• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

The Suicide support thread

Status
Not open for further replies.
mrflowers00 said:
dhopeless thats quite a predicament try telling your friend that shooting subs is the better alternative
Click to expand...

I wish I could get prescribed to buprenex (injectable buprenorphine vials) or something. He's convinced that my lifestyle is so dark and destructive and says he can't have anything to do with it. I don't think he realizes what he's doing to me, even though he's sincerely trying to help...I've thought about going to a methadone clinic for a couple months and keeping the dose low to give me time to learn to live without shooting up and then getting back on the tex. It is quite a problem, isn't it...
 
mrflowers00 said:
yeah but in the end i most likely work out so don't stress so hard
Click to expand...

Well without this prescription I can't function and am as good as dead, so it's hard not to be stressed and overwhelmed. No matter how I look at it I'm fucked.
 
dhopeless, I'm so sorry to hear about your situation <3

I think your depression is contributing hugely to how you see the situation.. I know how much it can colour things (or rob them of colour hah) and how it can make any option seem completely futile, and how you can feel too exhausted to even try anyway.. Are you having treatment for this? Meds/therapy? Are there any changes you could make to your life that might have an impact on your mood and state of mind? Is there any way you can get more help with this side of things? I know the other situation with your subs is very difficult, but I really don't think it is as completely hopeless as you feel it is right now, and I think your depression is the reason you can't conceive of there being a way to get through this.. which I totally understand <3

In the long term, I really think you need to stop injecting your meds.. but in the short term, to keep you safe and alive: maybe if you spoke to your friend and worked out a way for you to get micron filters and inject in a much safer way he would reconsider? Maybe show him your post here - I am sure he would rather you lived, even if he doesn't like what you are doing, than you died.. 100% sure.

Or, alternatively, you could try taking the subs sublingually (or snorted) but explain to your sub dr that you feel the dose really isn't enough for your analgesia/cravings? Which is the truth, and is not an unreasonable thing to ask at all. You have a legitimate need for decent pain-control and also you need help avoiding the craving to inject (you don't have to be specific about this bit!!)

Or as another alternative, going on methadone for a bit could well work if you get the dose right and is definitely something you should consider - I'm really pleased to see you even vaguely considering an option other than death - it gives me a lot of hope!

I really think it's worth persuing these options.. and if the worst comes to the worst and you lose your prescription and can't get methadone or anything else - I know it will be hellish initially but it is definitely worth seeing if you can live with it and find some way to manage the pain and cravings - there are non-opioid options - nerve blocks/intra-vertebral injections, gabapentin/pregabalin and something like meditation (maybe coupled with therapy) can make pain a lot easier to cope with. I really understand that you feel that you can't live without the subs but death is so final - it's worth a go, surely? Hopefully it won't come to this though <3

I really do understand how completely hopeless you feel. I know it's hard to even keep fighting and trying alternatives when you feel like that and I know what it feels like to think that there is no way things will ever improve. But I think there are options, and even though it is so hard it is worth forcing yourself to try some of the things I mentioned above.. ask your friend for help and support, and lean on him when you feel like you can't go on. He sounds like a really good friend, even if he is putting you in a difficult position - it comes from a good place and I understand his motives completely!

Just to go back to your depression - your state of mind can make pain infinitely worse so I am positive that if you can tackle that your pain will be reduced, quite possibly to a level that can be managed with sublingual/snorted subs.

I have a lot of experience in depression and know how it can rob you of all hope that things will get better - but it will get better. I know you won't believe me - I never did - but it is the truth and you do have options, and there is a reason to keep fighting. While you are alive there is always hope - when you are dead, there is no chance for things to improve..

Finally, in the short term, until things improve for you, if you can't bear to live for yourself - think of the people who love you (like your friend) and how devastated they would be for your death. Ideally you will want to live for you, and I believe that in time you will, but as a short term measure at least this can keep you safe <3
 
Last edited:
Anybody who needs support I'm here for you we all need somebody don't commit suicide please you WILL be missed
 
<I think you might be forgetting which forum you're in C.H ;) Probably not the best advice for the suicide thread - n3o>
 
Last edited by a moderator:
mrflowers00 said:
dhopeless thats quite a predicament try telling your friend that shooting subs is the better alternative
Click to expand...
bad advice. shooting pills is not a good idea any way that you look at it. Taking the pills as they are meant to be taken will achieve the desired result of minimizing your pain. By shooting them you are causing a world of present and future problems.

Find another alternative
 
you'd think a woman whose child didn't know if her dad was dead or alive would care a little more. especially since that mother was gone half her daughters childhood due to her own drug addiction. but she disowned me this morning because of my drug use. she doesn't want anything to do with me and continues to put on her makeup while humming as if everything was normal as i sobbed and weeped like i still am. i have nobody now. and its a matter of a days before i probably decide to kill myself. I kep trying to cut my arms but the knives won't even breathe skin. I've barely gotten out of bed since this morning. i don't want to die i just want to disappear so bad.
 
Ceramic_Cat, I am so sorry to hear about what happened, no one should have to go through an experience like that <3

I can't pretend to know how exactly you are feeling but I can guess how lonely and isolated you must feel right now.. is there anyone you can ring, a friend? If not, how about a suicide/distress hotline? It really sounds like you could do with speaking to someone...

I obviously don't know the details of your relationship with your mother, but it sounds pretty unhealthy from my perspective - I am so sorry you are going through this. However - please try not to let her break your spirit. Try to stay strong - I know how hard it is when everything feels so hopeless.. but you know you are not a bad person for using drugs, we all know that here - her perception is clearly very skewed in this matter especially as she has had drug addictions herself.

I am not saying she is a bad person - I wouldn't pass judgement without knowing her at all, and often it is the actions that are bad, not the people - but right now, you really must try not to let her opinion of you become your opinion of you. Don't let her have that power over you. You can get through this - things will get better for you, you have your life ahead of you and you can choose your own path, without her... suicide is so final, it removes all free will and all hope. While you are alive, there is always hope and you have the freedom to go your own way, make your own path. Don't let someone else's opinion of you break you down...

Do you have anyone at all you can speak to? If not, I would strongly recommend looking into speaking to a counsellor/therapist or even a crisis psychiatric team for some support while you are going through this intensely hard spell. It will not last and things will improve, but I think some help and support would be hugely beneficial to you right now.. and keep talking to us of course <3 in the long run I definitely think some form of therapy would be useful to you, to help you deal with your childhood and what is happening to you currently..

You say you don't want to die - that is so good to hear! I really can empathise with just wanting to disappear though.. but things really will get better for you. You are clearly so strong, to have been through a childhood like that. You may feel completely alone right now, but you are not - we are here with you, and we are listening and will help you in any way we can, and you have your inner strength too <3

If you feel you are in immediate danger of harming yourself, please get some help - you can always go to the ER if you don't know what else to do - you don't want to die, you want to live, you just need some support right now <3
 
Last edited:
I've been in therapy since before i hit puberty and I'm going to be 20 in december. I still have the mind of a 14 year old when started doing drugs and drinking. even though she doesn't want me around i desperately want her to keep me but she hates me. i can't talk to any of the people i call my friends because i can't stand any of them. i want to die at the same time i don't want to die. theres nothing and nobody for me in this entire world except drugs. i don't know. she's left now and i don't want her to come back but i know she is going to and she's just going to go in her room and shut the door and ignore me. i don't have any money or anywhere else to go.its all my fault.
 
None of this is your fault <3

If you are ever in any doubt at all about killing yourself - don't do it. It is so final, it can't be reversed. While you are alive you always have free will and choices ...

You may feel like you have nobody, but this will not be the case forever. 20 is so young (I really don't mean to sound patronising here, I am in my 20s myself) - you have your whole life spread ahead of you... so many paths and options and opportunities. This bad time will pass...

Do you have any suicide hotline numbers you could call? There are some in the TDS directory but I'm in the UK so I don't know what services you guys have - but I really think it would help you to speak to another person...

In the short term it sounds like realistically you are going to have to stay, but you do not have to forever - you can escape, make your own life and be free of all this. It might seem hopeless now, but please trust me, it will not be like this forever.. hang on a bit longer, please.. <3
 
2 options: get the fuck out or go to treatment. she says living with her is not an option. tonights the last night i'll be able to sleep in my own bed and see my own cat who nobody knows how to take care of like i do. hopefully i'll just die before any of this can happen.
 
Do you have anywhere to go at all? Friends, aquaintances who would let you crash on their couch til you sort something, another family member? Would you consider going into treatment? Dying is always, always the absolute last resort - as I said it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem - not belittling your problems at all, I appreciate how awful this is for you, but you can't come back from the dead.. please consider your other options.. is there definitely no way you can speak to your mother? I really don't know her obviously, but maybe if she knew you were feeling suicidal.. the other option is to take yourself to ER and tell them how you feel... please, ring a suicide line, ring a crisis team if you have one, ring a frind/family member/aquaintance or get yourself to ER.. <3
 
effie is right Ceramic Cat, there are so many reasons why you should try stick around to try and make things better. Please find the strength within you to keep going, please don't give up yet. There is still so much time left in your life to turn things around, even with your mum. She is reacting emotionally, and even though she said she wants nothing more to do with you, she still needs you. Please don't leave this life yet, stay here and try to make things better, do it not only for yourself but for her as well.

effie has given you a lot of good suggestions for getting immediate support and help, do you think there are any of those options you could take right now? <3
 
Last edited:
Im sorry guys, i really appreciate all the advice. i don't have a child lol i was referring to my own mother in a weird 3rd(?) person type way. but she came home and after awhile came and spoke to me and is allowing me to stay under a lot of conditions and I'm going to try out an na meeting tomorrow night. but really thanks for all the help and advice effie & n3ophy7e
 
Oh sorry honey I misread that part. I understand now.
That is so great to hear that your mum spoke to you again tonight, and that you're going to try NA tomorrow. Let us know how it goes okay? Please remember that there are a lot of options available for you to overcome your drug issues and your suicidal thoughts as well, and there are a lot of people who care very much for you. Take care of yourself okay? <3
 
I'm so glad to hear that Ceramic_Cat! I know things are still very tough for you, but it shows there are definitely options for you other than suicide - you've got a roof over your head, it sounds like your mother is coming round a little and a lot of people on here have had success with NA :) I think it will be really good to meet other people with addiction/drug problems too - it will make you feel a lot less isolated I hope..

Good luck, as n3o said keep us updated and talk to us anytime you want to <3
 
Ceramic_Cat said:
you'd think a woman whose child didn't know if her dad was dead or alive would care a little more. especially since that mother was gone half her daughters childhood due to her own drug addiction. but she disowned me this morning because of my drug use. she doesn't want anything to do with me and continues to put on her makeup while humming as if everything was normal as i sobbed and weeped like i still am. i have nobody now. and its a matter of a days before i probably decide to kill myself. I kep trying to cut my arms but the knives won't even breathe skin. I've barely gotten out of bed since this morning. i don't want to die i just want to disappear so bad.
Click to expand...

C_C, I can only imagine what pain you are going through. However, please give it a few more days. I'm sure happiness is still elusive for you at this point but you won't feel as bad. You can always PM me if you want to.

There are people who still love you in this world, even if they haven't met you yet. :)
 
Last edited by a moderator:
even though i'm feeling better now i still would so much rather be dead it sucks i just can't shake wanting to end it all
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top