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The Suicide Support Thread

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ChipTrippyFox said:
The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that chances of me dying by my own hand are much higher than any other way.. The where what when why and how are simply all I can speculate with myself.

I've tried to be the best I can be but everything just turns to shit for me.
All the simple little things in life that make me happy I get ridiculed for...

If the person you are supposed to rely on the most just tells you to kill yourself then what's the point of not...
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As cheesy as it sounds you have to live for yourself not anyone else. If you live for someone else or even someone else's approval you are relying on them to make you happy and that never works.

I have felt the same way many times that noone could hurt me as much as i hurt myself. I don't really fear anyone except of course myself at times :\ . Noone could possibly beat up on me as much as i have. So i understand that feeling al to well.
 
paranoid android said:
As cheesy as it sounds you have to live for yourself not anyone else. If you live for someone else or even someone else's approval you are relying on them to make you happy and that never works.

I have felt the same way many times that noone could hurt me as much as i hurt myself. I don't really fear anyone except of course myself at times :\ . Noone could possibly beat up on me as much as i have. So i understand that feeling al to well.
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Thanks :(

Im starting to realise this.. and it may be time to start making changes in that regard. Things feel like they're going to get worse before they get better.

It hurts alot. but I just broke up with my partner of 6 years..
 
Captain.Heroin said:
What kicks in?

<3
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the horror story that's been my life reliving the sexual physical and mental abuse i suffered as kid but worst of all the fact i was systematically raped from around 5 years old to 19

parents have never given a fuck about brother and sisters wont have anything to do with

no friends no job no real future mate il be 40 in 3 years how the fuck am i to make anything of my life now

plus wednesday to saturday ive tried hang myself that failed and and since thursday ive gone through over 250mg of etzi and booze and i am still
here

ive had it mate i cant take much more
 
foolsgold have you ever tried becoming a part of a group for survivors of childhood sexual abuse? Don't let the rapist take the rest of your life. How, how, how can people do this to children?
 
aq. said:
I'm struggling to keep my head above water. Life is so fucking cruel.
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Life is very cruel at times. What is/will be is/will be. More importantly, how are we going to find another perspective in order to tread water when the shit-storms arrive ..?
 
Brendles said:
I'm so damaged, I might as well be nothing.
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I know that it can feel like that but the damage that we do to ourselves and that done by others is always something that can change up to the moment that we take our last breaths. What are you struggling with that feels the hardest right now?
 
I'm thinking about purchasing a firearm and blowing my brains out. I can kick this 70mg of methadone and benzo's (usually 1mg of clonazepam/alprazolam or a lot more). I'm so lonely, lost, and an underachiever. My sister is moving on to college. My parents always working. My friends are fake.

I'm close to the edge and growing closer with each step. I want to be free of this wretched world. Help me please somebody, I need support and a caring soul. Goddamnit, I care about people so much and this is what I get in return, even though I don't want any payment. Just happiness. I will be dead soon if this doesnt end.

And I'm becoming an alcoholic with dormant Hep C.
 
Can you get some counseling, OP? When the pain of living gets bad enough thoughts of dying can seem pretty damn comforting but there are so many ways to move through that pain. Counseling isn't a magic bullet--it won't help you overnight but it can save your life by changing the way you perceive things, helping you to be assertive about your needs with the people in your life and changing your thoughts to change your life. If you are in school, start with a school counselor and ask for a referral. If you aren't in school, call a crisis line and they can find you something.

I'm really sorry that life looks so dismal to you right now.I've been there and know how bleak it can seem.<3
 
foolsgold said:
the horror story that's been my life reliving the sexual physical and mental abuse i suffered as kid but worst of all the fact i was systematically raped from around 5 years old to 19

parents have never given a fuck about brother and sisters wont have anything to do with

no friends no job no real future mate il be 40 in 3 years how the fuck am i to make anything of my life now

plus wednesday to saturday ive tried hang myself that failed and and since thursday ive gone through over 250mg of etzi and booze and i am still
here

ive had it mate i cant take much more
Click to expand...

Well I can say that no matter what your age you can make changes and have a happier life <3

I am sorry to hear about what you went through foolsgold.
 
hangyourhead said:
I'm thinking about purchasing a firearm and blowing my brains out. I can kick this 70mg of methadone and benzo's (usually 1mg of clonazepam/alprazolam or a lot more). I'm so lonely, lost, and an underachiever. My sister is moving on to college. My parents always working. My friends are fake.

I'm close to the edge and growing closer with each step. I want to be free of this wretched world. Help me please somebody, I need support and a caring soul. Goddamnit, I care about people so much and this is what I get in return, even though I don't want any payment. Just happiness. I will be dead soon if this doesnt end.

And I'm becoming an alcoholic with dormant Hep C.
Click to expand...

It seems like you've got the clock is ticking and i need to do something with my life disorder. I have had it hell everyone has and my first bit of advice would be to beat the fucking shit out of the clock. You really can't compare yourself to anybody else even if she is your sister. As for fake friends yeah I've had a few druggie friends over the years and trust me you'd be better off dropping them. If you really need them they won't be there. As for the rest of it there's no reason why you couldn't taper off the done and benzos with the right taper. You might want to try switching to a benzo with a longer half life like Valium as that is easier to taper then shorter acting benzos.

In regards to the hep c i know plenty of people who have lived out a normal life with it. However booze is not something you want to be ingesting with it. Not to mention alcohol will only make you way more miserable. If you think being addicted to opiates is bad try being a alcoholic :|

As for happiness well i can't really help you there. You just have to find something that makes you happy besides the very temporary happiness that drugs cause.
 
what do you mean by dormant hep-c? i've been living with it for years and drinking far to much and so far my liver is still functioning. you can live a normal lifew with it but you probably shouldnt drink and avoid tylenol
 
i'm not suicidal but i had a parent commit suicide about a year and a half ago primarily to leave my mother a chunk of insurance money. I hope everyone in here stays safe, and realizes how precious and amazing their lives our. In this very moment, you may not be your best self... but you can really change things with a bit of positivity and love <3
 
i dont really talk much about my feelings to anyone but strangers feel somewhat more comfortable. jan 24 2013 my father was pronounced dead by asphyxiation. suicide at the park near his work, helium tank hooked to his face. the ranger said that fast car- tracy chapman was on loop. that was our song. i was so fucking cruel to him; i even told him to go kill himself, that no one would come to his funeral. he would live and die alone with no one to care. i laughed as he sobbed drunk saying that he might as well put a bullet in his brain. i left christmas eve and never saw him again until the wake. i dont think i will ever forget the image seared in my mind-- skeletal hands, skin pooling around his neck, hair that looked fake, his skin felt...... he told me he never wanted to see me again and he got his wish. since then ive been using anything to dull my thoughts. a year went by and i probably left my mothers house 2-3 times a month and i cut myself off completely, rejecting and hiding from my last 2 remaining friends. i blacked out and beat my brother so bad he couldnt sit down and i was admitted to inpatient suicide watch. i turned the docs against my mother so bad that they were talking about having her investigated for child abuse. i dont know how i could hurt someone so much. i know that no single person can cause someone to decide to take his own life.

im stuck with the memories of cruelty i wouldnt wish on those i hate the very most. i have more to say but i dont want to write anymore. i realize im writing like a failing 4th grader
 
^That is so much to live with. It sounds like your whole family has been dysfunctional for a long time and no doubt in that situation lots of horrible things were said by everyone. One thing that has helped me a lot with my own struggles (regrets, guilt, etc) is to write and write honestly. No one else has to read it if you don't want them to but the act itself is beneficial to moving forward in a healthier way. You cannot blame yourself for things that you said in pain and anger. Forgive yourself and make amends with what you know now with your surviving family. It will not bring your dad back but it has the potential to heal the rest of your family relationships. Your Dad did not die because you told him to. He died because his pain (his addiction, his behavior and the separation from himself) got to be more than he could bear. When you say you blacked out do you mean while drunk? I know how much you must want to run from all the painful feelings but running never works--they just grow bigger.

Every human being on this planet has the capacity for cruelty and compassion. You are not a terrible person, or unusually cruel. You grew up in a toxic situation and are reacting to that. Personal responsibility doesn't mean you have to be a saint, it means you learn from your mistakes and become more compassionate. You have been so hurt that it will be hard to trust and trust engenders compassion. Find someone to work with if you can and take small steps towards regaining yourself--the rest will fall into place. I think you are making heroic efforts just by writing this.<3
 
If you are inclined to, it would be wonderful if we could all pray for a BL'er (D2P) who is in need today.
<3
 
^ sending up prayers. @foolsgold...life can START at 40! It can start many times!
To everybody here-you are born, breathing for a very good reason-you do have a purpose , there are dreams to be had, a life to be lived. I know pain. I also know that you CAN make a decision to go out there and find your reason to see all of your tomorrow's. Please let go of the thought of life being over and hold onto the thought that you may not know your purpose yet, but you WILL. You just gotta open other doors&shut then ones that are no good for you.
I seriously care , love, and send out prayers, strength, peace in your hearts- to just know you truly do matter in this world.
 
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