?? ? THE SOCIAL CLUB v. Come Say Hi! ? ??

[ShroomySatori]

Oh man that fucking sucks, I didn't realize. I am really happy with my life these days. Not much is expected of me, I just need to keep clean of opiates and build a relationship for my future when I can work again.

I do the same shit sometimes too. Sometimes I just need to trash some shit around my place. Lots of anger issues here. I play / listen to a lot of heavy metal / hardcore music.

I actually had a great day, well most every day is great, because I'm finally able to get out of bed without heroin. I'll take the back pain, I wasn't complaining. I almost got in a fist fight with my dad the other day, he was provoking me and like I'm in fucking heroin paws withdrawal and got kicked out of my place because it flooded for a whole week. I got back from my girl's and he was there helping clean up and just started talking shit at me like why I wasn't helping. I am very very fragile with my back, I can't really lift anything or help with stuff like that or I'll be bedridden for days and he was calling me out as a pussy who can't help clean up. Does he even get I've had chronic pain for 7 years? Nearly completely lost my shit man, I had my fucking fist raised in the midst of a screaming match, obviously was really uncomfortable, I hate conflict... and had to stop myself and get out of the house since I was walking right up to him. I have knocked him to the floor in one hit before, but that was years ago, so he knows I can beat the fuck out of him if I want to. Close call, I really like my dad but I don't like being fucking provoked over stupid bullshit.

Also, I self harm and shit sometimes as I have BPD. Well, I have a history of it, but I don't do it anymore. I did once during the acute withdrawal recently, but I really try to stay away from that. I like myself, I just hate being in pain. Emotional pain can be even worse sometimes. Hope your fist heals up man, try to relax. Whenever I do something like that, I become a lot calmer after.

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

I got tired of patching and painting drywall myself and hung an 80lb heavy bag in my garage. I can wallop on that thing till I'm ready to drop and drenched in sweat, feels good. On occasion I use a police baton on it as well and it's oddly satisfying when mr.hyde surfaces. Going to the beach is always fairly helpful too. Or the shooting range.

 

[Slow_Mobius]

Well, I have had such a frustrating afternoon I just punched the wall. My knuckles are turning black, sigh. This pain is less unpalatable than the psychological discomfort I was experiencing just prior though, so whatever. God knows I don't need to get into self harm...

Anyways, I'm just saying, it can always be worse

At least you got to use DMT and you have a girl. It could always be worse...

Anything you want to get off your chest? That sounds like you have some seriously tough going on

Your comment reminds me of intentionally banging up my hands to distract myself from tram WD. Good times

 

[CFC]

As for leafy greens, I mean, who eats the salad first? Fiber def. seems to prevent a sugar rise, the problem for me is in the salad dressing. "Zesty Italian" and Ranch are all basically candy, but I can't resist drowning it. Course, a real vinaigrette doesn't have but a trace of sugar, right?

Roasted or grilled veggies don't need a dressing, are delicious, and can be eaten at the same time as the rest of the food Well-cooked broccoli also tastes sweet and yummy without a dressing or sauce IMO. And if you do want a simple vinaigrette on a salad (like balsamic or apple cider), the acetic acid should be good for your blood sugar control/shuttling away carbs.

 

[CFC]

I got tired of patching and painting drywall myself and hung an 80lb heavy bag in my garage. I can wallop on that thing till I'm ready to drop and drenched in sweat, feels good. On occasion I use a police baton on it as well and it's oddly satisfying when mr.hyde surfaces. Going to the beach is always fairly helpful too. Or the shooting range.

That's great exercise mate. Have you ever sparred or done any bag work with a partner? That can also be a great way to expel controlled frustration without, you know, destroying things or yourself

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

I've "rolled" (MMA type sparing with jujitsu) once and couldn't walk very well for a couple days after but jabs, elbow strikes, knee strikes, and two handed palm punches like when I used to play football keep things fairly well rounded with just a heavy bag.

I used to spar lightly with a good friend but I'm 6'5" and my reach made me a poor match for my short friend. I should fork over a few bucks and get my ass whooped at a real boxing gym but I procrastinate like nobody's business sometimes when it comes to things that I "should" do..

 

[Jabberwocky]

I came to some good but difficult realizations today (namely that it isn't realistic for me to refrain more than I have been from even relatively unharmful drug use, and I desperately wish to not feel the need to self medicate so often).

Family and relationships are overwhelming important to me and I really want to be able to enjoy a healthy relationship with my family generally. However, this just isn't going to be realistic for some time. I've been labeled the black sheep by them and done things in the past to complicate the relationship (and frankly they have their own issues I always struggled with), which all means that spending too much time with them now is just a really bad idea, even though we all would like that (both them and I). But it seems like the only way I can really tolerate it is by using stuff in ways I don't particularly want to (mainly too much cannabis and irregular kratom or alcohol - I'm not speaking to addiction, more that it helps ease the discomfort but I don't like how using drug to self medicate in way like this that end up dulling my senses and inhibited my overall performance).

I've just had a very long, intensely frustrating summer, my tolerance is reaching its limit and, although it's almost over thank god, there are still a few days left. I really dislike smashing things (less an issue) or being violence in any way really. It's been distressing how much more difficult it has been to deal with my frustration and anger when it comes to some of my family relationships.

I mean, at the end of the day if I'm not using opioids or doing anything that puts my long term goals at risk, I'm okay. And I'm feeling better. I'll never take a sip of alcohol or anything gabaergic (at least nothing that doesn't just put me to sleep) when I'm that frustrated again. It was far less easy to manage. Plus I have really been enjoying not drinking even infrequently of late.

LOL it's actually funny that NOW I'm looking forward to hanging around more monastic folks. I already know they're (generally) a lot easier to deal with the than my family, so yay!

I do find it a little disturbing how "good" it felt with the pain of smashing my knuckles up a bit, it reminds me of how anger can be more generally. Like the honey tip/poison root allegory for anyone caught up on their Buddhism. Sigh...

 

[CFC]

I've "rolled" (MMA type sparing with jujitsu) once and couldn't walk very well for a couple days after but jabs, elbow strikes, knee strikes, and two handed palm punches like when I used to play football keep things fairly well rounded with just a heavy bag.

I used to spar lightly with a good friend but I'm 6'5" and my reach made me a poor match for my short friend. I should fork over a few bucks and get my ass whooped at a real boxing gym but I procrastinate like nobody's business sometimes when it comes to things that I "should" do..

I'm 6'1" 245lbs at the moment and have a pretty decent reach, but you'd probably get all the hits in at your height so yep, I can see your friend not entirely appreciating that lol.

Given your sporty background, I think you'd probably really enjoy doing that mate. I recommend a smaller, less commercial gym and you'll probably procrastinate less as it's more of a community feel where you can belong and get involved but also face mild reprimand for not showing up when promised

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

Knuckle bruises are temporary but the wisdom gained isn't. Monastic folks are good people whether it's playing lazer tag in a blacked out church after middle school or marital counseling present day(I figured out what MDiv is a few hours after you mentioned it).

I'm glad things turned around for ya..

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

Given your sporty background, I think you'd probably really enjoy doing that mate. I recommend a smaller, less commercial gym and you'll probably procrastinate less as it's more of a community feel where you can belong and get involved but also face mild reprimand for not showing up when promised

That's pretty much exactly what I need, I've been getting a little soft lately and it's high time to rectify that. Thanks for the tip.

 

[CFC]

TPD - do you exercise regularly? You'd probably find it increases your tolerance of the family situation and reduces your need to escape with drugs

 

[CFC]

JA - how long did you play football for, and what position?

 

[Jekyl Anhydride]

Offensive Tackle & Goal line defense nose-guard, jr league & high school so 6 years. It's a shame I chose a girl instead of college ball but that's life. It seems like eons ago but I still get my heavy bag to rattle the whole garage. It's time for a speed bag though. At 6'1" 245 I imagine your a force to be reckoned with. I think I'd be the one tapping out if we sparred.

 

[Jabberwocky]

TPD - do you exercise regularly? You'd probably find it increases your tolerance of the family situation and reduces your need to escape with drugs

That is one of the frustrating things actually. Part of the requirements of living here have made my normal routine for exercise (trail running and long hikes) impossible for me to do regularly. And unfortunately I didn't come up with an alternative (I am not a huge gym fan and there aren't many other options here).

lol recently I've been experiments with using super spicy food to escape (I can't tolerate spicy food using the drugs I've allotted myself, but love it when not under the influence so that works). I forgot how much I love super spicy fucking foods. I need more of that too for sure, good ole capsaicin

Frankly my entire self care program has been really stripped down moving back home, and that is most unfortunate. The circumstances are just really unfortunate, but it's a lot better than it could have (or has) been.

Thanks for the support you all! It helps more than I can say

And the effects of that small glass of liquour I had earlier have almost entirely warn off, thank god. Time for some crushed coyote peppers in olive oil and bread, then a nice long walk in nature.

The day is not yet lost

 

[Scrofula]

CFC--I grill peppers all the time, only a little olive oil, manage to feed the parents veg as often as I can, at least to keep the scurvy away. Like I said, I did have the A1C down to 6.3, which isn't on the scale anymore, it's just all that cortisol and adrenaline from my current DOC.

Anyway, besides how I can only grill stuff that's there to grill, my Krav Maga practice eats up any proper gardening, and my yields were pretty bad.

After Krav Maga, if I couldn't do long hikes, I'd flay myself with my finger tips.

ETA: the hell is a coyote pepper? Is that a SoCal term for coyote testicles?

 

[Jabberwocky]

Wait. You do Krav Maga? Where if you don't mind my asking? I have been looking to get into that for some time. Probably one of the only ways I'll pay for a gym or whatever.

Pls do tell

 

[xbandit07x]

You guys know that spicy food, very hot like in this thread : http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/alter/20050924/msgs/570218.html

it resets the euphoria from amphetamine in a way.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Iono I'm more into augmenting foods already tasty with flavorful spicy goodness, which is why I prefer to grow my own peppers. Kinda limited with that ATM, but I still have my poor half dead coyote pepper plant. I need to get on that now actually. I keep procrastinating, but now I'm considering just making some spicy hot cocoa (also super tasty and good - S.American ruling classes knew what they were doing back in the day).

You know what resets the euphoria from amps even better though? Drugs like DXM

I feel like you enjoy the crazy big NMDA antagonist collection of evidence thread floating around out there on this topic.

ETA: the hell is a coyote pepper? Is that a SoCal term for coyote testicles?

I have no idea what their real name is, that is what they were sold to me as. And they are darn good. They are about an inch long when fully grown and turn from a very dark green/black to bright unoxygenated blood red when ripe.

Did I mention they're good?

 

[CFC]

Offensive Tackle & Goal line defense nose-guard, jr league & high school so 6 years. It's a shame I chose a girl instead of college ball but that's life. It seems like eons ago but I still get my heavy bag to rattle the whole garage. It's time for a speed bag though. At 6'1" 245 I imagine your a force to be reckoned with. I think I'd be the one tapping out if we sparred.

Nice positions. I've never played American Football, only Rugby, but I'm pretty sure those are nice attacking/physical positions right? 6 years is not long really - muscle memory would kick in fast. Do you ever lift? You'd probably do well with that too.

Ah, I'm big and muscular, but I'm also very hypermobile which means I struggle to carry force efficiently along my limbs (loose muscles and tendons etc). I'm more for show than getting down and dirty lol

 

[CFC]

CFC--I grill peppers all the time, only a little olive oil, manage to feed the parents veg as often as I can, at least to keep the scurvy away. Like I said, I did have the A1C down to 6.3, which isn't on the scale anymore, it's just all that cortisol and adrenaline from my current DOC.

Anyway, besides how I can only grill stuff that's there to grill, my Krav Maga practice eats up any proper gardening, and my yields were pretty bad.

After Krav Maga, if I couldn't do long hikes, I'd flay myself with my finger tips.

ETA: the hell is a coyote pepper? Is that a SoCal term for coyote testicles?

I understand. It can't be easy when you lack regular access to a variety of healthy fresh fruit and veg. Fingers crossed you get your BG back down to something like that level though mate. You gotta lay off the stimulants for a while