the sunflower

[wesmdow]

i think this is (close) to my final draft, its (obviously) a poem to my girlfriend whos birthday is... well technically its today... but for practical purposes its tomorrow.

anyway and critiques would be nice because id like to awe her.

My Sunflower

glint, glimmour, gleam
sheeny shiny shell;
the shell of a seed.

so it would seem
at times but a hell
with our veins beg to bleed~

but...
the cold little seed cracks shows a beam
roots twist down, leaves stem up to rebel;
she sees the sun--thats what she needs.

dry spells and wet, near a drying up stream
we fought and we grew and we learned to excell--
we crawled our way up, fought through the weeds,

now...
youre as bright as the sun, so fresh, so clean...
ablaze of orange, i can tell
we'll continue, move up, and succeed!

ciara keith--the most beautiful flower ill ever see,
you are my sunflower, our sunflower-- toghether we'll be.

 

[EntrenchdMentalist]

id like to awe her.

You will definitely awwwwwwwww her

 

[(Wordy)]

Is she a stickler for spelling?

If so, I would change "glimmour" to "glimmer", "excell" to "excel", "youre" to "you're" and "toghether" to "together".

To be grammatically correct, "ablaze" should be "a blaze", but on the other hand "ablaze" sort of works (poetically).

Other than that, I wouldn't change a damn thing. I'm sure she'll love it!

 

[wesmdow]

thanks wordy!