Positive The Tapering Support Thread v 2.0

[Squeaky]

Is that certain? I mean, I've been smoking this stuff since I was twelve and never considered myself stupid. I can't remember shit these days, that's tough, it hurts people when you don't remember you were talking to them last week, so I'm just avoiding people now.
I thought if I could just detox then my memory would all come back intact. It has before.

I don’t really know. Obviously while you’re stoned you probably won’t remember much. The brain damage comment was more of a joke. Ultimately it’s really a personal choice. Some can function really well on it, some just can’t. I guess the only way to know would be to quit for a couple of months and see if life gets better or worse. But it doesn’t matter how great your memory is when you quit.... if you’re so stressed that you jump in front of a bus (and remember your ascent to heaven).

 

[Squeaky]

It’s been almost a year since I quit using my oxy 30’s. I still use a lot of Percocet’s for 5 or 6 days each month. I still take Kratom several times per day. I still have mild wd’s when the Kratom wears off. BUT......

Today was the first time in several years that I actually felt like I could walk away from it all and not suffer. I took a dose of Kratom because it was time, not because I was suffering in wd and desperately wanted it to stop. It was more of a ‘want’ than a ‘need’.

Honestly I think I broke the chan of being “physically addicted” to opiates 11 months ago, but it took all of this time for me to get here. My guess is that it probably would have been smarter to quit cold turkey, but somehow I feel like it still would have taken 11 months to get here.

For the record: I’m not done, but this was huge

 

[papercuts]

It’s been almost a year since I quit using my oxy 30’s. I still use a lot of Percocet’s for 5 or 6 days each month. I still take Kratom several times per day. I still have mild wd’s when the Kratom wears off. BUT......

Today was the first time in several years that I actually felt like I could walk away from it all and not suffer. I took a dose of Kratom because it was time, not because I was suffering in wd and desperately wanted it to stop. It was more of a ‘want’ than a ‘need’.

Honestly I think I broke the chan of being “physically addicted” to opiates 11 months ago, but it took all of this time for me to get here. My guess is that it probably would have been smarter to quit cold turkey, but somehow I feel like it still would have taken 11 months to get here.

For the record: I’m not done, but this was huge

Well done Squeaky. You've often said the mental part of it goes on a long time.
We are trained to work towards time off.
In life we are "being good" when we work hard, do our max, then chill and feel good after. So we work really hard at not doing our DOC and after a while we start wondering what happened to getting our reward at the end of all that effort?
It's a different reward.

 

[Squeaky]

Well done Squeaky. You've often said the mental part of it goes on a long time.
We are trained to work towards time off.
In life we are "being good" when we work hard, do our max, then chill and feel good after. So we work really hard at not doing our DOC and after a while we start wondering what happened to getting our reward at the end of all that effort?
It's a different reward.

Sometimes the reward is just not feeling like crap

 

[Squeaky]

Prescription day again...... let’s see if I screw it up again.

I have been doing the same kind of stupid every month. Burning through my pills in a few days. But it is getting easier. A year ago I was doing the same thing and suffering for 3 weeks in between. Last month I was only really miserable for a couple of days, and I’m pretty sure that it had more to do with getting used to having something to look forward to.

I wake up and take a bunch of pills and I know the morning will be easy. A bunch more at lunch and I know the afternoon will be very comfortable. Same at dinner and I know I’ll sleep good. After a few days, that’s my new routine. After I’m out..... I get terrified that I won’t be able to function. Once I get back into the habit of NOT having them, I’m fine. No real physical wd’s after that. It feels like the majority of my addiction is psychological.

This feels like several years ago when I quit drinking soda. I just wanted it and I didn’t even know why. A lifetime of opening a can whenever I wanted and it felt like a prison sentence when I couldn’t have it. Life is hard enough, but giving up something you love (even when you know it’s really bad for you) makes is sooooo much harder.

 

[hylite]

I don't want to ever quit all at once, ever again. So less is actually so much more now. So now when I run out it's not going to hurt that much at all.
And seems to help tremendously when it needs to. So win, win. I doubt it. But I still win.
I am just really really really choosy about what I like to take. So that's what saves me.
I just hate the thought of taking bupes or gabapentin. So I couldn't do it anyway. Life is unfair at times but it doesn't have to be my choice.
Anyway taper is the most healthiest program for me. And basically less painful from that perspective. Well worked for me imho.
And to all, have a wonderful day when you may. And I am thankful for an effort to at least be able to try.

 

[Hippy Flower Fairy]

I've bassicly quit K, co codamol and tapentadol very fast, first went the tapentadol, I wasn't on for more than a month or so maybe 6 weeks, switched to soma, then cold turkey off the co codamol 8 days ago was on that fucking ages, but had soma left was taking them few weeks 2 a day mostly occasionally 3, yesterday had my last one, today I've had nothing as only got 6 x 10mg of vallies left which I normally take 50mg at night but in the last 2 nights it's been 30mg and 20mg promethazine, I'm waiting on vallies that should of arrived by now, shit what if they don't come, this vendor is normally on time, once I went into withdrawal for a few days as ran out as the vallies took 2 weeks to arrive as the person put wrong postage on it so I got a card through the post to go sorting office to pay for it, which I obviously couldn't pay fast enough as soon as I saw the littke packet I knew it was my vallies

If it has looks like cold turkey off vallies if it happens again or if they've been lost or something

 

[papercuts]

Seems we are all waiting for goodies to arrive, mine are two days late now, there's definitely a joke in there somewhere, who's having the party with our meds? If I could think.
Like for all they know I'm two days into withdrawal by now, except I'd phone if that were the case obvs.

 

[bbaby01]

Every month I play the same game in my head:

About a week or 5 days before my refill, I say to myself that I don’t need the pills. I’m doing good enough with only Kratom and weed. I’ll save the pills for an emergency, or to help someone else in need.

The day before my refill, I plan out how I’m going to only use them to help me relax. Maybe I’ll only use them on the weekends. I do some math..... 4 pills per day= 28 per week.... divided by 2 means I can have 14 per day on Saturday and Sunday if I stick to Kratom and weed during the week. That way I won’t run out.

The morning of my refill I’m promising myself that I won’t use them because I am convinced that my weekends-only plan is solid.

But on my way to the pharmacy....... my plans change by the minute. By the time I get my full bottle of pills, I’m saying “Just once and then I’ll stick to the weekends-only plan. By that night I’m saying “Just one day. Tomorrow I’ll stick to the plan”. By the next morning I’m saying “Well, a day is actually 24 hours. SO, I’ll take some more but I’ll stop after lunch.”

3 days later I’m running out. I say I’ll taper off over the next few days but I don’t taper at all. By day 5 I’m almost out of pills and I say “Well.... if it’s going to suck anyway.... I might as well enjoy one last good day” and I use all of the last of my pills. I say I’ll be tough and it won’t suck too bad tomorrow if I just focus on work.

But that first day back to work is a bitch!! It takes me about 2 weeks to get back to feeling normal-ish (only having weed and Kratom). I see all of my mistakes very clearly and try to make plans again for the following month to not run out. I fail every time.

I can’t let go if that prescription. I’m addicted for sure, but also in legitimate pain. I know that I’m going to have to quit someday, but today is not that day. And tomorrow doesn’t look good either.

This is EXACTLY what I do. Wish I could actually follow through

 

[Squeaky]

This is EXACTLY what I do. Wish I could actually follow through

Yep. Did it again. In record time this time. 3 1/2 days and my script is GONE.

Unbelievable, it gets easier as I use more. 6 months ago my script was lasting about 10 days and I was absolutely miserable for about 3-4 days when it ran out. I got smart (or maybe just less stupid) and I told my Dr to cut me back a few months ago. Went from 6 perc’s per day to only 4 now. I still use a huge amount daily, but I’m running out a lot faster. This time I ran out after 3 1/2 days and it sucks, but nothing compared to when I made it last for 10 days.

Seems it doesn’t matter as much if I’m using a lot or a little, as long as I only use them for a short time. Mostly right now I’m dealing with some depression, constipation, and a little random hot flashes. Maybe I’m menopausal? HA!!

 

[papercuts]

Yep. Did it again. In record time this time. 3 1/2 days and my script is GONE.

Unbelievable, it gets easier as I use more. 6 months ago my script was lasting about 10 days and I was absolutely miserable for about 3-4 days when it ran out. I got smart (or maybe just less stupid) and I told my Dr to cut me back a few months ago. Went from 6 perc’s per day to only 4 now. I still use a huge amount daily, but I’m running out a lot faster. This time I ran out after 3 1/2 days and it sucks, but nothing compared to when I made it last for 10 days.

Seems it doesn’t matter as much if I’m using a lot or a little, as long as I only use them for a short time. Mostly right now I’m dealing with some depression, constipation, and a little random hot flashes. Maybe I’m menopausal? HA!!

Is that progress? I suppose it is if you've less suffering when they run out. I still think you'd benefit from switching to patches. I'm still struggling with a lot of other shit, a pain patch is basically perfect if you want opioid pain relief without the constant decisions of whether to take it or not. I completely forget my patch, sometimes I get wds starting that remind me I was supposed to have changed it already and forgot.
As for menopause, I can confirm that the hot flashes are just like doing without opies for a few days, exact same horrible feeling. I can't tell them apart at all.

 

[Squeaky]

Is that progress? I suppose it is if you've less suffering when they run out. I still think you'd benefit from switching to patches. I'm still struggling with a lot of other shit, a pain patch is basically perfect if you want opioid pain relief without the constant decisions of whether to take it or not. I completely forget my patch, sometimes I get wds starting that remind me I was supposed to have changed it already and forgot.
As for menopause, I can confirm that the hot flashes are just like doing without opies for a few days, exact same horrible feeling. I can't tell them apart at all.

One of the biggest mistakes I made in the beginning was breaking my pills into 1/4ths and taking a little every 2 hours. It sounded like a solid plan: start at a tiny dose every 2 hours, then stretch it to three hours, then 4, etc. In reality I was arranging it so that I had a constant supply of oxy in my blood. After two days of that, I couldn’t function at all if I missed a dose. Horrible wd’s every two hours. Based on that experience I think patches would be a mistake because when they run out I would probably be in way worse shape than what I’m in now (and I know I would just put on two or 3 patches at a time).

The only real solution here is abstinence. No Kratom, no weed, no alcohol, nothing. I just don’t know how to make that happen with my daily responsibilities at home and work. I use something for pain, something for sleep, something else for stress..... but the something for sleep causes stress the next morning, the something for pain caused insomnia, the something for stress neutralizes the something for pain. It’s just an endless circle of suck.

I’m really close to cancelling my next Dr appt. My mind keeps telling me there’s another solution, but that’s probably not true. If I can get to that point I’ll be home free. I know I’m close, but this last little step might take me a year. It’s just so easy to NOT take that final step even though right now it feels like the most difficult (and stupid) thing I have ever done.

 

[Squeaky]

s for menopause, I can confirm that the hot flashes are just like doing without opies for a few days, exact same horrible feeling. I can't tell them apart at all

I always wondered what menopause must be like. I guess I have a better understanding now. Being outside on a cold day, sweating AND freezing, wanting to take my coat off just so I can dry my shirt but can’t because it’s too cold.

All I can say is women don’t get enough credit for all of the crap they deal with just to keep our species alive.

 

[papercuts]

I always wondered what menopause must be like. I guess I have a better understanding now. Being outside on a cold day, sweating AND freezing, wanting to take my coat off just so I can dry my shirt but can’t because it’s too cold.

All I can say is women don’t get enough credit for all of the crap they deal with just to keep our species alive.

I think you must be a woman in disguise, you describe hot flashes so well
I get what you say about patches, I very rarely double up, I don't think of it because bupe isn't such a fun opioid as percs or oxys. But if you've already thought it before getting a single patch, you're probably right about it. What I can say about the patches though is that they are very steady, there can sometimes be a slight lift when you change to a new one, but most times there is no difference, no tapering off with the old patch, no uplift with the new patch. So you have no sinking into your chair at first and no bad feeling following it. For fun I have other things. For pain relief I have patches.

 

[bbaby01]

Yep. Did it again. In record time this time. 3 1/2 days and my script is GONE.

Unbelievable, it gets easier as I use more. 6 months ago my script was lasting about 10 days and I was absolutely miserable for about 3-4 days when it ran out. I got smart (or maybe just less stupid) and I told my Dr to cut me back a few months ago. Went from 6 perc’s per day to only 4 now. I still use a huge amount daily, but I’m running out a lot faster. This time I ran out after 3 1/2 days and it sucks, but nothing compared to when I made it last for 10 days.

Seems it doesn’t matter as much if I’m using a lot or a little, as long as I only use them for a short time. Mostly right now I’m dealing with some depression, constipation, and a little random hot flashes. Maybe I’m menopausal? HA!!

I pick up my prescription tomorrow. Oxycodone 10mg 6x a day.
I have severe neuropathy along with a couple other ailments. I get prescribed 270 300mg gabapentin also but I never take them due to them upsetting my stomach. So I just stockpile them and have like 37 bottles of the stuff.
I need to do better . Lol

 

[Squeaky]

I pick up my prescription tomorrow. Oxycodone 10mg 6x a day.
I have severe neuropathy along with a couple other ailments. I get prescribed 270 300mg gabapentin also but I never take them due to them upsetting my stomach. So I just stockpile them and have like 37 bottles of the stuff.
I need to do better . Lol

I’m using around 30+ perc’s per day when I get mine filled. Then I feel like crap for a few days (probably from all of the Tylenol). I only really enjoy them the first day. After that I’m really only keeping my wd’s down and stressing about my liver. Then afterwards I feel pretty awful for two days while my liver recovers.

It’s not as hopeless as before, when I was going through 600 mg per day oxy for a week. Damn Kratom has my tolerance really high.

 

[Squeaky]

I think you must be a woman in disguise, you describe hot flashes so well
I get what you say about patches, I very rarely double up, I don't think of it because bupe isn't such a fun opioid as percs or oxys. But if you've already thought it before getting a single patch, you're probably right about it. What I can say about the patches though is that they are very steady, there can sometimes be a slight lift when you change to a new one, but most times there is no difference, no tapering off with the old patch, no uplift with the new patch. So you have no sinking into your chair at first and no bad feeling following it. For fun I have other things. For pain relief I have patches.

Yeah, it sucks lying in bed. Sheets on, sheets off, fan on, fan off. Finally getting up in the morning and my bed is damp. At least I don’t have to worry about my makeup!

 

[bbaby01]

I’m using around 30+ perc’s per day when I get mine filled. Then I feel like crap for a few days (probably from all of the Tylenol). I only really enjoy them the first day. After that I’m really only keeping my wd’s down and stressing about my liver. Then afterwards I feel pretty awful for two days while my liver recovers.

It’s not as hopeless as before, when I was going through 600 mg per day oxy for a week. Damn Kratom has my tolerance really high.

Yeah that’s crazy. I use about 90-120 mg a day. So not quite as bad but still over the allotted 60mg .
I wish I had the strength to talk to my dr but I know that it will label me and then when I need the pain meds because I have a chronic pain condition I won’t get them and I’ll forever be miserable .

 

[Squeaky]

Yeah that’s crazy. I use about 90-120 mg a day. So not quite as bad but still over the allotted 60mg .
I wish I had the strength to talk to my dr but I know that it will label me and then when I need the pain meds because I have a chronic pain condition I won’t get them and I’ll forever be miserable .

That’s EXACTLY where I have been living for a few years now.

 

[papercuts]

I am still trying to taper but I am just mentally drained from it right now so I am acting like I am on a break.

Or I am telling myself I just want to be on a break from this right now so I am taking a break from it today.

I can't wait until 'bedtime' so I can nod off to sleep again and try to feel better too !!

Mentally drained, that'll get you every time, if there's a solution I want it too.
I've been kinda spiralling downhill the last week or so. I can't seem to tell what day it is until after I feel better, so I dose up a bit, then I realise I'm days early on that dose, oops.
Every way drained though, those withdrawals are back and kicking my ass. Like I'm sabotaging myself just before a trip again. Yeah, the thought brought me out in a sweat, I've not kept food down since Monday.
I'm a scared little woose running for the dope as soon as the real world comes into view.
At least I feel not as bad as yesterday, dying seemed appealling yesterday until I had my 6th or 7th attempt at taking the edge off it.
So nothing achieved with all that suffering, I'm really fucking this up again.