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The Suicide Support Thread

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There is a voice in my head. It is not audible, it's in my mind. It has just arrived. It's been bothering me for hours. I truly don't know if this was an indication of mental illness, or I'm just an idiot drunk. Perhaps both. But it keeps telling me to kill myself. It laughs at me. But I know that it's just my own voice talking, inside my head.

I debated within myself about bringing this up, but I need somebody to help me. I truly need somebody to help me. Please.

I'm wondering if I must be a bad person. That I deserve this. Really, I must be a complete jerk. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want my family to even say that I'm not mentally ill, that I'm just being this way. I don't WANT to be this way. And it's all my fault. I go through the day feeling like everything is my fault. I cannot step on an insect by accident without feeling bad about it. I can barely get through the day. I am losing it. That's me.
 
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blahman8000 said:
There is a voice in my head. It is not audible, it's in my mind. It has just arrived. It's been bothering me for hours. I truly don't know if this was an indication of mental illness, or I'm just an idiot drunk. Perhaps both. But it keeps telling me to kill myself. It laughs at me. But I know that it's just my own voice talking, inside my head.

I debated within myself about bringing this up, but I need somebody to help me. I truly need somebody to help me. Please.
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glad you opened up about what's going on...

i don't have much info or knowledge on these things, not as much as i wish i did, i wish i had answers for you.

are you only hearing these things while you're intoxicated?

i'm sure many people here can understand what you're feeling and have insight to share. it takes a lot of guts to be open about this stuff, so the fact that you have been honest so far and made this post shows that you're being courageous and watching out for yourself.

maybe you will get more detailed responses from more people, either way, feel free to PM me if you want to talk. i hope you're feeling okay and thanks for reaching out, so many people can't do that and that would be really tough.

i don't think you should be listening to this voice at all. i can tell you don't think so either.

<3
 
adrenalinerushes said:
glad you opened up about what's going on...

i don't have much info or knowledge on these things, not as much as i wish i did, i wish i had answers for you.

are you only hearing these things while you're intoxicated?

i'm sure many people here can understand what you're feeling and have insight to share. it takes a lot of guts to be open about this stuff, so the fact that you have been honest so far and made this post shows that you're being courageous and watching out for yourself.

maybe you will get more detailed responses from more people, either way, feel free to PM me if you want to talk. i hope you're feeling okay and thanks for reaching out, so many people can't do that and that would be really tough.

i don't think you should be listening to this voice at all. i can tell you don't think so either.

<3
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Thank you. Right now it seems to be when I'm not intoxicated when I hear it, but I could be wrong about that. Right now I truly can't know. I've begun to hate myself. And overtime, alcohol feels like the only way to cure it, and sometimes it simply makes myself worse. It makes me completely suicidal. I can't even tell if I am suicidal, but it feels like it. This is a shitty thing to deal with.

I really appreciate you responding to me. I hope that everything is good for you as well.
 
" Between grief and nothingness I will take grief … "

Faulkner
 
killacali000 said:
nothingness is what i seek and is what i believe is what death brings
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Unfortunately you can never be sure. It could be way worse and irreversible..
Or waking up differently, with permanent damage..
I´m sorry you are going though this. Everything is life is a phase though..
 
^ Asking the unanswerable question which is one of the great things about you, Abject.;)<3
 
blahman8000 said:
You're a helpful person on here and you deserve to be okay. Continue to get better.
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Thanks man.

I try so hard to be happy. Every morning I wake up I have to shake off the shitty feelings and thoughts. It was impossible to do this for the first month of withdrawal.

You can always PM me if you want to talk to me some time
 
Having a Suicidal Ideation evening.
But after surviving 2 Amitriptyline ODs I have nothing to get rid of myself.

I just want to sie and have nobody care about me so I cam go out with a clean conscious.

I almost wish that people in my life wanted me to die :(
 
i feel like my smiles are curses, like the bigger your smile is the more trouble your going to be in but the more you frown the more fucked up your life is hahaha how do you handle that? whats an ideation why are we all such hypocrites like one day were goi9njg do your best to overcome it all and the next were going on about how do you die? how are we sure that were not with the people we talk to on this, someone you see in life, like for all I know one day I could find out I know half of you people and be life, oh...well...shit? how do you find a will to continue living even after your soul is completely wasted?
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I don't think I can make it another day.
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Somebody on here once mentioned a certain theory or philosophy. I think it was you but I'm not entirely sure. It involved the idea that if one commits suicide, what happens is their life and all the suffering involved repeats itself, infinitely. This makes suicide futile and recovery optimal. That stuck with me, honestly. Another person on here mentioned how we don't know what happens after death. One may find themselves in an even worse place.

It's worth the effort to get better. I know how you feel, honestly. In fact, right now I'm in withdrawal and have been up all night. Yesterday morning I thought I was about to stop breathing. It made me realize that I wouldn't want to face suicide now. Death is a scary thing. I've had suicidal thoughts, tons of times in fact. It's torture sometimes, and worth getting help when you need it. Personally, I just need to learn to stay with that help, and not give up on it.
 
^ That is really good advice, blahman (both what you said to CH and what you are saying to yourself).

@Ch--what is the worst of what you are dealing with in terms of thoughts? Maybe if you could separate them out we could all brainstorm possible ways to tend to them. When everything flows together and it is like a undifferentiated flood it is easy to get pulled under. Hang on. <3
 
blahman8000 said:
Somebody on here once mentioned a certain theory or philosophy. I think it was you but I'm not entirely sure. It involved the idea that if one commits suicide, what happens is their life and all the suffering involved repeats itself, infinitely. This makes suicide futile and recovery optimal. That stuck with me, honestly. Another person on here mentioned how we don't know what happens after death. One may find themselves in an even worse place.

It's worth the effort to get better. I know how you feel, honestly. In fact, right now I'm in withdrawal and have been up all night. Yesterday morning I thought I was about to stop breathing. It made me realize that I wouldn't want to face suicide now. Death is a scary thing. I've had suicidal thoughts, tons of times in fact. It's torture sometimes, and worth getting help when you need it. Personally, I just need to learn to stay with that help, and not give up on it.
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It was probably me that said it

I remember sharing my thoughts on that

A lot has changed for the worse for me since then

The only things I have going for me are love and my 50 days off suboxone

herbavore said:
^ That is really good advice, blahman (both what you said to CH and what you are saying to yourself).

@Ch--what is the worst of what you are dealing with in terms of thoughts? Maybe if you could separate them out we could all brainstorm possible ways to tend to them. When everything flows together and it is like a undifferentiated flood it is easy to get pulled under. Hang on. <3
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The fact that they are so vivid and attianable

You would think someone like me would be more desensitized to this by now

I felt like my ability to cope with life left me when I got off suboxone again

I am determined to stay off it, but am afraid I will never get back to mental stability. It's really scary. I miss being happy. I miss not having flashbacks and panic attacks.

Thank you so much for talking to me blahman and Herbavore <3
 
People, life is too precious to waste it.

Just hang in there. Be positive. :) We love you, no matter what. <3
 
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