pain and movement too. It puts me out cold by early night. I am sleeping through the nights with little suffering.

I am really happy you are doing so well and got some work. I am proud of you for the volunteer job too! You are doing great!
 
I?m following the same pattern that I have every month: get my script, promise myself to stop using more than scripted, ?allow? myself a little extra pain relief for a day- then two- then three.... then swear Ill cut back around the 4th day. Then a week into having a full bottle that?s getting empty way too fast, I start counting pills and calculating how much to take each day until my next refill to avoid running out early.
I need to stop this.
 
Painful One fire weed is essential for us. I am glad I switched to a dispensary, the weed is way better, easier to get. I like uplifting strains that will still lay me out so I don't crave it for a while. Any quality grow works though. Dislike having to take a second bong toke after the first one should be enough. I get to inspect it first and pay a little more but just smoke less which I need to do anyway. I have cut back, from an eighth a day to .1 gram tokes a day. Only one hit and like 8 hours apart. That is the best benefits for me when I smoke a lot less. Since cutting back, I feel really dumb. It could be low serotonin or something. I think L-Tyrosene supplementation would really help if I could afford it. I have fire weed too but cutting back from 3.5 to less than .5 has my brain feeling frazzled. Just don't feel like myself and that I'm kind of stuck in a burnout. This will pass and I'll still get to smoke every day just not to extremes. They told me they need help at the dispensary since I have a long history with weed.

The herb definitely helps my back pain too just a bit, especially if it's a nap time and I smoke before laying down in bed as opposed to doing stuff. Like if I just did cleaning and laundry, back hurts like hell and need to lay down it helps then a lot, a pill couldn't kick in quickly and there is the whole junkie thing that I have trouble avoiding. Didn't really realize it until I cut back enough that I am now sober half the time and stoned the other half just about. But most of all it helps anxiety - especially social anxiety not so much panic - and also depression. I'm interested in reading into some studies since I have done that a lot with opiates but I've never really been able to find too many legit studies on weed until recently. Now it seems like they are everywhere and really interesting.

I feel soooo stupid what's up with this. The social anxiety is extreme; weed really helps that. I can't talk to people without it, and get into confrontations or slowly work myself into anxiety ridden awkwardness or just get really angry or sad. Otherwise I am pretty social, I guess. It is keeping me from even wanting to go to yoga anymore. This is going to pass it's like 3 days and it isn't painful, just irritating and time goes. Gotta force myself to cook breakfast and as soon as I can discreetly smoke a rip I will since it has been like 10 hours or something crazy. I am overdue for a toke. I don't have back pain or very much anxiety right now, I'm not very sad, but I feel really stupid. I think a cup of tea and a bong toke will help, some oats for breakfast. It is the morning, and I don't really have back pain in the morning unless I didn't sleep well enough. That bong toke is going to be soooo nice and I just have a couple errands to run this morning, and not too much after that. Might try reading my book since lately I've been a wreck.

Dude my bottle would be lucky to last 3 days man serious, more like a week tops. Then 3 weeks of hell. By the end of it; something I used to feel that I had much more than I could ever need. I would always think, that is one pill less I'll have later, but be unable to stop. I was doing something like that for 6 months in a row before I stopped and it would mess up my whole entire month.
 
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I'm never taking any of them ever again or going back for them. I have caused enough harm. Working on getting control of the benzos now it is miserable right now, and first control of the herb as it's easy and I can't be compulsive bong toking at this time of my life, not ever. I am suddenly really busy, it will be a while coming but I am off to a start. My supplies are for once no worries for a bit, I can function not worrying about that for some days and focus on things that are important. I just got high AF off one bong toke. Yay for me. Crazy stoned right now, time to relax a bit. That was a great bong toke I have been very stressed adjusting.
 
My heart goes out to you Shroomy. That is an extremely, extraordinary, hard, change that you have made.
I'm sure it is hard adjusting. Hang in there brother. Things will get better. It is like, you kind of have to accept that you are socially impaired for a few. Things will improve.

It is so refreshing to have your menu of food to consider for myself. I always find your meals very enticing. I eat oats for breakfast too. It gives me energy, helps with digestion, and makes my stomach acid problem go away.
I eat the same breakfast everyday and it has cured the stomach acid problem.
Oats with milk and butter, one piece of toast, and small glass of orange juice. Yummy too.

It is life threatening for you to have any opiates. You don't need them. The medical cannabis is helpful in small amounts.
I'm liking it. We just have to do what we have to do to make ourselves stable, functioning, and enjoying our lives.
Good to hear that you don't have to worry about your benzo supply for awhile too. Yay!

Squeaky, I know what you mean about taking too many during the month. It was great not to have that problem. I got so hurt with that arm paralysis thing that my mom gave me extra. It took taking more to unlock my shoulders. I guess I should have gone to the hospital for an injection? I did the best I could. But next refill, I am not going to mess it up again. I am determined.
We don't need to torture ourselves on top of our back problems. I'm just accepting that I have to have this certain amount/combo of medications to try and "manage" these health issues with and sticking with it no matter what. I feel much better when I keep to proper dosage schedule.
 
Heart goes out to you a swell. I am going to remain a pothead as quitting is very stressful for me. I got a dank nug right now of blue city diesel and it is blue from afar, lots of purple and orange up close it's just crazy good weed. This whole week has been a bore. Went to yoga last night then got really stoned and was out like a light. Bong tokes after hot yoga are the best. I woke up with indigestion and I had passed out and I still feel nauseous after a few hours of being awake. Normally I'd get real stoned and be motivated to eat but I smoked a lot last night and I wouldn't feel the weed strong enough.

Yeah we have similar taste in nutrition and stuff. I've skipped the oats this morning. I like crepes with maple syrup and berry purees now if I was stoned that's what I would be making right now. I had a piece of ginger to try and quell the stomach. Pastas are the best though I pretty much live off them, the ones that I make have so much healthy stuff. I really should eat some oats but I am going to make a pasta with the fresh garlic, ginger, turmeric, fresh herbs I think I have dill and basil leaves; and eggplant, eggplant and zucchini are so good in pastas, and green onions and spinach, a little kale, tomato of course. Whatever vegetables I have that will work, and real tasty cheese although I ran out of the italian parmesan. Just going to have the oats though, my body doesn't want anything fancy this morning. Oats, and tea maybe a banana.

It is life threatening for me to have them true. Any sort of opiate. They stopped treating my pain and I have not struggled with cravings this year at all. Not one bit. It will be 3 months this weekend. I have thought about dope and wanted it, but it was a passing thought. I never considered acting on it. I have too many problems that revisiting the worst one is not in the cards. I really want a bong toke that's what is on my mind. I have this like, 2 gram nug of blue city diesel probably the nicest little nug I've had all year. That herb cheers me up. I'll feel better smoking now that I've been awake for a few hours. It is very hard for me to cut back it's not like opiates where I hated them, didn't have a choice. After the initial detox I'm left depressed and with back pain but I had that before and I find it weird that I have honestly not had a single real drug craving for opiates in 3 months. I find that the longer I go without them, the more this is beginning to surface though. I need to remember no matter how long it has been I will be sniffing H in no time at all, and the longer it has been the more of an overdose risk there is.

I love weed but it's best in moderation or it sets the standard and I want to be high all the time. Waking up feeling bloated is pretty normal at times, and weed would have alleviated that completely and I'd have already had maple crepes working on a pasta now. However, I just got really stoned last night, I can't again this morning due to tolerance and I was feeling a little spacey for a bit. I smoked several rips before yoga and I'm not sure about afterwards as I passed out so I don't think much. Moderation for myself probably means being a total pothead to most people since I am still smoking around .5 to a gram a day, using it very differently than without restraint. Even got the euphoria / smiles back a little. Honestly it's really just the social anxiety that I get when I'm not habitually smoking. I have always had that real bad and weed makes me more social. Got to use the weed in an overall beneficial way though. Yeah I like to talk about weed I suppose that's why they asked me to work at the dispensary.

The indigestion is annoying me sooo much I'm starving hungry but my stomach is tied in knots. I want to make it to yoga later but how when I'm not eating any food lately. My weight fluctuates so fast it is ridiculous so I drop weight super fast. I definitely notice being thinner all around lately, really need to start eating more. I even went for a brisk walk in the cold and my stomach is still a major distraction.
 
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I just want to reiterate that I haven't had trouble with drug cravings. I can't think of a time when I wanted an opiate badly enough to seek one out. The chronic relapsing, well yeah if I could get oxycodone around the corner this morning from the doctor for whatever pennies it costs, then of course I would probably be struggling with that. Ever since my scripts ran out, and I was too sick to reschedule an appointment or make it there, I just haven't cared.

I find the lack of intense cravings odd. If I have that, it is always because something bad happened and I want to harm myself or get impulsive. I have no idea how much a single use would set me back, but I feel like it would ruin at least a week of my life or even more. So the cravings are not really all that conscious, but all it takes is once. It has been 3 months and I still feel like I am recovering. Not really from the drugs, but from how I wasn't taking care of myself and in fact abusing myself. Still can't wait to get stoned, and damn it's my favourite yoga class but I don't really see myself going today I mean it's in 6 hours and I've been awake for 5, so far I have had a banana and a cup of tea. After I get stoned I will be working my butt off in the kitchen anyway but I'd really like to make it to that class.

I hear about things like 'after his first pay cheque he relapsed and overdosed' so maybe it is because I don't really have the option of using right now. I do - but not sustainably, and it would be extremely disruptive to my life. I should be weary of the lack of cravings because after a single high they become extremely intense. Maybe it is the way of this stuff tricking me, making me think I have it beat while waiting for the right time to strike. If I had the money for it, I couldn't anyway. The craving for that feeling just isn't there because it's not going to get me anywhere but backwards. It will do nothing whatsoever but very seriously hurt me, even using once like say 30mg oxy. That would fucking ruin me at the moment, I'm already so stressed and then I wouldn't have made it to 3 months. Anyways, it seems that I very much need to be careful, especially in the future if/when things improve and if I get a stressful job. If I had a stressful job that paid a lot I can see myself falling back into that trap. After this long, I'd be pretty angry at myself. It has been an entire season and really, all of last year the entire year was spent struggling with this and I accomplished essentially nothing but stopping. I must have discipline and responsibility in life or what am I doing here wasting my time. I also find it odd that I have had that with a lot of things other than drugs, while using them or not.

Back is fucking killing me and I said I could have a toke at 10 but my stomach isn't bothering me much anymore and making it to yoga today I am realizing would be a little much. I am just getting back into it more so I have the motivation, not the physical energy though. I'd like to do extensive reading today and now that it's mid-morning, I don't really feel like smoking as much but I'm definitely going to soon mainly for my appetite but my back is starting to hurt as well. My back didn't hurt this morning since I had such a great sleep and stretch last night but it's killing me now. Ow. So if I smoke lay down and read it will probably stop bothering me.
 
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Yup. That is exactly right. You can't use any opiates and you don't have to or need to. You can get through this back pain with just the moderate use of some cannabis. That helps your anxiety too and appetite.
Don't dwell on the cravings thing. You can make it so you don't even have that. I know you are tough and smart, clever actually too.
You are doing the right thing by paying attention to your diet and how you are caring for yourself.

That is one of the first things I did when I realized I had a lot of healing to do is buy a book called "Japanese nature cures" .
Awesome book! Teaches about the yin and yang and balancing and the different elements, heat, water , metal , etc.
You can always find out anything if you know how to read. The second thing I did was taught myself meditation.

Lately, I have been really trying to dress more normal and take better care of myself. A routine helps. It is helping with self esteem and other things.

I may be limited but I can go about it in style and with grace and that is what I will do.
Getting your daily music in helps so much too. Don't forget that.

Rock on!
 
I was thinking of asking my doctor (not the one from before, she is much more prudent) about getting like 10 percocets a month for when the pain is really bad tbh. It's cause the pain really is horrible sometimes and hard to handle for me. I don't know though it's such a risk because I want to feel that way all the time I'm not sure if I could trust myself.

I am sitting in front of a plate of vermicelli with some real nice cheddar cheese and a few bacon bits on top with red pepper, red jalape?os, lots of soft well cooked eggplant; and also fresh garlic, ginger and turmeric, all sprinkled with black pepper. I am so starved I am quite happy about this. Since, I smoked a sizeable chunk of that nug. I needed it. I smoked like a half gram and if you ever see blue city diesel you should try it as it is blueberry x sour diesel I think both of which are amazing strains in themselves, if it is a good grow, that stuff is amazing. The stuff I have right now I don't even really need to be discrete about, since the smoke smells like I am burning some sort of sweet, fruity incense like grapefruit mixed with geranium or something. The flowers are so nice to have colourful herb like this that is really really good. I will have to indulge today.

That sounds cool I like traditional Chinese medicine would probably enjoy that. My back still hurts. I'm not sure what I am going to do with my day. I think I should maybe take it easy. I won't be asking my doctor for oxycodone but you see, I am going there for other reasons but as soon as there is any sort of opportunity to hustle those pills then I start to scheme. Better watch out for the doctor. :sus:

I am definitely connected with the stars today. Even within 5 minutes of those times. My day has been going as it says. Like as I was writing this, I got really confused I think.

The Moon in Virgo connects with Saturn at 1:30 AM, creating a grounding energy. The Sun clashes with Saturn at 10:16 AM, challenging us to be more responsible. The Moon opposes Neptune at 11:49 AM, stirring up confusion, and finally connects with power planet Pluto at 10:35 PM.
 
Well, I certainly do understand about the back pain. It is nasty and not in a good way.
If you were to get a small prescription a month, I think you would need to have your brother give you just a few at a time and you only use them for real pain. Can you do that yet? I think you should be safe. With help from a family member it is much easier to manage the medication. I just don't know if you should go back to it at all. I guess it is up to you as to how badly things get and the pro's vs. the con's and deciding if it is constructive to your life.

Are you a Virgo? No. I can't remember what you told me. I'm a Cancer.

I'm taking it easy today. I got the front flower bed , garden area cleaned out and that is it on my back for days. I have to take it easy.
It is a balance of activity vs. rest for me and I hate it. I'm used to going all the time. I have been pretending liked I am on vacation at a nice resort. Lol! Finding books, computer, movies, music, hot bath soaks, good food, some exercise/activity to be all I can manage.

I actually have a blueberry kind right now and I know what you mean about the smell. It is a nice smell.
Real small amounts keep my movement much better and helps for other things.
I noticed the blue, purple, and orange you speak of too.
So grateful to have this relief.

Enjoy your meal! Sounds delicious!
 
Taurus (obviousss...). Mine is this and look you sensed that the moon is in Virgo today. Yours is the second one. I took it easy today too. I never had blue weed before this year. I've had blue cheese so many times ounces of the stuff but it has always been skunkier. This blue and purple and orange colourful weed is amazing and I think it is good for pain if I smoke a gram or two. I also got a gram of a new strain I just smoked that is a fruity indica, rare, not like a kush or earthy at all but definitely an indica. Those ones make me giggly sometimes.

I don't have anything to worry about today, so what would a taurus do. I've been looking into growing weed legally and qualify for a lot. Reading my book infinite jest there was another insane part about AA and just how morbidly fucked up this freebase user was who had been pregnant. I like the tennis academy parts and everything is written in such vivid detail. I like that one female character who tried to smoke a quarter ounce of crack to death and ended up in the halfway house. It is an interesting book and humorous too an odd kind of highly descriptive and cold or dark humour, fun to read, not depressing but the writer was severely depressed. I am having more pasta now, and lazing around. The weed definitely helped my pain today but I had to smoke a lot of it, and I think it's the blueberry type strain and how dank it is.

I don't think I should go back to them at all, it is a bad idea. They didn't work and my brain has changed. There is no way I could go back to the reaction I had pre-heavy exposure which was a much faster and abrupt onset (I could feel a half-perc start in 5 or 10 min easily), exponentially lower required dose, no withdrawals or if I had them I didn't dwell on them like it wasn't even a thing I would be in school in class in withdrawal back then for crying out loud even 6 months deep and it wasn't uncomfortable.

I used to be on the go all the time. Used to get up and jump out of bed, have a quick breakfast, walk the dog after rolling two joints one for right away in the woods and one for the dog walking trails. Have a second breakfast as that would take a while and then hit up the gym for a couple hours, after rolling a joint for out back in the meadow before and after exercising. Make a massive healthy pasta, maybe take a rest after that but it would be something like reading or applying for a job or hanging out with a friend. I had a whole social circle and carefree pothead friends I've known all my life to chill out with. I don't hang out with those friends anymore. I don't hang out with any of the myriad of friends I made in university, or talk to them. I literally have no social life, I guess this is why I am so chatty, I don't have any real friends to talk to apart from one or two but they don't live near here. People motivate me to do stuff like if a friend calls and asks if I want to hit up the hiking trails or something. I have been isolated for a year now. An entire year. I have very rarely had any sort of hangout or even family dinner or anything like that. Two dates since last summer that I wish never happened with that girl.

I'm lazy now I feel retired from life. There is nobody but myself around, my brother is at the time of his life I know where he's at he's having fun with his friends and stuff. I feel like I am at the end of my life, reflecting on everything that happened. So I rarely chill with my bro as he is so busy like I was at that age. Whatever I was going to accomplish or do has been done and there is nothing left to do but wait. I have suffered enough. My back hurts too much to do anything and even if I wanted that stuff I can't get it prescribed by a competent doctor who I could speak to about back pain and meds and stuff. I haven't been playing guitar though even, and definitely because of the pain. It's never going to go away and if I can't get pills prescribed well H sure worked I want it back. How could I not in this situation. I am under extreme pressure and too fucking burnt out to do anything productive. It's insane. I used to get up and fucking go. Like I'm an elderly man now with hardly any energy left.

The ways in which you’ve been responsible will pay off today, Taurus, but it’s an important time to stay flexible. The Moon is in fellow earth sign Virgo, sending good vibes your way.

The Sun is currently in Aries, illuminating the sector of your chat that rules success and popularity. Today it clashes with Saturn, which is currently activating the partnership sector of your chart, making this an important time to consider whom you want to be in relationship with.
 
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I am just posting a message while I have the time. Fuck mercury retrograde.

Hopefully things look up soon I haven't been able to have very much food today. Two servings of oats and two oranges. I finally just smoked... the f-ing dispensaries are closed today so I wasted a lot of time and I have very little weed until tomorrow. Sucks, I am going to go make one of those pastas I like. Pretty depressed, I have been cutting back on the benzos a little this whole time too though. Just a little but still. I have been a wreck lately, everything is going haywire.
 
Taurus! Yes, of course.
I knew one Taurus guy who was cool. I love Taurus! That is a good sign.
You should do well with that.
Good placement, star alignment. ��

Yes indeed, the medical dispensary kind is very nice.
Cannabis!

I have been looking into growing it legally too. Some laws just changed where I am located.
Looks like I may have a chance. It is legal to grow, sell, and buy for terminally ill patients.
I want to help terminally ill patients. I have been working on a cream that numbs the pain and absorbs and gives you a nice buzz.

I hear you. I hear you. I know too. Things have been rough. It is like being a 90 year old. It sucks.
I agree with you. No opiates. No way. You have addiction to those.
I don't know how to live this way. It is an entirely new level of life.
Way lower functioning capacity.

We are doing pretty good.
 
Don't cut down on your benzo's anymore for awhile now.
You need to stabilize where you are now.
Seriously. Keep a stable dosage. You will feel much better that way.

If you feel like things are going "haywire" then you need to stabilize on your meds.

Sorry to hear of your dispensary situation. That sucks.
I hope you can find enough 'around' to help you out.

I hate being low on med's.
 
Taurus is the lover of the signs. Very stubborn as well, and enjoy indulging in worldly pleasures. I got into a little trouble with that but hopefully next time it can be healthier things than drugs. I already am doing lots of that, I went to hot yoga today and it was seriously exhausting. Insane class but I've lost a lot of weigh and fast. From this benzo stabilization thing and not having enough weed. Really sucks.

I can also legally apply to grow now and I'm sure I would be accepted and the number of plants is sizeable. Really surprising so I'm going to apply sometime. I could legally have a huge grow op for myself lol based on my assessment. I really don't think I'm allowed to sell it here, though. I think that would get me booted and perhaps there would be legal ramifications. Just when I am cutting way back I am allowed to do this.

Looking at myself a year ago, I should give myself a break. I was so fucked from that H it got way way way worse than oxy ever did. Especially since I shot it without really knowing what I was doing a few times and that is when it was decided to quit. That was me a year ago, researching how to inject myself with that shit. I was also on so many benzos I was going to die for sure. I'm surprised that I didn't last spring. The H that I was getting was very pure and that's a bad thing, when you find a connect for the good stuff, cause it feels so good and is so good and becomes such a desperate need and when the withdrawals really kick in it's hell on earth. I was in withdrawal for such a long time. Such a long time like I've been chronic relapsing since this time last year but at least not with H and the relapses were short but they set me way back of course. I am at three months this weekend.

I was just thinking about the benzos. I am taking my meds 8 hours apart on a schedule more or less. Really forcing myself to stick to it. I can do it. I got this. It's just extreme anxiety I even was like that at yoga. Only thing is I was kind of stoned around this teacher who had just done a class and she was hanging around for a few minutes but I got talking to her and she is really nice even though I was like stupid stoned and sort of forgot I went to one of her classes a long while ago but she remembered me. I am def going to keep slowly lowering the benzo dose but not for like at least 2 or 3 weeks. I am at well it's still a pretty heavy dose. It's still in danger territory and I really need to get it down so I have to put up with the anxiety. I got this. The weed to. I can control it as I please. Just no opiates ever.

I'm smoking on an indica strain that is really berry and fruity like Shiskaberry it's called I don't know mercenary I think but this kind of fruity sweet indica herb is usually not that strong but some of the most lovely aromatic weed ever and a quality mild high. It's really not strong, the blueberry one I had was way stronger but these types of strains are also super mellow and if you smoke a few tokes they tend to be giggly as well, so good for relaxing... just what I need right now. With my post-yoga pasta. Garlic, ginger, turmeric, habanero, italian parmesan and cheddar, black pepper, tomato, red peppers.... the list goes on. I only had one meal way early today and I've been up since 4am and I have been physically busy I went for a long walk. I felt weak during the class but there are not many ones to my liking this weekend since it is the long weekend they reduced.

Yeah, we are doing pretty well. I've had 3 tokes today, so it ended up being a day to lower my tolerance and clear my mind a bit. I can get herb tomorrow I think I will get the chiller one. Def less THC but more of other things. Being low on meds we need makes me so antsy I can hardly function.

...So that pasta didn't have red peppers, it had red habaneros. Quite spicy. And it had portobello mushroom and zucchini as well. I'm glad I made it to exercise that was hard while cutting back. I am due for another bong toke, and I have a massive bowl of ash from joints last year that is easily smokable for some thc.

I noticed that I am really paranoid. I can interpret sharp sounds as hostile, or when I hear people talking on the phone I think it's about me and 'they are coming to get me' also all of this withdrawal has me questioning my sanity for sure. Especially after tripping for I believe what was 3 months habitually last year with little sleep. I seem to be okay though, especially if I am handling this benzo reduction / keeping track is so important. I've been extremely anxious. It is adjusting to being sober more since I'm not smoking weed a lot of the time anymore and it numbs stuff. A lot of anger. I feel sharper though and I still get to get really high and when I do it's so rewarding. I almost didn't take the bong toke before hot yoga... that's hot stupid I am when I'm cutting back. That would have been a disaster. I was just like whatever I only had one today so far. Moderation is important for any of this stuff we use as little helpers.

Sticking to hot yoga since detox started after new years, alone that is an accomplishment. I got fit, but then for a couple weeks when I was low on benzos I lost some progress. I just have to keep going and I'll be fine. I have a chill weekend to continue with stabilizing on the benzos so I don't have nasty interdose withdrawals anymore that will make me sort of plan my day around the doses. I got busy with work and stuff though, but I kept going to the meditation classes I never stopped. Just the intense classes when I wasn't able to take care of myself. Today I was really weak but I worked out hard so as long as I eat a lot of food I'll be good and make a gain from it. Plus I'm aligning my spine and getting really flexible anyway it doesn't matter if I'm skinny, my pants are sagging I used to have like tree trunks as legs back in the day when I could hit the gym and now they are thin but supportive and strong and I have better balance from this too. It's been three months so I've definitely noticed. I get to volunteer now and I'll definitely meet some women that way and they are all like college girls who don't want to pay for their memberships it seems. Hmm. lol, just a burnout tho I haven't been sleepign well either but I will hit that ash hard before bed it made me pass out last time. Then I can save my good buds for the morning, I am going to have a relaxing day smoking bud and reading a couple books. At least if this mercury retrograde doesn't keep fucking with me these past weeks have been nonsense. I don't want to run low on benzos again either so I am really cuttin back fast. It sucks, but I'm really not in seizure territory very much so I don't really care. It's extreme anxiety mostly in my head and the odd panic attack which really are hell but whatever. That's me.
 
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Since that was mainly in response to painful one.

I am feeling much better. Can't really trust an emotionally volatile person when they say that but I feel that I am. Today marks 3 months! That just made me smile. 3 months will turn into 6, and I want to find out if it gets any better. The devil stuff talks to me though not gonna lie. I still have residual withdrawal.

The meat is shedding off my bones, haven't been able to eat lately but I'm not too concerned about benzo withdrawal now that I have experienced it. It is highly process oriented and I'm not fully quitting that one. That fruity indica is honestly so nice for the connoisseur. I hope they have more today. It's not strong at all, but it's such a well grown herb and still really crystally. The quality of the high is superb, would be perfect for cooking, watching a movie on a little bong, and falling asleep with a lot of it. One of those strains I can smoke lots and lots of on a low tolerance and have no anxiety spring up. It mellows me out so nice and really good for appetite, anxiety, and sleep. My issues right now really. It helped me get organized for yoga too.
 
Taurus is the lover of the signs! That is very cool. I'm Romantic too. I like that.
Have you had your birthday yet? Happy Birthday!
I read a little about Taurus:
Your most likable trait is : dependability
( mine is Loyalty)
You are loyal, affectionate, kind, and faithful! Nice!
Those are qualities I love and also have.
We both like security and stability.
My sign, Cancer, is the "mother" of the signs. :)
I feel that too. I have said that I feel like the mother of the world sometimes. Lol, seems that I am always taking care of people.
My employees would have died if I had not taken care of them. Always feeding everyone. Helping out where I can.

I don't do well when I don't have people to take care of.

Caring for myself has been a challenge. I am not used to having to spend so much time caring for myself.

I am low on meds also for a few days but at least I have some real nice stuff from the dispensary.
Yeah, I would like to be able to grow and sell some because that would be a job that I could actually do.
I need to get some money coming in right away!
 
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