Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

[Billy123]

I've been trying to get clean for the past few days. On day 4 and 5 I had some H. It wasn't a lot and probably about 0.3g in total for the two days.To be honest it seems to have helped me and it's been roughly 10 hours since I had something and although I'm feeling anxious I'm not feeling any other symptoms. I was hoping for some ideas on how to get through the next couple of days. Thanks.

 

[Billy123]

Also I forgot to mention that I have some diphenhydramine (found in sleeping tablets and benadryl) but I'm unsure on what sort of dosage I should take in order to counteract the anxiety. I also have some baclofen, dxm, 30mg loperamide, ibuprofen and a couple of gabapentin.

 

[Xorkoth]

I'd recommend against the diphenhydramine because it tends to make restless legs worse. Baclofen will probably help some. Loperamide absolutely helps as it is an opioid... it can be really useful for detoxing as long as you stop using it as soon as possible. It takes a few hours to start working. Gabapentin is known for helping with opiate withdrawal too.

 

[Billy123]

I decided to believe that the loperamide would work today. I know it sounds weird but it'd stopped working for me. I read up about loperamide being an opiate and came to the conclusion that the only reason it had stopped working for me was because of my negativity. Today it's working better than ever before. I've taken your advice and kept clear of the diphenhydramine. I'm a bit reluctant to take the baclofen. The last time I had it (100mg) I was knocked out all day and managed to fall over the coffee table, smash a plate, fall asleep while drinking coffee and ruin my shirt!

 

[ShroomySatori]

I would grab more chron over loperamide any day. 'Nuff said if you're a pothead. I found it very expensive for the relief as well, and there is the cardiotoxicity thing. It could also prolong some withdrawal symptoms in my opinion if some of the receptors are being stimulated. I know it works really well for some people though. The only thing that ever calmed me down in the slightest would be a triple sedative benzo, gaba B receptor against, and a very sedating long acting muscle relaxant. I'd knock myself out that way for 24 hour periods rather frequently last year... it's kind of sad now. Dude at the prime of his life feels like a 90 year of man on his deathbed with all business unfinished apart from making amends.

Then, 7 weeks later I feel healthy again. Today marks day 50. I have never made it this far without getting very very high. This is my third serious attempt at a months/years long journey of quitting.

I am definitely in PAWS - I still have restless legs every day but that doesn't bother me, the cognitive effects do and my back is still hurting just not as much. I'm going to have to be patient.

Just as I am now. I have hot yoga at noon today I'm psyched! I got a hundred dolla bill y'all to pay them for the month. Leaving in an hour and a half or so, I'm going to try to read Infinite Jest before then. I see myself becoming more and more energetic... it isn't like "I'm doing yoga today then recovering, exhausted for a day" - I am getting really physically fit and it is affecting my

Of course I will be crying or breaking something like earlier this morning later today... sigh. I want to run into hot topic girl again. I'm starting to feel stressed and the mall is really chill so maybe I'll go browsing tonight ; ) lol. Well I def want some of that this is for sure. I have crushes on a few women now, that I think I want to remain single hehe.

Sex drive is absolutely insane at 2 months be warned men. The first month I don't think I touched myself down there lol.

I always dress up in the morning to look as presentable as possible. I showered, shaved even tho it was just stubble, styled and parted my blondie hair, made crepes, had kiwis, a cup of sencha that I steeped wayyyy too long, and I think one bong rip in the middle of the night to get back to sleep.

As soon as I have something to do, I seem to be much happier. When I had that essay to write, I felt proud of myself. Like herb dude said, you killed it bro. This is a job I've had that people think I am the man at, and I kind of am. It reminds me of dealers except it is university essays and engineering labs and stuff lol.

I woke up cheerful today? There has been nothing wrong whatsoever today yet. I have my chron... I'm guessing I smoked at least a third of it because I don't remember much of yesterday. So I woke up burnt out and in fact I am proud for waiting to take me hits 5 minutes apart just before leaiving or hot yoga.

I feel like I am getting much better at managing my own life, including the drug addictions. I know I have the money for 1mg klonopin twice daily and 2 - 3mg xanax as needed but much less over time. Just spend a few hours in panic mode every day when I have some down time.

I'm sure I will get depressed again at some point today but for some reason I feel pretty healthy. It probably took a day to get the regular levels of xanaxx back in my system since the drop was so steep over the weekend. Kinda sucks cause I took a lot of them and was still panicking but I'm good today. Time for another cup of sencha... I'm such a lazybones when I'm not stoned.

See. My mom just called and I honest to fuck feel like slitting my wrists now. She says fuckin dispicable things to me and knows exactly what to say to hurt me. It was over absolutely nothing. She calls, manipulates with chit chat, then begins to insult me and I'm not just saying this I was abused the FUCK out of growing up. Even hearing her voice scares the living fuck outta me. She went out of her way to humiliate me in many ways, and also in front of our entire extended family which is huge. I would be provoked with the most disgusting insults until I knocked my dad to the floor and he is damn fit. I'll never forget that. knocking him to the ground with one fist. Needless to say, things have never been the same and by my teens I was gone on scholarship. I hated my family so much that I got 96%+ marks in final year high school so I could go away to school and never ever see them. It's unfortunate but I have really really bad memories that surface, and that went on for years and years until I ran away. Anyways, she called me and I answered because I wanted to say hello and see how she was doing. Now that I wrote about that I can brush it off I was hurt. Nothing new, happens every day she isn't blocked.

 

[Xorkoth]

I decided to believe that the loperamide would work today. I know it sounds weird but it'd stopped working for me. I read up about loperamide being an opiate and came to the conclusion that the only reason it had stopped working for me was because of my negativity. Today it's working better than ever before. I've taken your advice and kept clear of the diphenhydramine. I'm a bit reluctant to take the baclofen. The last time I had it (100mg) I was knocked out all day and managed to fall over the coffee table, smash a plate, fall asleep while drinking coffee and ruin my shirt!

Damn, 100mg is way too much. People have died from loperamide, it causes heart issues. There are a number of people on Bluelight who have told stories about them or loved ones either almost dying or actually dying. When I would use loperamide I would use 60mg max, but 40mg is better if it works.

 

[Painful One]

That just breaks my heart to hear how your mom makes you feel shroomy and to hear about the horrible emotional extremes you live with all the time. The panic attacks and anxiety. I know you have said they are worse than pain many times.
I'm so sorry and sad that you go through so much. I just want you to know that I think you are an awesome, amazing, and creative person. You are super smart!

Give yourself some credit! Look how far you have come. You are right too, about the benzo's, that is what you have used to get through the heroin / oxy withdrawal and have been using those for severe panic, anxiety, sleep, pain management.
You drop those down slowly and when you are ready to. I want you to be comfortable in your own skin again and function the best you possibly can.

I had that with my family too. A lot of abuse. Still do have a lot of abuse from them but I try not to be around them very often.
I have been working on a new relationship with them also since I understood that my dad was actually very sick. His behavior confused all of us. I have been able to forgive them and I try to set an example of peace and love to them. I have found that the way I react is huge. That is something I can control. How I react. Whenever I react appropriately, they respond appropriately- or at least they are working on it. Lol!

I took it as Billy123 was talking about 100 mg baclofen not loperamide. But yeah, Billy, the Loperamide just held me over for a day and two nights with no problems. I usually take 75 mg MS Contin a day too. I took one dose of 60 mg loperamide about two hours before I hit opiate withdrawal and I felt fine until I was able to get my prescription. 60 mg held me for an entire 24 hours.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Painful One, I wrote a few paragraphs but it's better not to post about family. It is so tumultuous I try and stay away permanently. It does not help my anxiety to be around people who seem completely hysteric apart from my bro. Although he hasn't exactly stayed away from drugs himself and is 20. Can't blame him when I see the way he is abused when he gets home from a friends and I'm over for dinner. It's insane, I don't think it is legal in fact might be wrong but it is serious confrontation, in-your-face type abuse and physical too.

I sold some old video game stuff I don't use and I am going to get my roots done tomorrow and tone my blonde hair and get a trim that is exciting to me. I have a decent amount of drugs so I can get away with this for sure. I like to at least look good, and that I do. Been doing yoga for a solid 2 months now, pretty much every 2nd day. Look real healthy, my skin is radiant I think all the sweating cleanses.

It hasn't been a bad day, but it is important to keep away from negative people if possible.

 

[Squeaky]

I have had similar issues with family Shroomi. So I cut them all out of my life completely. Every time I had any interaction with my mother or anyone connected to her I would want to slit my wrists for days. It took some time to wrap my head around the idea, but my life is so much more stable since I let them all go.
I know it sounds harsh or ungrateful, and I am not suggesting anyone do as I have, but unburdening my life from their selfishness may have been the smartest thing I have ever done.
?The only winning move is not to play?
-Joshua, the computer from the movie ?War Games?

 

[ShroomySatori]

I'm trying to keep positive when I am surrounded by so much negative energy in my personal life. I essentially have no social life at all anymore but that's okay for now I guess. Just want a girl neway and she'll come my way one day. I gotta get a job but I'm still finding myself super lazy. part of that is how I ripped a lottttt of kush and a hybrid strain too tonight in my bong and I am seeing those colours again. HPPD. That's awesome. Well I am lazy and tired probably because I fried myself with opiates and my entire body needs to recover.

Gotta focus on stuff for now it starts with getting a new job. Too stoned to so anything about that tonight.

 

[Xorkoth]

Nothing wrong with letting yourself relax for a night, we can't (and shouldn't) always be working towards some endpoint... sometimes we just need to relax and let ourselves enjoy the moment for what it is. I'm doing that myself tonight, just Bluelighting, smoking weed, eating and maybe gonna watch a little TV online.

 

[uncomfortablynumb9]

Hello. I would like to talk to someone who is in an active sub taper. I am down to less than 4mg a day and I am discovering that this is hell. It's really difficult. Anyone?

 

[hopefreegirl]

hi new here. im a member of benzo buddies and know the ashton manual by heart at this point. but ive come down from a pretty high dose of klonopin (go to 6 to 7 mgs a day at one point) and valium and now im down to 10 mgs of valium where ive been holding at now since october after i had a psychotic breakdown from being cold turkeyed off of the remaining 2.5 mgs of klonopin. i absolutely am not going back to purgatory where i was a few months back but i have to get off the rest of this shit. i do have a liquid titration taper plan made up but i was thinking of a way to try to dry cut my way down a little where i basically reduce the percentage monthly by "feathering" doses. meaning skipping doses here and there. right now i dose 3 times a day for a total of 10 mgs a day. thats 300 mgs a month. so im thinking because of valiums long half life, if i could cut 20% a month which is 2 mgs right now but by doing that by cutting out enough doses to equal 240 mgs a month. that would be a 20 percent cut monthly. so i need to cut out 60 mgs in a 30 day period. so by cutting out a dose here and there to equal 60 mgs, would that work? i want to keep my blood levels as stable as possible but with valiums wide varying half life its kind of hard to figure out what to do. i know a guy who got off this way but i cant find him. i hope im making sense. anyone have any suggestions? id like to get down to probably 5 mgs and liquid titrate the rest. my central nervous system is still screwed from the huge cuts i make so i have got to take it very very slow, and im scared to death after what i experienced. i need to remain as functional as i am now. i was very very bad off a few months ago, cold turkeying that 2.5 mgs of klonopin totally destroyed me, i couldnt even barely sit up. but anyway, any thoughts on my taper method im trying to come up with? want to get off this poison.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Nice man! This is making wanna go chat to some girls now I just feel I can't do it without benzos though

 

[ShroomySatori]

Man I deleted my post, not sure why. I feel like I can't get the details on point.

Tired, might write it again if I can get a nap in. I think that I can, and it would really improve my day. Exhausted. It is a romantic and humorous thing that happened to me. Nice way of meeting a girl, I'll see her again someday soon.

Yesterday, I had a good day. I went to hot yoga, exhausted myself. Just had like 3 breakfasts today still hungry and so much water. I was a mess last night, exhausted.

I am trying to push myself to do stuff so I was reading for a while, then went to the mall. I was on xanax, I'm adjusting to klonopin and smoked a lot of weed I was pretty out of sorts, but myself. I wanted to get out for a bit.

I got there and I was having so much social anxiety that I didn't leave my car for 15 min. Felt paralyzed. I was going to drive home, didn't see the point. Then I kinda forced myself to go in, none of the usual shops just candles cause I'm out. It's a nice romantic shop that is long and narrow and I like the tapered candles. It was only her and I at the back of the shop, talking about candles. She was cheerful, didn't realize she was also hot for a moment cause I was in my own little world a bit. And how we knew each other from the holidays but like there's no way you'd remember someone from that long ago unless they stood out.

Then when I was paying for my acidfreak shrine candles she suddenly became very seductive towards me. She asked me for my name and we talked a bit. I stopped talking so much lol I was a little nervous. Cause she was pressuring me just a little bit, but then she'd know how to calm me down too. I Her aura was suddenly totally sexual and flirtatious and I was like... uhhh... want to be friends? Haha. Like I clearly noticed and didn't know what to say, she noticed and she was helping me out a bit cause she probably thinks it's cute that I'm clueless like that. She's just like, I'll be around! and I said that I was looking for a similar job and she's straight up like drop off your resume. I don't know if she wants the phone number on it or what but I will, to her.

The attraction was crazy we would deffff get a little frisky no question. Especially when I go back not so wrecked that I can do a lil seducing too. I don't really need to do anything she likes me. She must really like me it's chill. I just gotta read by that candlelight. I was extremely anxious, after 5 heavy bong tokes and I hadn't had benzos and she was calming me down with her voice and bright smile. Damn. She didn't care that I was that way. So seductive. She must be reallllly attracted to me or something I don't get it. Although, I am very self conscious and with this platinum blonde hair fashionable conch piercings and all the yoga I have never looked better imo.

I'll just be chill and go in whenever I need a couple candles. Bring my resume, go at times that are not busy. Damn she'd be fun to chill with, and yeah pretty good of me that this happened. It wasn't easy at the time, kind of heated really. I like where ths is going.

 

[Squeaky]

Hopefreegirl- It sounds like you?re making a mountain out of a molehill.
Big cuts were a bad plan. It?s hard to cut very small amounts, so you?re dissolving your pills to make precise small cuts more feasable. That all makes good sense. But the whole feathering idea sounds like way more stress than it is worth.
The reason Ashton chooses Valium is it stays in your blood for a long time. If you dose 3 times a day you won?t feel a crash between doses like you might on something like Ativan. The point of lowering your dose over time is to SLOWLY and at your own pace, give your brain time to rewire itself back to normal without ruining your life in the process. Valuim?s long half life will get you through a day, maybe three when you?re at the far end if your taper. But not right now.
You want your life back. Maintaining a complicated algorithm of doses based on a ?feathering? plan of titrated benzos is not going to get you there. It will have you thinking non-stop about your pills, and that?s no way to live.
Start over. Figure out one benzo to work with. The one that solves most of your problems or the one you have the best access to. Figure out what daily dose will get life liveable again, even if it means you?re upping your dose a little, and start there. Then go back to the Asthon method. Don?t start liquid titration again until the doses are too small for simply breaking pills.
The whole point of Asthton?s plan is to taper slowly without withdrawls. If your life is going to be unliveable during this process, then you might as well cold turkey this crap and be done ASAP.

 

[Painful One]

Haha! I knew that was going to happen shroomy. i don't think you have to worry about doing much with the ladies. They are coming to you! Lol!

When you feel good enough and up to it, you know there are women all around who want you. Give yourself a little credit.
You have been doing a great job of getting yourself into shape and taking care of yourself!

You need that kind of a lady, one who is able to calm you down with her voice and smile. You know there are others out there who have social anxiety and chronic pain and who understand about the horrific up's and down's.
At this point I think you just really need to have some sex. It does not have to be a big deal.

Sorry uncomfortablynumb9 - I have no experience with subs. I am sure you can find someone on here who is doing a sub taper though. Post up a thread. I wish you well.

Hopefreegirl- I would not taper the benzo's so quickly. Why not just hold where you are at for awhile? Sounds like you have come off a lot very fast. Too fast. My advise would be to hold where you are for quite awhile. I'm only on 1mg clonazepam and I realized that would take me a year to come off just 1 mg (if I did not want to hurt myself doing it). Why do you feel like you need to come off those so quickly?

Squeaky, I hope you are doing alright.

Pass the bong shroomy!

 

[ShroomySatori]

She is lovely. I agree about the sex. You are so right about that and I already came to that conclusion months ago, no girlfriend looking.

The way I am going about it is thinking more about the job since she said drop off a resume when I said I was looking for a similar job. Even if she's not there she'll get it and then I have something to talk to her about either way. I think I should do this tonight because it will show interest in the job and maybe I will run into her and just because I have the benzos to at least be somewhat normal.

I'm an anxiety ridden mess though I can't keep taking benzo doses that high so I'm going to have to just deal with it somehow. It's horrible so far and I hope the klonopin accumulates and has a stronger effect in a couple more days. The anxiety makes it seem way worse than it is. I hope I can make it there tonight as it is the ideal time to drop off a resume. I'm paralyzed by this anxiety now I've been trying to get dressed.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Best thing is to get out the door Shroomy, it usually works for me. I feel much better after leaving the house or going to work

 

[Squeaky]

Great advice Throwdown. When I used to be hungover every morning I would just force myself-shower.....coffee....out the door.....down the freeway.....work.
I made it through about ten years of just struggling through getting out the door. It really does work.