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?? ? THE SOCIAL CLUB v. Come Say Hi! ? ??

not doing a whole lot to preserve my sanity as of yet aha
i did actually get a new phone, but i haven't bothered to get myself a new sim for it yet though so...
oh and i've been sober for the past week but the dissertation coupled with that is actually pretty mentally exhausting

think i'lll go take a walk in a bit and then its back to The Modrrn Gothic and Literary Doubles
save me jesus ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽

you been keeping well tpd?
 
Only had 2 hours of sleep last night. Bah. Must go to bed early tonight........ :sus:
 
ShroomySatori said:
Hope everyone is doing well. It just really profoundly struck me at the core of my being and the trip itself was mind blowing epic. It destroyed my opiate cravings too. Everything happened so fast, 15 minutes was meaningless. I look forward to being a better person to others. I know I'm just writing about myself, but I can't help it. The experience changed me and I didn't really know something like that was possible. Have a good one, I suppose it is the start of the week but for us it's the weekend since it is her day off. And I am an extremely lucky ex junkie to have her in my life. I feel blessed.
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it's really good mate - talk about yourself all you like! that's what social threads are for, and for a long time we didn't have a social thread for OD because people were just using it to boast about epic drug-taking escapades, and it wasn't good HR material - quite the opposite.

i'm liking this thread though (hehe u dunno about the bloody rugby pics - i've never lived in one of the big rugby states in Australia (Queensland and New South Wales) - i'm a Western Australian kid that moved to Victoria, where Australian Rules football is king.
i ignore all of it =D)

it's funny how there are so many variants on 'football'. i don't actually understand rubgy too well. played aussie rules and a bit of soccer as a kid, but high school seemed to put me off all organised competitive sport.

anyway, shroomy it sounds like things are going well for you since you kicked your habit - which is so fucking awesome.

that's a genuine bit of HR there - seeing that quitting a serious drug habit doesn't necessarily take anything away from you - but that you do have so much to gain - is an inspiring thing to read. it's nice to read something like - not to give false hope, but to demonstrate that life isn't all misery in coming off opiates - there is definitely potential for joy as well, and not just blunted opiated emotions, but the full spectrum.
we have 'the dark side' and so much content about the negative side of cleaning up (which is just the nature of these sorts of forums and the subject matter people seek help with) that it's good that we have somewhere like this thread where OD regulars can just talk about whatever we want.

this thread kinda reminds me of PD Social - which is one of the best social threads on BL i reckon - if not the best - so i'm well impressed %)

CFC said:
Only had 2 hours of sleep last night. Bah. Must go to bed early tonight........ :sus:
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hello insomnia, my old friend (mortal enemy more like...)
i hope you had a good time though? ;)
 
keeping said:
^ git tae bed lad



ah for real man? sorry to hear, i know the feeling sometimes.
still, movings awesome man congrats :)
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What I've been real unhappy with is that it would seem like the only way I'm able to stay sane living at home is by, big surprise, using drugs! The thing is I've worked so hard at getting away from maintenance style drug use, and I really dislike it after moving on a bit over the last year or four.

Per CFC's sagacious remark yesterday to me, I'm starting each day not with some HIT (yay!) at the park and adding a bit of gratitude dedicated to the hard work I've done getting my life together over the last decade or so after my AM meditation.

It is pretty cool to have started to realize I don't particularly enjoy using ANY drug on a regular basis. I honestly never thought I'd get here. And looking forward to my upcoming work and school environment (mental health clinic; Buddhist university) I am confident the change of environment will do me tremendous good at accomplishing my goals regarding drug use.

I've also decided to go back to a self compassion based practice instead of the more traditional vipassana-metta I've been getting back into. Self compassion practices I've developed for myself were the first cultivation/metta practice I've really connected with, and doing it for a year while getting off methadone was extraordinarily helpful, so I think focusing more on that a while will be helpful.

I'm also thinking ahead to whether I want to go the MFT or PhD route after I complete my masters program. I'm not so excited about the prospects of a 200p dissertation, given the fiasco that was my undergrad honors thesis (120p over 48 fucking doped up hours, sigh), but now I'm older/wiser/more responsible/looking for that income hike I'm more open to that idea. Plus I've always enjoyed teaching, although I NEVER imagined I'd become a professor. We shall see, I'm not trying to get to ahead of myself, but if I can turn a three year graduate program into a four year PhD or MinD (doctorate of ministry) program that would be preferable to my three tester masters program then taking a break and doing another two years or whatever.

Choice choice choices ;)

The future: BRING IT ON!

And for anyone who is struggling, talking with CFC is highly recommended. Chatting with them was sooooo helpful yesterday. Actually feedback from lots of folks from BL very much saved my day yesterday, so thank you all <3
 
toothpastedog said:
I came to some good but difficult realizations today (namely that it isn't realistic for me to refrain more than I have been from even relatively unharmful drug use, and I desperately wish to not feel the need to self medicate so often).

Family and relationships are overwhelming important to me and I really want to be able to enjoy a healthy relationship with my family generally. However, this just isn't going to be realistic for some time. I've been labeled the black sheep by them and done things in the past to complicate the relationship (and frankly they have their own issues I always struggled with), which all means that spending too much time with them now is just a really bad idea, even though we all would like that (both them and I). But it seems like the only way I can really tolerate it is by using stuff in ways I don't particularly want to (mainly too much cannabis and irregular kratom or alcohol - I'm not speaking to addiction, more that it helps ease the discomfort but I don't like how using drug to self medicate in way like this that end up dulling my senses and inhibited my overall performance).

I've just had a very long, intensely frustrating summer, my tolerance is reaching its limit and, although it's almost over thank god, there are still a few days left. I really dislike smashing things (less an issue) or being violence in any way really. It's been distressing how much more difficult it has been to deal with my frustration and anger when it comes to some of my family relationships.

I mean, at the end of the day if I'm not using opioids or doing anything that puts my long term goals at risk, I'm okay. And I'm feeling better. I'll never take a sip of alcohol or anything gabaergic (at least nothing that doesn't just put me to sleep) when I'm that frustrated again. It was far less easy to manage. Plus I have really been enjoying not drinking even infrequently of late.

LOL it's actually funny that NOW I'm looking forward to hanging around more monastic folks. I already know they're (generally) a lot easier to deal with the than my family, so yay!

I do find it a little disturbing how "good" it felt with the pain of smashing my knuckles up a bit, it reminds me of how anger can be more generally. Like the honey tip/poison root allegory for anyone caught up on their Buddhism. Sigh...
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Sorry I'm responding to something from way back, but I just now saw this. The situation you described is something I dread. Right now I'm pretty much living a double life that my family knows nothing about. Hopefully it stays that way.
 
toothpastedog said:
I came to some good but difficult realizations today (namely that it isn't realistic for me to refrain more than I have been from even relatively unharmful drug use, and I desperately wish to not feel the need to self medicate so often).

Family and relationships are overwhelming important to me and I really want to be able to enjoy a healthy relationship with my family generally. However, this just isn't going to be realistic for some time. I've been labeled the black sheep by them and done things in the past to complicate the relationship (and frankly they have their own issues I always struggled with), which all means that spending too much time with them now is just a really bad idea, even though we all would like that (both them and I). But it seems like the only way I can really tolerate it is by using stuff in ways I don't particularly want to (mainly too much cannabis and irregular kratom or alcohol - I'm not speaking to addiction, more that it helps ease the discomfort but I don't like how using drug to self medicate in way like this that end up dulling my senses and inhibited my overall performance).

I've just had a very long, intensely frustrating summer, my tolerance is reaching its limit and, although it's almost over thank god, there are still a few days left. I really dislike smashing things (less an issue) or being violence in any way really. It's been distressing how much more difficult it has been to deal with my frustration and anger when it comes to some of my family relationships.

I mean, at the end of the day if I'm not using opioids or doing anything that puts my long term goals at risk, I'm okay. And I'm feeling better. I'll never take a sip of alcohol or anything gabaergic (at least nothing that doesn't just put me to sleep) when I'm that frustrated again. It was far less easy to manage. Plus I have really been enjoying not drinking even infrequently of late.

LOL it's actually funny that NOW I'm looking forward to hanging around more monastic folks. I already know they're (generally) a lot easier to deal with the than my family, so yay!

I do find it a little disturbing how "good" it felt with the pain of smashing my knuckles up a bit, it reminds me of how anger can be more generally. Like the honey tip/poison root allegory for anyone caught up on their Buddhism. Sigh...
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Feels like I've used up my quota of saying I can identify with you, despite the generation gap. My therapist said our families know how to push our buttons because they installed them. I've been half-ass practicing bon buddhism for more than a decade though I've been interested in eastern thought since my first acid trip, especially after reading Be Here Now. I've been practicing dream yoga for while now and have actually had some success. Part of the practice is going thru your day telling yourself this is all a dream, but it's actually more than that. You have to actually have some awareness to feel that it is actually a dream. You have to meditate during the day also to have any hope of being successful must cultivate intention with the practice involving the so-called lucid dreaming. It's really quite something when your dreaming at night and you start to ask yourself "Could I actually be dreaming", because it seems so vivid and real. I had actually convinced myself that, naw it's too real to be a dream until something happened in the dream that can't happen in waking life according to the laws of physics. In one I started talking to my wife asking her to nudge me and wake me up so I could prove to myself that I was aware it was a dream. You know how it is when you're dreaming, you think you are articulating understandable words but people that are awake at the time hear speech that is barely understandable at best. During my hard core full agonist opioid days I lived for the nod as I think most of us do. That space where you are awake but experiencing intense dreamlike experiences. Maybe it's not your bag but thought I'd mention it given your interest in meditation. Obviously my slight drug issues are not improving my chances at being successful.
 
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Many hours later: don't fret about spilling everything once it's too late to pretend you've never used drugs. Your family is imagining much worse things, like you taking baths with salts while freebasing weeds, eating people's faces and playing with tea lights.

I'm no role model for druggie-family relations, but I have learned some things: yes, they lose all rational thought at the mention of drugs, and I grew up listening to my dad's Viet Nam drug stories. But, in your favor is that though their memories are eternal, they're also very short. I guarantee you a family member won't remember your acid story, because she was wilting daisily at the time and it blurred into your PCP story.

Unfortunately the image in their minds of those years you were pushing a shopping cart with needles hanging out of it smoking your drugs and catching AIDS is impossible to displace, not with all the real stories about how baby strollers are where it's at and how you just got the clap, not AIDS. So don't worry about that.

And like most people, most of what they picture, even when they use themselves, comes from movies and TV and good luck replacing those images.
 
hey :)
i'm doing pretty alright, thanks man.
just about to make a bit of a late dinner (it's 10pm over here)
 
spacejunk said:
played aussie rules and a bit of soccer as a kid, but high school seemed to put me off all organised competitive sport.
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Aussie rules is a great sport imo, fun to watch too. Shame it's barely spread beyond oz though. As for high school, it does that to loads of kids who might otherwise enjoy sports - in my case it was shitty unhelpful unencouraging PE teachers.

hello insomnia, my old friend (mortal enemy more like...)
i hope you had a good time though? ;)
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The first few hours were nice, but it went downhill after particularly with the lack of sleep LOL. Tragic...
 
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