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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Marina909- What really matters is how it?s affect YOU. It sounds like you have been taking this for a long time, so your brain has been rewired to be ?normal? with this level of this drug in your blood every day. It seems you are acutely sensitive to the wd?s , so you will need to go slow and allow your brain to rewire itself to function normally without the drug.
First: Only you can decide how much you can handle. Don?t let the Dr push you into tapering too fast. You?re going to have some withdrawls, but the plan is to make them something you can live with. You have to get used to a bit if unusual sweating or insomnia from time to time.
Research the Ashton Method. It details a pretty good plan for getting off Benzos. In that you are supposed to switch to Valium, but you can do it with what you?re currently taking. It just means shaving pills to get the correct amounts.
Check to find out if they make your meds in smaller dosages. That would make it essier.
Try not to drop by more than 10% per day.
So If you had been taking a total of 37.5 mg per day, drop to about 34 mg per day total and stay at ghat level until 99% if your wd?s are gone.
 
I don't remember the past week. Things are getting worse. It'll be over soon I'm too ,messed up. Lost the desire to live. I don't even work I am such scum. Not much longer. I can hold out and I probably have enough xanax to fall asleep tonight. I got some really nice chron. I will enjoy and smoke that weed and pop those bars until my dying day. Never take another opiate though, for closure. I only see one point of ever using them again. Gonna clean that bong and enjoy getting lit. Pop some xanax and pass out. It's a social Friday night in this world of hell. I wish I never lived it. It hasn't been worth anything at the end of the day suffering overpowered love completely here. There is nothing left and I'm too tired to rebuild. People don't know that I'm going to die soon.
 
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So far, i am comfortable for the first time in a long time and don't feel that intrusive chemical claws in my brain feeling. I feel somewhat free, I know that this is just temporary, an illusion maybe. I have done a stupid thing by putting myself on slow release morphine, while like subutex taken by the propper ROI there is no 'hit' to lookforward to. I have all the cappsules divided up into daily doeses which at the moment is just to get me to a stable does of 90mg per day. There after i mean to reduce to 60mgs. I am going this alone as I can't ask my flatmate to hold the capsules for me, that would be unfair on him and this is my problem, my idea, my mess. I managed to stop alcohol after 30 years, but that was with help from a community alcohol detox and the regime of group meeetings. I am frightened and alone, I need help and guidence. I want to be part of a community. I would like to help give back on here by replying to other peoples posts where I feel i can be knowlegable. But right now my social anxiety extends to the keyboard and screen and I finding it hard to write coherently. Im not sure that i am using this forum correctly please point out if I am making mistakes. I have read the rules and instructions. There is a lot of good info here and it feels like a safe pace. I have avoided many internet forums because of the abuse you get instantly for expressing an opinion different tothat of others. --- but back to my original point. I think i have made a massive and foolhardy error with this morphine. --If someone where to ask my advise on what to do in a simular situation i would suggest they simply taper thier dose of subutex but very slowly, If you have a plan setup with a care coordinator/key worker get them to take you seriously that you want to reduce and not simply maintain. Maintenance has its usefullness which is to settle into a habit and go about life functioning. However for me once life, emotions etc are as stable as are likley to be it is important to start a reduction regime. This takes a lot of will power on your part as likely the perscribers will likely not want the added bother of supervising your reduction as they will see it upsetting the apple cart and possibly spoil thier successfull statitics. You may need to ask them repeatedly to reduce you. This is just my opinion based on my experiences, but I have seen it so many times someone gets stable on a does of buprenorphine or methedone and gets left there as a functioning addict. I am more ambitious as I would like to see life without having to go the pharmacy regularily and to control my brain chemistry through eating well and excersise as nature intended. (excuse my rambling here, hopefully my writing will improve as I practice more)
 
I am thinking of using heroin again. I can get it pretty easily. When I was sniffing good dope, that was the only time in my life I was functional enough to work. Life was great, and I was happy then. I didn't have a miserable, irritating sex drive and that placated me. I didn't abuse benzos at alll, either, when I had dope as I know of the overdose risk. I took a few mg of ativan a day, something like that back then I didn't see it as a means to escape at all. It's not even 6am and I have popped 10mg of alprazolam. The natural course of my life shall be to be found dead in a basement, these fucking fools who think they know me having no idea I do anything more than weed. As the xanax kicks in I should feel tranquilized and not viciously angry anymore. But I forgot to smoke a second sesh before the crepes I made for breakfast so it's probably that. I am drugs. I had a decent upbringing, got a scholarship and degree I would be really proud of if I didn't despise myself, and then all the while I was developing drug habits because I didn't know how to talk to a giirl which has turned out to be the death of me until weed and alcohol and ecstasy and cocaine and meth didn't cut it they just fucked me up even more I tried psychedelics at the time the fucked me up even more I hurt my back lost my shit entirely and within a year I was dipping my finger into xanax powder not caring how much I was taking and snorting dope. It's a shame I am still here to write this miserable shit.
I will smoke some bong, and feel chill for a bit. There isn't much time life and I had a great sesh in the car this morning, a solid 10 bong tokes or so before sunrise. I need another ht though.
 
Anyways I get like that lots of things can cheer me up. I get like that when I need a benzo dose too, or a hit of bong.

So this morning I am listening to tuned I like. I am going to get dressed up fashionably just as if I was going to work, and hit up a yoga class. I only have an hour and a half so I'm going to have to really push myself but it will be worth it. I already had a heavy breakfast of crepes and smoked enough weed to hold me over til the pre yoga sesh. I start thinking more positively when I take a little xanax and especially smoke some chron. The zans will make me depressed if I take more than I need or anxiety but the more pot the better.

I actually feel great. I should definitely hydrate because this is a busy class and a very intense one. Anyways, gotta rush, shower, get dressed get my gym-type stuff ready it should be a good day. At least today I am going to make an effort for it to be a good day and I really feel like doing yoga just gotta rush now at the last minute decision. I've been up sine 5am so it will be sick like a lunchtime class really. But the best time to do yoga is in the morning. I'm already sore especially from holding my body up with my hands in different positions and stretching my shoulders but whatever. I'll push myself at something I know I can do and feel better about it and the crepes won't leave me feel too tired to drive home.



anyways I owned the yoga class. There are chicks that like me there, pretty damn up fromt about it too. There’s a girl I like at the healthy smoothie plce I go after. It is a nice part of town. I’m just chillin after that green bowl of yummy kale fruit superfood whatevwe and having a tall black coffee. I need to count my xanax. It is the only benzo other than etizolam I abuse the fuck out of. Anyways, just checking in while having a coffee date with myself :_(
 
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Hubby just gave me 10 - 40s said I have to make them last 20 days . Ughh. That means to do that 20mg a day .. But I know I?ll end up having a few fun days and a few 10 mg days . Im just such a wimp , I know we need to stop just cant make the jump , always have an excuse , have to work , cant be sick yet etc. Vicous cycle. We both are hooked and we waste so much money on these damn pills. Rant over lol.
 
xScrew 20mg oxy in one dose let alone a day! For me it would be day 1: 80mg and hardcore 12 hour nod. day 2: 160mg and energized nice high. Wake up sick. day 3: Take the remaining 160mg and feel okay, until I don't. Back to square one, possible week of hell, definite week of useless lethargy and recovery. I wish I had money to spend on clothing and more health foods and normal stuff. I feel that I don't have it in me to get a job, and I never will, and things are only going to get worse, so why even bother anymore or be around to see myself completely ruined when at this point I'm at least hot and creative, have guitars to play, weed to smoke, a university essay to write for money (typical hustle for drug money... the heat is on them anyway), and might crack a smile every few days.

Now I better get start on this paper I so don't want to do it. I gotta read several research articles of some shit and write a few thousand words. Getting an ounce of chron though leaving me with less stress over benzo money. The drugs are so distracting I don't have time to do anything constructive. Then why not change? I don't know. I guess I don't care enough. Ruined my life.

Best job I've ever had really. Best feedback too, like I was actually good at something. The man with the wizard papers. lol. Dude was psyched and I upped the trade of course. More chron. Desperate rich kids will pay ridiculous sums of money for last minute research papers they are too lazy and/or stupid to do in time. This is what supported a lot of my dope habit. Was hoping not to get back into this because it's not really something you can put on a resume it's so damn tempting though $$$$ but otherwise I will run out of cannabis. And that is not fun at all for me, is it now? I like that I'm always learning too it's really cool. Never knew about this shit when I was in school. There was something called work ethic back then.
 
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Shroomy since you enjoy the yoga studio you should see if they need any office help or maintenance or even instructor , that place seems to bring you peace . Thats pretty cool you can make money writing uni papers :) Hope you are having a good day , positive mind attitude my friend :)
 
Hey everyone for xmas my parents got me a gift certificate for one of those isolation floating tanks. I guess you float in high content salt water (1000lbs of epsom salt, so much salt you float even more than the Dead Sea ) , no light , no music , just 100 degrees salt water . Its supposed to help with depression, muscle aches etc. Anybody ever been or have any feedback ? I booked my 90 minute float for later this week super excited :)
I hope will help reset my mind and lift my light depression to get me off these damn Oxys.
 
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Larimar, it is 630 and I finally have a moment to think. I'm a wreck, weed dude asked for paper at just the right time8( when I have no fucking weed!!

You are giving me these ideas that I am already trying to do lol. Yeah they have a program at the yoga studio where you get free yoga to volunteer, I got a call back about that yesterday. It would be sweet volunteer work.

Actually kinda did, I only have 5 more xanax's so I can't get numb today. I hope to hel I can get some tomorrow... not thinking about that. I will get them. I took 2 bars 30 minutes ago so I'm still really anxious... I waited out the 6 hours so I am in a state of panic.

I was really stressed about the essay. This isn't just some dude he's my buddy and we have a solid friendship so I can't promise to write an essay and then not do it. I'm getting chron and so damn happy about that. Two strains of supposed very nice green... better be lol. Now all I gotta do is get xanax tomorrow and I am all set for a productive week.

And what tends to happen is word of mouth, my essay writing stuff is excellent and I might get some more hookups out of this paper. Just wish I had more than an afternoon to write it but I worked my brain harder than I have since I quit opiates. My body is getting healthy, my brain feels fried so if I can get this going again it would be a great thing. Work from home too.

Wtffffffff those are amazing. Vice with Hamilton Morris has a documentary about those with Joe Rogan. Rogan used isolation tanks a lot. Never tried one before I think I'd have a panic attack.
 
I have had the best relationship with DMT out of any psychedelic. Funny how I used that noun but it definitely was a relationship of sorts. It had a feminine vibe to it I found but it's hard to explain since it changes by the second and can be different every time. The spirit girl I've seen 4 times cuddled up to me when I was laying on my back on DMT and I could feel her and also somehow see her looking the other way and her bratty smirk cause she knows I think I hit a little much. But that I will still be good after I calm down for about a day. The things I have seen on that drug are beautiful, and really intense. It can be hard to remember and last time I used it I was with two friends and we all had great experiences and I took a heavy dose and apparently I was took the whole time out loud. I Thought I was thinking but I had weird sensation and asked i I had been talking. Yeah... the whole time.

That stuff is crazy and all the faces and shapes and entities and geometric petterns and how it feels like it is doing something to your brain subconsciously I fully trust whatever it is doing. It is smooth to hit from a dab rig for hash but mine was confiscated when I was in the midst of a mental breakdown. Dammt.

What really stood out though was 2c-c last year while being clean it was crazy. Like seeing the world for the first time, I noticed today that I was paying attention to little things like the amount of snow and things about the car and like doing random university assignments can be really fun when you get used to the feeling of having to rush a bit. I seem to have more awareness now.

But yeah on 2c-c when I closed my eyes I saw more vivid spirit type faces than on dmt ever. I also saw a rotating, vivid red rose with green petals in the black void. It was amazing.

I don't know. I feel good I guess. Kinda sad without a job and a girl but I got 2 strains of chron to smoke for doing that essay and also I enjoyed doing that and hope I can get a real hustle going and be doing a few assignments a day. Like stoner dude said dude you killed it. I should feel better about myself than I do.

I got soooo stoned tonight the whole point was I was running out of weed and he randomly hit me up and was like essay for chron. There was a time this weekend that was really strange I mean I had a lot of luck. I was able to do small hustles and get money together so that I can get benzos and weed. But now I'm already getting another assignment on the way. Pays for the weed.

Iunno something is def wrong with me but I am highly stoned at the moment and I very much hope I can get benzos soon cause I have 5 left it really isn't much. Scary. Honestly fucking terrifying.

I'm really stoned and I'm seeing something very similar to what I would perceive on 2c--c. When I get really stoned I get the same pastel hue visuals and word shifting that I would on a low dose. It's pretty cool and I think I have been so unstable lately because I took Mdma. I took a huge amount of that and this was what like a week ago. Two weeks? I really don't know but that stuff messes me up. I feel like it made me so burnt out for a while and talking to people was really awkward if I had to. That stuffed I think mssed my head up a bit. There is no way railing 300mg being a once a year user didn't get fried. I am feeling better I just really can't feel good until I have more benzos it's terrifying.
 
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/\mdma is a serious drug man, it's definitely no lightweight shit. I can promise you that it is impacting in a lot of ways that are not good. I say this as a friend who has seen myself and others cause a lot of harm to themselves in attempts of having fun.. some have lifelong struggles now because of heavy mdma use. I guess I escaped mostly unharmed in the sense that I can't tell the difference one way or another, but every action has consequences. Play now to pay later. Feel good now to hurt later. Not to mention all the problems caused while high and then when not feeling good.

I spent a lot of time not only chasing a fleeting high, but a lot of time running from the withdrawals and comedowns. Using other drugs to mask the side effects of other drugs. Rinse and repeat daily for years.

It felt good to cry today. I felt like I was finally allowing myself to be honest with my feelings. Rather than trying to run from it, I accepted it and allowed it to happen. Even though it felt like I was losing control of my emotions as the tears started to fall, they didn't keep falling and the feelings passed. My face was wet with tears but I noticed I wasn't trying to run from and deny my own feelings. So even though it felt like I had lost control of my emotions, I was able to remain in control of my behavior.

It turns out I am sad and have been for a long time. Distraction has been my remedy but I am hoping to change that. It goes against most everything I believed about men as a teenager and a young man. Emotions do not make a person weak but denial of emotions will. Not all emotions or feelings demand an action or response. Sometimes there isn't much more to do beyond hold onto hope and keep pushing forward.
 
I take Mdma once a year now I'm good! Back in 2010, it was once a week, sometimes like 4 days in a row and shit. I'm not getting brain shocks while falling asleep... I'm good, thanks for the warning, came 8 years too late man and there's no getting through to me anyway.

I used to want to be high a lot more than I do now, despite use 'harder' drugs now. I want to be normal. Normal, or close to it, is so under-rated until you aren't anymore.

Yeah crying is good. ! I always do alone now my past girl used to hate seeing that made her feel it too. I haven't cried yet today... my cannabis tolerance is too low, bong freshly cleaned, essay done, and I have a solid half ounce of chron, and the xanax is peaking so I'm not panicking. I'm only panicking about not getting more today as I have three left and that would really not be fun. I'm nervous about that, otherwise feeling pretty good. I was probably depressed for a week after I rolled because of that, the high was extreme you just know that things will never be the same. Not my first rodeo lol.
 
Hey friends I am really really nervous about something. I find myself with two xanax bars left. I took a 3rd this morrning because I was still freaking out a couple hours later. All the valium and klonopin is out of my system so the interdose withdrawals have been bad. I hear people with anxiety get that withdrawal the worst and I can handle cold turkey dope withdrawal but panic attacks are the death of me. I freak. Every time I think I am going to have a heart attack. Opiate withdrawal is WAY worse than tapering short acting benzos from what I've experienced this past month or two when my years-supply finally ran dry.

So I really very much hope that my guardians angels are around? I do want to get better, you know. Really really nervous but as soon as I get more and the full 6mg kicks in I should be okay... I figured I would post this because if I can't get a benzo within several hours it would be a medical emergency.
 
Hey Shoomy, how long have you been taking alprazolam daily for and what is your daily dose? It looks as though you're getting it unprescribed so no steady/constant supply which sucks (I've been there). Is there no way you can speak to your doctor about benzo use? I was self medicating for years then when I finally went to my doctor and they ended up prescribing me benzos after trying beta blockers, SSRIs and therapy. It kind of taught me how to use them a bit better as I knew I had a certain amount to last me a certain amount of time.
 
Desmond7- Don?t worry about using this forum wrong. If you screw it up badly the mods will delete your post. This thread is specifically for tapering and all the crap that goes with it, so you?re in the right place.
My advice to anyone in your position is to pick the drug you have the best access to. In case this tapering takes longer than expected you don?t want to start in a drug that you have a very limited supply when there is something very close to it you can get for free and never run out.
Either way right now you?re on morphine. It takes time for the old stuff to really get out of your system. Some people transition from one opiate to another with no side effects. I personally get to withdrawl from the first drug with only getting a little help from the new drug I?m taking. Sounds like you?re like me and you will have a few more days(or even weeks ) of lingering wd symptoms from the bupe. That?s OK. Once you?re past that part it will get a lot easier.
Next , write down your plan on paper. Each day how much morphine you will need. Plan for the worst, hope for the best. Remember the amount you drop should be counted as a percentage. Dropping from 5 mg to 2.5 mg will possibly be way worse than dropping from 10 mg to 7.5 mg.. The first one is a %50 reduction, the second is only %25 reduction and it will probably hurt less. Plan out a very long taper and then start planning how you?re going to get these meds. Start stocking up if possible. Lie to your Dr about how much you?re really taking and get a bigger prescription.
Try to get someone to hold your pills. Eventually your brain will associate something positive with the morphine and sticking to your taper will be very difficult. Swallow your pride and beg if necessary. This will be way easier with help.
Don?t rely in your Dr. He is human, and flawed. You need him for lots of things, but maybe asking him to help you taper would backfire. You don?t have to take the pills he prescribes. Maybe sell or trade them to buy the morphine?... There?s a world of great information. Thank God for the internet.
Find stuff to consume your time. Sitting around bored usually kills my taper.
Good luck and keep us posted!!!!!
 
Desmond7- I use morphine (MS Contin) for severe chronic pain/ injury and it is a good medication. I am currently having to go a day without it today as my doctor is not working Monday's anymore and I did not know that, so I can't get into my doctor until tomorrow.
I have found that loperamide will actually hold me over pretty comfortably for a day. I have heard of some people being able to come off opiates with the help of loperamide. You certainly would not want to use the loperamide for very long but it is easy to taper.
The loperamide is toxic and can cause heart problems so read up on it.

Shroomy, good to hear you are starting to feel better. Nice work on using your brain again and getting it jump started. I am praying for you to get the benzo's you need. I am having to go without my clonazepam today too. I started to have a panic attack and I was able to throw it off by telling myself that I will not fear this. I do not panic. I do not have a spirit of fear. It is not welcome here!
Face it head on! You can taper those benzo's down to a manageable daily dosage. Just start taking a regular daily amount (considering how much you have been taking daily carefully) and then just start taking a daily set amount and you will adjust to that within a few days. I think you are causing yourself ALOT of rebound anxiety with the way you use those Xanax.

Squeaky, I sure hope you are feeling better and healing well from your surgery.

Larimar- that dark, hot, salt water thing sounds amazing! I do that on a smaller scale at home and it helps a lot!
I wish you well and hope you find peace.

Sending you all love
<3
 
Larimar said:
Hey everyone for xmas my parents got me a gift certificate for one of those isolation floating tanks. I guess you float in high content salt water (1000lbs of epsom salt, so much salt you float even more than the Dead Sea ) , no light , no music , just 100 degrees salt water . Its supposed to help with depression, muscle aches etc. Anybody ever been or have any feedback ? I booked my 90 minute float for later this week super excited :)
I hope will help reset my mind and lift my light depression to get me off these damn Oxys.
Click to expand...

I have done that many years ago. At first I was scared but I talked my way into it and it was heaven. Can be very trippy with visuals that your brain starts providing due to no outside stimuli coming in. The body float is like being in the womb again. I can't wait to hear about your experience.<3
 
Most importantly I got the xanax. I was beginning to lose my mind. Took ten of them, my system levels are so low. But that 20mg should hold me over until midnight or early morning. I've got enough for the week I am very grateful for this.

Painful One I deal with anxiety a lot worse than pain. I can't do much about it right now. I could, but it is not the right time and I'm not holding it off. I really need to get my life going and now that I can function without opiates I will have a job soon. Then, I can afford to taper myself off (way slower, this was stretching my supply so I didn't seize) so that is my plan and by that point I will have a lot of clean time. Already 7 weeks seems crazy it has been that long. By the way... I forget. The xanax is kicking in.

Squeaky bro hope you are well. You know when you first get that supply and hit it hard. That is kinda like what I do with benzos but it is only done once. I'm becoming very relaxed and I've been panicking for days and this morning was hell trying to get it.

Hope you are doing okay with your boyfriend stuff those are hard times for me.

Larimar I am still trying to volunteer at the yoga studio; they got back to me about it. Would be fun.
 
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