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the silent treatment

StarOceanHouse

StarOceanHouse

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Jul 16, 2003
Messages
7,521
Location
Southern California
Ive never had an SO give me the silent treatment. Maybe im either lucky or an awesome bf. Has anyone here ever given or got the silent treatment? How long did it go for? did it solve anything?
 
It doesnt solve anything. Ive gotten the silent treatment from a "friend".. a very passive aggressive and immature way to handle an arguement. Adults should be able to talk out their issues. Doing this only prolongs the problem and increases frustration/ aggrivation.
 
My gf gets it off me sometimes, only when she's in one of them 'let's piss mr.buff stuff off' moods...
Kept askin me same question again n again on a come down at 5am got that fed up of giving the same answer I just ignored her.... Bout half hour later she gave up :D
 
It's immature. I don't do it. My boyfriend doesn't do it. If we argue, we separate for a few minutes, then talk things out.
 
I agree, it's immature and solves nothing. In fact, it makes shit worse. Now, WHY she's doing it might be important. If you effed her best friend, then she's within her rights here. If she's just pissed at something ordinary, then she's doing nothing but harm to your relationship. You should be able to talk as adults about anything.

She may be thinking of ending the relationship because this treatment is a sort of check-out style. You might be wise to think about ending the relationship too. Otherwise, you guys gotta solve this and make a no-silent-treatment-policy. Counseling is an option too.

Bottom line, if you can't resolve this so it doesn't become a pattern, my advice is get out. You don't wanna be subjected to this for the rest of your life, do you?

best luck to you,
pnm
 
IMO - Simple-Pimple.... Communication IS key!

Silent treatment when someone is having a tantrum, for a very limited time may be a 'normal' thing in some relationships... though I agree that it's immature and if you can't talk about things, there are serious issues in a relationship. Having a bit of space is perhaps a different thing - although if you're surrounded with your SO and it's silent treatment, snap that shit out... nicely ;)
 
Meh, whenever my gf and I would be going through a break, and we'd be at the same party/place, I would completely ignore her and not look at her whatsoever. I'm very good at that, and it's very effective. When I go through a rage, it's a silent rage, and you wouldn't be able to tell for the life of you if I was completely raging or normal, and I often act my rages out in a very passive aggressive way. I don't like conflict or confrontation, so avoiding situations altogether by completely ignoring them, and at the same time asserting an invisible aggressiveness to get back at a certain person works very well for me. Saves me from saying horrible/doing horrible things to a person.
 
^ I agree Eyes On The Roll... it's a form of taking time to yourself, to compose yourself/cool-off or whatever. In the end though, I still believe the situation that made you feel that way in the first place needs to be addressed... otherwise you'll find resentment building (and when it's realised, it's usually too late :( )

I can relate to needing my space and walking away from the situation to get clarity - but I can't ignore what caused it otherwise it drives me mad! My ex was big on not wanting to talk about shit they caused or started when it comes to that point, and it would shit me to death coz I wanted to deal with it and move on. Everyone's different!

Cheers
 
blanking people is a sign that you cant put your point across without losing your rag and acting like a fool so you would rather avoid the situation, its better to calm down and just use words to troll them into feeling dumber than you. although sometimes its fun to blank people because you want to sever any tie to them at all as they are tainted.

i've grown out of this shit personally as i no longer hold deep hearted grudges for the sake of it. except with those from my past that are far back and unresolved due to the other person being a massive c'nt and keeping it going against my will
 
my best friends girlfriend does this when she's really mad. to me it's stupid as hell, why not just communicate and resolve the underlying problems? ...IMO
 
^ YESSSSSSSS! It is so much easier, get rid of the ego side of things and just fucking express how you feel.

It shits me that so many people hold grudges and are all angry inside when there has been no attempt at communication.

/rant
 
There are times when communications break down, even in the best relationships. Some times it's just easier to stfu and go to your separate corners than crack heads over an issue that will never be resolved. Just because some one is being silent doesn't make it an aggressive act, it can also just be a way of telling you that the fight is over, whether you like it or not. Fighting is like sex, it takes at least 2 and not everyone is good at taking no for an answer.
 
I think I do a modified version of the silent treatment when I am really angry. It usually will only last a few minutes though. I do it moreso if I am in mixed company, and don't want to hash out my dissatisfaction in front of everyone. It helps me to cool down without exploding, which I think would cause more damage. People can always tell I am angry, however, because I am not very good at hiding my emotions.

As for an extended silent treatment, that is just too much work and festering negative energy. Its best to discuss what is bothering each other as soon as possible after disgruntlement.

I've had roommates who were masters of the silent treatment and it really is a miserable existence. One roommate extended it to three weeks! This was a person who I had thought was my friend for over 20 years, and had helped by letting her stay in my house for extremely reduced rent. Things went to shit and then she stopped speaking to me. I wasn't going to force anything and it ended up being a mutual silent treatment. Very unpleasant and toxic. Definitely not my preferred method of dealing with others. She moved out without saying goodbye or thank you, and blocked me on facebook. So...the end result of the silent treatment can be the demise of any friendship you may have with the other person.
 
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Valid points! my best friends GF though, she'll not talk to him for a stupid long amount of time, like days, over things like, "I was hungry but he wasn't, and I didn't know what I wanted to eat, so he took me to _____ and I'm so fucking mad at him, why doesn't he get me?"

To which I facepalm, hey! this is what he gets for dating a teen.
 
tricomb said:
Valid points! my best friends GF though, she'll not talk to him for a stupid long amount of time, like days, over things like, "I was hungry but he wasn't, and I didn't know what I wanted to eat, so he took me to _____ and I'm so fucking mad at him, why doesn't he get me?"

To which I facepalm, hey! this is what he gets for dating a teen.
Click to expand...

Jeepers! How old is he? I wouldn't date a teen, ever. Now then, as far as finding them hot, oh yeah! But then they start talking and you realize how stupid and immature they are. No thanks!
 
if you really want to piss someone off pretend like you don't notice when they are trying to use the silent treatment, it works really well and is actually quite funny plus it teaches them that that tactic is ineffective and they'll stop using it.
 
podsnomo said:
Jeepers! How old is he? I wouldn't date a teen, ever. Now then, as far as finding them hot, oh yeah! But then they start talking and you realize how stupid and immature they are. No thanks!
Click to expand...

He's 20 she's 17.

weekday warrior said:
if you really want to piss someone off pretend like you don't notice when they are trying to use the silent treatment, it works really well and is actually quite funny plus it teaches them that that tactic is ineffective and they'll stop using it.
Click to expand...

^great minds think alike :)
 
tricomb said:
my best friends girlfriend does this when she's really mad. to me it's stupid as hell, why not just communicate and resolve the underlying problems? ...IMO
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Because resolution isn't the goal: manipulating a situation ( or ignoring it ) to their satisfaction is.

Sad and simple, but true.

That tactic of manipulation has a name: witholding
 
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