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The Suicide support thread

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Hey guys I just want to let you know that the fact is people do care about you, and undoubtedly they always will. You've always got a place on here full of love.

I have to admit I have been in this situation, I put myself in critical/resuscitation wards several times trying to kill myself, felt like my life was pointless, spent 100 days in a psych ward in one year.

I just want you guys to know that things always, inevitably get better. I'm now 6 months out of rehab, working 2 quite high paying office jobs and really getting my life back on track.

The dark moments will always be there, and i'm not going to be platitudinous. They are fucking shit. You have to start with small steps, don't expect too much and don't put to much pressure on yourself.

Never quit, never give up, coming from a self-confessed lunatic, life IS worth it.

<3
 
Thanks herb and tripman.

Psych wards, fucking joke. That place has made me worse, i am having flashbacks, night terrors all kinds of shite and i was only in there for 7 days, all because i tried to do the right thing whilst in a psychotic episode. Crisis team are in everyday now and hopefully will be getting me back onto some antipsychotics asap. It's a breaking point right here due to financial problems, medical problems, insanity and my panic and adrenaline has turned to rage and my partner keeps fucking shouting at me, he's going to end up getting his nose broke if he carries on, he is really fucking pushing me and he knows how violent i can get if i am pushed too far. I am still getting abuse from a certain family member and i have just had enough.

Do they want me to try and top myself again or something because that is what it feels like right now. HEAD FUCKED!
 
I unfortunately do not have the chance to give a longer response to the things I have read here, but I just wanted to say that the quoted text in the first post was beautiful. Although I am not feeling suicidal (necessarily) right now, I have certainly been there time and time again. Right now I'm a bit (read: much) lower than I have been in a while - or at least I'm finally to the point where I can't fight it off and pretend I'm not anymore - so I came to The Dark Side. Decided to read through the stickies before making a thread of my own.

I was feeling especially troubled because I felt the need to cry, but the tears wouldn't come. Reading the first post and its quoted text, somehow, brought me to tears. I think it's the overwhelming compassion and humanity that someone took the effort to display in a place as anonymous as this that got me. While crying makes me feel weak, I know it's also supposed to help, so thank you. Whoever wrote that, thank you for giving me what I needed to cry.

To those who are feeling suicidal and have come here for that purpose, I have felt where you are on so many levels. I have tried and failed many times. Now I am too afraid of death to consider it enough of an option, although the thought certainly crosses my mind from time to time.

To any who have been in the lowest depths before, and are finding themselves there again, my only suggestion is to perhaps think on the times when, after going through a rough patch and considering suicide...the times when you were grateful that you hadn't attempted, or that you hadn't succeeded. It is difficult at times like these, to remember those feelings. And sometimes it can hurt worse because you cannot feel the same feelings of being grateful for living... but remember how hard it was before that? Remember when you felt like dying, or tried to die, and failed...and months, maybe even years, later there was one day where you thought, "I'm glad I made it through that." Remember that? It can happen again. As hard as it is right now, try to make it through. Because, maybe, one day you'll be able to be glad you did again.

Much love to you all. Especially you Moderators. <3
 
Sinister! It is so good to hear from you.<3 Crying is so good for the mind, the soul and the body. Our culture thinks backwards about so many things and crying is definitely one of them! (Here is something interesting about the physical function of tears.)

I am so glad that you are feeling a little better. You've been having a rough time of it and I am so happy for you that you are in a better place. Sadness, fear and anxiety are facts of life but feeling the strength inside to let ourselves feel them and move on is so empowering. It is so sweet of you to take the time to share here as one who has known more desperate times yourself. So much love to you.<3
 
That was a lovely post both of you, and tears are indeed good for you, i cry when my panic disorder takes over as it's one of the only ways that my body can get rid of the excess adrenaline that my physical condition causes. I am feeling much better today and next week will meet my new psychiatrist and hopefully get put back onto olanzapine (keep them all crossed for me)

Anyway i hope everyone is in a good place mentally, and i would just like to say thank you for the amountof support, kindness and advice that all you lovely people offer me, it is very much appreciated.

Love, healing and hope to you all <3
 
herbavore said:
Sinister! It is so good to hear from you.<3 Crying is so good for the mind, the soul and the body. Our culture thinks backwards about so many things and crying is definitely one of them! (Here is something interesting about the physical function of tears.)

I am so glad that you are feeling a little better. You've been having a rough time of it and I am so happy for you that you are in a better place. Sadness, fear and anxiety are facts of life but feeling the strength inside to let ourselves feel them and move on is so empowering. It is so sweet of you to take the time to share here as one who has known more desperate times yourself. So much love to you.<3
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Good post herbavore! <3
 
...Conversely, the state of clinical depression – in which many of the body's self-healing processes appear to "shut down," including, often, emotional tears – is most likely exacerbated by the tearless victim's inability to adequately discharge her pent-up stress.
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I certainly know the feeling, which is why I was so grateful for the first post.

@Doomed2pain: I am crossing my fingers and toes for you! I am glad to hear that you are feeling better, and I hope that next week's meeting will be a very good one for you. :)
 
Good luck D2P! I'm so sorry, I still owe you a pm, hopelessly behind in my communications.. <3

How is everyone doing today?
 
Why do I always end up here?

I don't even fucking know anymore.

I seriously can't deal with my bi-polar at the moment, nor do I want to. I just want it to end.
 
^ <3

At least you come here hey? That means at least some part of you doesn't want suicide, you just need a break I think.. and I'm always relieved when people do post here because it means there is hope somewhere inside them, otherwise why bother.. and if there is hope, it means there is something to hold onto and all is most definitely not lost. It is really hard to keep going when you're exhausted and feel yourself stuck in the same cycle, but things will get better, I promise. I'll pm you.

<3
 
I am so sorry to hear that. I know the feeling well and it is such a hard place to even consider getting up from. Is there anyone that you could call to be with you while you feel that way? I've found that when I feel like curling into the fetal position and giving up that it really helps to have someone that will allow me to do that without trying to fix me or talk me out of that feeling, but who will simply be there. If you don't have someone like that (and they are a rare breed!) feel free to PM me. I am a good listener and I respect feeling exhausted. It just makes sense sometimes.<3
 
I feel you. Me too. One breath at a time though, you're strong, you will get through this and things will get better. Sometimes all you can do is just get through each moment as they come and that's okay, you don't need to do anything else. Just keep breathing. <3

edit: ninja'd by herb :) <3
 
Tripman, these two lovely girls are so right. You are going to get through this. You've been in this cycle before, you KNOW that things are going to get better soon. I know it's horrible when you're down, but please just remember that with all of the downs, things always come back up. Always. Hang in there man <3
 
Pm me tripman i really wanna help you, youare an awesomeguy and offer great, kind, well researched advice <3

Together we stand, divided we fall...
 
It saddens me to read all these posts. So many problems, so many negative emotions. In a selfish way, it comforts me knowing I'm not the only one who is sick mentally. I feel better knowing some people have it worse off than I do, though I wish that wasn't the case. I wish I could suffer all the pain in the world, in exchange for every one else being happy. Is it the selfishness inside of me just wishing that so I can receive the attention from such a feat, or do I genuinely want that for humanity? I can never tell. All I know is people should be happy.

I get so depressed sometimes...just thinking about life. Lately I've been thinking a lot about death. I wish life was over for me. I'm never happy. Even when I'm with my girlfriend, I still feel doubts, and negative emotions. I doubt everything. I can't just take things as they are. If she says she loves me, I immediately gravitate towards "Why is she saying this?" or "She is lieing!". I can't just take things...I have to break them down and analyze them beyond recognition. It's absurd.

And I fear nothing will ever change. I can seek help, I can take medication, I can quit doing drugs, I can change everything around but reality is still the same - me wanting what I know is not possible. Perfection. It's an itch I can't scratch, a madness I can't shake. And it's so sad knowing I'm not the only one with this itch.
 
J.Wallace said:
And I fear nothing will ever change. I can seek help, I can take medication, I can quit doing drugs, I can change everything around but reality is still the same - me wanting what I know is not possible. Perfection. It's an itch I can't scratch, a madness I can't shake. And it's so sad knowing I'm not the only one with this itch.
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I know that you suffer very much and much of your suffering is caused by real events in your own life. Some of your suffering arises from your sensitivity to the the suffering that you see all around you. You are also insightful about the causes of much suffering. Wanting perfection is a trap. You are right to call it a madness. The media driven culture we live in takes our normal fears about ourselves and amplifies them a thousandfold. Acceptance of ourselves leads to acceptance of each other which in turn brings acceptance by others back to ourselves. It is so possible.

Your list of things to help you achieve the change you want is a good one and I hope that you don't get discouraged with all the efforts you are making. I would add patience to acceptance as two things to strive for. I know it is easier for me to say because I am older. Still, it helps to try to develop it. It is a practice, like acceptance, like trust. You are such a good person, J.Wallace, and I have the utmost faith that you will be able to free yourself from the kind of thinking that causes you so much suffering.<3
 
J Wallace, cognitive therapy is oriented to searching out mental patterns we use, most often unawaredly to make ourselves miserable. Just reading lists like the one I'll link to often help me somewhat unsnare myself from traps I've set up for myself. Using lists of cognitive distortions as a check on my thinking habits regularly has helped me a great deal. Maybe not relevant to your situation but since cognitive principles have helped me a great deal I thought I'd through it out there. Hope things improve a great deal.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2009/15-common-cognitive-distortions/
 
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